Chapter 54

Pacing, it seemed that was all she did these days. She was vaguely aware of the chatter going on around her, they were always talking, always trying to take her throne. She stopped and turned when she heard Lord Baelish say," I have it on very good information that Lord Tyrion and Sandor Clegane are on their way to Meereen. It is also a fact that he has married the Princess Shalene and is now a Prince of Dorne."

Cercei couldn't hold back the mad laughter that came from her," A dog has married a bastard whore, that doesn't make him a prince. I want my forces sent to Dorne to destroy them! I want that traitor's head! I want my beast of a brother dead! And what of your spies, have you word of Jaime or my Son ?"

"Your Grace, it is believed that Lord Jaime has the King with him. He and the Lady Brienne are traveling together and I have not been able to locate them. As to your order for invading Dorne, I feel it may not be that easy, Prince Oberyn has the borders of Dorne secured, need I remind you that he has a full legion of Unsullied at his side. Dorne will not be invaded. We do not have the forces to send."

Cercei turned to her Uncle Kevan," Call forth the Lannister forces, they must fight for their King!"

Ser Kevan Lannister watched his niece as she stormed around the counsel chambers, 'This must be what Jaime watched all those years ago. A monarch spiraling deeper and deeper into madness.' He felt a new respect for his nephew. And a renewed sadness at what the young man must hae endured all these past years with no one to talk to or rely on but himself. He decided in that moment that the time had come to quietly play his cards, he may die in the end, but he had lived a long life already. "Your Grace, I cannot call the Lannister forces. Jaime was made Lord of Casterly Rock when you dismissed him from the King's Guard. He commands those forces as well as all of the Westerlands. In my last contact with my brother, Devan, Lord Jaime had sworn those forces to Dorne, they will not answer to the Crown." 'A lie, but she doesn't know that.'

Ser Kevan watched as that cocky smile faltered on Littlefinger's face. 'Bloody bastard, your time will come, I hope I'm alive to see it.' His thoughts were brought back to the meeting as he heard Cercei scream in frustration. "They're all traitors! I will strip Jaime of his titles and lands! He will not do this to me! Kevan make the decree!"

Ser Kevan looked at her coolly," I cannot, the order must come from the King or the Queen, since King Tommen is not able to give the order, Queen Maergery has the right to do so in his stead."

Cercei was out of control,"I AM THE QUEEN!"

They all turned as a door opened, Queen Maergery gracefully strolled into the room. " I am sorry to intrude, but you are not the Queen, you are only the Queen Mother, as I now am of age to rule. I will do so until my husband has returned. Lord Kevan, I do not wish to have any further conflict with Lord Jaime or with Dorne. Please see to it that they are made aware of our desire for peace. Ser Balon, please escort the Queen Mother to her chambers and post guards outside her door. She is not to leave her chambers or have any visitors without my leave. Ser Loras, take Lord Baelish into custody and take him to the tower, he is under arrest for sedition. He is to have no visitors or contact with anyone other than me or Lord Kevan. Might I have a private word with you, My Lord Kevan?"

He bowed to The Queen and watched as Cercei fought, screamed and cursed as she was taken from the room, and Baelish was none too gently shoved ahead of Ser Loras. 'Jaime and Tyrion, I do hope you know what you're doing. All our lives depend on it.'

He followed The Queen to her private chambers, unsure of the next move for any of them.

"Ser Kevan, we are working with same goals in mind, are we not?"

"We are, Your Grace."

"It seems that Lord Jaime is in need of honoring his duties as Lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West. He should be free to focus on these duties as well as the responsibilities of fostering his nephew, Our King, due to his mother's unfortunate illness, do you not think?"

"It seems to be the case, Your Grace. Lord Jaime does have quite a burden as I see it. What do you have in mind?"

"Our prior Queen, your niece, set new rules regarding The King's Guard, when she had Ser Barristan dismissed. I feel that due to Lord Jaime's long years of faithful service and his great responsibilities now, it would benefit him to be able to retire, formally, from his honorable service and focus on his new duties not have it be said that he was dismissed. He would, at some point need an heir, am I correct?"

"Yes, I believe he will. Who do you have in mind to fill the Lord Commander post and the open position in the King's Guard?"

"Ser Loras will have the Lord Commander post, I have been thinking of possibly Ser Brynden Tully. "

"Interesting choice. I'll send a raven to Riverrun. I will have the documents written up for your seal in regards to Lord Lannister. Fine choice, I might add, on what was accomplished with Baelish and Cercei. Are our previous plans still to move forward?"

"Yes, I feel that would be the most advantageous choice for us all. It seems we must look to self preservation now and pray to the Seven that our friends are able to accomplish their goal. And that Lord Jaime doesn't pay for his past, with his life. I would also like to tell you, since we are alone, that the handmaidens I have attending to the Queen Mother, have told me that they ear she may be pregnant. They are telling me that one of the Kettleback brothers is the father but they are unsure which one, she has bedded all three unfortunately. "

"What in the Seven Hells is wrong with that woman! How do we handle this? My advice is to keep it quiet and inform Tyrion and Jaime. It isn't a crime to bed a widow but I don't know how those boys will deal with a bastard child. With the disaster she made of the other three, I feel that they will remove this child from her care. Forgive me Your Grace, but I hope that more than anything. I also pray that Jaime comes out of this with his head still attached to his shoulders. I have so very few family members left as it is. He's a good man, his downfall began when his Lady Mother died and Tywin left him on his own. He had no direction but Cercei's manipulations." Queen Maergery watched as Ser Kevan's eyes seems to become lost in the past. 'Father, Mother, Warrior; keep Lord Jaime safe. I don't know him well but if he is deserving of your grace, Please protect him,' she prayed.

The remaining voyage to Braavos was uneventful. Tyrion's hiring of Salladhor Saan's vessels to scout ahead of them had paid off well. Sandor spent his days training and with his children, Shalene filled his nights. He couldn't help but notice that no matter how much Jaime acted as if all things were right in his world, his eyes told a different story. He didn't approach Myrcella, although he did watch her.

Tommen was fast becoming a very good swordsman. He continued to be gentle and loving, especially with the children, but he was focused and adept with his weapons training. Sandor trained daily with Lucian, pride in his Son growing more as time passed. Lucian was a formidable young man. He had grown very strong and into a fierce fighter. He didn't have the massive, brute strength that Sandor possessed, but he gave him a fight that left him aching at times, not that he would ever admit it to his Son.

It pleased him to watched his people...his family and friends, together, each teaching the other their craft. He was so content, it seemed his life before Shalene had been a dream. A small part of him did feel for the Lion, but he had created his problems for himself. He wasn't about to help him out, he had to fix this on his own.

They would be arriving in Braavos the next day, they would only be there a week. Bronn needed to meet with his Father and introduce his new wife. Lord Varys was there and ready, the contact from the Bank of Braavos, Taeko Patel, would be traveling with them to Meereen.

Jaime had worn his happiness as a mask for so long, he wasn't sure he even knew what happiness was any longer. The evening meal was delicious, as usual, he ate but couldn't recall the taste of it. He watched everyone. 'Is this what I am to be now? A hollow, useless shell. Going through the motions of what is left of my life.' He watched his children, Tommen, at least, was accepting of him. Jaime knew he didn't deserve it, but he was thankful for it.

He had thought so often, lately, of how this had happened. It was when his mother had died. He knew that now. It wasn't Tyrion's fault. Death during childbirth happens sometimes. He remembered the way his mother had sang to him, holding him close to her as he fell asleep. He could almost feel her fingers combing through his unruly curls as she told him how much she loved him. She was honestly the only woman who had ever loved him, just for him. He had felt so lost when she died. He had no one to turn to, his father forbade affection, Tyrion was just a baby. He had only Cercei. Gods, how she took advantage of that need he so foolishly let her see. It made him physically sick to think of all of this.

Aching loneliness was his constant companion, he didn't feel he deserved any better, his thoughts often turned to wondering if he would ever know the same things that other men did. Would he ever know the touch of his own woman?

Guilt ate at him over his tryst with Shalene. Sandor had been vastly more noble about it than he would have been. Gods, how much of a fool he was.

He left the dining hall and found himself at the bow of the ship. He hated what he was. Had he changed, as Brienne seemed to think? She was his best friend. She was his conscience, she had saved him as often as he had saved her. He knew she and his old friend Addam Marbrand were spending quite a bit of time together. He felt no jealousy about it, Ser Addam was a good man. He was always kind and gentle with women. He was honest and honorable. Jaime couldn't think of a better man to show interest in Brienne.

He was so deep in his thoughts, he didn't realize he was no longer alone until he felt the warmth of someone as they moved closer to him. He looked down thinking it was Tommen and was shocked to see Myrcella standing at his side. She didn't look at him only asked," Who am I now?"

Jaime's voice was heavy with emotion,"You are Myrcella Lannister, my daughter."

"Did you ever love me?"

"I have always loved you, I was just not allowed to show you. Your mother forbade me to have any contact with any of you other than what she allowed."

" Why did you do it? Why did either of you do it?"

"Weakness and love for my part. I loved Cercei, I thought she loved me. I did everything she told me to do or asked of me. Anything to have her love me. She wanted to be queen and she wanted pure Lannister children. The Targaryen's had done it for three hundred years, so who was I to tell Cercei it was wrong? I was a weak fool, Myrcella. I am still a useless, weak fool. I never gave thought to your mother getting with child, she told me she would take care of it. Only it was Robert's seed that she prevented from taking life."

"You know that she had many lovers, even when you were there. She always thought I was never watching her but I saw so much. I watched you leave her rooms one night and watched as Ser Meryn went in after you had turned onto another corridor. He stayed there for several hours. She did that to you so many times. Did you never know?"

Jaime closed his eyes, he felt the tears he'd been holding back, roll down his face as he shook his head. 'Was I that terrible a lover?'

"I'm not saying this to hurt you, I just think you need to know what she really is. The only member of the King's Guard she didn't bed was Sandor and Ser Balon. She even bedded cousin Lancel. So many lovers, how could you not know? She became pregnant twice, but took tansy. I don't know who the fathers were, she had so many lovers. You know, she wasn't the only one who could get others to share secrets. I had my own spies. It's easier to get people to trust you when you are kind to them and don't threaten them. I was glad I went to Dorne. I worried about Tommen. Thank you for taking him away from there. Let it go. Let her go. Look at me."

Jaime gazed down into his daughter's eyes, 'Gods, how could she be his child? She was so beautiful,' he was unworthy of such as her. Myrcella took his hand, the first time she had touched him in years, " Promise me that you will protect me and Tommen. Tell me that you won't go back to her, that you will face Queen Daenarys and be The Lion you were born to be. You will be strong, honest and truthful. She can't be like her father, I won't believe that. Tell me that you will love us like we should have been loved. Swear it to me, Father, if you truly love me."

Jaime pulled his daughter to him, holding her as he wished his father had held him," I do love you and Tommen. I have no intention of going back to the past, Myrcella. I would fight to my last breath for you. I have done so wrong by you. My sole purpose in going to Meereen is to face that part of my past. I don't want to run any longer, child. I just want to be at peace. I swear to you, I won't let you down."

Myrcella hugged Jaime as he wept, " I love you, Father," she felt his arms tighten about her. She felt so protected in his powerful arms. 'This is what it feels like to be held in my father's embrace,' she realized that she had never felt that before.

Jaime wasn't sure when Tommen had joined them, it just seemed that he was there suddenly. Holding his children like this was something he had never dreamed he'd be able to do. The next hours were spent talking, answering questions, and even laughing. Tyrion and Brienne had come to see what had happened to the three misplaced Lannisters and found them asleep on the pillows of the lounging area. Jaime's tall body stretched out, legs crossed at the ankles, Myrcella asleep, facing her father, her head resting on his chest, her arms wrapped around his right forearm, holding it close to her. Her long, golden hair spread all about her. Tommen was curled against his father, his head resting on Jaime's shoulder, Jaime's left arm protectively holding his son.

Tyrion smiled at the site, the Golden Lions of Lannister sleeping together in their pride. Brienne gave private thanks to The Seven, hoping that for once, her friend had found what she felt he deserved. He had changed. He could still be an ass, but he had more kindness and nobility in him now. She took a covering from a nearby couch and covered the sleeping lions, she knelt beside them when she saw Jaime had opened his eyes, 'Ever the Warrior.' She whispered to him," You're a good man, Jaime Lannister. I'm happy for you. Don't mess this up, your children need you." His smile always touched something inside of her and it did now, it was a deeper feeling with them. Honest, truthful, she cared for him, very much. She wanted him to find someone special as she had recently realized that she had. She would talk to him another day about how she was feeling about Ser Addam. As much as it scared her and a vast part of her couldn't believe that a man like him would ever care about her, he had most assuredly made her know how he felt tonight when he told her he was falling in love with her.