A/N: So this is long and a little hard to understand considering I hadn't written in a while and the last couple chapters I put out Chris is bitter with Gordie, so I played upon that conflict. That's what I do. Thanks to the favorites and reviews! You guys are wonderful as ever.
The next day we packed up and walked back into town. We joked along the way but it would never compare to when we were twelve. Once we reached where our old tree house sagged we broke apart going in different directions, calling goodbyes after each other. I stood there a little longer and watched them go; Chris turned and caught my eye. He didn't smirk he just glanced and headed away from me.
If Vern and Teddy weren't so close, I'd run after him. This time I just couldn't my feet wouldn't let me. I returned home a little more sunburnt and bug-bitten than the day before. "How was it?" My mom asked looking up from her magazine. I let my bag drop to the floor as I headed to the kitchen.
"Fine." I dug in the fridge for some left overs, left-over meat loaf. I stuffed it back in its foil and put it back.
"Doesn't sound like it went well." She was standing at the sink.
"It was okay, mom." I tried moving but she stared me down. "Okay, fine, it wasn't like it used to be." I admitted trying to get around her. I stood in the doorway. I wondered if she did this to Denny.
"You boys aren't kids anymore Gordie, people change." She let out a little sigh, "Nothing against Chris, but I thought you two would drift apart like Vern and Teddy." She opened a cabinet. "You want me to fix you some lunch?" I gave a faint smile.
"Yeah mom. That would be great." Chris and I growing apart, that's how it was now, we weren't best friends anymore. At least that's not how I pegged him. I sat down at the table while she made me a grilled cheese.
"Here you go, Gordie." She kissed the top of my head as she left me a glass of water and went back to her reading. Sometimes I had to wonder if she knew more was going on.
I was wandering around town after school one day, lunch had resumed as normal but all we could talk about was graduation now. No Vern-Teddy conflict, no mystery hickies, no obsessive girls. It was a weird calm. However, every time I asked Chris if he wanted to study he was busy. I later found out why.
While wandering I was in and out of a few shops, not really buying anything but looking through magazines until store clerks kicked me out. I was browsing in the back of a store when I heard his voice. "Those are great, seriously, you've gotta try 'em"
"Really?" Another voice responded. "I think you're just trying to get me to eat something disgusting." I put down my comic and peek through the aisles casually.
"Nah they're really good. Would I lie to you?" That voice paired with a smirk. I spotted them; I hid behind a cardboard cutout. Chris Chambers and Dan Yost, I swore I was standing on my stomach. I swallowed.
"I don't know you look a little shifty to me." Dan was touching his arm, in a way that guys don't touch. A smiled was on his face, he was flirting. I back up into a lady's cart.
"Watch it!" She growled. I jerk forward knocking over the cutout, Chris and Dan both stared at me as I lay sprawled out on the floor. My mouth opened for words but I couldn't find any.
"What the hell is going on over there?" The cashier barked. I scrambled to my feet and bolted out the door and down the street. I ducked into an alley; I leaned against a wall and breathed for a little bit. I leaned over; support my hands on my knees. My chest was tight, my throat stung. I wasn't jealous, jealousy brings anger. I couldn't stop the water dripping out of my eyes. I turned to face the back of the alley.
"Wasn't that your and Vern's friend? Denny's brother?" Dan asked. Footsteps coming closer to me, I walked further into the alley.
"Yeah, that was Denny's brother." His voice colder than usual, my chin wobbled more.
"I wonder why he didn't say hi. I've heard he's a little odd." Dan replied they walked past.
"A little less than normal." Chris commented. I wanted to turn around and tackle him to the ground and scream at him. To yell at him, about how 'normal' he was. Their footsteps faded, I poked my head out of the alley and watched them disappear around the corner. I sat down and reflected for a long time in that alley.
I made it home for dinner. I let my dad do all the talking and pushed my carrots around my plate. My brain would not shut off all night. I went to class exhausted. I'd experienced almost every negative emotion and I wanted it to end. My eyes burned holes in the back of Chris Chamber's head all morning. I lunch I skipped the line and went straight to the table and put my head down.
When things got hard, Chris turned to girls, now boys for comfort. At least that's what ripped through my head as my cheek pressed into the table top. "What's the matter Gordo?" Teddy asked.
"I didn't get any sleep last night." I groan. I wasn't exactly lying.
"Deep thinking?" He asked. Teddy didn't know squat about deep thinking. I raised my head to look at him. Neither Chris nor Vern were insight.
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged avoiding his magnified eyes.
"Keeps me up sometimes." He stared into space. I could only imagine what was causing that vacant look in his eyes. He snapped back, "Sometimes things just tear you up inside. You think about them for a while and it really bothers you and then one day it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know if it's not important anymore, or you just stop giving a fuck." He picked up his burger and took a bite, chewing with a thoughtful expression on his face. Vern joined us quietly.
"Not eating, Gordie?" He asked sipping his milk. I almost didn't acknowledge his presence I was still trying to get over what Teddy had said. I never pictured Teddy to be 'deep', I mean sure the kid had a rough past but shit I didn't expect that to leave his mouth. I shook my head at Vern. "Where's Chris?"
"Don't know." I answered. I didn't care. I just wanted to make it through the end of the day without beating the snot out of him again. I didn't need another fight this year. As if Vern saying something made him appear out of thin air, there he was. Sitting next to me, I shot him a look.
"A couple of guys want to get a football game together, are you guys interested?" He asked. Teddy would get creamed if Chris was referring the jocks; they were big compared to Teddy and I. We'd end up with bruised ribs and dislocated shoulder blades.
"Football, sounds alright." Teddy said looking elsewhere, "I'll play if you need someone."
"I don't know." Vern looked unsure.
"It's just football, you're not gonna break, Verno. Jesus, you could probably take half the guys that'll be playing." Teddy joked. Vern smiled slightly to be back on Teddy's good side.
"What about you Gordie?" Chris turned his attention to the scene behind me, instead of looking in my eyes.
"Maybe. If I sleep before it." I answered bitterly. "Gotta take a piss." I excused myself abruptly.
"I'm eating!" Vern whined as I stalked away.
I successfully made it through the rest of my classes without incident. When the final bell rang I darted to my locker and had a guest waiting for me. Chris stared me down, "I need help with math."
"Good for you." I elbow past him to open its door and stuff books into my backpack.
"Gordie, I wouldn't tell you if I didn't." He slammed the door shut and grabbed the handle of my bag, causing me to jerk back.
"Maybe I don't want to help you." I spat, glaring at him.
"You don't mean that." His eyes were soft, for a second I could see the Chris I used to know.
"How would you know?" I huffed attempting to stalk away. He caught up to me.
"I promise no funny business. You gotta help me or I'll flunk this test and the final and I won't graduate." He pleaded.
I turned around, "Fine." I walked for a little bit, "After I help you, you leave. You don't stay for dinner, you don't butter up to my mom. You go home and stay there."
"Okay." He almost sounded defeated as he walked with me.
We got to my house, went upstairs and opened our books. I did example after example and it still wasn't working. He wasn't retaining anything. I was getting to my wits end, I was so tired. We took a snack from my mom and I told her Chris wasn't staying for dinner when he was in the bathroom. She had eyed me suspiciously but left us alone.
"You did number eighteen wrong again." I rubbed my eyes, tossing his notebook back down.
"I'm sorry." He said looking over my notes again.
"No you're not." Came out of my mouth before I could stop myself, I took in a big breath. I sounded bitter.
"We aren't talking about math, now are we? Thought that was against the rules." He rolled his eyes and pushed my notes away. "I knew this was a bad idea." He stood up.
"Should've asked Dan to help you." My mouth wouldn't stop. I had no filter. "He graduated. You're good pals, aren't you?"
"Shut up Gordie, you don't know everything." He said, "You might think you do but you don't. At least he doesn't piss and moan like you do." His voice was low, so my mom couldn't tell we were arguing.
"Yeah, and I'm odd. I heard you. Jesus Chris, what do you want from me? You say all these things and then when everything isn't okay you're in someone else's arms." I vented. I was standing, he was standing. He got so close and jabbed his finger into my chest.
"All you care about is yourself. If something goes wrong you push everything and everyone away. I shouldn't have kissed you. I should've just got over it and we wouldn't have to bitch at each other every couple weeks. We never fought until this and now that's all we ever do." He shook his head and turned away from me.
"That's right, you fuck us up. You ruined it all." I wanted him to feel as lousy as I did, but as soon as I said it, I wanted to eat my words. The look on his face broke my heart.
"Gordie." His eyes were getting watery, "You are one mean piece of shit. " He waved my comment away, "You always blame me. It's not all my fault."
"It's not my fault!" I countered.
"I'm sick of having that same fucking fight." He tried to compose but it wasn't working. Slowly he was crumbling, I could barely stand it.
"Dan. What's going on with Dan?" I asked, sitting on my bed. He was still standing in front of me.
"I just wanted to talk to him." He wouldn't look at me. "He thought I was interested. I just wanted to see what it was like; you know hiding it but not hiding it? He was so nice Gordie, he was kind. He's smoother than I am." His eyes focused on the floor. "It wasn't anything big, it didn't mean anything."
My hands were sweating and shaking, I wanted to vomit. "What wasn't anything big?" I dared to ask.
"You know." He said, Chris swallowed hard.
"No, I don't. Enlighten me." I could barely stand the feeling jolting through my bones.
"Why do you have to be such a prick about it?" He asked, still avoiding me.
"Why do you have to run to someone else?" I asked looking at my legs.
"We messed around nothing serious. Nothing at all. I felt so bad." He choked. "I-I can't stop this cycle."
"Every time we don't get along you have to run around on me?" I felt like I was punched in the chest.
"We are not together!" He spat. "You make that clear."
"When have I said it?" I asked I was going to crumble any moment.
"You don't have to say it." His wall fell, tears came. I didn't even think, I stood up and wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in tight. He tried pushing me away, but it was so weak. "I-I-I." He stumbled forward crushing me with an embrace.
"I fucked up, you fucked up." I faltered, I was crying too. I cried over Chris Chambers than I'd ever like to admit, but he was worth every damn tear that night.
"We have to stop this shit." He sobbed bitterly. I shushed him and we sat on my bed. My head on his shoulder, his head on my head and our arms intertwined.
"I know." I answered.
"I'm fucking serious Gordie, I can't take it anymore." He jerked away to look at me.
"So what are we going to do?" I asked.
"Promise me, no more of this crap. We stop all of this bullshit until graduation. We'll study, we'll talk but nothing until we finish. I can't stand it. I know you can't." He looked at me with swollen eyes, "Skin it." He held out his arm. I looked at it hesitant.
"What about us?" I asked looking him in the eye. "I mean what are we?"
"I guess we'll find out." He said with a tone of finality.
Additional: See! See! It was tough to write.