Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading and also for your comments last chapter if you left a review, for the sweet comments regarding the story in general. I really, really appreciate your feedback! It really is an honor to evoke these different emotions as you read...I'm grateful to those who have stated they've been affected this way. Well, we are sooo close to the end of this short fic. Haha. I feel like I've been running a marathon! A few more chapters...and an epilogue that will be more like a huge one-shot, action and more. FYI, I've really developed a huge love of cliffhangers for some reason. :) So watch out...
I'm not going to add another note at the end, so I'll say this here: I gave you a pretty big author's note last chapter that I want good things for Jim and his mom...I meant every word, but after this chapter you will really wonder what the heck I'm doing so I'll just say this - hang in there! I am SUPER excited about this chapter and all of the rest to the very end. There are some pretty intense moments left in this story and we'll be going out with a bang, thanks to my beta reader, Rubyhair, who had some fabulous ideas to share with me. Also, Rubyhair pushed me in this chapter, encouraging me to deliver some things that were missing. Many thanks to her for being thorough! And as always, remaining mistakes are mine!
One last thing! I'm on tumblr now, as restfulsky5! So please if you have an account, look me up. I'll be sharing things that inspire me for this story as well as current and future projects. Maybe excerpts, too, who knows. :-)
Thanks so much for reading! I am almost done with the next chapter so an update will be within a week - possibly sooner!
The second Jim's mother moved towards her son, McCoy stepped out of his roles as physician and friend and became an observer. A flicker of disbelief crossed over Jim's face. It broke McCoy's heart, because he knew Jim. Most likely his best friend feared that his hope would be crushed, the hope that this woman before him, who he couldn't see, was indeed his mother. But then, Winona placed her fingers on Jim's cheek in a caress. Jim's expression completely relaxed into a smile.
McCoy exhaled in relief as his best friend graciously accepted the commander's arrival. It had worked. It had actually worked.
"Look at that, Spock," McCoy said, just low enough for Vulcan ears. "Never in a million years."
Not once had he ever thought that Jim would allow his mother to waltz right back into his life like this. Not once. Yes, the mother and son had come a long way already since Khan but they'd maintained an established distance between them. A set, preferred distance that Jim himself said he'd needed.
"I love talking to my mom, Bones, but I'm glad that I don't have to look her in the eye," Jim said to McCoy in the comfort of the doctor's own quarters, that very day marking four weeks before they stepped foot on Re'an V.
"You haven't forgiven her?" McCoy gave Jim his best arched brow. He knew Jim was many things when it came to his mother, but a liar wasn't one of them.
"No, it's not that," Jim shook his head, dragging it back and forth as he spoke just as reluctantly.
"Then what is it, kid," McCoy finally asked after a moment.
Jim looked at him, eyes widening. "I think...I think I may have forgiven her a little too much. And by a little too much, Bones, I mean...how is that I've forgiven her at all?"
Knowing that no reply he could offer would suffice, McCoy kept his mouth shut and offered Jim a shot of whiskey.
Jim took a drink. After McCoy handed Jim another, the younger man wiped the back of his sleeve across his mouth, wincing. "And, you know what Bones? I don't think I really know how to handle that."
Yes, McCoy had taken a gamble and cleared that distance in one fell swoop.
"Mom?" The young captain asked, his other hand roping around his mother's wrist and tugging it gently. "Sit with me?"
Commander Kirk, the strong, blonde woman who was all but crying, seemed to break under her son's words. Spock turned to McCoy.
"This moment is not for us," the Vulcan said quietly, his fingers brushing McCoy's elbow in an effort to move him along.
Although Spock was right, McCoy couldn't help but take one last look behind him before leaving Jim's quarters. The silent happiness he witnessed between the two Kirks did more for his own hurting heart than he'd ever imagined. McCoy was smart enough to see that it had the same affect on Spock, who wasn't as stiff-necked as he'd self-proclaimed.
"Did ya see that?" McCoy asked a moment later as they strolled down the corridor to a conference room. "And ya can't lie to me, Spock. I know ya did."
"Indeed, Leonard, I am perplexed that you scrutinized my own observation of the captain and his mother yet endeavor to receive an affirmation that I did so."
"Unbelievable," McCoy muttered. "Spock, could ya try to savor the moment without dumping your logic onto it?"
"I did not 'dump' my calculating perspective onto anything, doctor."
"Can you at least..." McCoy hesitated. Asking Spock to smile would be bit of a stretch. He stopped at the doors, halted by Spock's hand at his elbow. "I mean...oh, never mind. Just forget it."
"If you are inferring that I must act 'happy,' may I inform you that I am pleased that Jim is at last comfortable with his mother and that you are also comforted," Spock said. "Your desire to engage me in this same happiness is admirable."
"Well, what are friends for," McCoy said. he rubbed his jaw, turning his back towards the doors and his eyes downward at the PADD in his hand. Jim's stats blinked straight at him but before he could even begin double checking them Spock pulled the PADD from his hands.
"Jim is well, doctor." Spock turned the PADD off and tucked it under his arm. "He is with someone who cares for him as a mother would."
McCoy rubbed his weary eyes, finding Spock's words cryptic and his own willingness to hand over the PADD with Jim's readings even stranger. "Your words are even more unusual than they usually are."
"Dr. McCoy, at this time you may require rest more than they need to hear a commentary of Commander Kirk's visit," Spock said quietly.
"They're waiting on the edge of their seats in there, I imagine," McCoy replied. He couldn't see keeping the rest of the command staff waiting any longer. They'd all known about the commander coming, for it had taken everyone's cooperation to ensure that she promptly arrived at the Starbase. Thanks to Archer and Spock, the commander arrived on a ship that would now be assisting the Enterprise on her next mission.
"Indeed," Spock nodded.
"I'll stay for a few minutes."
"Doctor, Jim does not require our presence nor our immediate assistance," Spock stated. "Commander Kirk's arrival is quite timely."
McCoy suppressed an eye roll. "Is that your roundabout way of informing me to get the hell outta here?" Surprisingly, this was the one of the few times McCoy felt even remotely comfortable leaving Jim in the hands of someone not highly trained in the medical field or with one of the senior command crew members. "If it is, then...I'll be in my quarters for some shut-eye while Jim has company."
"I will alert you of any changes to the captain's condition," Spock replied.
McCoy glanced down at the PADD, which was now in Spock's possession. His fingers twitched, second guessing his choice to leave before his brain did. If anything went wrong, if this visit turned out to be too much...
"Leonard, Jim is well, and I will not let this device out of my sight," Spock said, altogether too observant. "I will also return to the captain's quarters in two hours."
McCoy sighed. He would plan to check in one.
"Perhaps it would behoove me as the captain's 'bond buddy' to tell you that I sense a significant calmness from Jim," said Spock.
The free way Spock used that ridiculous term told McCoy that Jim had dug his way into the commander's heart maybe even deeper than he first thought - and Spock had not bothered to stop him. "The little shit has you wrapped around his finger still, I see," McCoy said, amused.
"At this point of time, Jim has a genuine naivety about himself. It is something that neither you nor I can ignore," Spock said.
"Like I said." McCoy grunted and crossed his arms. "Wrapped around his finger. Whether he did it intentionally or not is of no consequence. He still did it."
Spock's gaze leveled. "And you continue to fret for his well-being although he is currently at ease with his mother's arrival. You must know, Leonard, that you have done an exceptional service for him, which in turn has benefited you both."
"Oh?" McCoy frowned. "How so?"
"It has impacted the way he handles the falsified memories of your friendship. Before the commander's arrival, Jim discussed with me the affect the manifestations continue to have on him. In short, he must counteract them with what he knows to be true in an almost constant, psychological process."
"And the truth is what?" McCoy asked, hoping with all his might that Jim's mental state wasn't degrading or giving him more falsified information.
"It is threefold. You are the most qualified physician he knows, you would never abandon him in his greatest time of need, and he can undoubtedly place his trust in you. These things are so embedded in his mind that the Re'an could not completely remove them. However, he requires new memories to bring them to surface as he heals. Bringing his mother on board, doctor, will no doubt solidify these impressions even more. His subconscious has already applied your hand in this event," Spock paused. "His trust in you surpasses that which he has ever placed in you."
Humbled by Jim's strong thoughts, McCoy couldn't think of a worthy reply.
"Be at peace, Leonard," Spock said, gazing steadily at him.
McCoy stared back. The hobgoblin now had an edge, an understanding of Jim that McCoy did not. While it pained him that sometimes he felt he was starting all over with Jim and Spock was not, McCoy harbored no jealousy over their connection. While McCoy slept, Jim would be in the best hands, a Vulcan never far away, and wasn't that the best thing for Jim? He believed that whole-heartedly, enough to step back, but this...this was Jim. Wasn't every day still precarious while Jim was blind and getting used to himself? Snake and all? Jim wasn't out of the woods yet. The very thought of losing him again was a place McCoy didn't want to go, but he did so, anyway, the room tilting before his eyes a direct result.
"Dammit," McCoy said, kneading his forehead.
"Leonard, you have ignored your own needs in particularly for the past seven days," Spock said slowly. "This will all improve in time."
"I don't think it's going to get any easier for me for awhile," McCoy admitted, dropping his hand.
"Even for the chief medical officer of a starship, the grieving process will not last but one day or one week - or seven." Spock said gently.
"I told him that I missed him," McCoy said, unable to keep the pain from rising in his voice. "When he was asleep. It was a little cowardly, but...I can't tell Jim."
Spoken to any other person the confession would have shocked them but Spock merely leveled his gaze. "Have you spoken with anyone? A counselor would be - "
McCoy snorted. "Other than you? Jim. While he snored oh-so-daintily."
"I see, and I am concerned." Spock squared his shoulders. "I am aware of what my friends endure, and I will not allow us to endure apart."
Spock took the PADD from under his arm and held it in his hands, watching the the information which was sent directly to it as a result of the nanotech. One hand then slid over the screen, fingers poised as he slowly read, until his fingers reached the edge of the device. The Vulcan's hand clenched around it, his jaw just as tight. "Jim would not wish us to."
Spock's words echoed in his mind but it was Jim's voice he heard, instead, urging the doctor to make the most of things for each other's sake. To press on. With a slight clearing of his throat and the emotion clouding his head, McCoy made the decision. He'd let go again, for himself and for Spock, the first officer who needed Jim to return and replace him in the captain's chair. He wouldn't allow them to endure apart, either. The truth was they both needed Jim like they needed air to breathe but the only way it was ever going to happen was if they trusted one another, just as Jim was trusting. Fully, without pretense. Despite everything he'd experienced, Jim was stepping forward, both eyes blind but focused on his future, all because his two best friends had paved the way. Somehow, McCoy would live up to that.
"I think I will be in my quarters," McCoy said with a short nod. "Spock. Thank you."
"Leonard," Spock said, a brightness returning to his eyes. "It is my pleasure."
That he'd been an extremely independent man in the past was clear to Jim. He craved that independence to this day, though it was somewhat elusive. He also knew his arrogance as a cadet and freshly appointed young captain had reached its pinnacle at Niburu, revenge and sorrow mixing when his mentor-father died and his ship and crew clashed with Marcus and Khan. When they'd begun the five year mission, Jim had been at a much different place than before Pike died. But now? The Re'an had broken him, absolutely everything now destroyed. He was essentially starting over and had already moved forward with the help of his friends. The fight required endurance and reliance on each other and here was another chance to find more pieces of himself and somehow mix it with the Jim Kirk he was now.
Questions were on the tip of his tongue but with his mother hanging on to him like he was vanishing before her very eyes, Jim proceeded cautiously. Bones had a tendency to try to withhold his hurt from him, especially lately, but Jim was aware that his best friend had lost someone he'd cared for deeply.
Jim drew a deep, slow breath to ward off the ache rising in his chest. How could he even begin to comfort Bones? He'd forever be apologizing about himself disappearing, and that didn't make much sense to Jim at all. He could just hear Bones, telling him to stop apologizing. But while Bones was trying to keep his pain hidden, Jim's usually stoic mother did not hide her emotion. The discrepancy alarmed Jim. He couldn't bear causing either of them more heartache. That he was blind was enough; but he was her son. He couldn't imagine the hurt she'd feel, seeing him like this. The grip on both of his hands intensified, and he wished he'd not been ordered to remain on his damn couch. He wanted to help her, do something for her, but he was stuck, immobile, and in the dark.
But he would try. Giving up was never an option.
"When I first awoke, I really didn't understand my place on this ship," Jim began. "I didn't remember much about Bones except that he was a good doctor and we had spent time at an academy together. We had no connection, and I was afraid of him, afraid of my best friend."
Jim stopped. It hurt to say that aloud, felt as if a knife was shoved into his chest and twisted. If this was his suffering, Bones had to have gone through much worse being that he'd hid the truth from Jim around the clock. The weight had to have been suffocating at times.
"Jimmy, you don't have to explain now," his mother's voice soothed.
"I need to," Jim said slowly. "You see, Bones is smart. I was blind in more ways than one and he used this to his advantage."
Jim chuckled then, remembering how he'd reacted to the reminder of Mrs. McCoy's garden. What was the phrase? He'd bought it...hook, line, and sinker.
"I know things are hard, but it's good to see you smile," she said in a soft voice. "What did Dr. McCoy do?"
Jim shrugged. "It was simple, really. He reminded me of Georgia. Of Mrs. McCoy. Her tea, the kind I liked back then and happen to still like. There's a box of it right over there by the replicator...and it's better if we share," he offered.
"Oh, baby..."
His mother was holding back something in her confusion and pity. Maybe a light fit of laughter and he wouldn't blame her. Captain James T. Kirk of the Enterprise just implied that he wanted them both to drink tea, all while talking to his once estranged mother. Jim ducked his head, deciding that he'd never tell Bones that he may have succumbed to a blush. He shrugged again and ran a hand through the cropped growth of hair on his scalp, feeling awkward in every sense of the word.
"It's good. It's ho - " Jim stopped himself before he made a grievous error and said home. Home should have been Riverside, but it never had been. Home was Georgia - but it was mostly the Enterprise. His home was where he saw Bones and Spock...and where his mom had come to visit him...but he couldn't say any of that. He loved, yes loved, his mother far too much to begin their visit dwelling on the mistakes both of them made long ago.
"It's home for you, Jimmy, isn't it?" His mother's voice cracked. "That's what Dr. McCoy showed you."
Jim braced himself against her pain but her other hand caressed his arm as if to calm him.
"It's home," she whispered.
"Mom, he just...knew."
"Of course he did. He is your best friend, Jimmy," she said softly.
"If he hadn't done that, I don't know how far gone I would have been before we learned about Elise." Jim shivered, reliving those early thoughts and thinking how lost he would still be, trapped completely in a Re'an world with nothing of the Enterprise or of Bones to ground him. "But yeah...this is home."
"It's okay. I understand, and no one, not even your mother, especially your mother, will be upset that you think this way. You never belonged to Riverside or to me Jim. You're..." The woman halted and removed one hand from his arm. The light touch on his head was unmistakeable.
He gave her a wry grin. "I can't imagine what I look like to you." Actually, he could. Different. Darker, but vulnerable and like...
"Your father," she said. Jim flinched, of course missing the soft light in his mother's eyes. His blinded and bandaged eyes could only see darkness attached to the almost damning words. Your father. They seemed to be going down a road that neither of them wanted to go down. Wasn't it always going back to this? Everything inevitably linking Jim to his father? Her dead husband? "You look like him more than ever now, Jim, and it's..."
Too much. Her hand finally dropped from his head. Jim's shoulders sank in relief at the distance and he carefully shifted his body away from her. Some things just never changed.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
"No, Jimmy," she clutched his arm, pulling him back. "Wait."
He stilled.
"There is no ghost of your father when I look at you. I see you, Jim," she said.
Jim frowned. She always saw George, had to even now. She already said she did. "But, -"
"Shhh," she whispered, pressing a finger against his lips. "Just listen to a middle-aged woman who rambles too much for her own good."
"But maybe -" We should stop now, before either of us get hurt.
"Humor me," she said.
Jim's mouth dipped down in frustration. "Mom, I, uh...I have difficulty understanding certain Terran phrases," he said with a half smile. "I guess that's one of those I don't quite get."
"Alright, let me say that again," she said gently. "What I meant was, allow me a moment to explain myself."
Jim couldn't refuse anyone that right. "Alright."
"You look like him," she said again. "God, Jimmy, you could almost be his twin right now, now more than ever. But, while you're carrying on his legacy, you are also your own man, as you always have been. When I say you resemble your father, those are words from a woman with years of regret. A woman who has been stuck in the past. I can say you look like your father. I can speak those words to you now but I never should have spoken them to a four year old looking up at me, just wanting to be held, or to an eight year old hoping for recognition for a report card or a break from being hit by Frank..."
Jim's chin hit his chest. So that was when it had started. He'd forgotten and now was handed the information without even asking. It'd began when he was fucking eight years old. His eyes leaked, bleeding tears and painful memories polluted with heartache and sometimes blessed with holes made by the Re'an, all onto the bandages around his face. As the pain drove into his breaking point, his mother wrapped an arm around his shoulder and folded him into an embrace. Sensing that she needed to demonstrate physical, motherly affection, he allowed his body to be molded to hers. It was more for her sake, he told himself as his head rested on her shoulder. He listened to her breaths and his heart pounding in his ears, both sounds overwhelming in the silence. The pain hadn't faded but she was there, and he was determined they'd both get through this. From the way his mother's voice strengthened and her other arm hugged his waist, she was determined, too.
She drew a shaky breath. "...or to a young man, newly appointed captain. I never saw past the ghost until I lost you completely, and now...you brought life to me, baby. I've never asked Archer for a favor. He offered to give me slack millions of times through the years, things I never took but should have taken, because it was all time to see my boys. But, if I had only one offer, one damn time that I could have warped through the black to see you, I would have waited. I never wanted you hurt. Never, Jimmy, but if I had been offered once chance, I would have waited still...for now."
Jim's heart almost stopped, and a raw desperate feeling rose in his chest. Was she trying to destroy all the work that they'd done to restore their relationship? Winona was a woman of few words. She was a woman with few friends, few anything, because of who she was and what she did but she'd said she'd loved him. Though blind, or maybe perhaps because of the fact, Jim knew without a doubt she'd spoken the truth. Jim took a deep breath. There had to be a reason for this small speech.
"You persevered through it all," she said, holding him tighter and bringing him closer to her heart than he'd ever been. "I'd never, ever want to take that away from you, Jimmy. Because if I had, baby, who's to say that this...your ability to endure and defend what's yours...this ship, with her crew...would still be there. It wouldn't be, and it wouldn't be home. It wouldn't even be. It would be gone."
It would be gone.
Jim now understood Winona Kirk more than ever, his own self-discovery a large part of the way he could see his mother for the uncompromising woman she was. After all was said and done, he wouldn't resent her for a choice that he was certain he'd make, too.
"And you, Jimmy," she continued, "you need your home more than anything."
Jim was undeniably selfish. In reaching this decision about himself a day after his mother's arrival, Jim didn't bother taking his Re'an side in consideration as he sat on his couch, doing his best to be a good patient for Bones. Bones deserved an endless supply of bourbon for his hand in getting his mom on board the Enterprise, and Spock deserved a friend who was looking forward to playing a chess game with him. Not Jim, who had neither the bourbon nor the desire. But these two things weren't what bothered Jim the most. They weren't the things telling him that he was being a selfish idiot.
Sulu stood talking with Jim's mother, and Jim wanted to barge in between them with his questions. Chekov had been speaking with Winona only a moment early, monopolizing the conversation, but then had to leave because he was scheduled to cover for an extra shift and needed rest - and Jim was relieved for his absence. Aleyah was soon arriving, and she'd already caught his mother's eyes and interest. With her arrival, Jim knew what would happen. Talking. Talking without him, when all Jim wanted to do was talk to his mother in private and learn about the missing pieces of his childhood. Maybe Winona hadn't been the best mother. Maybe even that was even stretching the truth, but it didn't matter, really. If he were to be kind, Jim would say that she had been the worst mother and leave it at that. If he said she hadn't been a mother at all, he would be telling the absolute truth. Still, she had to know something of the worst years of his childhood. She couldn't have been that oblivious, not if she now seemed to understand how horrible Frank had been to him. And even apologized...
"Captain."
The word from Spock was a break in the clouds. Jim shook his head as he came out from under his selfish thoughts; but when his head began to throb at the base of his neck clear up to his temple, he was forced to stop. "Ow," he groaned, raising his hand to his neck, desperate to knead the muscle.
"You are in need of Dr. McCoy's assistance," Spock said.
"No, Spock, just..." Jim grimaced, muscle taut under his fingertips. What he needed he really couldn't say out loud without appearing rude. "I..."
Captain, please calm down. What is that you require?
I need time alone with my mother, Spock.
I can arrange that.
As soon as Dr. Jahnas stops by, Spock, and...
Yes?
Thank you.
He didn't have to wait long. Spock was true to his word, tactfully moving the others long.
"Captain, Dr. McCoy mentioned that you'll be hitting the gym again soon," Sulu said as Aleyah retrieved the snake.
"Possibly by the end of the week," Jim said, finding himself grinning widely. He'd forgotten in the midst of his mother's arrival. "Thanks for the reminder."
"If you need company, I'd be more than happy to to join you," Sulu said.
"I'd like that. You're a good man, Sulu," Jim said, whole-heartedly believing it. "You know I won't be much in comparison to your workout. It may be a bit boring."
"It won't take you long to get back to your usual routine," Sulu laughed. "You'll be back to sparring in no time."
"Captain,"Aleyah's low voice interrupted. "I have Sam."
"Thank you, Aleyah," Jim said as she transferred the creature to his hands.
"She ate well, better than ever," Aleyah said. "I think she is happy now."
"She seems to be content," Jim murmured. The creature stilled around his arm.
"My schedule is clear for the rest of the day, Jim. Comm me when you need me to put her back."
"Dr. Jahnas, thank you," Winona said smoothly. "I'm sure you'd rather be doing something else than being at my son's beck and call."
"It's my pleasure, actually," Aleyah's voice warmed. "I'm just glad to see her eating and the captain at ease with her."
"Let me walk you to the door," Winona said, the two women falling into conversation as they walked away. "I'd like to know more of the snake's condition before Jim discovered this connection he had with Same."
"It is as you predicted, Jim," Spock stated once the women were out of earshot.
"Them?" Jim said. "I never knew my mother was so social. But then again, I've never really known her at all up until recently. I wonder how Elise and...wait...Elise. She didn't say goodbye."
"I have not spoken with her since yesterday, Jim," Spock said.
"No?" Jim frowned. That was unusual. In fact... "I haven't either, now that you mention it."
"However, I did receive a message that she would contact me when she was able to discuss your progress."
"This is unusual for her," Jim murmured.
"I concur," Spock said, "But I conclude that she requires rest and we must respect this. You are doing well and seem to be in no need of her assistance at this time."
"If she can take a break from all of this, I'm all for it. And I do feel good, Spock. Really good," Jim mused. It could be the snake or his mother's visit or the returning connection he had for his crew and ship. Or all three.
"Do you require assistance with anything else before I leave you and your mother alone?" Spock asked.
"Actually, yes. Promise me you'll also take care of yourself?" Jim asked, choosing to be brief in his request. If Spock recognized that Jim was doing well and wasn't worrying about him, than it was the perfect time for his friends to also take a break.
"You have my word, Jim," Spock said in a soft voice.
As the doors closed behind Spock, the last to leave Jim's quarters, Winona sighed softly. "Dr. Jahnas is lovely," she said. "And Mr. Sulu...he is utterly devoted to you, much like Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock are. It's admirable, Jim."
"What do you mean?"
"You have kept your sense of command despite everything you've been through. You haven't lost your ability to lead."
Jim shook his head. "It's not me. It's all them." It was true. They were the ones who never filled the empty place that Jim left. Not even Spock allowed himself to fill it, and he was the captain. They'd never given up on him. They'd never let him give up, either. And if Jim could give them anything or do anything for these men and women on this ship, it would be to return and be their captain. That may be Jim's ultimate desire but it was also theirs. Jim vowed do what was best for the crew rather than what was best for himself - as long as his sight returned.
"So, Sam..." Winona said.
"It's strange, I know," Jim said.
"Jimmy, I've seen stranger," Winona laughed.
"Really?" Jim said dryly. "Your son. Your blind son, with a snake that he can't get rid of. I doubt it."
"When you put it that way, you are the most unique person I've ever had the pleasure to meet."
Her words stunned Jim with their utter sweetness, and a warm, strange feeling swirled in Jim's stomach. When had she ever talked like this to him, like he actually mattered to her?
Never.
And he wasn't sure he ever wanted her stop talking like this to him. He'd already gotten used to it, much like he'd taken to Sam.
"I think I'd like to see her...Sam...up close," she said.
Worried for her safety, Jim frowned as she joined him on the couch. "I wouldn't get too close to her, just to be on the safe side. I guess I forgot to tell you that."
"You don't mean that she's poisonous, do you?" Winona drew a sharp breath. "If that's the case, you're in danger every time you touch her, connected or not."
"Well...she actually is poisonous," Jim admitted.
"And you are confident she won't hurt you?" Winona's voice tensed. "Aleyah didn't even bat an eye when she lifted her out from the case, Jim."
"I'm completely confident, and Sam is at ease with Aleyah because she's cared for her for months," Jim said, relieved that Sam was calm around his mom. He really had no idea how the snake would react to anyone other than himself and Aleyah. He hadn't allowed anyone else near her. "This connection...it's not...normal. At least, not with me it isn't."
He wasn't normal. Hell, he wasn't even himself anymore. And that was the very thing that was tearing up his best friend, torturing the doctor until even he had lost weight. Not only that, but Bones rarely teased Jim. Sure there were carefree moments, but it wasn't the same. It was the absence of the grouchy humor that Jim missed the most. Jim questioned Christine just this morning about Bones. Her silence her only reply, Jim knew he had to think of something to give back to his friends. He'd do anything he had to in order to help Bones and the rest of the crew come to grips with this new him. A good relationship with his mother was key, for without it, Jim was certain he would never be able to ever fill in the holes of his past. And as difficult as finding his way through the curveballs life had given him since he was born on a shuttle escaping the Kelvin, he had to do it. He had to do it all. Even Frank. Even Tarsus. Even the years following Tarsus, when he'd skipped school in his efforts to find his mother, who always seemed to be one step in front of him and never supporting him from behind.
Winona hummed noncommittally. "If you're implying that you go against the grain, Jimmy, I already knew that.
Jim smiled, stroking the scales rolling along his arm as Sam slithered up to his shoulder. And when his mother began to tell him of the days leading up to Tarsus, just as he'd asked her to, Jim didn't panic. He didn't dwell on the past. He didn't do anything but listen. His mother was here, and he was getting the answers he needed. Once he did that, everything else was sure to fall into place.
Spock was aware of one singular thing as word spread that the captain's mother was visiting - Commander Kirk's arrival changed Jim.
Jim's very essence had begun to return to the magnetic state it had been before the Re'an mission, bringing all levels of the crew to his door. McCoy allowed a small number of them to visit one at a time. With each, Jim's expressions became brighter, his spirit lighter, all reflecting the captain Spock knew Kirk to be before the Re'an mission. He was not the same yet anyone could see the similarities this Jim Kirk had to the captain the crew had sorely missed and had watched step foot on the Enterprise for the five-year mission approximately four months earlier.
Spock shifted in the command chair and turned to Uhura. "Lieutenant, please comm Elise and request her presence in the captain's quarters. I wish to speak with her there."
"Yes, sir," Uhura said, quickly obeying his order.
Spock stood, silently considering all that he had observed while on duty. He mused that even when Jim was not present, the captain's own happiness affected crew morale. Not only did the captain's general light-heartedness affect the crew, but the snake in the transparent case in Jim's quarters did as well. It evoked a curiosity within the crew and a deeper respect for what Jim had endured.
Spock exited the bridge, stopping first to retrieve another PADD in the ready room, then headed towards Jim's quarters. He contemplated what he must do to propel Jim to perform his duties despite his mother in tow and on his mind. Spock was aware of the precious little time Jim actually ever had with his mother in the past that had been on good terms. He whole-heartedly agreed with Dr. McCoy that they must allow them as much space as possible and as long as they possibly could. But, Spock would be remiss in his duties if he did not inform Jim of an important task he'd forgotten with his mother's arrival. Jim still did not comprehend the entire truth about the truth of the Re'an mission. He should not be detained from learning of what transpired but neither should he be torn from his mother's side so prematurely. Spock would also see that the time Jim spent each day being debriefed would be minimal. It was natural to encourage Jim in his duties as a commanding officer. Even blind Jim could begin to understand what happened to him as well as begin to process the necessary and subsequent steps he must take to maintain his command once his sight returns.
The emotional healing Jim already received from his mother's presence was something of an enigma. Commander Kirk's presence brought the pain of the past but nothing could stop it. It also provided comfort for Jim, of which Spock had no intentions to cease, but calling to attention Jim's personal logs could perhaps cause a chain reaction. Spock realized the great risk - a mere debriefing had the eighty-three percent chance of provoking another 'growing pain.'
Elise's presence was necessary to ward off any danger and was why relief filled Spock when she approached him in the corridor, reaching him just as he came to a stop outside Jim's quarters. After making herself scarce since Commander Kirk's arrival, Spock's concern continued to grow.
"Mr. Spock," Elise said. "You would like a word with me."
"It has now been four days since you have spoken with Jim," Spock said.
Elise glanced behind her as if to check the corridor was clear, then turned her attention back to Spock. "This is a happy time for the captain," she said simply.
"Indeed," Spock said slowly.
"And thus, it is perhaps the most vulnerable time for the captain." She stared at him, making no effort to explain.
Spock's mind churned with the logic of that statement. Before he jumped to his own conclusions he waited patiently. Elise had never before expressed her own inner turmoil.
She sighed. "As you already know, I did not speak with Jim yesterday - or his mother - other than a short greeting."
"Yes," Spock said. "Both the doctor and myself observed your absence. Is everything well with you?"
"I'm not certain how I am, Mr. Spock."
"If you need time away from -"
Elise shook her head. "No, it is not that. Captain Kirk is overwhelmed with good feelings for his mother, who is likewise overjoyed to be in the presence of her son. However, I cannot deny that I sense a feeling of anxiety radiating from her very being. As soon as I came in the same room as her, it greatly affected me, so much that could not continue to be of any use to Jim and was forced to leave. I have developed great empathetic feelings for your captain while aiding him in his recovery, and now...I am overly sensitive to the things which endanger him. I must inform you that it is disturbing."
Spock's shoulders stiffened. "The captain is in danger? The commander's visit with her son is not based purely on her affection and desire to see him?"
Elise drew a quick breath. "I cannot be certain. She is a strong woman, no doubt skilled in the sheer will with which she is suppressing her emotions. Or perhaps she has had training in this area."
"Training?" Spock repeated dimly. That sort of training pointed towards something altogether separate from Starfleet. Something greatly disconcerting.
"Yes, training, but this visit with Jim seems to be her undoing. She is not as strong as she'd like to be. She's weakening under the strain and more so under the happiness she feels. It is because of this that I suspect she is not here only for Jim's sake."
"If you sense conflicting emotions, it is imperative that we are more alert."
"I would suggest not allowing her to be alone with the captain for any length of time, but I fear it would only raise suspicion of our motives," Elise said softly. "Until I can discern the reasons behind her anxiety, yes...you must be more alert for Jim's sake. He cannot learn of her conflict nor of our own suspicion. Quite frankly, it would be too damaging and perhaps undo the progress he has made."
"This is unacceptable " Spock murmured, eyeing the closed door beside him.
"Indeed, it is, but we can only hope her inner turmoil is based on guilt for what she's done to Jim in the past or the guilt that she cannot do more to help him."
"Are you able to withstand her presence now?" Spock asked
"Yes," Elise said firmly. "I must. We must continue as normally as possible or offer a simple, reasonable answer when we can't."
They slipped into Jim's quarters quietly. Dr. McCoy was already there, giving Jim medication Dr. Sheffield had prescribed for the painful swelling. Elise took a seat at Jim's table, far enough from Jim and his mother seated on the couch but close as she claimed she would be. As Elise's warning sounded in his mind, Spock immediately became as watchful as McCoy and more diligent than ever in his observations of the dynamics between mother and son.
As much as Spock wanted to brush aside Elise's warning, the Betazoid healer was certain of the emotions she sensed from Commander Kirk - and she had not been wrong in the short time she had worked with Jim. Although Kirk exhibited the qualities of the captain he once was, mixed with the captain the Re'an had formed, logic still ruled Spock's mind. Emotion did not. It could not if he wanted to act in Jim's best interests. He would heed Elise's observation that anxiety overshadowed Jim's happiness.
"I have to return to sickbay. Will you walk with me for a moment?" McCoy said quietly to Spock as he gathered his device and bag. Spock wordlessly followed and once the door was shut behind him, Spock found himself waiting for the second time in the corridor. "I'll return with Dr. Sheffield within a few hours - he wants to spend some time with us both, discussing Jim's progress."
"There has been improvement in the short time since Jim's surgery?" Spock asked. "That is acceptable news, Dr. McCoy."
"Maybe even more than acceptable. The nerves are accepting the nutrients faster than either of us anticipated," McCoy explained. "There's more to it than that, because we're looking at longterm use of the implants and feeding his nerves these specialized nutrients. Even if Jim's sight returns, he'll be dependent upon them to maintain his sight. Sheffield wants Jim to understand it all, especially since he has the time to detail the entire process. For all the waiting Sheffield needs to do, he hasn't complained. His focus has been Jim for its entirety and there's still waiting to do."
Spock was just as impressed as McCoy by the ophthalmologist's diligence to Jim's case. "He is planning to stay to see the bandages removed?"
"Absolutely," McCoy nodded. "I'd expect less from any other surgeon, but anyone with the same caliber as Sheffield? He'll see this through. If he gets bored, I can keep him entertained enough in my sickbay."
"With the commander's arrival, Jim's plan to listen to his logs has been postponed."
"Yeah," McCoy sighed. "I know. That's the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about. He needs to get on that. With his mom here now, I imagine he forgot. It's our responsibility to make sure he progresses, Spock."
"I already intend to remind him and insist that he does so this morning," Spock said.
"He won't want to leave his mom's side," McCoy frowned. "Is there something you can do about that? I'd like to give them as much time together as possible, Spock. I believe that you know now how important this really is to Jim."
He was well aware now that he not only melded with Jim but shared a bond. Had he this knowledge from the beginning of their friendship, when they were merely acquaintances, Spock would have approached their relationship differently. But he hadn't known and there was no point dwelling on what he could no longer change.
"If Jim is amenable to his mother's presence whilst he listens to his personal logs, I would allow it," Spock said.
"Good," McCoy nodded. "May be in her best interest to listen and understand a little more, too, without depending upon Jim to explain things to her."
"She is eager to get to know her son," Spock said.
"Up until recently, of the few times I've spoken with her, I've never gotten that vibe. And now?" McCoy gave a short laugh. "You're not gonna be able to pry them apart for awhile."
"Indeed," Spock said. He stopped, hesitant to reveal Elise's concerns when the doctor before him wore a rare smile.
"Something wrong?" McCoy hesitated. "Is it Jim?"
"I am only concerned about the lack of communication Jim has had with Elise since before his surgery."
"There hasn't been any trouble, no...growing pains. But, you're right, it has been a few days since..." McCoy trailed off. "If Jim is up to it after he talks with Sheffield, I'll suggest that he have another session with Elise. Who knows what's running through that mind of his."
What McCoy should be concerned about was not Jim's thoughts but what was running through the mind of the woman professing her affection for her son, their captain. For once Spock returned to Jim's quarters, the captain was nowhere to be seen and Commander Kirk and Elise were engaged in a quiet discussion. Realizing Jim must be in his bedroom, Spock chose to sit at the table, wait, and conveniently eavesdrop. As soon as Commander Kirk realized Spock's presence, she swiftly ceased her conversation with Elise but not before her hushed words provoked a foreboding sense to come over Spock that refused to subside.
Captain's Log Stardate 2260.091
I spent several hours at the dig site today. I was so enthralled with the crude images on the additional missile piece that the team found that I almost forgot to keep my eye on Uhura. Big mistake, or would have been. I managed to distract Lequa but cornered myself into a position where I had no other course of action but to accept his invitation to an important Re'an ceremony, not with one of his sons staring up at me so eagerly. Lequa brought up the sacred room that I heard about yesterday that contains their most sacred creatures. Had he read my mind? I may get a chance to look at it later this week. Dr. Jahnas will be even more frustrated with me about grounding her when she hears about these two opportunities.
I'm not terribly certain I'll even mention it when she comes to my quarters tonight for research.
Captain's Log Stardate 2260.092
Business as usual today. Breakfast with Bones in the morning at mess, with double the coffee for me. I live for these days, even when things are going smoothly, and I hope that Bones knows that I'd do absolutely anything to keep our ritual. I finally got the nerve to inform Bones about how strongly the snakes affect -
Captain's Log Stardate 2260.093
Yesterday was the day from hell, as indicated by my short, unfinished log. Christine allotted me one minute to record my log before Bones returns to check on my wound. (hiss of pain). Yeah, the wound that sliced me across the stomach and took hours for Bones to fix. We were contacted unexpectedly by Re'an V. What we thought...(heavy pause)... to be a kidnapping was only an attempt to ensnare me, whatever for, we don't know but it does involve the snakes somehow.
(sigh). I need to tell Spock the rest that I know about Soona, now that I'm semi-coherent and off the drugs while Bones stepped out. I owe Christine, but I wanted to record these things while they were still fresh. (sharp hiss). The scent of the snake drugged me somehow but luckily I had an ally. Soona saved my life and now we are going to try to save hers.
I don't know if anyone believes that it was me who knocked Man'en unconscious and not Soona who betrayed her own people. It's a bit of a stretch...(pause)...seeing that I was on the ground with my stomach cut open.
(slight hiss of pain). I hope Bones...Spock can figure this out...while I'm a little out of it again. Can't even sit up yet...and now I'm out of time...too much...pain. Doubt Bones...will let me go...to the ceremony but (sigh) I'll try to convince him otherwise.
Captain's Log Stardate 2260.095
Nothing new. Still in sickbay. Bones brought me breakfast in bed. I ate, he finished a cup of coffee. The treatment for this stomach wound is a bitch but I asked Bones to do as much as he could to fix it, as fast as he could. At least I can sit up today - and walk a little. I just finished telling Spock of my suspicion - the Re'an wanted me to go into that sacred room. If looks could kill...I mean glue me to my bed. But, I'm going down, no matter what. Spock couldn't find Soona yesterday or the day before that or the day before that, and I'm worried. We need to find her and attending the Re'an ceremony tomorrow is the perfect cover.
Just hope that I can focus with the damn snakes around me.
Just hope that I can focus with the damn snakes around me.
The room pressed around him, as suffocating and hot as Jim's first steps were into the warp core.
"Computer, stop," Jim said with strangled breath, managing to stop the logs altogether. His face heated and his heart beating too rapidly in his chest to feel comfortable. Silence filled the room until Bones came over as Jim had predicted and shot him with a hypo. But he didn't flinch. He simply refused to react.
"That's for your focus" Bones said quietly before administering another drug in his neck. "And this one is for getting your vitals back on track."
Focus? Jim finally dropped his head in his hands. This was too ironic, too painful. It was ironic because the reason he had any focus whatsoever now was because of a snake - his snake, whose scent Jim could detect when he was outside his own quarters. It was too painful because he remembered almost nothing from those logs.
"Do you recall anything from those logs, Jim?" Spock asked.
Jim lifted his head, wishing his bandages were off so he could roll his eyes at the Vulcan. Spock knew damn well he didn't...well, nearly didn't. The question was spoken only to draw him out, get him focused in a different way - and hell. It was actually working.
"I remember..." Jim didn't even think he should even bother telling anyone what he remembered. It was hardly anything but something so insignificant it wouldn't help anyone, let alone him.
"Nothing is insignificant, Jim," Spock said softly. "One memory can provoke another. There is no limit and with Elise's help -"
"Elise?" Winona interrupted. "If she is your counselor, why isn't she here?"
"She has extended herself and must rest before she returns."
"I see," Winona murmured. "But, if she would help Jim -"
"She does," Jim said quickly. "She does help me but she hasn't rested...this situation...it has been difficult on her."
"Because of Soona," Winona said slowly.
"Yes," Jim nodded. "But...the logs..."
"You remember something?" His mother asked, hope in her voice as she squeezed his hand. He responded with a squeeze back, appreciative of her strong presence beside him. Having never had her to lean on in his childhood or his adult life up until now, this was strange to him, her being another support. Strange, but not unwelcome. Jim honestly didn't want her to leave and already extended the invitation until after his bandages were off. She agreed. That meant they had at least six more days.
"Not really," Jim finally confessed.
"Not even twisting Nurse Chapel's arm to allow for that PADD?" Bones sank to the seat beside him.
Jim rubbed his jaw. "No."
"The fight with Man'en?" Bones asked, his device scanning Jim once again.
"I'm fine, Bones," Jim murmured.
"Let me be the judge of that. This is strain, all of it, and it's pretty hefty after major surgery." Bones paused. "Allow me dote on ya, okay?"
"Sure, Bones," Jim sighed and let it be for now.
"So, do you remember Man'en attacking you?" Bones asked again.
The fight? Being sliced by Re'an warrior? Soona saving him? None of that was there. Those were gone. "No, Bones, none of that," Jim said quietly. "I remember the vines reaching for me after I was injured, the black twirling vines falling from the sky...I remember darkness."
Silence, again. He was being honest and although that must have made everyone in the room uncomfortable, it was all he remembered and damn it...hadn't they asked him? Hadn't they put him into this position?
"I'm sorry, baby," Winona murmured, stroking his arm.
"Do you think you can listen to more, Jim?" Bones asked softly.
"I, uh, I don't...I don't think I'll listen to more right now," Jim said. "In fact..."
"You need some time alone?" Bones asked.
"No, it's not that, Bones." He didn't want to be alone. He wanted them to stay and he wanted Sam out of her case so he could touch her...as ridiculous as it sounded...and for them to not be freaked out by it. "Isn't Dr. Jahnas coming to feed Sam shortly?"
"Yeah, Jim, she is," Bones said softly, his words washing over Jim like a gentle breeze. Jim breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that his best friend would understand what he needed. "Want me to see if she can come early?"
"If you don't mind." He could do this, especially if Aleyah came soon to retrieve Sam for him while he remained immobile as part of his recovery. Dependent upon a snake? He'd been in worse situations. He could do this. He could do this in the twisted state that the Re'an had left him in because this was a scenario with nothing else to lose that he hadn't lost already.
And in the end? He hadn't lost it all like he had feared. He had his friends - and now his mother.
It was all he'd ever wanted.
"You want to escort your mother to dinner?" McCoy's eyebrows shot up as he stared at the man leaning against the table. It was the last thing he expected to hear from Jim and simply put, he almost couldn't believe that he had even uttered the words escort and mother in the same sentence. But the more McCoy thought about it, the idea probably had a big something to do with Dr. Marcus. She was the one who helped Jim when he wore that atrocious shirt of Spock's. And didn't she tease Jim sometime later about escorting her to a table? She deserved some sort of award for instilling the very idea of high class in Jim Kirk.
"Yeah. With tablecloths, the fine china," Jim smiled. "The works."
McCoy exchanged a look with Spock. Commander Kirk had been on the Enterprise for four days visiting Jim. Three of those days Jim had been tied to the couch or his quarters in general upon recommendation by Dr. Sheffield to give Jim's eyes more time to heal. Life on a starship was unpredictable and when you were Jim Kirk, even more unpredictable. He didn't need jostled around or anything threatening his progress while he was still in the very early healing stages, but Jim was like a caged puppy, minus the barking. The logs had almost been too much, Jim was admittedly antsy...maybe it was high time for the captain to spread his wings.
"Alright," McCoy said, but before he could go further, Jim cut in with the excitement he usually expressed on Christmas morning or any other day that involved presents.
"I already talked to Uhura and Christine, so you're all going to be there, okay? And I arranged for candlelight, music... -"
"Hold on. You arranged things already?"
"Well, yeah? When you were in sickbay?" Jim bit his lip. "That was alright, wasn't it? I mean...I knew I wouldn't be stuck in my quarters forever and I want to do something with my mom while she's here other than...talk and listen to logs."
"You said candlelight?" McCoy asked in disbelief.
"Absolutely," Jim replied. "Mom will like that."
"That implies...formal. I don't have to wear a suit, do I?" McCoy asked half-jokingly.
Jim hesitated. "Well, about that...yes."
McCoy leaned forward. "Wait. What?"
"You do, Bones," Jim said. "It's the only way this whole thing will work."
McCoy groaned. "Dammit, Jim! I'm not wearing a suit!"
"It's just one night, Bones," Jim pleaded. "More like...three hours, tops. Think of it as a chance to show off your Southern charm."
"Did you have any idea he was going to make us wear a damn suit?" McCoy glanced over at Spock, who merely arched a brow. "Did you?"
"Actually, Spock is the one who had the idea in the first place," Jim said.
"I knew you had help." McCoy snorted. "And it doesn't surprise me in the least."
Jim frowned. "I'm getting the impression that I should feel wounded."
"Kid, don't worry about it," McCoy said. "Though, you are worse than me when it comes to wearing a suit."
"I suppose you think I don't have class?" Jim scoffed.
"Says the man who made his dates pay the bar tab for the first year at the Academy, after you abandoned them five minutes into said date. The bar tab that included you, her, and me, because you forced me to tag along, once in drag for shock value, all in the name of academia."
"That was one time, Bones, one time." Jim paused. "Besides, it was only Dr. Jahnas. I doubt she even remembers you wearing a dress and I was the one who snapped a photo, not her. And, like you said, all of it was for an ongoing study."
"You forgot Rita, Jordan, T'rana, and Gwen," McCoy listed one by one.
"So, five times," Jim huffed.
"And don't forget Lindy. Now there's a six and a half foot tall force to be reckoned with."
"Lindy?" Jim frowned.
McCoy snorted. "How the hell did you forget her? You had a black eye to prove it."
Jim's expression turned slightly panicked. "Does the fact that I sent them credits after the class was over help? That I actually sent them all credits which were triple the tab?"
"Nope," McCoy said shortly. Maybe he shouldn't be enjoying himself so much, but it was fun getting Jim riled up. Just like old times. "It does no such thing."
Jim raised his hands in surrender. "Alright. Alright. I get it. No class here, but there's a first time for everything, right?"
"Fine. But just because it was Spock's idea. I'll show up, just not in a suit," McCoy drawled.
"One night, Bones. That's all I'm asking. One night."
"You owe me, kid," McCoy gruffed.
"Add it to the list, Bones," Jim said with a wave of his hand.
"What is this list you speak of?" Spock finally spoke up.
"It's a list of everything I've done that I need to make up to Bones for," Jim mumbled.
"Bet that list is getting rather long," McCoy said, lips quirked into a smile. "You've had it since...well...I can't seem to remember. Forever."
"Could be long," Jim retorted. McCoy couldn't see behind the bandages but he was certain Jim looked indignant. It was a pleasant change from the pure, unselfish man he'd become - and McCoy decided he wanted to see more. "But maybe it isn't."
"If you would like to have the the opinion of an impartial third party, Jim, may I offer my services to look over your list and discern if it is overly extended as Leonard suggests," Spock said. McCoy slowly smiled. He couldn't have planned the commander's comment if he'd tried.
Jim groaned and leaned his head against the back of the couch.
"Sounds like a good idea, but...it's metaphorical, Spock. You can't see it," McCoy paused for affect, then added, "Although, it would be nice if you would type it up, Jim, just for Spock, but only after you add the suit."
Jim groaned again. "Why is it whenever both of you are around and one of you starts picking on me, the other one is soon to follow."
"Whatever do you mean?" McCoy asked, holding back laughter.
"Indeed, Jim, I fail to comprehend the logic of your observation," Spock said.
"Could you two just stop?" Jim asked in exasperation.
"Sure thing, kid," McCoy said, "Back to the list. Since Spock offered to give his input..."
"For the millionth time, I'm not a kid, Bones, and I'll put it right after Sam. But, I'm not letting anyone see the damn list that's invisible because it's in my head. I repeat. It's invisible." Jim stood to his feet, the sigh which followed everything McCoy imagined a long-suffering, resigned sigh could be. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to make sure things will be ready for tonight."
"Maybe put the thing about the suit before Sam," McCoy tossed out casually, just to see Jim squirm more. "I think I want compensation for that much sooner than later. The snake thing could take awhile, kid."
A smug smile formed on McCoy's face. The cursing that trailed Jim as he practically stalked to his quarters was worth every word.
As the lights dimmed and the music swelled to fill the room, Jim escorted Nyota onto the dance floor, McCoy and Christine following suit. Dinner had ended twelve point two minutes earlier, and Nurse Chapel was the first to initiate that they take advantage of the music and dance. Once Jim's slow dance steps occupied the watchful eyes of the doctor, Spock turned to the figure seated across from him. Jim's mother appeared regal, relaxed in her environment as if she belonged. Indeed, it was Jim's compassion for his mother which affected her poise and the merit of being on a starship. It was also the kindness her son bestowed to her and the act of preparing such a special memory for them both.
But Spock was eager to speak his mind before the two couples on the floor returned. Now alone with the woman who seemed altogether too poised, it was the perfect time to begin his interrogation. After allowing two additional days to pass before he questioned her, using that time to observe her and come to his own conclusion, Spock was certain she would do all she could to keep her composure in front of the others and not call attention to herself. He was also certain she would not rush from the room when cornered and make a scene because her ability to remain calm and present were both key in developing a healthy relationship with Jim.
"You do not wish to dance with your son?" Spock asked.
"I have two left feet," Commander Kirk smiled. "Unlike Jim. I see McCoy is anxious for my son, as usual, but Jim can hold his own, even on the dance floor."
"He is enjoying himself," Spock murmured, satisfied that Jim as well as the other three who were dancing were fully immersed in the moment and not on the two of them left behind to converse at the table.
"It's good to see him so happy," Commander Kirk said, sipping from her glass.
"Your visit has lifted his spirits tremendously," Spock said.
The commander nodded, sadness creeping into her eyes. "I should have come sooner."
"Would it have been more profitable for your ulterior motive, indeed, you should have."
The commander's eyelashes fluttered briefly as she peered at him. "Mr. Spock? I don't understand."
"You have another reason for this visit, commander, one which remains hidden from us," Spock said evenly. "Just as the Re'an had ulterior motives for inviting the captain to their banquets."
Commander Kirk's knuckles whitened as she clenched her goblet, the only visible sign that Spock had struck a nerve. "You are comparing me to those who destroyed my son?"
"I am merely curious to hear the true explanation behind your visit." Spock said, brow quirked.
Commander Kirk shook her head, averting her eyes to stare at the two couples engaged in their dance. "I'm here to see my son, who welcomed me on his ship and in his life for the first time, Mr. Spock. I have no other reason for being here."
"I am aware that you questioned Elise about the Re'an," Spock said evenly.
Commander Kirk spared a glance at him and sighed. "Yes, Elise. I did speak with her. I only wanted to know more of the species who did this to my son. Being that she interacted with them twenty years ago but now is assisting Jim in his recovery, she was able to answer my questions. I hope that it will help me understand Jim more when we talk."
Despite the honesty behind her reply, Spock changed nothing about his approach. His anger had festered throughout the past three days, growing exponentially until he came to a decision, this decision that would undoubtedly save his captain and friend from experiencing an emotional wound having the gross potential to destroy him. Jim had forgiven his mother for what she'd done to him in the past, but Spock could not bestow the same courtesy for what she did to Jim now.
Spock's anger blazed like a rampant, uncontrollable fire in his heart, drawing from the embers left there by the Re'an, the ones who had most irrevocably harmed his captain. He shifted his gaze back to the commander and narrowed his eyes as more became clearer to him. It would be useless to hope that he was wrong in his judgement of Jim's mother, but the human part of him maintained a small piece of that illogical hope for Jim's sake.
"And these questions, they must include inquiries about the Re'an's use of dilithium crystals?"
The woman winced. "It's not what you think, Mr. Spock. I'm aware that this looks horrid to you, but I'm telling you the truth - "
"Enough!" Spock hissed as he brought his fisted hand down on the table, barely withholding his anger but causing the table to vibrate.
Indeed, if she had spoken again before he was ready to listen to her fallible, weak excuses, his rage would be known by all. But the target of his rage was stunned into silence. She widened her eyes, her face losing a subtle layer of color.
"The truth is obvious, commander, because facts do not lie," Spock said, filling his words with the iciness that anyone who had betrayed his friend and captain deserved. Wanting to disarm her more and strip her of everything she held dear, he all but snarled his next words. "People lie, and before your son, who is oblivious to your actions, returns to this table, I demand that you tell me the reason behind your deception. If you do not, I will no longer wait to hear your pathetic excuses but will immediately inform Jim of your deception. Make no mistake, commander. The love that your son holds in his heart for you will vanish as quickly as your loyalty."