"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."
― Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

x

"Nobody's perfect. We're all just one step up from the beasts and one step down from the angels."
― Jeannette Walls, Half Broke Horses

I stared at the cell phone atop my desk. Nava's phone. A clenching in my chest resonated as I reached over and unlocked the screen and opened it to the photo of her and her mother. Yesterday I had acquired the police report to the fire at her mother's apartment and it had confirmed that she and her mother's bodies were the ones inside the unit.

I eyed her mother in the picture. She looked tired, but happy. Truly happy to be there with her daughter, while Nava looked uncomfortable. Of the short amount of time I spent with her, she always looked slightly out of place, like she didn't quite belong in a car or in a store or in my home. She looked uncomfortable with existing.

I shook my head and locked the phone before setting it down. Perhaps I was only projecting my own emotions onto the poor girl.

Buzzz Buzzz

I quirked an eyebrow. The phone buzzing on my desk read 'Work' for caller ID. Without thinking much I reached over and answered it.

"Nava? Where are you? It's not like you not to show up for work three days in a row." The male voice on the line rattled off as soon as I answered it. For a moment I couldn't say anything, what could I say? Had no one informed her work of her passing? Then I recalled all Nava had said about herself and her isolation and I realized no one in her life had even known she had died.

"Hello, this is... this is a friend of Nava's. I am afraid I have some terrible news."

Thirty minutes after hanging up with Nava's boss I found myself at Whole Foods Market in downtown Dallas.

As I walked in I was welcomed with an assortment of different smells and the pulsating rush of lots of different humans, meandering about with shopping charts. I walked up to the service desk and was greeted by the manager.

"Oh, you must be Nava's friend, Rick was it?" he asked as he offered me an apologetic smile and his hand to shake.

"Godric, actually." If he noticed the chill of my flesh he made no comment.

"Godric, right, right. Please if ya don't mind following me. Again I am so sorry for you loss. Nava was a good girl. Always here on time, never called in sick. Oh such a shame." He spoke energetically as he led me to the back room, "To be honest, I didn't know Nava very well. None of us did, quiet girl she was." He stopped beside a locker with its lock already cut by pliers. "It's good to know she had something of a life outside of here. I would have bet all my money she lived one hell of a lonely life outside of work." He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a look square in the eyes, "I'll leave you to collect her belongings, we didn't go through them after I cut the lock off. Take your time, hun." The man said to me before walking away.

I stared after him for a while as my thoughts raced. That man did seem to care a tad for what he assumed I was going through, but it was also very evident that he did not overly care that Nava was dead. I reflected over his words again, Nava did not have relations with her coworkers, and according to her she did not have friends outside of work either.

Her former boss had been wrong. In her life, Nava had been very much alone.

Suddenly a young man rushed through the back doors, slightly out of breath. He looked around frantically before his eyes fell on me. He looked somewhere around my age when I was turned, perhaps 19 at most.

"A-are you Nav's friend?" he asked, a little out of breath, "I ran from the front of the store when Jerry said Nav's friend was here to collect her things. I'm Kris. I-I don't know if Nav's ever mentioned me, but we talked... sometimes." A light dusting of pink spread across his cheeks as averted his eyes and scratched the back of his neck. He walked closer to me and leaned on the wall behind him.

"Both of us were pretty awkward. But she... she was really nice to me-" his voice wavered and I saw the beginning of tears in his eyes, he looked up into my eyes "W-we're you her boyfriend?"

My eyebrows raised at the notion.

"No."

It was interesting to see him visibly relax at that news. "Good- I mean! Not good- just..." The flush returned in full force. He brought his hand to his face and covered his mouth but his words still came thorugh, "I really liked her, I know she was kind of older than me, but... but," A rough sob broke out of his throat. "She was really cool, and I made her laugh a couple times. I even got her to trade phone numbers with me, but I never had the courage to actually tex her. Oh God, I can't believe s-she's g-gone".

He pressed his hand harder to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut before leaving as abruptly as he came.

It seemed I wasn't the only soul in the world that had wanted... wanted some sort of relationship with Nava.

For a moment I allowed myself to fantasize about what could have been if I had met Nava sooner. And then I had to force those thoughts from my head because my already dead heart ached with such intensity.

Again I turned to Nava's locker. I sorted through her possessions, a couple paper back detective novels, a spare change of clothes and a purse. She hadn't been carrying a purse with her when she jumped in my taxi. I opened it and found a wallet, there was a credit/debit card a few reward cards from different establishment but most importantly there was a State ID card, with her address on it. I took the ID and left everything else.

Nava's former dwelling was not in the best neighborhoods. My own personal phone vibrated in my pocket next to Nava's. I knew it was Isabelle, calling to ask where I had been for the better part of the night, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. What could I possibly tell her? I wasn't even sure myself why I was do these things, why I was investing myself in the life of this dead girl.

I walked up the stairs to her apartment and stood outside her door contemplating my next move when the apartment across her hallway opened to reveal a tiny old woman.

"Who are you?" she asked behind her bolt and chain.

"A friend of Nava's."

"Well she's not home, hasn't been home for a week or so."

I wanted to sigh, but reframed from doing so.

"I am sorry to be the one to inform you, but she has passed away."

The old woman's eyes widened before she shut her door. I could hear the sound of her locks moving and then the door reopened fully.

"I'm Margret the apartment super. I've lived in this building for over thirty years. Nava moved in three years ago." She sighed and fished around in her pocket. "I've seen a lot of girls like Nava come through this complex. Some get out, get married, have a life somewhere better. But honestly most end up like her. I'm sorry for your loss, son. Here please go in."

She left the open door for me to walk through.

And when I did, I was surprised at what I saw. Books lined the walls in numerous shelves. As I walked closer I could see they were on every subject, romance novels next to accounting textbooks next to comics and Business Ethics.

There was a long fold out table in the center of the room with note books and a laptop on top. I walked into the only other room in the small apartment and found a simple bedroom with a small bed dressed in a white sheets and a white covered pillow. There were no decorations and only a simple dresser against the wall.

I walked across the room and sat atop the sheet covered bed. I tried to imagine what it was like for Nava, to awake and sleep in this room. Alone.

I felt a vibration in my pocket and sighed, with closed eyes I fished out the phone but was shocked to see it was Nava's that was ringing this time. A number that was not registered in her phone flashed across the screen.

"Hello?"

"..."

Silence on the other line, but I could distinctly hear breathing.

"...Godric?"

I shot up into a standing position.

"Nava?" I could hardly allow myself this glimmer of hope but I was already gone- my mind racing.

"Godric! Oh Jesus am I so fuckin' glad that I forgot my phone with you!"

"I... I do not understand- how is this possible," I searched for words to say to her.

"Oh man, Godric- I can't-" she sniffed and chocked out her words and I realized she was crying. My muscles steeled, but there was nothing nearby for me to take out my frustration

"Where you, Nava? I will come and get you at once."

"No!" she shrieked into the phone. The pure horror in her voice stunned me into silence. I listened to her sob and breathe deeply into the phone. Attempting to calm herself.

"No... I don't want... I don't want to see you now, a lot of things have happened I-I'm not okay."

"Then all the more reason for me to come and get you-"

"But I don't want to be seen! My body is... is still trying to normalize itself. Oh God... Godric?"

"Yes, Nava?" I asked, the phone pressed impossibly close to my ear.

"Godric, after I left your house... I... I went to Hell."