Chains
"they call you cry baby, cry baby,
but you don't fucking care
cry baby, cry baby
so you laugh through your tears"-Cry Baby
Once she felt up to it, Lucina was guided by Brady as she hobbled over on crutches to the designated meeting spot. The stares that greeted her once she exited the tent were not hard to miss. It seemed like everybody in camp was gawking at her, whispering here and there as they indiscreetly pointed.
Lucina tried not to let it unnerve her. She was used to the fanatic gazes of the Grimleal after all. Something like this was nothing.
Brady directed her to another tent not that far away from the one she had just left, which Lucina was thankful for. Her movements were odd and unbalanced; the princess was afraid that if she had to walk too far she might fall down.
There was a large table inside the tent with detailed maps and scrolls sprawled across it. Cynthia and a manakete-who introduced herself as Nah-were already sitting at the table, waiting for Lucina.
Lucina felt a chill go through her at the sight of Nah. She was reminded of the dream she had had earlier and remembered the manakete she'd seen there. Nah looked nothing like the woman in her dream, though, and Lucina's feeling of paranoia was quickly replaced by anxiety.
Cynthia sprung up from her seat, moving to pull Lucina's chair out for her. "You look a lot better!" the girl chirped.
It was strange. No one that Lucina had ever tried to kill cared about her wellbeing. Though that was probably because Lucina followed through in killing them most of the time. Cynthia was the exception.
Lucina offered the girl a nod in return for her words, face expressionless. She didn't want to come across as too friendly. "Thank you."
With the help of Brady, Lucina settled in the chair and rested her crutches against the table. She looked around. "Where is this…leader of yours?"
Nah cleared her throat, clasping her hands together. "He'll be here shortly," the manakete explained. "He's been running a few errands."
"Is he an adult?" Lucina asked. "From what I've seen, most of your recruits are children."
Nah smiled tightly. "Yes, he is. You could even say he's one of our veterans."
The manakete seemed to ignore the children comment, or maybe she just didn't think it was important?
"He's been fighting a suuuper long time!" Cynthia interjected. "Like, before any of us were even born."
Lucina narrowed her eyes. Before any of them were born…
"Was he a Shepherd then?" she inquired, though she was sure that he was. If this leader was a Shepherd, then that probably meant...
Her question startled Brady. "Ya know about the Shepherds," he stated in disbelief.
"My mother liked to give me history lessons in her spare time. She often told me tales of Ylisse's toughest resistance."
The silence that fell was deafening, and Lucina's heart constricted in her chest as the others looked at her in shock. Had she said something offensive?
"I didn't think the Grimleal were allowed to talk about the Shepherds," Nah said, leaning forward in her seat. The manakete set her hands on the table. "From what our sources say, Grima had the Shepherds wiped from the books and wiped from memory after most of them were caught."
"Well, my mother's not your ordinary Grimleal," Lucina retorted. The princess clenched her hands into fists to stop them from shaking.
"So I know about the Shepherds," the princess continued. "Big deal. That doesn't mean anything."
"It does, actually," Nah's eyes brightened, her excitement growing. "You see, we are-"
"Nah."
The voice that spoke was rough and deep. Nah froze at the sound of it. Lucina turned her head to the tent's entrance where a tall, dark-haired man stood with his arms crossed over his chest. His face was solemn, and Lucina could make out a long, wide scar across his cheek.
Cynthia straightened her shoulders and saluted. "Sir!"
"Lon'qu!" Nah greeted breathlessly. She started to rise as well. "We weren't expecting you back so-"
"Sit," the man commanded. "The both of you."
Nah and Cynthia obeyed quickly, heads lowered, and the man called Lon'qu shuffled closer to the table with a barely noticeable limp.
He stared at Lucina with dark, raging eyes, like he was trying to stare holes right through her. Lucina found herself shifting under his gaze, uncomfortable with the unwanted attention.
"You were supposed to leave the interrogation to me," Lon'qu muttered to Nah.
"I wasn't interrogating her!" the manakete protested. "We were exchanging information."
The man ignored Nah and took the chair beside her, his eyes never leaving Lucina's.
He let out a grunt. "So you're Lucina."
Lucina's blood ran cold, and she stiffened. Her first instinct was to cover her left eye in an attempt to hide it, but she resisted, realizing that it was too late for that. Doing so would only make her look guiltier.
"I knew it!" Cynthia squealed.
"What makes you say that?" Lucina asked the man, making sure to keep her face blank.
Lon'qu snorted and pointed to his eye. "You've got the Brand."
His gaze softened then, and he said, "You look like him, too."
"Lucina, the shadow in the night that preys on the weak! I would recognize your villainous fighting style anywhere!" Cynthia exclaimed, flailing her arms dramatically.
"What does my Brand have to do with all this?" Lucina hunched her shoulders defensively. She could feel her heart pounding, hands starting to sweat, but she was careful not to let it show.
Lon'qu shared a look with the manakete, and Brady continued to shuffle nervously beside her.
"Don't get her too worked up," the medic warned. "It won't do her any good."
The swordmaster sighed and nodded, bringing one of his hands up to run it through his hair. He looked tired and hesitant, as if he didn't know how to proceed.
"How much did Grima tell you about your parents?" Lon'qu asked.
Lucina's lips twisted into a grimace. Her thoughts ran a mile a minute, analyzing the possible answers she could give. Should she tell the truth? Or lie?
Lucina wasn't sure about how much these rebels knew, so what if she accidentally gave them new information when she told them the truth? They were acting as if they knew already, though, if the careful way they treated her was anything to go by. Besides, if Lucina found herself caught in a lie, it'd be harder to gain their trust. Then how would she be able to escape?
The princess swallowed and quietly admitted, "Grima is my mother. She raised me from birth."
"Hmph," Lon'qu sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Did she tell you why you were born with a Brand?"
"She said that she slept with a Ylissean royal to gain information, then gutted him in his sleep. I was the fallout of her plan."
Cynthia let out some sort of sound, though she was quick to disguise it as a cough. The girl looked very sad. Nah didn't seem bothered at all, mouth downturned and eyes neutral, while Brady was red in the face, obviously angry.
Lon'qu…
Lucina couldn't read Lon'qu at all. The man was like stone.
"Mother became...testy when I asked about my lineage so I don't know much about him. It wasn't very fun to be around her after I asked," Lucina chuckled darkly. "So I stopped asking. There were some questions that I worked out by myself, and others I left alone. I found out that my father had been the leader of the Shepherds, but I never questioned how Grima got herself so close to him and then slept with him."
Silence.
"Well," Lon'qu said finally, "that matches with what we know. A few differences, but-"
"That's not how it happened!" Cynthia protested loudly, standing up and slamming her hands on the table. "There's tons of differences, okay? Like, like...Grima waited a while to kill him! She lied and pretended that she loved him, but then she stabbed him in the back and used you to do it!"
"What are you talking about?" Lucina asked, bewildered. And why are you this upset?
The girl's words from yesterday came back to Lucina.
::"What are you doing with my father's sword?"::
::Grima twirled the sword in her hands and let out a mocking laugh. "It was your father's," she sneered, eyes bright. "The only thing he was good for, in the end."
She tossed to it to Lucina, who awkwardly caught it with fumbling hands.
"I'm giving it to you. Think of it as a birthday present."
Later when Mother came back, she looked at Lucina with sad eyes and asked where in the world she had gotten the sword.::
"He was your father, too." The words were bitter on Lucina's tongue, sharp and distasteful, as the truth usually was. The thought of having another sibling should've been more shocking than it was. Grima had said that her father sired no more children after her. Either Grima didn't know about Cynthia or she'd been lying.
She'd most likely lied.
Cynthia puffed out her cheeks and looked like she wanted to throw herself forward towards Lucina, but thankfully she held back and sat down in her seat.
Lucina had not expected a family 'reunion'. Lucina had not wanted one. She hoped that Cynthia didn't expect too much from her, as Lucina felt nothing more than indifference towards the girl. She was a stranger, after all, and an enemy at that.
"So what? Grima came back and had seconds?" Lucina spitefully asked. She was angry. No, she was furious.
Grima had lied. Okay, a little annoying. She did it all the time, though so Lucina wasn't that upset.
Grima had had another child with Lucina's father. Okay, whatever. Not important. Lucina didn't care about that. She loved Morgan to death and never felt any jealousy towards him, even when Grima did clearly favor the younger boy.
Grima had decided to leave one child behind while she took the other with her. How did Grima choose? Did she flip a coin and take Lucina with her, leaving Cynthia behind? What was Mother think-
Lon'qu's response halted Lucina's thought process.
"No," he said, wincing.
He looked at Cynthia silently, as if asking for permission for something. and once the girl nodded her head, he continued. "You and Cynthia have different mothers."
Oh. Well, that changed a lot of things. Lucina froze, hands clutching the armrests of her seat, and mentally chided herself for jumping to conclusions. She didn't understand why she was so worked up over it.
Lucina had grown up surrounded by love, by wealth and power. Cynthia had grown up surrounded by what? Death and poverty, most certainly. Being a traitor to Grima's empire didn't exactly grant one a luxurious lifestyle.
Lucina took a deep breath. The princess had to play nice with these people. She had to be extra careful, too, since they knew her identity as Grima's child.
"Who came first?" she asked lightly. "Was Grima the prince's mistress?"
Cynthia offered Lucina a shaky smile, which looked very wrong on her face, and replied. "No, that would be my mom."
It was obviously a sore subject, and so Lucina let it drop, her leg starting to ache again. The princess didn't want the other girl to start crying. Lucina had never been good at comforting people.
"You were the heir to Ylisse," Nah cut in, frowning. "The people loved you and your mother. She'd helped Ylisse win the Ylisse-Plegia War as the prince's tactician, so of course they adored her, but you symbolized something new. A fresh start."
"We didn't understand why Grima took you with her when she left," Lon'qu muttered. "We thought that she might use you as a hostage, but there was no mention of anything of the sort. No ransom notes, no messengers calling for surrender in exchange for you."
"We thought she might've killed you," Cynthia cried, clenching her hands into fists. "What could Grima want with a child?"
Lucina thought of lessons and training regimens, of reciting Grima's words over and over again as she cut into the weak, the traitorous filth. She remembered running until her legs gave out underneath her, conditioning her body so that she would be able to withstand any conditions. The perfect soldier. The perfect shield.
She wanted to laugh.
"We've been looking for you for a long time," Lon'qu said carefully. "A very long time."
Lucina stiffened, the pain in her leg growing as she winced. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Were they trying to recruit her? All this talk of how she was a symbol of a new start, of how people had loved her. Taking her in, treating her wounds, explaining the truth of the situation to her, and trying to 'open her eyes'.
As if it was that easy. As if Lucina would break in such a way. For all of Mother's faults, the woman still loved her. These Ylissean people that had supposedly loved her would not care for an extension of Grima who had slayed hundreds of their loved ones. And what would Morgan or Noire think if she betrayed them? What of Tharja and Henry?
Her dead father's companions were trying to win her over, but Lucina would not be won. She narrowed her eyes and unconsciously ran her hand over her leg, forcing all thoughts of betrayal out of her mind. It was impossible.
Brady cleared his throat loudly, glancing down at Lucina with a grimace. "Nothin'. It doesn't mean anything. Just that we're glad to see ya again and hope ya feel better soon."
The medic shot Lon'qu a pointed look that clearly told him to stop with the recruitment campaign or whatever it was they were trying to do.
Lon'qu grunted and begrudgingly nodded his head, standing from his seat. "I've said all I needed to say anyways."
A twinge of annoyance ran through Lucina. That was all he had to say. This meeting did nothing but dredge up the past and old wounds. Was that its only purpose?
The man made to leave, and so Lucina spoke up.
"What about my clearance?"
Lon'qu paused, glancing back at her. "You've already passed."
"That's it? You hardly checked to see if I was dangerous or not," Lucina told him, unimpressed.
"I've seen all I needed to see," Lon'qu reasoned, his eyes meeting Lucina's one last time before he left.
Lucina felt a chill go through her, and her previous judgement of her captors was quickly rewritten. The children were not to be feared, as their hearts were still innocent and soft, but the adults were another matter entirely, hardened by years of war. Lon'qu's eyes had been dark and dangerous. She wondered what he would have done with her if she hadn't been the lost princess they'd been looking for.
"Well," Lucina started, "if that's it, then...?"
Brady nodded his head, getting the hint, and he helped her to stand. She leaned against him as she got a good hold of her crutches and then straightened herself out.
"Thank you," she murmured, limbs shaky.
The medic grumbled something that was too quiet for Lucina to hear as he held the tent flap up for her to exit.
"What did you say?" Lucina asked, shuffling forward.
"It's no problem, ya hear? I'm just doing my job," Brady insisted.
Lucina let out a light laugh. Her eyes strained to adjust to the sudden sunlight. "You didn't have to, though. I'm sure you could've pushed me off on some other healer."
Brady was oddly quiet at that. Lucina wondered if it was because he was embarrassed.
"Oh," Lucina paused for a moment, realizing something. "Lon'qu never said who would supervise me."
Brady's face scrunched up in thought. Finally, he said, "He'll probably talk it over with the others. See who wants to do it and then make sure they can handle ya."
"Do you think they'll choose Cynthia?" Lucina questioned, frowning. She really hoped not. Being around the girl would be bothersome now that she knew Cynthia was her half-sister.
Brady shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know. They'll probably pick someone else since she's kind of attached to ya, but who knows?"
"Attached to me?" Lucina repeated. "What do you mean by that?"
"She was real protective when I was fixing ya up. Kept trying to tell me how to dress your wounds and stuff. It was like she thought I wasn't able to handle it by myself."
Lucina's frown deepened. "Huh," was all she said.
"C'mon," Brady jerked his head. "I need to check on your leg. It looked like it was acting up back there."
Lucina obeyed, and the two of them returned to the tent that Lucina had woken up in. It remained untouched with the exception of the missing empty plate that Lucina had eaten from. Someone must've taken it to be cleaned while she was gone.
She slowly eased into a chair, stretching out her legs with a wince. The flesh on her left remained an irritated purple, though Lucina noticed that its color wasn't as dark as before. Brady bent down to inspect the skin that peeked out from her bandages, wrinkling his nose at the sight of the fresh red that bled through.
"Should've known ya wouldn't be able to walk so soon," he said, the anger leaking through his voice.
The princess realized that the anger Brady felt was directed at himself.
"It's all right," Lucina assured him. She blinked rapidly, her vision blurring. "I've had much worse before."
That was a lie, but Brady wouldn't know any better. The medic was not placated by her words, though, and he shook his head furiously. "Just because yer used to it, doesn't mean ya should have to go through it."
Lucina's stomach clenched, and she remembered Grima crooning in her ear, whispering praise as Lucina dug blades into her arms and stuck her toes in flames, all on Grima's command.
::"Endurance, sweet girl," Grima murmured. "We're building up your endurance."::
Her leg burned, and the bile rose up her throat, bubbling passed her lips as she wretched. The vomit hit the ground with a squelch, and Brady made a sound of alarm. Out of the corner of her eye, Lucina saw his hands reaching towards her. She slapped them away, and her stomach clenched again, readying itself as another wave of nausea passed over her.
"Get away," Lucina panted, choking on her own words. "D-don't touch me!"
More vomit. The sound of someone in distress. Brady held up his hands as if in surrender. "It's okay, Lucina," he murmured. "I'm not going to touch you."
One last wretch and Lucina's stomach was empty of her lunch. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, the bile sticking to her skin.
"Shut up!" Lucina barked. "Just shut up, why don't you?"
"I'm fine, okay?" the princess continued. "I'm perfectly fine, so just don't touch me."
She thought of scalpels and claws that digged into human flesh.
::"This is what a kidney looks like," her mother crooned, distorted features sprayed with red as she held the organ up for Lucina to see::
The hands that dissected so many people with careful precision were the same hands that tucked Lucina into bed at night and wiped away her tears.
The princess took deep breaths, blinking away the dark thoughts that lurked inside her mind. She pushed the guilt back down and held her tears in. She couldn't let one of her captors see her crying. Lucina couldn't look weak.
"Lucina, you need to calm down," Brady said firmly. "Your body's messing up your mind right now. There must've been some poison in your leg still that's triggering this."
That's right. Bottle it up. Don't cry and don't think. Just do. Run on instinct alone, and you would survive. Soldiers couldn't afford to feel. Lucina was the perfect soldier.
So why had she ended up captured?
Because she had thought. Because she had felt. Because she hadn't wanted to die. Lucina was not perfect. She probably never had been.
Grima would not want her now, Lucina realized. An injured pawn who would not be able to walk properly was no pawn at all. It was just a sad, broken thing ready to be thrown out. Even if Lucina made it out of here, she would have nowhere to go.
Why hadn't she died? Why had she let her selfishness come to light?
"Listen to me, Lucina," a calm voice soothed. "I'm going to need you to take deep breaths, okay? Can you do that for me?"
The voice was almost like an anchor, tying Lucina down so she would not drift off into the haze of rot and death. It broke through the barrier of her muddled mind, and Lucina shakily nodded her head. She tried to even out her breathing, but her pants were shallow and her whole chest shook with the effort.
"That's right. Good. You're doing perfect, Lucina. Just relax. In. Out. Got it? In and out."
Slowly, Lucina's eyes focused and her mind cleared. She blinked, breathing returned to normal, and felt a lump form in her throat.
"Are you with me, Lucina?" Brady asked, kneeling in front of her as he took her hands in his own. There was vomit on the floor and on his clothes. Brady didn't seem to care about it. He narrowed his eyes and inspected her, raising a hand to her forehead to check her temperature.
"Shit, a fever," he muttered.
"Sorry," Lucina breathed, horrified. She hated being taken care of. She hated being a bother, a nuisance.
"S'not yer fault," Brady's casual tone returned, though he still clearly worried and upset.
"It's mine," he continued, lowering his gaze to the floor. "I don't know how to take care of anything like this. I'm just a kid."
Lucina trembled at Brady's admission. "I don't think that," she slurred, throat sore.
For some reason, it was the truth. Even though Brady was the enemy and Lucina should be trying her best to tear him down, she found that she couldn't. He was trying his best to fix her up, and he had showed her kindness.
Despite what Grima had taught her, Lucina had always admired honest people.
Brady gestured to the suspiciously dark vomit on the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. "We'll clean this up, but it's probably better if we move ya somewhere else," he said. "Besides, I'm sure that ole makeshift bed wasn't very comfy, and ya need all the sleep ya can get right now."
"Can I take a bath?" Lucina asked hesitantly. She thought of the slight puke on the back of her hand, drying the longer she left it. "I don't like how I smell."
Brady's face reddened. "Yeah," he said. "I'll call in Kjelle for that. She'll help you. "
The rest of the afternoon was a blur. Brady gave Lucina a remedy for her fever that worked, and the dizziness slowly crept away. The medic had sat Lucina on another chair across the room. A soldier came in with a bucket and gloves, and Brady rolled up his sleeves, waving the soldier away. The medic set to work cleaning up Lucina's mess as the princess looked on guiltily.
A short girl then came for Lucina and guided her to the bathhouse. She made sure that no one was using it and then drew water, helping Lucina into the tub.
The girl had cropped blond hair and a serious face that matched her attitude. She turned her back to Lucina while the princess bathed and only spoke when necessary, like when she asked Lucina if she had enough soap or if she needed any more washcloths.
Kjelle, Lucina noted dully. This was Kjelle, the girl Brady had spoken of.
The distance between them was nice. Lucina found that she was getting tired of the familiarity around here.
Her leg didn't sting anymore. Brady had given her something to make the pain go away. The hurt surfaced a little, though, when Lucina sat down in the tub and washed it with soap. Even though Lucina felt barely anything, her leg was clearly irritated, and she knew no idea what to do about it.
It seemed Brady didn't either.
Lucina tried to think back to what her mother had told her about the knife. There was a curse on it, one of Grima's specialties. It was supposed to obliterate any living thing it penetrated as well as said living thing's surroundings. It was like a giant bomb except it hadn't gone off completely.
It wasn't supposed to have a cure, an antidote.
Could her leg even be saved? Brady had said it would heal in a few weeks, but that was earlier, when the wound hadn't looked so infected. Lucina shivered, carefully wiping off the filth from her thigh. Whatever. She'd get better soon. She would. And then she would return home to Mother and Morgan.
Kjelle helped her to stand, looking way when she could allow to, and pointed to a pile of garments near the tub. "You can wear those."
Lucina muttered her thanks, dried off, and shakily dressed herself. The garments were a simple shirt and shorts, both of them a dark grey. She struggled with the shorts, of course, and hissed as the material slightly caught on her wound.
"Go ahead and roll those up," Kjelle said. "Brady gave me some ointment to put on your leg."
Lucina obeyed, shoving the material up so Kjelle could reach the rotten patch of skin on her upper thigh. The ointment smelled like herbs, and it felt grainy on Lucina's tender skin. It was different than what Brady had lathered on before. Stronger perhaps?
Kjelle wrapped up her thigh, and then they headed back. Brady had finished getting rid of Lucina's vomit, but the air in the tent still stunk. Kjelle left after Brady dismissed her. The medic took off his dirtied gloves and plopped them into the bucket, wrinkling his nose.
"We'll get ya in a new tent a minute," he told Lucina. "Just need to get it ready."
They were going through so much trouble for her? Lucina swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Why are you people being so nice to me? Is it because you want me to join you?" she asked desperately.
No. Lucina shouldn't have asked Brady about their motive. There was no way she would get a straight answer.
But Brady was silent for a moment, considering her words. Finally, he said. "We just want you to be happy."
Lucina wished she could believe him.
A/N: DIALOGUE HEAVY CHAPTER OMG SAVE ME PLS. i really hate this chapter because half of it seems pointless, but then i think it has to be here now or it'll be here later? scattered memories here and there. Lucina's breakdown reappears and so does the poisoned dagger. i feel like i'm repeating myself over and over again in several places, but i want to make sure a point gets across, i guess? idk that's what i tell myself at least lmao
i hate how this chapter ended, but like it had to end somewhere and things were getting kind of dragged out so...
also does the fire emblem universe have shorts? like i know they have skirts and pants? but what about shorts? is this horribly inaccurate? or does anyone even care?