A/N: Alright here's another chapter. I'm trying to keep updating as soon as I can, before my inspiration disappears. It's really hard writing this story though because it's so long and I haven't written some of the chapters in over a year or more. It's crazy. I'm doing my best though. Please R&R! Thanks

Once Rachel and I had returned to my room and I closed the door behind me I let out an audible sigh, as if I just locked out all the demons and bad memories. They were still there but I could pretend. Rachel turned around to look at me and she had these sad pitiful eyes as she chewed her lip and said, "I don't know what's haunting you, Brittany, but I promise I'll try to make everything ok for tonight."

She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it aside before closing the distance and leaning up to me on her toes, kissing my lips with so much emotion and fervour that I had to fight hard to steal dominance. Tonight I needed to be on top, I needed to be in control with Rachel, and I told her that with my kiss. She backed off and let me bite and suck at her lips as my hands worked the clasp of her bra and slid it off her shoulders to the floor. I walked her backwards, toward my bed, our kiss never breaking, and even as the backs of legs hit the bed I gently lowered her, managing to keep our kiss going.

We parted for a second before I yanked her skirt from her hips with a fever and ripping off my own shirt and bra. She was quick to sit up and began to work the buttons on my jeans as she placed open mouth kisses on my toned stomach. It felt amazing, I worked my fingers through her hair, gently massaging her skull as her kisses went lower. I felt the button on my jeans give way and my zipper slide down and I could feel her kisses on my underwear.

"Rachel," I moaned forcing her head up to look at me. At first all I could do was stare down at her beautiful eyes, then I shook my head and whispered, "I love you more than anything."

She smiled placed a lighter kiss on my hips and said, "Me too, more than anything."

I shoved my pants and underwear down into a pile on the floor and she took off her own as she scrambled up to the top of the bed. I followed her crawling on my hands and knees, finally when I reached her I spread her knees and settled myself in between her legs. I began kissing her lips again, then moving down to her neck as my good hand drifted down between her legs and pushed two fingers inside her. She moaned loudly and it sounded a little pained, but right now I needed to do this how I need to do this. The emotions swirling inside me were mixed with a dark anger and hopelessness, and I needed Rachel to stay with me, I needed to feel her so I knew I wasn't alone.

I wasn't cowering in a corner with a knife pointed at me. I was safe with my beautiful girlfriend and everything was great.

I slid my fingers in and out of her methodically and soon her hips were attempting to follow my chaotic movements. I couldn't find a rhythm, thoughts of the accidents flashing so quickly in front of my eyes that I had to turn away from her and squeeze my eyes shut. It didn't help, the images were still there. Images of her crumpled body against the pillar, of her bruised, swollen and broken body in the hospital, watching her struggle just to stand up in physiotherapy. I couldn't stop the images. Rachel was slipping away from me and I tried to hold on tighter so that she wouldn't disappear.

"Brittany," I heard a far away yell and then there was warmth on my cheeks, "Open your eyes, look at me."

I opened my eyes and there was Rachel, staring back at me, worried, with both hands cupping my cheeks.

"Where do you keep going," she cried and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.

"Nowhere," I breathed, "I'm with you."

"No," she said, shaking her head sadly, "You're not with me. You're somewhere else."

I kissed her, hard, harder than we're use to, but I was still grasping at her. I was still afraid she was falling away from me. The kiss was rough, along with the pace of my fingers and before I knew it she was pushing my head away, arching her back, and crying out as she came on my fingers.

For awhile we just laid like that, staring at each other, breathing heavy. It seemed like ages, until I finally rolled off her and she curled up against my side.

"You will tell me one day, right," she whispered, after a long silence.

I kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her closer to me.

How was I suppose to explain to Rachel what I had done. How was I suppose to undo the lie that I've been telling everyone for so long. Why was it suddenly eating me up more than it had in the past. It never crossed my mind before and now it was all I could think of.

Maybe because she was calling now. She was pleading. She was beckoning me back to her games of make believe. Like a moth to a flame, I was being drawn back in. My mind suddenly casting doubt over everything that happened. Wanting to believe that my sister was back.

But I had to remind myself, Kaylee was good at what she did. She was good at playing the right characters to bring you in towards her, closer and closer and zap.