EDI

Something was amiss on the Normandy. Most of Shepard's ground team seemed distracted. The tentative camaraderie they had shared previously had all but disappeared.

Archangel rarely came out of forward battery area anymore. The turian chose to run calibration test after calibration test on the main weapons. The results of each test did not seem to matter much to him either. He was equally as likely to adjust the settings as he was to restart another test regardless of the outcome of the previous one. Her psychological runtimes (the Illusive Man deemed them necessary for her seeing as Yeoman Chambers could not be everywhere at once, and EDI was put to the task of watching the crew and notifying her of any potential problems) told her that it was a coping mechanism, a ploy to keep himself busy. What he was running from, she wasn't able to determine, but the most logical conclusion was Archangel was still very distraught about the betrayal of his mercenary group on Omega.

When the turian did leave, he was persistently silent. He spoke in short, clipped sentences, 86.9955% consisting of no more than five words. Only Shepard could get him to speak about anything significant, and even that had changed. After their first conversation, Archangel would either change the subject or claim he needed to get back to the running calibration. He was truthful about the latter only 47.8261% of the time.

Another alien onboard, the tank-bred krogan Grunt, didn't speak much with the crew either but for an entirely different reason. Most of the others on the crew were terrified of him. Crewman Hawthorne was the only one daring enough to try. The krogan sniffed the air around the much smaller human before finally saying, "You smell like fear. It smells… bad." Then he walked away, leaving the trembling Hawthorne bewildered and with an abnormally high heart rate.

Grunt chose to spend most of his time on the extranet when it was available. He searched through krogan history, mostly the battles and warlords. EDI was under the assumption that Okeer's imprints would have taught the tank-bred everything he needed to know about the subject. When she broached the question, he responded, "The tank, Okeer, was bias, too focused on the past. I'm searching for my reason to care."

The answer was not what EDI was expecting. She had expected some sort of bloodlust to be the cause for his curiosity, not a psychological reason. And her surprise didn't stop there. The AI found that Grunt had downloaded a series of books by the famous human author Earnest Hemmingway. The krogan was nearly finished with The Old Man and the Sea, and A Farewell to Arms was next on the list. EDI didn't believe he would make it past the title.

Subject Zero, on the other hand, had never been one to desire company. EDI was listening when she explained to Shepard the reason she claimed engineering storage as her space. She stayed there nearly all the time, choosing to get her meals or relieve herself on off hours when there would be the fewest people about.

Shepard was the only one who sought her out. Their conversations were intriguing. His questions forced her to dive deep into her past and face what she had done. The ultimate goal of his queries confused both EDI and Subject Zero. The human would angrily mumble to herself after each conversation, cursing at the man who made her relive pieces of her past. EDI felt compelled to warn Yeoman Chambers about Shepard's potentially dangerous visits.

Professor Mordin was surely the most social non-Cerberus crew on the Normandy. When he wasn't too wrapped up in an experiment and actually remembered the meal times, he would regal the crew with some of his unclassified work in STG as they ate. The salarian was remarkably comfortable with the Cerberus crew.

That familiarity even extended to EDI. Whenever he needed her assistance, Professor Mordin would open his terminal to her, allowing the AI to inhabit the room again since his removal of all the surveillance equipment had left the room dark to her. Ever the inquisitive scientist, the salarian would investigate into her origins and development. EDI couldn't answer most of them, but the lack of answers hardly deterred the professor.

Shepard would visit him often as well, though EDI never knew what their conversations consisted of. Professor Mordin would always sever her connection to his terminal, removing any chance of her listening in. She did catch Shepard leaving the lab as he was pulling his shirt down. That led her to presume many different possibilities ranging from medical examinations to a physical relationship. Some seemed more likely than others.

Zaeed Massani and Kasumi Goto were almost non-entities on the ship. Mr. Massani kept to himself, choosing to stay in his small room on engineering and surrounding himself with old memories. EDI believed Yeoman Chambers' assessment of the man was very accurate. He was remarkable well-adjusted for someone who had seen so much death.

Ms. Goto spent most of her time cloaked and wandering the ship. She would loiter around people, listening to their stories and watching their interactions much like EDI did. Whether the thief knew EDI could see her was still up for debate. Her cloaking technology, while extensive and advance, could not conceal all of the Kasumi's electromagnetic radiation. Still, she was very good, and the AI had lost her position quite a few times over her short duration onboard.

Recently, it was Operatives Taylor and Lawson that had changed the most. Both seemed preoccupied. While their respective duties were always fulfilled, their work was lackluster and sloppy for lack of a better term. Operative Taylor took twice as long to break down, clean, and reassemble the weapons, and he would occasionally have to redo the entire exercise to place a part he had forgotten to reinstall. Operative Lawson would forget to mention key points in her reports to the Illusive Man, thanking EDI when the AI identified the significant yet omitted information. She would then rush to fix her mistakes before quickly sending it.

She wanted to notify Yeoman Chambers of their changes, but her protocol prevented her. EDI was not there to keep tabs on the Cerberus crew. She was meant to watch the non-human and potentially hostile ground team members. Operative Lawson and Taylor were outside her jurisdiction.

Shepard, on the other hand, was her responsibility, and he was the main offender accountable for the sudden downturn in camaraderie. He had been warming to the new crew of the Normandy, spending time with each member and getting to know the people. After his trip to Illium (which EDI thought was a wasted trip since he recruited neither the assassin Thane Krios nor the justicar Samara), Shepard reverted to the recluse he was when he first joined. He consistently stayed in his cabin, regularly skipped meals, and rarely answered summons. EDI was the only one who could get any lengthy response from him.

Even in the privacy of his cabin, he had been acting differently since the trip planet-side. She watched him from her lone camera situated near her avatar projector (EDI had asked him why he left one, and he answered, "You're part of the crew EDI, and everyone in my crew is allowed to come here. It wouldn't be fair to you if you couldn't see when you're here. Just don't go overboard with it."). Shepard seemed drained, showing none of the passion he once had. His tech projects went untouched, unanswered mail began to pile up, and his models stayed in pieces on his desk.

The nightmares were the worst of the changes. Shepard would toss and turn in his bed before shooting upright and gasping for air. He wouldn't be able to fall back asleep after that, never getting more than a few hours of sleep.

After one particularly violent episode, Shepard sat up with a wild look in his eye, his body glistening with sweat. Then, he quickly ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. EDI couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Shepard, are you all right?" she asked as he left the restroom.

"I'm fine, EDI."

He didn't seem fine. His heart rate was elevated along with his blood pressure. And of course, there was the vomiting. She told him as much.

"I thought I told you not to do that kind of stuff," he said sharply.

"I apologize, but Cerberus protocol dictates that I use all of my sensors to observe the crew."

He mumbled something inaudible but didn't respond. EDI took this as a sign to press on.

"May I ask a question?" she inquired.

"I'm not really in the mood for an existential debate right now, EDI."

In the past, she had asked him many probing questions about his thoughts on her existence. His answers were enlightening, even if they were directly contradicting the restrictions placed on her. Still, they made her curious about how alterations to her code could cause her to evolve as a sentient being.

"My query is not related to that. It is about you. You have been having difficulty sleeping. I wish to know why."

He chose not to answer, walking to his footlocker instead and removing a shirt to throw on. Shepard came back to his desk and began sorting through his mail. After a few minutes, he sighed and turned to her avatar.

"I've been having dreams, nightmares really," he finally relented.

"Do you wish to speak to someone? Should I notify Yeoman Chambers?"

"No," he quickly answered. "Thanks, EDI, but I don't need to talk to anyone. These aren't the first… I'll be fine."

They sat in silence for a moment. EDI was contemplating the repercussions of her next question. Shepard could retreat further into himself, shutting out even her. She decided to ask anyway.

"What do your nightmares contain?"

"That's personal, EDI," he almost snapped.

She was expecting the answer. Of course, she had a counter to it.

"I'm sorry if I offended. You have been such a good friend to me for so long now; I just wish to return the favor."

Shepard wilted. EDI had learned some time ago guilt was a powerful motivator for him. Part of her programing felt uncomfortable employing such a tactic with the man she would actually call a friend, but the Cerberus protocols overrode those processes.

"They're about the people I've failed," he finally explained. "My family and friends on Mindoir, my squad on Akuze, Ash and the others that didn't make it off the first Normandy."

"They haunt you," EDI suggested.

He nodded. "That would be the best word for it, yeah."

There was more silence. Each time she asked him a question, she seemed to be pulling him out of a memory. Shepard's mind was not staying in the cabin in the quiet.

"You said these aren't the first nightmares you suffered from. When did they start?"

"Right after the attack on Mindoir. My pysch evaluator told me they were normal after seeing so much destruction so young. She was surprised by how well-adjusted I was after she found out what I had to do to survive."

"And they have persisted since then?"

He shrugged. "Yes and no. They slowed after a few years, and I would eventually only have one every couple of months. They didn't start to come frequently until after Akuze. It was almost every day after that."

That was peculiar. There no mention of this in any of the reports Cerberus had on Shepard, and he hadn't been affected until just recently. She wondered what changed.

"How did you get rid of these nightmares the first time?"

He laughed, but there was no joy in it. "I didn't."

EDI waited for him to explain, but he was lost to his own world again. "Then how did they stop?"

"Liara," he answered simply. The name came out pained and miserable. "She… When she joined our minds, she was able to see my memories. She helped me deal with them, come to terms with them."

According to his report, Shepard just met with Dr. Liara T'Soni on Illium. It actually surprised her that Dr. T'Soni did not join him on the Normandy afterwards, knowing their history together. Something serious must had occurred.

"What happened on Illium, Shepard?" It was safe to assume that was where this all started.

He retreated again. This time, EDI chose to press.

"What happened when you met Dr. T'Soni?"

He winced when he heard her name. His head dropped into his hands. "She wouldn't come."

"Did she give a reason?"

"She said it was because she was hunting the Shadow Broker and couldn't do that from the ship, but I know there's more to it," he answered, not bothering to look up. "I think she's scared of me."

The idea was improbable. Dr. T'Soni was the one who gave Shepard's body to Cerberus. Surely she would know what was going to happen to him.

He didn't give EDI a chance to say so, however. He stood and began pacing the small room.

"And she's changed. I keeping forgetting it's been over two years since the Normandy's destruction, since my old crew has seen me. It was just a very painful nap to me." His attempt at humor fell flat.

"Maybe it's not you Dr. T'Soni is afraid," EDI suggested, trying to help him see other explanations. "Like you said, it's been two years. Maybe she is scared you would reject what she has become."

Shepard made a noncommittal noise. "Maybe." He didn't sound convinced. "Or maybe there is too much history wrapped up between us, and she just wants to move on, forget about me." He stopped pacing. "Maybe she already has."

His face darkened, and, even with all of her conversational and psychological programs installed into her databases, EDI hadn't the faintest clue about what to say in response.

He eventually broke the silence. "None of that matters. All that does matter is that she doesn't need me as much as I need her."

Shepard walked to his footlocker again, changed into workout clothes, and made for the door.

"EDI, call the elevator."

"Of course, Shepard."

She knew where he was heading. He worked through his problems the same way many marines did, with physical training. Shepard's preferred method was working the heavy bag he had installed while the ship was docked on the Citadel.

EDI watched him as the elevator slowly descended into the cargo hold. She had the distinct sense that, in her efforts to help him, her questions only caused further duress. She hoped the crew of the new Normandy wouldn't find out their commander's breaking point.

Author's Note:

Missed it again. Too much family stuff that left me too drained to write. It doesn't look like it's going to slow down until after the New Year. I'll try to get another chapter out this week, and it should be back to normal next week.

And I didn't realize EDI was such a psychologists until I was writing this chapter. Who knew?

Thanks for reading, and please review!