Chapter 31

Shalene made the rounds and made sure that everyone was comfortable. Bronn had rooms next to Sansa's. Even though Norlec was with her during the day, he and The Unsullied had there own barracks that were built especially for them. Lucian had his own suite, he walked around it, amazed. Tyrion and Shae had rooms that rivaled Sandor and Shalene's. Tomaerys, already had rooms in the palace, Kolenee was given her own maids and suite with a room that would be furnished as a nursery, the next months would fly by. Jonete' was likewise given handmaids. Jaxell and OnIeese were down from Kolenee's rooms, Shalene had to get Sandor to order Jaxell to stay in the rooms with OnIeese, as he kept repeating he was unworthy. After Sandor had made it clear that he was still commander of his unit and he was free to stay in the barracks but it was his duty to be by his wife's side at night, not sleeping alone with a barracks full of men, he agreed.

Word was sent out that there would be a huge feast and welcoming of the new Lord in two days and that everyone was invited, as usual. Shalene moved easily among the staff and people of the holding. Always at Sandor's side, teaching, giving advice, names, bits of information about the families that he could use when talking to them, to make them more at ease with him. He followed her lead and true to Kolenee's words, Shalene gave no indication of the rift between them. Her looks, touches and words were of total devotion and trust while they were in front of others. He suspected that it was a combination of what the people had heard and known of his past, his towering height and massive build, his scarred visage, and his new Lordship that made many of them hesitant. He didn't blame them, he knew what an imposing force he was, even when he wasn't trying to be and the vast difference in his size and look to that of their sweet Princess, was enough to garner some of the looks he received. He was a good two feet or more taller and she was probably a bit more than 100 pound as he had often thought, His great sword weighed more than she did.

There was a quiet meal that evening, Sandor insisting that Edgar join them. No business was discussed, this was an easy and happy meal. Edgar teasing the pregnant women, as he had known them since birth and then teasing Sandor as Lucian made it clear that there needed to be a breeding service set up for his Father, the same way they bred horses. Sandor was highly embarrassed but laughed along with everyone else, promising Lucian he would pay in the training yard. Much to Sandor's delight, his son rose to his challenge and said, " Bring it to me, Father. You may beat me, but you will know that it was your Son who made you ache, as you soak in your bath." His eyes happy and proud. Sandor returned his gaze, his own eyes full of love, respect and a Father's pride.

Edgar made small notes about various subjects, OnIeese was due in two months, Kolenee in three months. They had decided that since they were close together and much would be happening once they departed for Essos, that they would have a feast after the babies were born to celebrate those births as well as Sansa's sixteenth name day, Lucian's fourteenth, and Shalene's nineteenth. Even though Sandor wouldn't give up his age, his was added, then Tyrion said, "It will be his thirty second name day, Shalene. He always seems to forget how much I know about him." Sandor growled at Tyrion, but everyone laughed. Lucian said jokingly," Father, does that mean that you are listed in the histories with the First Men? " This drew more laughs as well as a blood orange thrown at him from Sandor.

When the meal ended, Sandor excused himself to walk Kolenee to her room. He stayed a short time, helped her change, so she didn't have to wait on her maid, but he wanted to talk with her also. As she sat at her dressing table, he took her brush and combed her long, thick blonde hair. Letting his finger slide through it. He missed her touch but he worried more about her safety and that of their baby, to make love to her. He was unsure if he would hurt them. He didn't even know who to ask these questions of. He could tell she wanted him, he knew that he could please her in so many other ways but it was Shalene he truly wanted right now. As he helped her to bed, he noticed that her feet and legs were swollen, he knelt at the foot of her bed and took each of her feet in turn, and gently massaged them, and then placed pillows under them and her legs. He slid onto the bed beside her and rested his head on her swollen belly, caressing it with his huge hand, kissing it gently. He felt the baby kicking and started talking to it, his deep raspy voice was soothing to Kolenee and she ran her fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp from time to time. He couldn't stop the few tears that fell. He raised up and kissed Kolenee and looking into her beautiful green eyes, he asked her not to be upset with him, he couldn't stay yet. She touched his face, assuring him that she knew. And that he had to give her space. Shalene would come around. She did tell him that Shalene had cried that afternoon as she kissed the babe just as Sandor had, so she knew that Shalene was in pain also. He made it clear that he knew she told him this in confidence and love. He kissed her again and left for his chambers.

Shalene knew that Sandor wouldn't stay with Kolenee, he had started this routine on the ship, she was glad, it showed her a side of him he hid from everyone except her , Kolenee, and OnIeese. She went to their suite and decided to bathe, she wasn't quite sure if she wanted him to join her, she didn't know if he would even though he would want to. As she was soaking and thinking, she heard him enter the suite, heard his boots on the marble floor and his steps stop at the door. She looked up and met his eyes. He was leaning against the doorway, so handsome and sad, it made her heart ache, but she couldn't give into it. Not yet.

She watched as his gaze moved over her body then back up to her eyes. She watched his hand go to the dagger he always wore, then move to his hip then just down to his side. He didn't know what to do with his big, rough hands. After all the time they had spent together, he was so nervous. He asked her if he could join her and she said yes. Her eyes followed him as he went to the large couch and sat to remove his weapons and boots. She felt her body shiver with desire as he pulled his tunic off, she watched the play of his muscles and as he stood, unlaced his breeches and pushed them off his hips. She saw the full diagonal scar running from the top of his left thigh up his hip, across his stomach, chest and ending at the base of his neck on the right side. It was healed but still new and although it had been stitched and the scar healed thin, it still was wide enough to show through the hair on his stomach and chest.

She watched him ease down into the water, at the end opposite from her, not willing to push his luck. She had already bathed so she watched him, remembering how it felt to be touched by him, to lay cradled against his body with his huge arms around her as she lay there awake listening to him breathe. Her attention was pulled back to him when it became quiet. Their eyes met again and for a time, they just sat there. He asked her if he could hold her and she told him not yet. He looked deeply hurt but nodded. Sandor decided since they were at least talking, he would push it a bit and said," Shalene, thank you for everything. Thank you for being by my side and helping me fit in. Thank you for all your words and advice. After all I have done to make such a horrible mess of everything, do you hate me now?"

She felt tears roll down her face and said, "Sandor, I don't hate you. I am deeply hurt. I'm confused. I'm angry at you but I would never hate you. I love you but I feel betrayed by you. I don't know yet how to get past this. It does mean a great deal to me that you haven't pressured me or forced yourself on me. I just need to work this out for myself."

Sandor said," Shalene, woman. That's all I ask of you. Just know that I love you too. Can I lay beside you tonight or would you prefer I sleep in the sitting room?" She stood up and stepped out of the bath, he watched the water roll down her body and drank in the site of her, as it has been many weeks since he had looked at her like this. He felt his body react and silently begged some God, somewhere, to help him still this desire, he didn't want anything to go wrong. As she wrapped a towel around herself she said," Sandor, we are the Lord and Lady here. These are your rooms as well as mine. I don't mind if you sleep in our bed, it was made for you." He felt he had just won the hardest battle of his life but he was still careful. He soon followed her to their room.

Shalene had put on a sheer dressing gown and walked out onto the balcony. Although Sandor just had a towel wrapped around his waist, he followed her out. There was nothing but trees around their wing so the privacy was perfect. The air was cool and fresh, the fragrance of citrus perfumed the air. There was also the undercurrent of the salty breeze blowing in off the bay. It was a clear night with what looked like millions of stars above them. The peace and beauty of the night was staggering. He could barely wrap his mind around the fact that this would be his life until his last breath. Shalene turned to him and led him to one of the couches and bid him to sit down. As he relaxed, he closed his eyes, breathing deeply and felt her dry his hair with the towel she carried. He remembered the night they had made love on the balcony, under the stars, in King's Landing. He tried to pull his mind away from that thought as he felt her start brushing his hair, he couldn't help it, he took a shuddering breath and felt tears fall down his cheeks. He had never cried so many tears. He didn't feel weak for doing it, he felt like it was almost a relief. Like there was a part of him that he was letting go.

She brushed his hair until it was dry and when she resting her hand on his shoulder he reached up and covered it with his own. She didn't pull away, she took his hand and led him up the steps to their bed, removed her gown and the towel he had wrapped around him. As they lay down, he turned on his side and she nestled into the curve of his body, her back against his chest. She pulled his arm around her and he pulled her fully against him and felt her relax as his arm cradled her, he kissed the top of her head and nestled his face in her hair, breathing deeply of her scent. He had missed her so much, he didn't push any further than what she offered. He was so thankful to at least be this close after the fool he had made of himself. He felt her kiss the inside of his wrist and again begged his body not to betray him tonight.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop how her body reacted to Sandor. She wanted to touch him so badly, She didn't know if he would just give in to his lust. She knew he hadn't been with Jonete' and that he was very guarded with Kolenee, and he hadn't taken any of the servant or maids. She knew she wouldn't turn him away but she also hoped he would respect her need to wait. When he let her comb his hair and she felt his body shudder, it almost broke her. The silkiness of his hair, she loved the way he was letting it grow, it was so long. She knew he only did it for her. When he pulled her against his body and she felt the familiar way their bodies fit together and the heat radiating off of him, she closed her eyes, feeling his arm hold her to him and felt him kiss her head. She felt his broad chest expand as he buried his head in her hair and took a deep breath. As she felt the strong, steady beat of his heart against her back and when he didn't take her, she knew that she forgave him in that instant. She felt his body relax when she kissed his wrist. She loved this man so very much.