It was sometime in the beginning of April that I volunteered to help Vern locate his old tent for our camping trip. We had gotten distracted by a dusty stack of comic books in his attic. Cobwebs stretched over our heads, afternoon light filter in from the small window at the far end of the attic. I was sitting on an old trunk; he was nestled between a cardboard box and a busted dining room chair. Our trip was scheduled for the following weekend and we were making zero progress.

The spring sun heat was trapped amongst the rafters. "You haven't told anyone, have you?" He peeked over his cover of one of his old Mighty Mouse comics. He had been eyeing me suspiciously since he told me.

"No, Vern I haven't." I said glancing back to my own story. "You know I wouldn't break a promise."

"You haven't even told Chris?" He asked with a panicked look. Sweat rolling down his cheek, slipping passed light freckles that used to cover chubby cheeks.

"Not even Chris." My voice came out bored.

"Good, good." He let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Gordo, sincerely." He swiped his brow with the back of his hand.

"So, whose been the one leaving you hickeys?" I dared to utter not peering past Superman disguised as Clark Kent. I heard some shuffling then silence as he debated whether or not to tell me. I watched dust particles float in the corner.

"Gotta swear you won't tell." His voice was high and sharp. Nervous without a doubt.

'Yes, yes Vern, I swear on my mother's grave I won't tell." I was looking him dead in the eye. He swallowed uncomfortably.

"You remember Dan Yost?" Vern whispered. I vaguely did. He played on the football team, a position with no glory. Won second in the science fair, his brother had ran round with Denny. Tall, broad shoulders, crooked teeth but girls still crooned after him.

I nodded, "Yeah." Sliding off the trunk and scooting closer to Vern to hear him better.

"Well Teddy and I went to this party in the fall. All these guys who'd graduated were there sweeping up all the girls. Well somehow I'd been thrown into this game of truth and dare when the party was dying down." He looked down embarrassed, "Teddy refused to join, the girls were trying to get more guys to play but Dan and I were the only ones who agreed. We sat in this close circle in Kimmy Mcleer's basement and of course I was already drunk as a skunk."

I could image Vern in a smoke clouded basement with a bunch of giggling girls chanting at him to do things boys wouldn't normally do. "And?" I asked.

"Well after taking off my shirt, confessing who my first kiss was and another bottle of beer, they dared Dan and me to kiss each other." He looked down and fiddleled with the corner of his comic. "They weren't satisfied by the quick peck I gave him, they demanded we have a proper kiss." Vern blushed so hard; he paused taking a deep breath.

I waited patiently for Vern to continue his story. I shifted a couple boxes looking for the tent. "So we, you know. The girls just kept laughing and screaming for more. When I went to stop he just grabbed ahold of me and wouldn't let go until…well Teddy came down to tell me it was time to go…" His voice trailed away.

"Teddy flipped shit." I finished for him. He nodded and stuff the comics into a box and torn into another section of attic looking for his tent. Ten minutes passed the only sound you could hear was shuffling.

"He pulled me out of that party and cursed at me all the way home. He shoved me into my yard drunk and I slept on the porch swing. Man, he was pissed. Didn't look at me for a week, then things seemed fine." He paused pulled the tent out of its hiding place without a smile. He clutched it in his hands, rattling the poles inside.

"Dan Yost bumped into me at the store and said we should hang out. I told him we could after the first time we met up he wanted to go hang out at his house. One thing led to another and next thing I knew I saw him all the time and we were, you know. Teddy had asked me about it over and over and I refused to talk about it. Then that night of that stupid bar fight was that he jumped Dan when we were coming out of the diner. He was livid, screaming and shit. You know how he gets. Dan threw him off and Teddy started in on me. It was fucking ridiculous." He shook his head and sat on the same trunk I had been.

"You all survived obviously." I said trying to process all the information. I had thought it was Teddy, I was certain. I frowned and took the tent from Vern's grasp. "So?"

"So Teddy told Dan to take his queer ass to hell and leave me alone." Vern wiped his palms on his jeans. "We've barely talked. Dan said he didn't need some psychopath jumping out of dark alleys at him."

"Was he sad?" I asked, Vern's face was turned away from me, I couldn't see his expression.

"I think so. He wasn't quick to say goodbye." He turned back to me frowning.

"Want about you?" I leaned a little closer to rest my hand on his shoulder. Trying to imagine myself having to tell Chris goodbye, an unwanted lump formed in my throat.

"We did have some stuff in common. We talked a lot, 'bout older brothers. Billy was his brother's age. He took me to the movies, held my hand in the dark like it was nothing." Vern looked up at me, trying to smile. "Gordie, do you think I've got some kind of problem." His voice waivered.

I shook my head and squeeze his shoulder, "Vern, I think we can't help who we are attracted to and who we love. We just can't." I wish I could tell Vern that it was a struggle. Some days you hated yourself because you weren't 'normal'. Some days you were angry at everyone else for not understanding. That most days I just gritted my teeth and bared it.

"Gordie, is it bad that I'm a…" he faltered stumbling over his words, " faggot?" Vern's face looked so much younger the way he tried searching for my answer in my face.

"That's a fucking awful word Vern. Don't say it. You're still the same damn person. Don't start hating yourself for being different." I took the tent from his hands. "Come on lets go get something the drink, I'm dying up here."

He smiled at me and opened the trap door to the attic and paused, "Thanks Gordie."

"No problem Vern."

Thinking over everything Vern had told me later that night I couldn't help but feel terrible. I laid in bed feeling like a piece of shit. I couldn't risk telling Vern about Chris and I but I just couldn't get over how he was suffering by himself. Teddy calling him all kinds of names, my stomach lurched. I'd kick the shit out of him if I heard the words 'queer' or 'faggot' directed to Vern on that camping trip. I don't know how long I could go without telling Chris. For the same reasons with Vern, to comfort him, I just down right hated everything.