Chapter 34.5

Garrus was finishing a late lunch in an empty mess when Shepard left Miranda's room.

"Garrus. Just the turian I was looking for."

"I'm the only turian you could possibly be looking for."

Shepard smiled. "Fair enough. I wanted to go over the new guns installation with you, see if I could make any improvements."

"I'm a little insulted you think you could improve on my work."

"We both know I could hack through three secure consoles before you could even get past the first firewall."

"One of these days, I'm going to show you how far I can throw a vombatus, Shepard."

"Then I challenge you to a vombatus tossing too. You ready?"

Garrus stuffed the last bit of his meal into his mouth and swallowed. "I am now," he said as he stood.

They talked about the new armaments on the way to the forward batteries, bouncing ideas off one another about ways to increase output and accuracy while lowering power draw and recharge speed.

They went back and forth for nearly an hour before they finally decided on what to test. The two were silent then, and each concentrated on their individual tasks: Shepard manually adjusting the components while Garrus altered the protocols.

"So, you've been spending a lot of time with Miranda," Garrus said, breaking the quiet.

The sudden noise made Shepard jump, startling him enough to drop his hydrospanner. He quickly recovered it and fought to regain his composure. "And?"

"I just find it interesting."

"Now you really got me worried. You were never one to beat around the bush."

Garrus looked up from the console to see Shepard had stopped working and was watching him. "I'm just confused about why. She's Cerberus. To the core."

"Is she?" Shepard asked, turning back to the work. "Don't tell me you haven't notice that she's changed a bit the past few weeks."

Garrus had, and it hadn't surprised him. It was what Shepard did. He made everyone around him better. Her change wasn't what was bugging the turian though. It was Shepard's.

"I see the way she looks at you, Troy. And I see the way you look at her."

Hearing his first name always gave him pause. No one called him by it anymore. He was Shepard, the last one in fact. Troy was someone else, someone who didn't survive Mindoir or Akuze. There was only one person who made him feel like Troy was still alive, and she wasn't here. But Shepard got the feeling she was about to be brought up.

"It's the same way you used to look at Liara. You never told me what happened between you two."

"Because I don't really want to talk about it," Shepard answered simply. He tried to distract himself by getting back to work, but it wasn't very effective.

"Too bad. We're going to talk about it."

More silence. Shepard hoped Garrus would somehow forget the whole topic, but the dream was dashed. He should have known the turian wouldn't let this drop.

"What happened, Shepard?"

He leaned his head against the cold weapon. He could feel tiny vibrations tingle his forehead. "She moved on."

"What was that?"

"She's moved on," Shepard said louder. "She has other priorities."

"And you just accepted that?"

"Not much I can do about it, Vakarian."

"Bullshit."

Again, Shepard was caught off guard. He stared at his friend.

"That is the human expression, isn't it?"

He didn't answer so the turian continued.

"What happened to the Shepard that would fight for what he believed in? I know he wouldn't give up so easily."

"It's not that simple, Garrus."

"Then explain it to me."

Shepard really didn't need this, not now. Preferably not ever. "I asked, and she said no. I offered to help, and she turned me down. I'm not about to force her to follow me. Whatever she needs to do is more important than following me around the galaxy." He tried to not sound bitter but doubted he was convincing.

"Bullshit."

There it was again. The challenging tone and disbelieving words. Shepard couldn't take it anymore. "What do you want from me, Garrus?"

"I want to know why you didn't fight for her."

"Look at me!" The dam broke. "I'm one of the Alliance's most wanted. I'm barely on good terms with the Council. I turned my back on everyone that sacrificed themselves for me. I'm working for Cerberus for crying out loud! I'm shitting on the memories of Kahoku and his men and everyone from my platoon on Akuze.

"And I was dead! My heart wasn't beating for months. My brain was quiet for over a year. I don't know what they did to me. I don't even know if I'm-"

No. Shepard wouldn't go there. He revealed too many of his thoughts on Garrus. He wouldn't let that bomb slip.

Garrus caught the reluctance. He didn't press.

Shepard took a moment to breath, trying to expel some of the anger. "I was gone for two years, Garrus. You and Tali were able to come with me, but I can't expect everyone to be so flexible. She's moved on, and I'm not going to hold her back from what she feels she must do."

Garrus watched him carefully, not really knowing what to say. The human was trying to go back to work, but it seemed futile. He walked back to the workbench, mumbled something about "having work to do," and nearly ran out the door.

The turian turned back to his calibrations, but his thoughts were elsewhere, specifically what could possibly be going on with Shepard. He hadn't realized that this mission was taking such a toll on him.

But of course he didn't. He was too wrapped up with what happened to him that he failed to see what was happening to his leader and friend. He was going to change that.