Chap 49
"A what?" Jack frowned as he looked up from the newspaper.
"A naming ceremony" Ianto repeated with an eye roll. "Tomorrow at the compound, I agreed to it while I was there."
Ianto had been talking to him for at least five minutes about it while he made grunting noises. Typical, he wasn't bloody listening.
This was important and Ianto had been trying to get him in a good place to talk all week. He had hoped that after the morning nookie he would be in the mood for listening to something that Ianto knew he wouldn't really like.
"Jack!" Ianto warned, his good humour of the morning starting to wane with Jack's surly morning mood.
Jack leaned back in his chair and waved his hands about, the paper fluttering onto the table. "Go on go on. I'm all ears!"
"I thought Uncle Skidmark is all ears" Walter said as he crunched his toast and both men turned to look at him.
"He looks like Spock when his hair is wet" Walter continued as he reached for his glass of milk.
"Well, I guess he does." Ianto held his breath as the glass wobbled and then let it out as Walter corrected the sudden lean.
"That why he has his hair longish?" Walter asked as he replaced the glass.
"Well he did have it short once." Ianto grinned, "Too many Star Trek jokes."
"But why so bloody long now?" Jack muttered. "Looks like a bloody witch."
"He saw Lord of the Rings and thought Legolas was cool" Ianto sighed with a dramatic eye roll. "Git thinks he looks like a bloody elf or something."
Jack threw his head back and roared with laughter at the thought of Skidmark allowed near a bow and arrow.
"So back to the ceremony" Ianto tried to bring the conversation back on track.
"Like a christening?" Jack folded the paper as he tried to understand.
"Well, yes. No. Sort of." Ianto sat and reached for his hand.
"We join Noah's name to the tree of life." Ianto explained, "We place him in the keeping of the wilding wood and under the protection of the Hoodlum Clan."
"Ah." Jack nodded but still frowned.
"A party." Ianto smiled, "Food, song and laughter. A wee walk to a big tree. We hang his name and everyone cheers then we go back to the compound and have mind blowing sex to reaffirm our bond!"
"Everyone?" Jacks eyed bugged and for a moment Ianto thought he really was confused but then caught the twitch at the corner of his mouth.
"Yes Cariad" he deadpanned, "One massive orgy and the children have the video cameras to record it for prosperity!"
"Ah, sounds good!" Jack flicked the paper open again and Ianto rose to refill his cup.
"What sounds good" Victoria asked as he entered the kitchen.
"An orgy" Walter piped up from his chair and Ianto choked on his first mouthful as Jack roared with glee.