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Chapter 5

Cuddy woke with a start, she felt a little disorientated, and then she remembered where she was. She looked at Rachael's pale face; it was almost the color of the white sheet on which she lay.

"Don't worry I've seen you sleep before." House said startling her even more "I could never get over how much drool you produced." He added all the while never taking his eyes from the sleeping child.

"How long have you been here?" Cuddy felt embarrassed, annoyed. She had avoided being alone with House since he had come back into their lives.

"About an hour give or take."

"You could have had the decency to wake me."

"Decent! Me! You've got the wrong guy."

"You're an ass."

"Now you have the right guy, just go back to sleep, I'll wake you if I need you."

Cuddy sniffed. She felt emotional, maybe it was the trauma of having her daughter so sick, tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them away.

"Don't do that." House said without looking at her

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

"I'm here by "your" request, don't you remember sending one of you lackeys to my door, disturbing me, making me leave my warm bed and my hot wife!"

"I'm grateful that you came."

"Don't delude yourself that I did it for you. I happen to care about this wee scallywag, it doesn't make it any easier to diagnose her though."

"Do you have any ideas?"

"None that fit' he rubbed his chin "Have you given the team the list of counties you visited when you and Rachael went walkabout."

"Yes, pretty much."

"I want every one, even if it was only a few days."

"House it was nearly four years ago!"

"Three years, three hundred and forty two days, roughly, I don't know when you actually left."

Cuddy's heart leapt in her chest, he had an exact count of the days since that fateful encounter when he smashed her world; he still cared, it still affected him as it still affected her, she looked at him, he was still staring sadly at Rachael.

"I'm sorry" she said softly "I know I hurt you."

He didn't acknowledge her apology, he didn't even answer he just kept looking at the sleeping child.

"I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand, House, I loved you, I just couldn't be with you!" He still didn't look at her or answer "Is this how its going to be! Are you going to ignore me?"

"When you lie and talk a load of crap I am!" He looked directly at her for the first time; she looked away, he continued, "I don't know why that would surprise me! Its what you did the whole time we were together."

"So it was OK for you to go on a hooker and drug spree, then marry one of your hookers, just to hurt me, but soon as I have a man in my house you feel the need to smash things!"

"You said you weren't seeing anyone, I made no secret about what I was doing."

"So so noble of you!" she got to her feet and walked over to him, for the first time in three years, three hundred and forty two days, his cobalt blue eyes met her softer grey blue, and the years rolled away. Cuddy could hardly breathe; she could see House was affected as she was. She desperately wanted to reach out and touch his fuzzy cheek. "Not one day has gone by House that I haven't thought about where things went wrong, I didn't lie. I loved you so much it scared me." Her voice was barely audible.

"That wasn't love, if it was you couldn't have thrown me under a bus, for one pill. You wanted out and it was a convenient happening, just as my leg was for Stacey. You got out of your sick bed to come and destroy me, you knew that I had Vicoden yet you left me with a full bottle of pills, there was no forgiveness, no understanding. You knew I was an addict when you came over and convinced me it could work on that first night. Yet you decided that one pill was unforgivable, that's not love, it never was. Just for the record Dom was never a hooker, she was just a person I liked, that needed a green card and yes I wanted to hurt you. She is and always will be the best mistake I ever made. If you want to know what love really is, spend sometime around her."

His eyes were still locked with hers, they were no longer angry or accusing, but soft and serious. "You are so beautiful, smart, exciting, but I think you are just as screwed up as me. I forgive you for what you did to me, can you forgive me?"

The tears were streaming down Lisa Cuddy's face, House straightened and came away from the wall on which he was leaning, her head tipped back. She had forgotten how tall he was. His hand reached out and wiped the tears gently away, she couldn't bear his tenderness and she started to sob uncontrollably.

She was enfolded in his arms; he stroked her hair as she cried unabated on his chest.

"Its OK you've had a rough time, we will get this kid of yours back on her feet and you'll be back bossing everyone around and keeping this place ship shape."

"You are right about me."

"I know." He said. He dropped a quick kiss on her hair and put her firmly away from him. "It doesn't matter anymore, I hope we can put the past behind us. I would actually like to have some kind of friendship with you, which surprises me; usually I'm a bitter unforgiving bastard. Must be Dom's influence!"

"I'm sorry." She said looking deeply in his eyes, she reached up and stroked his fuzzy check "I know you tried, I wish that I handled things differently, but once I decided I couldn't rely on you, I panicked, I couldn't see you bringing up Rachael if something happened to me. I know I misled you but nothing was deliberate, I forgive you for the hurt you caused me and I'm grateful that you can forgive me. I hope we can be friends in time."

"You didn't deserve me smashing your house Cuddy, I think I went a little "mad" I am sorry for frightening you. I bet you were so pissed at me!"

"You went more than a little mad House, you drove your car into my dining room! Yes I was angrier with you than I have ever been. The worst thing was I was frightened of you. The fact that you would physically hurt me, I never ever thought you would do that!"

"I never wanted to hurt you, I just needed to smash something, I knew you'd left the dining room, and you always serve coffee in the lounge."

"What if Rachael had been there?" Cuddy looked over at the sleeping child and visibly shuddered.

"I looked in the window, Cuddy I was certain, Rachael was either in bed or at your sisters with a sitter, it doesn't excuse things, but I wasn't trying to hurt anyone."

"Rachael was at my sisters with a sitter, and the date wasn't my idea. I went along with it because I wanted to stop thinking about you; I had decided to move on. You'll be happy to know he was a creep and I never saw him again."

"I had no right to tell you weather you could date some one or not Cuddy. I will always care what happens to you, I'm weird like that, it seems that once I love someone, I never truly get over them, but I'm happy now, for the first time in my life I'm truly happy. I hope that one day you are as lucky as me."

"I'm so glad you are back, I have missed you." She smiled

"I'd better see if Rachael's latest results are back. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, I'm glad we talked."

"Yeah" he said then he left.

Cuddy walked over to her sleeping child, she felt her forehead, her fever was still high, and it scared Cuddy just how pale she looked. She felt comforted that House was on the case; according to Foreman he was just as sharp as ever. It never failed to amaze her just how much loyalty he had from those who had worked for him, even though he had badgered and mocked them, they still enjoyed being around him. She was no different; life had not been the same without him!

House was quite shaken after the encounter with Cuddy, he was also a little concerned about how she was going to cope, after all she was the mother of a critically ill child, he decided to get Chase to go discuss any places they might have travelled that she had forgotten to mention. The sun was just coming up as he returned to the diagnostic's department, he asked Chase to go see Cuddy, and went to kick Foreman out of "his" chair!

He sat staring off into space; he really wanted to talk to Dom. She had a way of calming him and making him feel that everything would be OK. His phone buzzed in his jacket, he reached over to pull it toward him; it was a message from his wife.

"Ring me when you can" he smiled and pushed 1 on his speed dial.

"That was quick," said the sweetest voice he had ever heard.

"What are you doing awake at this hour of the morning?"

"It seems I not used to sleeping alone these days."

"I wish I was there with you."

"Me too, how is Rachael doing?"

"She is stable, but still very sick."

"Poor wee girl. Greg, are you OK?"

House was going to fob her off with the fact that he had only had a couple of hours sleep, but decided against it. He told her about his conversation with Cuddy and how it had upset him and bought back a lot of hurt feelings. It was strange how he could talk to this lady, who was twenty years his junior, it a lot of ways she was far more mature than he was.

"If you need to talk, just call I'll make sure I have my phone on me." She said.

It seemed strange talking to her on the phone, they had rarely been apart in the last three years, they spent all their time together running their business and raising their children.

"I love you, I'll come home tonight to see the kids before bed, even if I can't stay."

"Ok I have dinner ready." They said their goodbyes and House went to join the team to do another differential.

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