A/N: First off I feel ungodly terrible that I haven't updated but you reviewers have always had kind words for me and I thank you. Secondly, I want Teddy and Vern in here and damn it they will be so I hope you enjoy them in there too. Lastly I hope you like this update and I want to keep on keeping on with Gordie and Chris, hopefully college is kind. Enjoy!
Spring wasn't really ready to let the cold melt away, not yet anyway. It was the beginning of March and we had an unexpected snow storm in the middle of a Wednesday. The halls buzzed with excitement as the bell rang. Chris and I headed to lunch, "It's just snow, and we've already had a ton of it." He mumbled with a scowl. I shrugged snatching some milk.
"I know but maybe they'll let us out early." I attempted to brighten his mood. He just stalked over to our usual spot taking a seat next to Vern and stabbing at his Salisbury steak. I slid next to Teddy who looked just as sour as Chris.
"It needs to warm up already so we can plan this stinking camping trip." He huffed. It seemed like the storm clouds from outside were circling around our table. I gave Vern a confused look and he just shrugged. Chris had been extra weird since Valentine's Day but this was the first time Teddy wasn't screaming about how pissed he was, and it wasn't about our camping trip.
After a few very awkward silent minutes I cleared my throat, "Well we shouldn't really go camping until the end of April anyway unless you want to freeze to death that night."
"Yeah, it'd be pointless. " Vern piped up looking to Teddy whose jaw tensed up. He eyed Vern with that crazy look he usually got when something was bugging him.
"Shut up you are just a wuss." He snapped. Teddy grabbed his tray and stomped over to the trash and left the cafeteria. Even Chris's eyes got wide as we sat there in disbelief.
"What the hell just happened?" I asked.
"He must've forgotten to take his crazy pills or something." Chris muttered. I shot him a look, even if Teddy was a screw ball, he was our friend, not some freak show.
"He's having a bad day, I guess." Vern pushed corn into his gravy. I raised my eyebrows, something was up and it was more than a bad day for Teddy. Vern had even more hickeys and it was becoming hot gossip among the girls of our class of who was leaving them. I could only conclude that it was some girl that Teddy had his eye one and Vern was just rubbing it in his face without knowing. The only thing that I couldn't put my finger on was that Vern never told Chris and me who it was no matter how much we pestered him.
I brought it up the Chris while we were pouring over our chemistry notes. "I don't know, Gordie. It's not really our business." I scribbled something down in the margin and looked at him. His brow creased, he and I had been strictly on a friend biases since the whole Valentine stunt. He never stayed for dinner anymore and barely talked to him if it didn't involve school or the weather.
Back in February he wanted to show me how much he cared, he was tired of me trying to refrain from physical contact other than a normal sideways hug. I was trying to keep us normal, trying to stop us from shredding all the friendship we had left. But I guess all the hearts, chocolates, and girls had Chris's mind somewhere different than reality. He'd slipped a note inside my locker when no one was looking. It was a poem but it wasn't long. It hit me the wrong way. If I was a girl maybe I would've enjoyed it, maybe I wouldn't have been so ticked. I read it, recognizing the familiar chicken scratch I stormed over to him and grabbed his arm. He was trying to ruin our friendship, he was throwing it away with his love note. He turned soft eyes on me, an unspoken question of what? Hanging between us and I couldn't help but feel stupid. People stopped what they were doing to watch us, until it felt like every eye in the hall was staring.
Vultures waiting for the next Chris and Gordie rumble. They wanted us to start throwing punches and screaming. They wanted bloody noses and black eyes. Too bad they didn't get it; an English teacher had spotted us. I quickly dropped his arm, just then Vern appeared out of nowhere to usher me away. Later he caught up to me on my way home.
"I was just doing something a little heartfelt." He said tugging on the back of my jacket. I gave him a stern look. "I'm glad I didn't get you flowers or chocolates. You'd probably freak out even more." He jerked even harder my jacket. I turned to face him stopping in my tracks.
"Could you keep your voice down?" I bit back my volume, "I'm not some skirt that loves romance Chambers. I'm a guy. I don't want your sappy poem." I reached into my pocket and tossed the crumbled piece of paper at him. He leaned over to pick it up, hurt in his eyes. I turned to trudge on home but I was being shoved. I tried to fight but I had to face it Chris was still bigger than me and stronger. He pushed me into an alley, it was deserted. My back was against a brick wall, I couldn't move. Hurt had turned into something else in those eyes.
"Nothing is ever right with you! Nothing. I can't do anything without you getting pissed off at me. Gordie, I don't know you anymore, I don't know what the fuck you turned into but you ain't the kid I knew." His face was so close; he was almost spitting his words in my face. "You get jealous when I talk to a girl, you get angry when I try and write you something nice, you piss and fucking moan about how I ruined our friendship. I can't win with you. You're not my best friend anymore you look at me like I'm some freak. What happened to the kid that was a freak with me?" His voice was strained; he was trying to keep from crying. He was trying so hard not to let me see him crack under the weight of it all.
I was trapped against that wall feeling guiltier than ever the more his words sunk in the more I felt like a piece of shit. "Don't act like I made you do the stuff that you've done. Don't act like I'm some pathetic hood who tricked you. I'm sick of it. Sick of being judged by my best friend, don't you dare stand there and act like you don't love me you asshole, because one way or another you fucking do. So stop trying to make me feel like everything is my fault." The wall broke and tears spilled over, he tried his best to wipe them away before I saw, but I did. I did and later I couldn't get that image out of my head.
I tried to hug him, I moved from the wall and went to put my arms around him and he shoved me away. He backed into the wall and sat down. His head buried in his hands. I went to comfort him but he looked up with red eyes, "Don't you dare try and make this better. We keep trying to make this better and it doesn't work. It's shit, Gordie. All of this is just shit. So just do the fuck home and deal with it. Deal with being an asshole." He got up and stalked towards his house. I stood there dazed for a long time, just letting my mind wander. I didn't know if I wanted to yell or cry. I eventually made home for dinner. I couldn't sleep all night.
I felt like a miserable person for a long time after that, I gave him my best apology. It wasn't enough but he stopped being so angry with me and I got him to get his grades back up. So when he told me it wasn't our business I just accepted it. I didn't want to fight with him anymore. I just wanted us to make it to graduation and then we could sort out our own mess. Chris craned his neck over to look out the window, snow was laying fast. It was starting to cover the road. He sighed and closed his notebook. "Gotta go, Gordo." He said tucking his books into is backpack.
I looked up at him. He was standing there and actually waiting, usually he just headed out without a goodbye. "Well, uh I guess I'll see you tomorrow if it doesn't get too bad." I scratched my neck awkwardly. We were all alone, mom and dad off visiting my mother's sister. He just kept looking at me, I couldn't read his face. His hand settled on my forearm. Finally I said, "I'm so damn sorry." I looked away. I couldn't watch emotions flicker on to that familiar face. "I'm so sorry, I fucking hurts, Chris. It bothers me all the time." He squeezed my forearm and let go.
I looked at him, my face burning. How did we manage to fuck up so bad? How? Why? I couldn't even remember what it felt like to sit in a room with him and know that we were completely okay. We were cool, no pressure or hard feelings. My heart thudded so loud in my head. His eyes softened and I just wanted to hug him, but I didn't. "It's okay." He said and left.
I couldn't control it anymore, and I cried like a stupid girl. Half of me hating myself and the other half wondering if it was really okay.