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Chapter sixteen

After Wilson and Billy left House, he sat staring at the wall in front of him; he had never in his life felt so scared and helpless. He looked at his wife; she was only thirty four years old. His biggest worry had always been him dying and leaving her alone to raise their children; he had built a family of sorts around her so if anything should happen to him she would be OK. The restaurant would give her financial security and there would be lots of support from the people that lived under their roof. This wasn't supposed to happen, she was the most vibrant person he had ever met, if she wasn't dancing around to some awful music, that she favoured; she was cooking, caring, and spreading joy where ever she went. She was the one person in this world that he had truly let see behind the mask he wore, and unbelievably she still liked him, as damaged as he was. With her he was a better man, a good father, friend and lover, how was he going to hold it together, he owed it to her and the people in his life not to self-destruct. Was he doing the right thing? Should he be waiting and seeing if she could come out of this naturally? The more he thought about it the more he could see that Billy was right, hearing that the boy was in trouble and perhaps going back to prison had triggered the panic attack that set her system to spiral out of control. They wouldn't keep her here in the ICU indefinitely and if the same thing happened in the ward her chances would be diminished. Normally she would have been shifted out the minute she was considered to be stable, he was grateful to Cuddy for leaving her here under the watchful eye of the best emergency team in the hospital.

It was Joan's night off and he missed her popping into the room to check on Dom and having a chat. Linda the new night nurse was pleasant enough; she avoided conversation with him but didn't seem to have undue animosity toward him either. The night wore on and in the early hours before the dawn, House drifted into a troubled slumber with his head laying on the bed his cheek resting on her hand which was clasped in his. This is how Erin found him when she came on duty at 6am, he looked so awkward and uncomfortable she felt an unexpected pang of pity, chances were that this would be the last morning that she would be looking after his wife, if things went well she would be shifted out into the ward and if not, well she wouldn't be here.

"Dr House" House woke startled and disorientated, his neck and back were really sore from the awkward way he had slept. He looked a mess; he rubbed his forehead and fixed those blue eyes on her. "Go get cleaned up, I'm to start reducing you wife's sedation at seven." She threw him a towel and wash cloth "You've got twenty minutes." She left the room.

House got to his feet, he felt like crap; obviously Erin was going to let him shower here, he really needed a shower to wake up and hopefully remove the cramps from his neck and back and of course his leg always felt better under the warm water. He looked at Dom, he felt reluctant to even go into the next room. He checked her monitors and her pulse before he grabbed his backpack and hobbled next door.

He returned in time to help Erin roll Dom so she could have her back washed, he watched as Erin looked through the bed clothes that Ania had put in the bureau beside the bed and found one of Dom's favourite night shirts, it was soft and feminine, in a pale lilac. House closed his eyes for a second and Erin saw the pain he was trying so hard to hide on his weathered face. He was remembering Dom in this very nightgown, seducing him the night before her admission. It was less than a week ago but it seemed much longer. He opened his eyes and looked at her lying there so still. For the first time in years he wished he was high, numb from the pain, a shooting pain went through his thigh muscle. What he would do for a Vicodon right now.

"I can't do this" he muttered to no one in particular under his breathe.

"She should be able to hear you again soon, the sedation takes about an hour to wear off" Erin said gently "I'll go get you a coffee"

"Thanks" House answered his voice husky with emotion. He distracted himself by looking at the monitors watching for any change. Erin returned with some hot black coffee, she surprised House by bringing her own coffee and sitting with him to drink it.

"Are you having second thoughts about the treatment?" she asked

"And third and fourth and so on"

"It's understandable you are in an unenviable position. If you look at it the odds are better than this time last week when the tumour was considered inoperable"

House sipped his coffee, enjoying the pain as the hot liquid scolded his mouth. "Yeah, you are right I suppose, I'm scared that this will hurt her, some of the patients that came out of their comas reported searing pain in their head and face before they came through and were able to communicate. The ones that didn't come through it could conceivably still be in pain."

"If that should happen you'll know, you are an arse, but you know your wife and an idiot can see the two of you have something very rare and special; you need to trust yourself, if that should happen you will be able to tell."

"You sound very sure?"

"I've dealt with a lot of patients in critical condition, and I would have to say I'm very good and observing subtle changes, but you've been way ahead of me, it's more than medicine you really know her. Trust yourself." She took his empty cup and left the room.

House sat and watched the monitors looking for any change that might indicate that Dom was more aware.

Cuddy stopped in the doorway, House was sitting his eyes glued to the screens above his wife's head. He was rubbing his thigh; he would stop a while, then grimace and start rubbing again. It was far too early to say if the new regime was going to help him, she hoped in her heart of hearts that it would give him some relief. She steeled herself and opened the semi-closed door.

"I have the papers that you need to sign if you are still going ahead with the procedure." House looked up, as always his eyes took her breathe away, but this time it was the pain in them that made her heart skip a beat. "You should really read them!" she said as House took the pen and started to sign by the little stickers that said "sign here"

"You have black-belt in paper pushing, I'm sure everything is in order." He said as he flicked through the pages and signed the appropriate ones. He then held them out for her as his eyes rechecked the monitors' in the way he had been before she entered the room. Cuddy took the papers, searching for some words of comfort to say to him, finding none she turned and started leave when his hand snaked out and grabbed hers; she looked down at him in surprise.

"I know you have gone to a lot of trouble for us. Dom wouldn't even be getting this shot if it wasn't for you. Thanks." He never took his eyes from the screens, but his tone was emotional and genuine, Cuddy was moved, he was seldom like this but when he was it was breath-taking.

"You're welcome" she gave his hand a quick squeeze "I'll see you at ten."

"Cuddy, could you shut the door?"

It had been an hour and twenty minutes since they had stopped sedating his wife that House observed a difference in her stats that led him to believe that maybe she could hear him. He sat on the bed and leant in close to her, he stroked her cheek, her lips were dry and cracking, her hair oily, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He leant and kissed her forehead. Then he proceeded to tell her what they were going to do to try to bring her out of the "sleep" she was in.

"I hope I'm doing the right thing, Dom but I'm sure it's what you'd want." He took a deep breathe "you've got to try hard to come back to us, we need you. Love you." He thought about the way her system had gone haywire and how Billy had been sure it was because she was so worried about him. So he told her all about what was happening with him, and how the school was disciplining all three boys. "Who knows it could be a good thing, he may even make some friends, and in a weird way being in trouble like that seems to unite you somehow. Bill said the other two guys shook his hand and apologised when they were being checked out here. They are all working this weekend at the school doing cleaning and painting." He rubbed his brow impatiently "Dom, your mum and the kids will be here soon and I not going to have any more time alone with you before the procedure, I just need to say to you that…" what the hell could he say words were so inadequate. "There are no words to describe what you mean to me, it's like my life began when we learned to love one another, everything that was previously too much for me suddenly became manageable, you know, pain, my addiction problems and well life in general really. I don't know how to put this you know I suck at words, but I need to tell you," he stroked her cheek gently. "You give me more than love and acceptance; you give me normality, for the first time ever I fit in! It's easy to be your friend and lover and I've spent a lot of years just trying to find a place where I belong. Who'd have ever thought that I'd ever have a wife and family, speaking of family ours has just arrived, love you babe" he kissed her gently on the cheek.

The next half hour House entertained the kids so Ania could spent some time with her daughter all too soon Monroe and Erin started assembling equipment outside, House took Will and Sophie down to the Doctors lounge where Taub and Thirteen were waiting to look after them, House thanked the doctors gave the twins a hug and headed back to Dom's room, Billy, Wilson, Cuddy and Chase were waiting in the hall way. House asked Billy to wait with Ania outside which he agreed to do. House took a deep breath the went into the room.

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