If I owned DGM, I would have made more missions with Allen and Kanda together.
Bruise
Chapter 20: Forever
"Hey, Yu?" I ask, cheek to his wet chest, and he stopped splashing water over our bodies.
"What is it?" he asked, arms now around me protectively. Smiling, I continue, "Do you have any regrets?"
The bluenette paused, seeming to be pondering, and after a minute, he says, "Yes. I wish I wouldn't have left you with Lavi that night he nearly killed you, and after it happened, I wish I would have killed him."
"Yu! That's a little much!" I say accusingly, glancing up at him. He didn't seem fazed by anything he had said, and he calmly asks, "What about you?"
"Nothing," I say quietly. "I ended up here, so it doesn't bother me. I don't think I would have regretted anything if my heart never started again when it stopped."
"I guess your right…."
Neither of us says anything until Kanda suggests we go to dinner.
"I'm not starving myself anymore, you know. You don't have to monitor me like I'm a child," I say, my fingers intertwined with Kanda's as we walk to the cafeteria.
"True, but I don't like to take chances," he replies. We go into the cafeteria, and after we get our food, we sit at a table near the back of the room. Kanda seemed happy when I started inhaling my food, but I didn't mention it, quickly finishing my two dozen plates while the bluenette was only halfway through his bowl of soba. Smirking when he was done, Kanda said, "Come with me."
"Why? What is it?" I ask once we had taken care of our plates. Leading me toward the training rooms, he said, "It's a surprise."
Pouting, I plea, "Please, Yu? Please?!"
"Nope," he said as we walk into the training room we use. While we walked, I was too preoccupied with trying to figure out what the surprise was that I totally missed it. But when Kanda opened the door, I smiled, watching the rain pour from the sky.
"Are you going to dance with me?" I ask excitedly as I run out into the shower, instantly drenched, but I didn't care, spinning around and around.
"If I must," my boyfriend agreed, stepping out into the downpour with me, and I grab his wet hand, pulling him to my body.
"Do you know how to dance in the rain?" I ask playfully, placing one of my hands on his shoulder and putting the other one forward with his. He places his other hand on my hip, shaking his head, and I smile, "We just dance normally, but I'm going to sing one of my favorite songs while we do."
"And what song might that be?"
"'All I Really Want' by Alanis Morissette."
Taking a breath, I begin singing as Kanda starts to lead us, "Do I stress you out? My shirt is on backwards and inside out, and you say how appropriate."
The bluenette quickly finds that the pace he set was too slow for the song, speeding us up, and I continue, "I don't want to dissect everything today. I don't mean to pick you apart, you see, but I can't help it."
Kanda spins me around twice, smiling because my singing became slightly off pitch when I was dizzy.
"And there I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off. Slap me with a splintered ruler."
The samurai gives me an odd look, but he says nothing, taking several steps back then forward.
"And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already. If only I could hunt the hunter.
"And all I really want is some patience. A way to calm the angry voice."
Stopping, Kanda wraps an arm around me before twirling me out, clutching my hand to stop me from falling, and he brings me back to him, resuming the quick steps.
"And all I really want is deliverance.
"Do I wear you out? You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung-out. I'm consumed by the chill of solitary."
I giggle childishly as Kanda picks me up, spinning quickly before setting me down.
"I'm like Estella. I like to reel it in and then spit it out. I'm frustrated by your apathy."
Smiling, I quickly pull out Kanda's hair tie, tossing it towards the training room, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land. If only I could meet the Maker. And I am fascinated by the spiritual man. I'm humbled by his humble nature.
"And what I wouldn't give to find a soul mate. Someone else to catch this drift. And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred."
Kanda spins me again quickly, giving me a kiss on the cheek before he resumes leading me.
"Enough about me. Let's talk about you for a minute. Enough about you. Let's talk about life for a while. The conflicts, the craziness, and the sound of pretenses falling all around. All around.
"Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can you handle this?"
We stop for about three seconds, the only sound being the pouring rain, and then Kanda starts stepping again.
"Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you're gonna die? Or did you long for the next distraction?
"And all I need now is intellectual intercourse. A soul to dig the hole much deeper. And I have no concept of time other than it is flying. If only I could kill the killer."
My hair is soaked, water dripping off my nose, cheeks, and chin, and it was the same for Kanda, but I was having so much fun that I didn't care.
"And all I really want is some peace, man. A place to find a common ground. And all I really want is a wavelength. And all I really want is some comfort. A way to get my hands untied. And all I really want is some justice."
"You can sing pretty well," Kanda comments, holding my hands in each of his. Smiling, I say, "I sound like a mule compared to you, and everyone knows it."
Shaking his head, he says, "No, they don't because the only one that's heard me sing is you."
"Well, you should start singing in front of people."
"No, that would imply that I care for others."
"What about me?" I whimper, pouting. Smirking, he leans down until I can feel his breath on my lips, and he murmurs, "You are the exception."
"Normally, I would say I've been an exception too many times, but I like being one this time," I reply. I was about to kiss him when I heard, "Allen! Kanda!"
Glancing to the side, Kanda glares at the pigtailed girl in the doorway, "What?"
"Someone's here to see Allen, and he'll only be here a few hours, so you need to come immediately," Lenalee responded, turning quickly. "He's in here!"
"Someone to see me?" I wonder aloud, beginning to walk towards the training room with Kanda. When we step in, the bluenette sees the visitor before I do and jumps in front of me, blocking the person from my view.
"Yu, what…?" I ask, and for the first time in a year, I feel an almost murderous aura surrounding him.
"Get your filthy self out of here before I decide to actually kill you this time," Kanda growled threateningly. When the person speaks, I already knew who it was, and the voice confirmed it, "Look, I know I did some awful things to Allen, but I've been getting therapy, and I really want to apologize to him."
A mix between a chuckle and growl escaped my boyfriend, "Do you really think I'm letting you anywhere even close to him? He's mine now, and I'll protect him with everything I have, unlike you."
"Yu, I'm fine," I say, stepping around him to look at Lavi. He wasn't wearing his bandana, and he was wearing his uniform, emphasizing that he was still an exorcist.
"Allen," Kanda said, both arms wrapped around my shoulders to hold me back. Lavi stared at us as the samurai whispered in my ear, "Are you sure about this?"
Nodding, I say, "I'll be okay. It's been a year, and besides, everyone deserves a second chance."
"Not after he abused you the way he did, not to mention that he nearly killed you!" Kanda said, running a hand over the front of my neck. My eyes widen with fear, jumping away from him, and without thinking, I kick him hard in the stomach. He falls back onto his rear, coughing and clutching his pained stomach.
"I'm sorry! I-I-I…" I apologize, dropping down on my knees next to him with my head down. Tears of regret welling in my eyes, I say, "Y-You know that I…."
Putting his hand over mine, Kanda says, "I knew full-well that you'd do that. He made you like this. It's been a year, and you still attack me sometimes when I touch you."
"I know, but I just want to let him apologize if he wants to," I say, glancing over my shoulder at the redhead, and it was clear that he was feeling guilty.
Standing, I help Kanda to his feet, telling him to stay there, and I walk towards Lavi, smiling. When I get to be in front of him, he bows, "I'm very sorry about what I did to you. There is absolutely no excuse for the awful things I did and how much pain I caused. I know that I can never make up for it, but I just wanted to apologize."
Nodding, I take him by the shoulders, straightening him, and I say, "I'm glad that you apologized and realized that there is nothing you can do to truly make up for it. I've long since forgotten, but there's no way that I'll be able to trust you ever again, and I think it's better that we just don't see each other. Actually, it's Yu that you need to worry about because he might follow through with some of his threats."
"He wouldn't be Kanda if he didn't," Lavi said. "I really hope that the two of you will be together forever, and I know that he'll treat you so much better than I ever did."
"Dang straight," Kanda growled from behind me, obviously still not happy with me being so close to the redhead. Smiling a smile that was clearly strained, Lavi bowed again and turned toward the exit, walking around the corner.
"Baka Usagi, does he really think that he can make up for what he did just like that?" Kanda muttered, leading me towards my room.
Even though he didn't move in to my room, he had several changes of clothes in there, and he spent most of his time there with me. I don't blame him with as dreary as his room is.
We take a quick shower before settling in for the night. Well, Kanda does, but at the moment, I was just staring at the mirror in my bathroom. The words that continuously made me feel joy danced on the glass, singing that I had purpose.
Smiling, I walk into the bedroom, turning out the lights, and I sit on the bed next to Kanda in the darkness.
"Took you long enough," he murmured amusedly as I slithered under the blankets and into his arms, staring up at the ceiling above us. After a moment, I say, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"You saved me from everything," I whisper, tears finally beginning to fall. This immediately gets his attention, and Kanda holds me tighter, "It's okay. Lavi can't hurt you anymore."
"I don't mean Lavi," I say, frustrated by his confusion.
"Then what is it?"
If I show him, will he hate me? If I show him, will he leave? If I show him, will he think I'm crazy? Taking a breath, I reach under the corner of the mattress, turning on the lamp in the process, and I squint at the sudden lighting change as I find the piece of paper I was looking for. Unfolding it, I read over the words silently.
She paints a pretty picture,
But the story has a twist.
Her paintbrush is a razor,
And her canvas is her wrist.
She paints her pretty picture,
In a color that's blood red.
While using her sharp paintbrush,
She finally ends up dead.
Her pretty picture's fading,
Quite slowly on her arm.
The blood is no longer racing though her,
She can no longer do harm.
She painted her pretty picture,
But the story had a twist.
Her mind was her razor,
And her heart was her wrist.
And with scars on her hips,
Scars on her thighs,
Eyes full of hurt,
She dies with a mouth full of lies.
Haha, isn't so cute that you think I'm okay? Every day, just remember: A cut a day keeps the depression away. Love, Allen.
Handing the paper to Kanda, I say, "I was still thinking about it for months, but we weren't this close, so you never checked my ankles."
"What does it take to get through to you?" he asked, staring at the page.
"I just figured I'd show you that. It's funny. I'm not really sure when the thought of suicide went from 'how' to 'when'," I say.
"Will you do something for me, Allen?" Kanda asked after a moment. Nodding, I ask, "What is it?"
Glancing at me, he continued, "Will you show me all the places you've cut?"
"Why?"
"Please?"
Uncertainly, I step off the bed, removing his shirt that I always slept in and my sweatpants, and I sit back down, waiting for him to do something. Maybe I expected him to be grossed out, but he wasn't.
As he stared at all my scars, I say, "I don't anymore, but it's not something that you can just stop. It takes so much willpower not to cut when something goes wrong."
Not replying, he leans forward, taking my right arm in his hand, and he gently kisses the skin all the way up my arm. That's when I remember something I read once.
Marry the man who will kiss your scars.
I smile as he continues to my thighs, hesitantly pressing his lips to the flesh in case I wasn't comfortable with it. Don't get me wrong, there's no way Kanda understands it. He can't until he cuts himself and feels the numbness wash over him, but he still knows how to make me feel like I'm worth something.
The bluenette kisses the scars on each of my ankles tenderly before moving back to my side, giving me a chaste kiss on the cheek. Tears were spilling from my eyes, but I ignore them as I turn out the light, my suicide note crumpled in the corner, and I straddle Kanda, clashing our lips together.
When we break apart, he asks, "What was that for?"
"I want to," I reply.
"Want to what?"
Taking a breath, I look into his cobalt eyes illuminated by the moonlight pouring into the room through my window, and I say, "I want to go all the way. With you."
Shaking his head, he says, "No, I don't want you to feel like you have to after I did that. I want to wait until you're one-hundred percent ready."
"I am, Yu. I really am," I press. "Unless…you don't want to…."
Sitting up, Kanda says, "No, I do! I really, really do, but I'll love you regardless of whether or not you have sex with me."
Since he wasn't trying to hide his emotions in his eyes anymore, I find all the answers I need in his sapphire orbs. "You're scared. You think that you'll hurt me like Lavi did, and if you do, I'll have some sort of meltdown and hurt myself or never trust you again."
He opens his mouth to protest, but he quickly closes it, looking off to the side, and I know I've hit home.
"Listen to me. I'm ready, but only if you're ready to forget the past," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I want to be marked forever yours."
"Okay," he says, kissing me.
If water was a kiss, I'd send you the sea. If a hug was a leaf, I'd send you a tree. If love was forever, I'd send you eternity. –K. Martins
Author Note: So emotional! The last chapter of Bruise! Well, technically, it's not, but the next chapter is an A/N that I encourage all of you to read. For those of you who read Situation, I would check for a new chapter Monday night….
And please, Please, PLEASE R/R! By the way, the bolded part of Allen's note does not belong to me. I found it online; not trying to plagarize!