The days leading up to the trip I could barely stand to look at Teddy. Every time I thought of him screaming at Vern, shooting his mouth off about queers and hell, it made my stomach churn. It didn't take Chris long to notice me avoiding conversation at lunch, especially about the trip.
"Something up?" He looked at me after it took me a few long seconds to answer Teddy's question on whether or not I'd found my dad's old tent.
"Yeah Gordie, you getting chicken shit about this trip?" Teddy mocked stuffing the rest of his roll into his mouth, laughing. A part of me hoped he choked. Vern eyed me cautiously from the other side of Chris.
"Nah, just thinking, you know? Trying to make up a story for this trip, someone's gotta entertain you shitheads." I quipped, Chris cracked a smile, Vern let out a nervous sigh, and Teddy shrugged.
"Whatever, so someone has to remember food. It looks like we'll be sleeping under the stars, anyway." He crumpled his milk carton in his hand before chucking it at Vern, who surprisingly caught it for a couple seconds before dropping it under the table. He frowned and ducked under to retrieve it.
When he surfaced, "Then why the hell did Gordie and I sweat to death in my attic last weekend looking for mine? We found it." His cheeks were flushing as he frowned.
"It's calling for nice weather." Teddy snapped.
"Well I heard rain." Vern countered.
"Well that's a crock of shit." Teddy's voice got louder, his forehead wrinkling with anger. Vern was balling up his fists.
"We're taking it just in case." Chris said louder than both of them, "Jesus, stop getting so pissed off over some damn rain." Vern and Teddy glared at each other for a moment and then sank back into their chairs.
"Can we get along for this trip?" I asked after a long silence, the three of them looked at me. "I don't want to go if you all bitch at each other about some fucking tent." They laughed and I did too.
The night before the trip, Chris had shoved all his stuff in a knapsack and rushed over to my house. He dumped it out on my bedroom floor and stated, "I need to organize it." I knew he'd get frustrated and shove it back in there haphazardly, but I was willing to watch the show. By the time he got to his clothes, he'd balled them up and shoved them in with a grunt. "Stupid socks." He growled.
I rolled our sleeping bags neatly because he was too irritated to do that, he watched me from my bed. He was shuffling my playing cards. "So what's going on with you lately?" His voice was thin, restrained almost.
"Thinking." I answered tiredly. I just wanted that trip to be over. I wanted that year to be over. I wanted to graduated and get out of Castle Rock. I wanted. Wanted. Wanted. It was never enough.
"Bull shit, Lachance. Something crawled up your ass and died." He stopped laughing when I didn't crack a smile. I just stared up at him.
"Nothing's wrong, I just got a lot going on up here." I tapped my finger to my temple.
"I told you not to worry so much." He practically scolded me.
` "I can't help it." I growled, shoving his sleeping bag at him as I got up.
"Well what's bothering you?" Chris patted the space next to him. I leaned against the window instead of taking it.
"Just a lot of things." I said my voice barely audible. I felt so much older than I had that past summer. So much had changed, I couldn't stand it.
"You don't want to talk about it." His voice was airy; he wasn't looking at me anymore. Apart of me wished I could do it all over again. I could reverse what had happened and do it differently. I slumped over digging under my mattress for a pack of cigarettes that my fingers didn't find. Chris was focusing on the cards again.
"I can't. If I do things will just get…weirder." I said finally sitting next to him, leaning my back against the wall.
"Weirder?" He slipped the cards together and split them again. He was trying with all his will not to look at me.
"Let's just hope this trip goes well." I said, and we stopped talking until my mom called us down for dinner.
We set out around ten the next morning; we met at Vern's house. Teddy yawned on the front porch and gave Chris and me a weak wave. We sat our bags down and went over the check-list I'd made. We had everything but matches. So we had decided to swing by the general store to pick some up before we followed the train tracks, retracing our steps from when we were twelve.
We wouldn't follow them all the way to the Back Harlow Road, it was just too heavy. Even if many years had passed since we had seen the dead body of Ray Brower that place was somewhere I never wanted to see again. We had all agreed we'd camp out in one of the fields we'd passed, close to the Royal River.
Vern and I went into the store while Teddy and Chris shot the shit with some woodshop guy Teddy knew. I found the matches and picked up a big box. I turned to see if Vern was behind me and he wasn't he was ducking behind a can display. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked peering around the tomato soup. He pointed over to the magazine rack. There stood, Dan Yost, flipping through a Popular Mechanic.
I shook my head and yanked Vern's elbow. I dragged him passed Dan and to the check out. If he hadn't been whining and protesting we would've gotten out of there a lot sooner. "Vern?" A thick voice asked. I threw the matches down next to the cash register. Vern tried to look like he hadn't heard. "Vern? That's you."
We both turned. Dan Yost was taller than both of us. He was huge and slightly intimidating with his size. I passed my money to the guy behind the counter. "Yeah, it's me." Vern said, no doubt looking at his shoes.
"How's it been?" He asked following us to the door. Vern nearly tripped over a cardboard advertisement.
"Fine, fine. You?" He was trying his best to keep it short.
"Oh, I've been real busy." Dan closed the door behind all of us. Chris and Teddy were leaning in the shade. "It was good seeing you." He smiled at Vern and shuffled awkwardly away at the sight of Teddy. Vern attempted to wave.
"That was Yost wasn't it?" Chris asked. Vern nodded and walked quickly down the street, we all followed. "He's gotten huge since high school."
"He works at that factory outside of town." Vern mumbled. Teddy hung way back, staring into space. I could already tell it was a bad start. It took us twenty minutes to get to the tracks. No one was moving slower than Teddy who was like a snail crawling along.
All I could hope for was that we'd get camp set up by sunset. That we wouldn't have any outbursts or fights and we'd all make it home in one piece. That was a lot to hope for seeing as Teddy was a time bomb ready to explode. I was just wonder when we'd all have to run for cover.