Tattooed

Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

Author's Note: xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Care, petiteTRINH, amelancholicangel: I'm so surprised at the attention this story is getting. It's been on mind for six years now, and while this is only a rewritten version of the original, I can still feel the way I felt when I realized how much one associated with a drug addict goes through. It is a long, long journey into nothing, a job that doesn't pay, a thankless relationship. I really hope that at the end of this story you sit down and feel the gravity of the message I'm trying to pass around. I hope you feel what I felt. I hope the words stay with you long after this story's done and gone.

I love updating, and I love your reviews. Thank you, everyone, for adding me to your favourites list, following me, reviewing and reading! It makes my days worth it.

Here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Nothing mine.

vii.

Waking up in the dark

I can feel you in my sleep

In your arms, I feel you breathe into me

- Awake and Alive/Skillet

Sakura tried to have as normal a day as possible.

She taught her kids, wished them the best for their exams.

She asked Tomoyo to stay with her for that week. There wasn't an explanation why.

She kept the balcony door shut at all times, no exceptions. Windows would suffice for ventilation.

Basically, Sakura was the one who crawled into a hole, waiting for something to happen.

All week long she avoided anything and everything to do with Syaoran. It usually started with thinking about him and ended at the temptation of peeking out the balcony, just once.

"All you need is some bars and vertical stripes on your t-shirt," Tomoyo said as she came home that night after work.

"You're late." Sakura observed. It was well over eleven in the night.

"And you need a jailbreak, seriously."

Tomoyo went into the guest room and fell onto the bed. Sakura heard the familiar flop on the mattress; she wasn't listening to music, not anymore anyway.

The next day arrived and everything seemed to take place as on routine. It was the seventh day in a row that she refused to worry over Syaoran Li or Xiao Lang... Or whatever the hell his name was.

At school the children filed into the classroom one by one before the final bell had rung. She picked up the board marker and wrote on the whiteboard.

She couldn't help it though. Silently, she worried if Syaoran had taken again.

*.*

Mei Ling had arrived three days after Syaoran had taken, surprising Syaoran more than anything else. They exchanged pleasantries, got Mei Ling settled into her room as Syaoran questioned her on how long she intends to stay.

"I've got quite a few projects lined up in Glasgow... so maybe around six months?" Mei Ling said. Syaoran narrowed his eyes at her.

"Why are you here, Mei?"

Mei Ling didn't answer the question.

Days passed by without event as Syaoran attended his classes and went back home monotonously, without much else to do. He avoided thinking about the incident as much as possible. Most of his energy went into painting and sketching now.

One evening, many days after Mei Ling arrived, Syaoran decided to lounge in the living room and watch some TV.

"So, that's new." Mei Ling stated after muting the television. Syaoran looked up at Mei Ling scrutinizing the wall painting in quickly diminishing sunlight. He switched on the lamp and sat on the couch with a cup of coffee.

Turn on a light please.

Syaoran jerked involuntarily, spilling some coffee on his pants. Mei Ling didn't seem to notice.

"Where's the girl?" she asked without turning around.

"What girl?" He rubbed his pants with some tissue, abandoning his coffee.

"The girl I spoke to on the phone,"

Syaoran's eyes widened. Sakura spoke to Mei Ling?

"That's why you're here." He understood now.

"Don't be stupid, I'm here because I wanted to see you." Mei Ling told him as she moved to sit with him on the couch.

"Wanting to see me allowed you to invite yourself here then?"

"Of course, you're my favourite brother."

"I'm your cousin brother."

Mei Ling waved a hand as if to say there was no real difference. There wasn't, actually. They were as good as siblings and Syaoran knew that much. After his own sisters, Mei Ling was the one person he knew he could count on.

"She's got one hell of an ass," Mei Ling commented while looking at the wall again. Syaoran groaned.

"Must you put it like that?"

"Maybe if you told me what it is supposed to be put like, then I'd put it like that."

What was it supposed to be? Syaoran looked at his painting and shrugged. It was Sakura in the rain... he knew that much.

"Anyway, where's she?"

"I don't know," Syaoran told her honestly.

"I thought you were neighbours."

The envelope she'd left behind was safely hidden in his sock drawer along with the pipe. She'd flushed the meth, he was sure of it. Syaoran looked to the balcony across, the doors shut and the message loud and clear. He scratched an itch on his wrist.

"I don't think it matters."

"What'd you do?"

Syaoran didn't even bother deflecting the question. It was obvious this was his fault... somehow.

"How does it matter, she's not even important."

Mei Ling stood up and walked away, casually saying the next few words.

"Funny, your wall painting says otherwise."

*.*

Tomoyo had left the next week. She needed to get some work done in the studio and all this travelling around had tired her out and put her behind. Sakura understood that, even if she didn't agree with it.

She sat quietly at her dining table, eating dinner and working on the English midterm grading. While some papers had managed to catch her attention, her mind still strayed, eyes still glancing at the closed balcony doors once in a while.

She sighed and stood to play some music. A glass of wine helped calm her enough to fall asleep on the couch. Her last thoughts before sleep were of grading papers, missing her best friend and soothing cello music.

Her dreams, though, were a completely different story.

"Why are you here?" she asked him in another reality as they lay together on the moist grass under a starry sky.

"The same reason you are."

"Why do you keep following me?" she asked. Syaoran leaned over her now, his lips near her ears.

"Maybe you want me to,"

"I can't change you, can I?" she asked with sad eyes.

"Nobody can, sweetheart."

Sakura woke with a start and huddled on the couch, gasping and panting. Tears burst out in loud sobs as she cried and cried till the pain in her heart lessened. Tears that started small and easy had now turned hot and uncomfortably numbing.

Nobody can, sweetheart.

Would he never leave her alone? She cried harder thinking of his words.

Nobody can, sweetheart.

It would never change.

Sweetheart...

No matter the flicker of hope that raged on, she knew deep within that he would never change.

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside

Not so strong, are you, Sakura?

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