Tattooed
Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.
Author's Note: xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo, Fashion Fairy 26, WalkingDead2130: Okay, I'm really sorry I couldn't update last night. The chapter was ready, but I just couldn't bring myself to edit it out. Sick. Lack of sleep. All the problems in the world.
Anyway, there is a long note at the bottom. Take some time out, read it, and thank you in advance. Thank you for your support. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Thank you.
Also, most of you don't have decent breakfasts! Ladies, please, eat a fruit, some toast and an egg with juice/milk. It kills our bones as we grow older, the neglect of breakfast. You can skip lunch and dinner, but not breakfast.
Disclaimer: You know none of this is mine.
xiii.
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
- Sometimes you can't make it on your own/U2
"Fanren told me she met her," Mei Ling told Tomoyo in the dark, holding her close as they slept together. "Xiao Lang's mom,"
Tomoyo said nothing.
"She told me that I... look like her." Mei Ling stammered.
Tomoyo looked at Mei Ling, her expression heartbreaking.
"Syaoran was high, Mei," she assured her with a kiss to her lips. "Don't... do this to yourself, he didn't even mean it."
Mei Ling didn't know what to think.
"Why do you call him Xiao Lang, though?" Tomoyo asked as she yawned.
"Uncle Rei changed his name to Xiao Lang after he was left with us."
"What is Syaoran then?"
"Syaoran was the name given by his mom..." Mei Ling trailed off before looking at Tomoyo. "She was born in China but brought up in Japan, I guess that's why it's a Japanese name."
Tomoyo sighed. "This is so twisted."
"It is,"
Sleep did not come that night as Mei Ling worried about her cousin.
She remembered five year old Syaoran picking up a paintbrush for the first time. Painting was everything to the boy who slept across the hall. He told her once that it distracted him, relieved him of all his worries.
It appeared even painting wasn't enough anymore.
Mei Ling silently hoped that Sakura was.
*.*
At about four o' clock, Sakura gave up trying to sleep. She looked at Syaoran next to her, his breathing even but his brow in a frown. Was he dreaming?
With a deep exhale Sakura gently got out of bed before giving Syaoran one look. She was only going to take a shower, but she still didn't want to leave him like this.
"...and me,"
She thought of his face as he spoke the words, as he told her about his father's revelation about his mother. Sakura had questions of her own now. Why? Why'd she leave? Did she marry someone else? Where was she now?
Sakura gasped when the bathroom door opened.
"Sakura?"
She calmed down a bit before responding. "I'm here." Syaoran must've been looking for her. "I'm taking a shower." She told him stupidly. She rolled her eyes. What else was she doing under the shower?
"Oh,"
For moments she just stood under the water before deciding to forgo shampooing. She was just about to turn off the shower when he spoke.
"Can I see you?"
Sakura stood stunned, the hand now frozen at the tap. Before she could respond, Syaoran slipped open the shower curtain and joined her. Sakura stood, back against the tap, as Syaoran looked into her eyes.
"You're wearing your clothes," she pointed out.
"You're not."
Sakura blushed furiously, trying her best to cover up. No man had ever seen her naked before, not even Yamazaki.
"Can I touch you?" he asked softly. He was completely soaked now.
"Syao—"
"Please?"
Sakura shut her eyes before nodding. She felt Syaoran's hands on her face.
"Look at me."
Sakura looked.
He felt her cheeks and brought her closer to kiss her. She could feel wet cotton against her body as he brought her leg around his hip. She could feel all of him now, it was something she'd never felt before. She didn't stop him.
Their kiss was tainted with the taste of something foul, but Sakura didn't stop him. He bit her lower lip, and then licked before biting again. It was all he did for a long while, under the warm spray of water.
"I can feel you," he told her before biting her neck. "You're here. You feel real."
"I am real," she assured him, worried that he'd been hallucinating. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"I am now," he told her before licking one nipple. Sakura moaned.
"We have to talk about last night," she reminded him as he licked and then sucked. He didn't say anything as he dipped lower and lower, over the underside of her breasts and then her bellybutton.
Without warning he got on his knees and licked her. It made her throw her head back as soft whimpers filled the air. Nothing, not a single thing came to mind as he licked where no one had even been allowed to touch. She'd blanked out until he bent her knee over his shoulder. The sensation of his tongue against her made her feel lightheaded after that. So... close.
She gripped his hair tight. Nobody had made her feel so good before.
She came with a scream.
*.*
"No one's ever... done that before."
Syaoran glanced at her. She was looking at the floor.
"I've never..."
Syaoran felt a pang in his chest.
"Never?" he asked like an idiot. Hadn't she just said so? Slowly she shook her head. She sat on his bed wearing his robe with hands around the sash.
Syaoran turned away, facing the closet now. That made the guilt so much worse.
She's a virgin.
She is pure.
She's untainted... exactly the opposite of him.
"I'm sorry... I didn't realize."
"I'm not complaining." She told him. Syaoran could feel her grin even without looking. Somehow he worked his hands and slipped a t-shirt on. Sakura looked at him expectantly when he flopped on the bed.
"It was a mistake," he began, not knowing if he was talking about Nakuru or... "I didn't know what I was doing till it was done.
"A bunch of people from college were having a party, and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, I was high."
He couldn't tell her. It was too painful to think of losing her. She was everything, everything he wanted to be, everything he wanted. How could he lose her?
Sakura sighed.
"I gave you a chance."
"Sakura..."
"Mei Ling knows."
Syaoran sat up. "How?"
"You freaked her out and she guessed. Tomoyo knows too," Sakura said as she stood up and paced. "Your family... your sister is coming."
Fanren... it had to be Fanren. She was the oldest after all.
Syaoran said nothing as Sakura tipped his chin up.
"This is a good thing." Sakura said. "Meth... it isn't something to mess with. You're lucky you're still somewhat sane and alive."
Syaoran looked away as she spoke, unable to take it anymore. Guilt washed over him as he trembled. "I can't, I know I can't. If anyone finds out—"
"So what if anyone finds out? How can that mean more to you than getting clean? Don't you care about Mei Ling, about your family, about me? We're worried sick about you and what could happen to you. Meth has long lasting symptoms and this is just the beginning. Do you want this kind of life forever?"
Syaoran said nothing.
"Touch me,"
Even Sakura's warmth couldn't make him forget.
Sakura's soft sniffling turned his attention back to her. She stood away with her back to him now.
"I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again."
Syaoran had known... somewhere, deep inside, he'd known all along. Sakura was someone who wore her scars in secret, some place even Syaoran couldn't see. He tried to digest everything that had been said, but everything was muddled somehow. Seeing her cry... he'd never seen her cry. He couldn't bring himself to ask questions. He couldn't take it. He went to her and hugged her, trying to make it okay.
"Okay," he whispered to her before kissing her. "Just don't cry. Please. I can't stand to see you cry."
Sakura cried harder.
She'd lost everything to drugs, she'd said. What did that mean?
"You are so lucky, you know that? You've got a family who cares about you, even if you did lose your mother. How can you not care enough to get better for people you've known all your life? You're hurting them, me, everyone, can you see that? You'll keep hurting us by shunning us away for someone who didn't stick around."
It took every bit of determination to not cry with the green eyed beauty, now the most important in the world.
For her, anything, he would do anything.
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Substance Abuse.
Most drug addicts like to keep their addiction a secret. Common symptoms of an addict are (and generally not limited to) the following.
Bloodshot eyes, pupils larger or smaller than in appetite or sleep patterns.
Sudden weight loss or weight of physical appearance
personal grooming smells on breath, body, or , slurred speech, or
impaired in attendance and performance at work or
need for money or financial problems. May borrow or steal to get in
secretive or suspicious change in friends, favorite hangouts, and getting into trouble (fights, accidents, illegal activities).
Unexplained change in personality or mood swings, irritability, or angry of unusual hyperactivity, agitation, or of motivation;
appears lethargic or "spaced out."
Appears fearful, anxious, or paranoid, with no reason.
One big symptom among teenagers apart from these already mentioned: demand for 'privacy'. Shutting doors and locking themselves for hours is normal, but cause for alarm. They want to keep something a secret. Why? It may not be drugs, but what's the harm in keeping an eye out for the worst?
How YOU can contribute to Substance Abuse.
While you may not be the one who needs help, and you may even not be able to contribute directly to a drug help organization, you can make sure that others you know, friends, friends of friends, about the hazards of substance abuse. Some of the organizations are world wide present. Go like their pages on facebook and spread the word. Being aware and spreading awareness is one of the easiest ways to stop anyone from becoming an addict. Remember, no one's born wanting to be an addict.
Addiction Services - Canada
Drug Abuse Anonymous- UK and USA
Narcotics Anonymous - India, South Africa, Australia
Myths about drug addiction.
MYTH 1: Overcoming addiction is a simply a matter of willpower. You can stop using drugs if you really want to.
MYTH 2: Addiction is a disease; there's nothing you can do about it.
MYTH 3: Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can get better.
MYTH 4: You can't force someone into treatment; they have to want help.
MYTH 5: Treatment didn't work before, so there's no point trying again.
Another place I recently discovered was Heroes in Recovery, which has a page on FB and has some eye opening stories of addiction on their website. Google them and check it out.
Remember, you may not be an addict, but your mother's brother's sister's dog's uncle's best friend might be. Make a difference. Reach out. Do your bit and trust me, you will have changed many lives.
ALSO: Do you blog or write? Copy this and paste it in your blog. Try dedicating an article, story, blog to drug abuse and make people realize that it is not something that doesn't have a cure. The point is to reach out to people you don't know.
Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.
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Updating soon, so stick around.
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