The food in the pan was burning but I didn't give a damn, I turned my back on all of them and stalked off. "Who the hell pissed in his Wheaties?" Teddy taunted. I didn't even care, I headed further away into the dark.
"He's really ticked about it." Vern said his tone slightly confused, "I don't even know why he is though." I blocked out the rest of their conversation. The further away I got the cooler it got; I crossed my arm and navigated the tall grass with barely any light. I was so fed up with everything. Nothing was simple anymore, nothing was good.
I was far enough away that they couldn't see or hear me, so I sat down and stared out at the river. Smacking away hungry bugs, I finally rested my chin on my knee and sighed. Twenty minutes passed and I tried not to think. I just wanted to leave. I could hear someone walking towards me.
Chris appeared next to me, "I don't think they'll try and kill each other. So, remember when I told you not to worry?" He sat down.
"Yeah, seemed like a bad idea." I muttered.
"I'm sorry." He stared out at the water, cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
"I'm just sick of Castle Rock. I'm sick of assholes like Teddy. I just want it to be over. When I leave, what will happen? What if it's not any better? I'm tired of it Chris." I looked at him; I just wished things could be different.
"All that struck a nerve, Gordie, I know. But you have to get over stuff like that. Stop beating yourself up." He went to touch my arm and I pulled away.
"I'm not beating myself up; I'm just tired of this mess. It's exhausting. I know it, you know it. I'm done with being jealous and sneaking around and everything falling apart all the time." I clenched my jaw, I was not about to get emotional. "Teddy and Vern have been friends for ever and look at them now. What happens after we graduate, when we get to college, Chris then what? What are we supposed to do?"
"I don't know what to tell you anymore." He said looking me dead in the eye. "You think too much, you worry, you panic, and can't you just stop? You're the one who's tearing it all apart." His voice was so low l could barely hear him. I just stared at him dumbfounded.
"I'm not…" I couldn't come-back with a response. I just couldn't. While my brain mulled it all over, he was right. Even if I wasn't the one running off with girls, I took every chance I could to push him away. "What happened to us?" It seemed like a few months had aged us, made everything more real than it needed to be.
"A lot that shouldn't have." He got to his feet, flicking his cigarette and walked away from me. My heart sank down into the pit of my stomach and my chin wobbled. My chest hurt, I buried my face into my arms. Into warm darkness and sighed out sadness. I gave myself a few moments to compose before I headed back.
They were laughing, eating what I had burnt. Laughing, after Vern almost squeezed all the breath out of Teddy. I shook my head and settled down, joining in the conversation. We didn't bring up anything touchy, but it was hardly a relaxed banter. We continued for hours, sometime passed one Teddy finally conked out. Vern had dropped early, and Chris appeared to be asleep too.
I poked at the fire, which was only smothering bits of woods barely alive. I got up and wandered around in the dark for a while, listening to the crickets and frogs. I wasn't sure how anything was going to turn out anymore. I was sick of guessing and thinking. Sometime later, I was nodding off against at tree I heard a branch snap and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Calm down, it's just me." Vern answered. "I had to take a leak."
"Oh." I got up and went to head back to camp.
"Thanks Gordie, for standing up for me." He said, his voice clear.
"No problem Vern." I shrugged.
"I hope you're okay, I mean you seemed more pissed than I did." Vern shuffled, looking at his feet.
"I'm just fed up with guys like Teddy."
"Well, he'll never admit it, but when you and Chris were gone he apologized. I know he really meant it. I just hope everything cools down." He turned and headed further away.
"Me too, man, me too." I mumbled heading back to the faint light of a dying fire.