Jack

The shuttle descended into the atmosphere and was almost immediately assaulted by high winds and heavy rain. They were so intense, the three inside the main compartment felt the shutter as it extended beyond what the inertial dampeners were capable of containing.

The rocking only aggravated Jack's nerves. She was so sure she wanted to come back to Pragia, to where she was kept for who knows how long, and blow that fucking building off the face of this fucking planet. Nothing would have made her more excited or charged as seeing it turned to rumble.

But now that she was here? Now that she was on her way there? It was a completely different story. She was fidgety and unsure. She was running through her shotgun for about the fifth time, looking for anything that might require her attention. She wanted to tell Shepard to turn this boat around. She suddenly didn't want to be here.

She felt a hand fall on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Shepard standing over her. There was a small smile on his face.

"It'll be okay, Jack."

Jack shook off his hand, angry he would assume she needed comforting.

"Worry about yourself. I'm fine."

Shepard stood there a moment longer before returning to his seat next to the turian. He kept stealing glances toward her.

The attention pissed her off even more, but she was resentfully grateful for the anger he had stirred. It kept her mind off the hellhole she was returning to.

Finally, the shuttle touched down on the roof, and the door swung open. Jack stepped off and felt the cool rain beating on her. She shivered but didn't know if it was from the rain or from being back. Even the roof was able to bring memories of the escape. Sure, it was smaller than she remembered, but it still made her feel off.

"Come on," Jack said as she led the other two to the door. "Let's get this shit gone so we can get back to the Collectors."

"First time I've ever heard you worry about them. Or something other than yourself," Garrus said.

"Go to hell."

"Enough!" Shepard yelled. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can get back to the Normandy. So let's try not killing each other, and do the job."

They were silent as they entered the base.

Once the door closed and the sound of the rain was silenced, Shepard added, "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Shepard," Garrus answered.

"Jack?"

"Yeah, yeah."

They moved through the facility, Jack pointing out different things she remembered as she escaped. Shepard was especially disgusted by the pit. Just the sight of it brought back that euphoria she felt inside those concrete barriers: the narcotics running through her blood, the helpless target standing in front of her, the chance to cut loose her biotics. She felt her skin prickle with the anticipation she remembered feeling as they brought her to this spot.

Then, they found a flickering recording of a holocall. The security officer was requesting the authorization to terminate all test subjects. He was denied.

"That's not right," Jack said after the recording ended. "I broke out when my guards disappeared. I started that riot."

"Things might have happened that you didn't see."

"The other kids attacked me. The guards attacked me. The automated defenses attacked me. That doesn't leave a lot of room for interpretation." She paused. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. All I care about is planting that bomb."

But it did matter to her. A sliver of doubted entered her mind. What if that recording was true? What if she wasn't in as much danger as she thought? Jack built her entire identity around the fact that she was the only one strong enough to escape from this place. What if that wasn't completely her doing?

She didn't have long to think about it, however. When she led the other two further into the base, they found dead varren piled against the wall. Their blood was still dripping from their wounds.

"This place is supposed to be abandoned. Who the fuck shot those varren? They're fresh kills."

"Stay alert," Shepard said after he bent down to examine the dead animals. "I don't think we're alone here."

That was just fucking perfect. Jack was feeling stretched thin already. She didn't know how much more she could take.

All this new information made her grateful for what they found in the next room. Half a dozen vorcha were waiting inside, ready to distract Jack.

The three set to work, and the room became a fury of bullets, tech, and biotics. She felt the anticipation and familiar buzz from the gladiator ring come back. Jack was disappointed that their enemies only lasted a minute. Vorcha were supposed to be resilient and hard to kill. Hard to kill her ass.

Then she realized where she was.

"Why'd they need a morgue? This was only a small facility."

"The kids must have died here in droves during the experiments. That's the only reason they would need one so big," said Garrus.

"Horseshit. I got the worse of it, and I made it out alive."

No one answered her, so she decided to move on. The next room was the first she remembered that wasn't hazy from the narcotics or adrenaline pumping through her system.

"It's weird, being back here," she said to no one in particular. "I feel like… I'm a pissed off. I'm a dangerous bitch. But then, I'm a little girl again." She was sounding like a pussy to herself. "Shit, it's complicated. Let's go plant that bomb."

They kept moving, each step flooding Jack's mind with memories. She was caught up inside herself. There was a war between the powerful, angry woman she had become and the little, helpless girl she was.

The next door opened, and the memories flooded in. It was the room, the world outside her cell. It was where she saw the other kids playing. Or at least, she thought they were playing. Looking back on it now, they were thin and lifeless, and she only saw the same faces a dozen times before they were gone, replaced.

Jack looked to where her cell was, expecting to see into her old cage, only to be surprised by what she found.

"This… It's a two-way mirror? My cell was on the other side. I could see all the other kids out here. I screamed at them for hours, and they always ignored me. Now I know why."

So much was not the way she remembered it. There were so many questions left unanswered, questions she didn't even know she had until she put a foot inside this place.

They found the testing room next. Jack remembered this place vividly. The table they strapped her to was still there. She had to fight to keep herself from destroying the thing with her biotics.

Then, she heard a familiar voice break the quiet. She turned to see Shepard had discovered and started a record of some sort. In it, one of the scientists that ran tests on her was explaining about some failed experiment that was conducted on the other kids. The last thing he said changed everything she knew about this place.

"- all subjects died. So, we'll not try that on Zero. I hope our supply of biotic-potential subjects holds up. We are going through them fast."

No. They weren't testing on them for her benefit. They put her through hell. There was no way the other kids had it worse.

"This is bullshit! They weren't testing on the other kids for my safety!"

"Those children's deaths aren't your fault, Jack. That blood is on Cerberus' hands," Shepard said.

He was missing the point. "You don't get it, Shepard. I survived this place because I was tougher than the rest. That's who I am. This," Jack said as she pointed to the terminal, "this is a lie."

"You move on, Jack. Let this make you harder and tougher." He typed a few commands in, and another hologram appeared. "There's another recording here."

The next hologram started talking about the riot. They were shutting down the place and starting it somewhere else. The scientist was starting to say more when a younger Jack attacked him, ending the recording.

"Shepard, they started up somewhere else!" Even if she was a cold-hearted bitch, she didn't want anyone else having to go through what she did.

"Ascension is an Alliance program. It's a school for biotic kids. They don't torture children there."

Jack sighed in relief before wondering when she started to care about others so much. She shook her head and got back to what was really important.

"A lot of this… It isn't how I remember it."

Shepard put a hand on her shoulder. What the hell was his deal with all the touching?

"You were a scared kid, running from people trying to hurt you. You couldn't have known."

"Maybe. Let's… let's just go."

Again, Jack got lucky. In the next room were a dozen targets to get her mind off the turmoil, and half of them were krogan. They should last longer than the vorcha.

"Hey, Aresh," the largest of the krogan said. "It's Kureck. Yeah, the intruders are here. You want them dead, we have to talk credits. You promised us lots of salvage, but this place is a waste." He paused, placing his hand to his ear. "Fine. We'll put them down. Then I'm coming in there, and we're going to talk about salvage." He pointed at them. "Kill them. I want them dead."

The fight didn't last nearly as long as Jack wanted. Shepard was just too damn good with that sniper rifle. Almost each bullet he shot from that thing ended with another dead enemy. She was somewhere between pissed because he was taking all the fun away and excited because she thought she was a force to be reckoned with.

Jack let go of one last shotgun blast to make sure that Kureck was down for good.

"The only room left is my cell. Whoever this Aresh is, he's in there. I want to plant the bomb there anyway. Might as well do it on his corpse."

Shepard didn't answer her, but his look told her what he thought about the last comment.

The next door led to the hallway just outside her cage. She saw the blood, black with age, from her first kill still splattered on the wall there. The door to her cell opened. Jack stepped through the threshold and felt like the little girl she once was. She saw herself tossing in her bed, curling into a small ball under her desk, and banging on the glass. She nearly forgot about Aresh until Shepard said something.

"Come out. We know you're here."

A man, a few years older than her, came out from behind the desk. He looked worn, a feeling mirrored in herself.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Aresh," he answered. "And you're breaking into my home. I know who you are, Subject Zero. So many years have passed. I thought I was the only survivor."

He stepped closer, forcing Jack to raise her weapon.

"My name is Jack." Subject Zero was the name they gave her. She wouldn't suffer it. "How the hell do you know me?"

"We all knew your face, Jack. They inflicted horrors on us so their experiments wouldn't kill you. You were the question, and I'm still looking for the answer."

"Why did you come back?" Shepard asked. "Why are you here?"

"Rebuilding. Piece by piece. I'm going to find out what they discovered here. I'm going to unlock the true biotic potential in humans. I'm going to restart the Teltin facility. It will be beautiful."

Jack realized they came from the same situation but ended with vastly different conclusions.

"I wanted a hole in the ground. He's justifying what's been done here by using it."

Shepard was quick with an answer. "We can still place the bomb. But what do you want to do with him?"

"That's easy."

"Just leave me here," the tired man said. "This is where I belong."

"Fuck that."

She pulsed with power and drove Aresh to his knees. She raised her gun to the back of his head.

"Jack," Shepard nearly whispered. How could he do that? How can he be so calm? "He's trapped in his past. Don't be like him. Move on from yours."

"He wants to restart this place! He needs to die!"

"Jack, look at him. He's broken. He couldn't restart the research even if he had this facility. You're better than this, Jack. Your past doesn't have to control you. You need to let go."

She should do it. She should pull this trigger and put an end to this asshole's crazy delusions. But Shepard was right. If she did this, she would be letting this place run her life. Jack was never here to see this place burn. She's here to let go. She was here to put it behind her.

She just never realized it until now.

"Fuck!" Jack dropped her gun. "Get out of here! Go! Before I change my mind."

Aresh ran out the room and out of sight.

"He's not worth chasing… None of this is."

Shepard put a hand on her shoulder for the third time today. This time it was different though. This time, she let herself be comforted by the touch.

"Give me a minute," Jack told him. "This place has a lot of memories."

He gave her a small smile. "Take all the time you need.

Jack had just finished working herself down from the fight with the Cerberus cheerleader when she heard boots on the steps. They were too heavy for any of the engineers. Only one other person came down here, and it was always to see her.

"You calmed down a little, Jack?"

"I'm fine, Shepard. It's the cheerleader that needs to learn how shitty Cerberus is."

He nodded. "She's getting there. Miranda's stubborn, but she's too smart not to see the writing on the wall."

He is calling her Miranda now instead of Lawson, Jack realized. She pushed the thought away. It didn't matter to her anyway.

They sat in silence for a while before Jack spoke again.

"Listen. I want to say thank you for helping me blow up that base. You did me a solid. So, thanks."

He laughed. "Wow. That sounded difficult."

A ghost of a smile fought its way to her lips. "Shut up."

Shepard's voice got that serious quality to it that meant he was going to ask a probing question. "Are you glad you let Aresh live?"

She was. And it was so uncharacteristic of her that it scared her. So she lied.

"I don't know. Maybe it would have been better if I put him out of his misery. It doesn't matter anymore. That place is gone. I'm not going back there again."

He smiled at her like he knew something she didn't or knew she was lying. It pissed her off.

"Well, I have to get back to my duties," he said as he turned to leave. "I just wanted to-"

"Wait," Jack interrupted, jumping up from her cot. "You've been coming around here a lot, asking a bunch of questions. Now it's my turn. What do you want from me, Shepard? Are you eyeing me up? Because, if you are, let's just do this already."

Then, she'll know that he was like all the others. He would use her to get what he wanted and then be done with her. Hell, after Pragia, he was probably expecting taking her as a reward.

He surprised her with a small laugh. "I'm not interested in you that way, Jack."

"Then, why? Why do you come down here? I don't get you, Shepard."

He was silent.

"Tell me!" What was supposed to sound like a demand came out a plea.

"Because… because when I see you, I see what I could have been. What would have happened to me if I let my anger and hatred consumed me."

Another moment of silence. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I know what it's like to be alone, to see so much death and destruction. I know-"

Jack couldn't take it anymore. "You don't know shit! You're the Alliance's damn poster boy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel," she said mockingly. "You don't know the first thing about me. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what's been done to me."

"You're right," Shepard answered. His calm only angered her more. "No one will know what you've been through. No one will be able to completely understand you.

"But I do understand parts of you. I know what it's like to be alone. I know what it's like to see death. My family and I were on Mindoir when the batarians hit. I watched my sister's throat get sliced nearly ear to ear. I held my friend as she died slowly from lost blood. I was on Akuze when we were attacked by thresher maws. I watched my squad, people that trusted me, dissolve right in front of my eyes."

Shepard approached her. "So, you're right. I don't know you. But I know what it's like to go through some of the things you did."

They stood there, face to face. Jack didn't know anything about Shepard's past. Apparently, a few of her assumptions about him were wrong.

"You remind me of an old saying," Shepard continued. "Most people think there are only two types of people that go into a crucible: the ones that grow stronger from the experience and the ones that die. But there is a third type. The ones that learn to love the fire and stay in their crucible because it's easier to embrace pain when it's all you know anymore. I think it's time for you to step out of the fire, Jack. And show the galaxy what you can really do."

"Why do you care?" she growled.

"Because you're family, Jack. Just like everyone else on the Normandy. I would take a bullet for you."

"You would take a bullet for anyone."

Shepard shrugged. "Not everyone, but most people." Then, he leaned in closed and whispered, "But I wouldn't go to some planet to blow up a base just so anyone could get closure."

With that, he left, leaving a stunned Jack in his wake. It wasn't until she heard the door to the hallway close that she realized how frustrated she had become. Jack let out the frustration with a blast of biotic energy. But one wasn't enough. She let off a second and was about to go for a third when another voice caught her attention.

"I told you you can't do that down here," the quarian said. "There are too many fragile components down here to have you going crazy with your biotics. We had a deal. Don't make me overload your amp."

Jack wanted to yell back, but the quarian was right. They did have a deal.

"Sorry," Jack said quietly. "I just kinda lost it. I'll blow some of it off in the cargo bay."

She nodded. "Thank you, Jack. I appreciate it. The less you break down here, the less you have to deal with us coming in your space."

She took that as her cue to leave and headed to the elevator. Just as the door closed, Jack realized that, not only had she backed down from the quarian's threat, she even apologized for the outburst.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Author's Note:

This was another chapter that made me want to write this fanfiction. Jack is an amazing character that really grew between games. I wanted to catch the awkward between stages of that transformation, the part where you don't know if you like how your changing just yet. She'll grow into it.

On a side note, I know I'm late again, but at least I have a decent excuse this time. I'm preparing for an interview that could decide a good portion of what I'll be doing with my life. Because of that, I won't be posting a chapter on Monday.

Thanks for reading and please review.