A/N: It's only one more week before i enter the military. One more week of chapter updates. Sigh, what a horrible life. Well, I'll still try to get chapters out as regularly as possible... if i am ever able to anyway. This chapter contains two songs that i promised you guys. It really fits the story. Wonder why i never used them before now...
Disclaimer: I do not own the songs, nor did i ever claim to write or sing them. Rights goes to original composers and singers.
Angel Beats!
What We Live For
Operation 23
Dying Beat
Firing another 'round' into the air, Katsuragi traced the trajectory across and the 'round' crashed into the ground, causing a large explosion.
"R-7 is a hit."
The Shield sergeant said, marking it on the map. The map was now dotted with flags, dots and other things to signify where the mines were located. For the time being, looks like they were going to clear the field just in time.
"Right, we're left with... five spots."
Katsuragi pointed on the map.
"Right, load up the next round."
He ordered. There must be something wrong with his head. He can actually order this sort of operation to go on like normal. Who in the World does this? ! Well, him, apparently.
"Yes Corporal."
The sergeant said, suddenly putting a helmet on Katsuragi's head.
"... Sergeant?"
"Yes?"
"... Why do I have a helmet on?"
Particularly when it has the words 'safety first' on it.
"Because we're going to load the next round."
The sergeant answered normally.
"... I'm the next one?"
Katsuragi asked, to which the sergeant nodded. It should be noted that the sergeant was also wearing a helmet.
"All of the cannon crews have be shot out except for the last cannon. We're all that's left, Corporal."
Ah, so this was how it was like. Katsuragi looked up to the sky. It was clear and sunny. A good day for a flight.
"LIKE HELL IT IS!"
Katsuragi grabbed the helmet and smashed it onto the ground.
"Corporal, please try to refrain from smashing helmets, we're already low on supplies as it is."
"That's not my point! Wasn't there meant to be enough people to cover the entire field? !"
Katsuragi said, remembering the list of names.
"Well, half-way through the Operation, half of the members ran off."
RAN OFF? How could they run off without anyone knowing?
"Do not worry, Corporal, once the traitors are found, we shall hand them over to Yuki-sama for punishment."
Katsuragi shivered at that thought. Taeno Yuki, the Queen of Fort. Her punishments were legendary throughout the entire Organization. Some say that if you go through one, never mind your mind being changed, your personality being different. A punishment from her would result in your very existence being changed forever! Some say that her punishment is something so amazing, so incredible, something so impossible! ... That it is extremely frightful. If Katsuragi recalled, Iori once told them about it.
Someone dared to go against Yuki and went through one of those punishments. He ended up drowning in his own drool for two days after that, then he suddenly became... gay. That was one of more extreme cases. Some others who went through it reinforced the idea that it was something amazing, something so incredible, that they never want to do it again. Never. Those who went through are unable to speak of it. For one, it was apparently so amazing that they cannot describe, and two... it was so amazing that they cannot remember it. What was this punishment? ! Katsuragi found himself intrigued by it as well as being afraid of it all at the same time! If Katsuragi did not want to suffer the same fate... he should do this as well... But still, being shot out of a cannon is... is...
"If corporal is feeling uneasy, would you like to use the mosaic?"
The sergeant offered the said mosaic.
"NO! That will only make me seem like some hideous disfigured person, or some criminal being accused of a crime, or some B-grade celebrity who had gotten scandalous photos spread around the internet!"
"... Were you a celebrity in life who got scandalous photos spread around the internet, corporal?"
"NO!"
"Well, we can use this after you land."
.
.
.
"That will only make me look some some horribly mangled corpse! You'll only make my death even worse than it already is!"
Katsuragi sighed, grabbing the helmet and walking over to the cannon. What the sergeant said was true, all the other cannon crews were already gone, leaving one last cannon usable. Even the crew members had helmets on. Looks like even the last guy has to be shot out.
"Sigh, let's just get this over with."
Katsuragi muttered, climbing into the cannon, which was actually quite large on the inside despite looking like it could not fit anyone on the outside. Once inside, though, Katsuragi was having second thoughts. And third, and fourth. The cannon was slowly raised up to get an angle. But what Katsuragi could hear did not sit too well with him.
"It's forty degrees!"
"No, fifty!"
"You dumb idiot, if you shoot at fifty, he'll fly under!"
"If you fire at forty, he'll crash into the school building!"
The gunners were arguing about the angle of fire, each changing the cannon at their own will, making Katsuragi slightly sick as the cannon was raised and lowered repeatedly. At this rate, Katsuragi will die from nausea before being shot out of the cannon.
"Would the corporal like a sick bag?"
The sergeant shouted from outside.
"No.."
"Or would you like the mosaic device?"
"No!"
Just as Katsuragi said that, he heard an odd sound-
BOOM
And off he went. As for the ground crew.
"... Oops."
"... Sent him too high."
Katsuragi flew through the air, his thoughts being of how the sky was so beautiful, of the birds that chirped and sang their song, of how close the school was getting. Ah yes, the school-
BOOM
Katsuragi ended up crashing into the school building head first. This wasn't exactly the type of landing he was expecting. Neither was the fact that he was in great pain and not dead.
"... Helmet works... but my skull is in a millions pieces."
He muttered as he tried to get up. Why would Yuuko want to create a super metal when she already has this helmet? Dusting himself off, Katsuragi now had to decide his next course of action.
a) Return to the Operation
b) Hide
c) Run away
d) Get a drink
Somehow, option D was very enticing. Yes, maybe he should do that. After Option D, he will re-assess the situation and decide with new options. Katsuragi knew that he landed on the third floor of the school complex A, and that in this building, there was a vending machine at every floor. He looked around and saw the very vending machine of his search being so close to his current position.
".. Lucky."
He walked over to the machine and reached into his pocket. He was sure he had a coin some where. Then a glint in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked down and saw-
"... Hundred yen... super lucky."
Was Katsuragi's luck getting better? Maybe it was karma. Being shot out of a cannon was bad stuff, but in return he survived the crash. He was close to a vending machine, and he found a hundred yen coin just lying around. Maybe that would be the end of his luck? He inserted the coin into the machine and prayed that nothing is sold out. Pressing the Key Coffee button, he waited. And waited.
"... Eh?"
He pressed the button again. And again. And again. Still nothing. His luck has run out?
"... NOO! MY DRINK!"
He started to shake the machine violently (please do not try this, Katsuragi is a trained fictional character who cannot die), tilting the machine (please do not try this, Katsuragi is a trained fictional character who cannot die), and even kicking it (please do not try this, Katsuragi is a fictional idiot and will not get into trouble for vandalism). Finally, the machine gave up its bounty. In the form of two cans of Key coffee.
"... Double can... Extremely lucky."
He smirked, grabbing both cans. But just as he opened one can and turned around, he stopped. He could hear something. A tune? A song? The soft melody of a guitar being played echoed throughout the corridor. This type of playing was... familiar. Following the tune, Katsuragi walked down the corridor, looking into each classroom to find the source. Most of these classrooms were empty, probably spare classrooms though he didn't know there were so many spare classrooms around. Finally he reached the source of the music. Curiosity led him here, and it most definitely made him look into the classroom. The classroom was empty, like all others. The chairs and tables all pushed to the sides of the room in neat rows. Sitting on the teacher's desk, was the source of the music. Kurogane Kou.
"... Extremely super unlucky."
Katsuragi muttered to himself. From what he knew, the sixth division leader was quiet, kept to herself and gets really annoyed at the strangest of reasons. The first time they met she tried to kill him, the second time they met she threw her weapon at him. Not exactly what you would call a 'good first impression'. But... There was something about her. Something about Kurogane Kou that made him... pause. Think. Admire. There was something about her that was captivating, entranced him to just... look. She was a like a ghost, someone who isn't there yet is still there. A figure of purity, of darkness... of solitude and pain. Kou was playing an electric guitar, attached to an amplifier that was sitting next to the teacher's desk on the floor. The door was slightly ajar, allowing Katsuragi to listen in on her song. Her strumming was slow, the tone was soft. A sad song.
[Song: Kuon ~Utakata
Lyrics: Lyrics by
Music by Takumaru
Performed by Chata]
toki no kioku no naka ukabu
futari sugoshite kita hibi wo usurete iku
(The days we spent together
Are fading inside the history of time)
shiroku kasumu omoide fukai yami ni oowareta genjitsu
itami ni mo nite kokoro hikisakare namida afureru
(Those white, hazy memories are hidden by the deep darkness
My tears flow to this pain-like reality, ripping my heart)
kienaide nee
yakusoku shita no ni kono te wo hanasanaide
(Please don't vanish
Didn't you promise? Don't let go of my hand)
tsuyoku yubi wo karamasete anata motomeru
omoi wo komete utau kuon wo negau uta
(Fold your fingers tight, I seek for you
I gather my thoughts and recite a poem that wishes for eternity)
toki wo kasumaseteku sadame
hitori nureta hitomi fuse kuchibiru kami
(This fate was made hazy by time
Alone, I wipe off my wet eyes and bite my lip)
hanarete iku kizuna ga mune no oku ni kitsuku tsume wo tateru
kuruoshii hodo itami fukaku made watashi wo kowasu
(Our ever-weakening bond claws deep inside my heart
This maddening pain is breaking me down deeply)
aishiteru nee
kono koe todokeru kaze yo fuke ano hito e
(I love you
Wind, blow away and send my voice to him)
haruka kanata ni hirogaru sora wo miagete
chiyo wo kakeyo to utau ai wo tsuranuku uta
(I gaze up the sky that stretches far and wide
And recite over thousands of years a poem that pierces love)
kienaide nee
yakusoku shita no ni kono te wo hanasanaide
(Please don't vanish
Didn't you promise? Don't let go of my hand)
tsuyoku yubi wo karamasete anata motomeru
omoi wo komete utau kuon wo negau uta wo
(Fold your fingers tight, I seek for you
I gather my thoughts and recite a poem that wishes for eternity)
chiyo ni yachiyo ni utau ai wo tsuranuku uta
(And recite for thousands and thousands of years a poem that pierces love)
The song ended in a sad tone, and without realizing it, Katsuragi was crying waterfalls. Kou paused for the moment, putting down the guitar, reaching by her hip and-
BANG
Katsuragi stared in horror at the smoking hole that was made right next to his head, off by a milimetre. In fact, one of his hair was singed. The smoking gun was in Kou's hand.
"Tch... missed."
She muttered, pulling the hammer from her pistol again.
"Woah woah! I'm not an enemy!"
Katsuragi said, bursting through the door with his hands up. Kou stared at him with her usual dead fish eyes. Her gaze was almost too painful to endure. She still did not put down her gun, and the two stared at one another for a long time.
"... Erm... I'm also from the SSS2."
Katsuragi offered-
BANG
A second shot, this one zinging past his cheek, grazing it in the process and causing him to bleed a little.
"... Missed again."
Kou muttered.
[Katsuragi pissed his pants]
Kou kept her pistol away, turning her focus back on her guitar.
"... Don't sneak around... Thought I sensed an Angel..."
Kou muttered, strumming a few notes before tuning her strings. Katsuragi heaved a sigh of relief. A huge sigh of relief. At least he didn't die. Yet. Did he dare say lucky?
"... What... were you doing there?"
Kou asked, still not looking at him while she continued to tune her guitar. Should Katsuragi tell her the truth? Maybe she will shoot him again. At this range, he was sure she would not miss. Did she miss on purpose before? Options.
a) Tell truth and be shot at
b) Tell lie and be shot at
c) Say nothing and be shot at
d) Run away and be shot, stabbed and skewered
Ah... those weren't really choices now were they? Well, if anything, best to say the truth.
"I... overheard some music."
He admitted, closing his eyes to brace for the inevitable. But...
"... I see."
Kou answered. Katsuragi's inevitable never came. He opened one eye, seeing Kou plucking a few chords on her guitar. She did not mind him listening in?
"... You're not mad?"
He asked. Kou stopped playing and looked at him.
"... Should I be?"
She asked back. Katsuragi shook his head rather violently. Kou turned her gaze back to her guitar, playing a few more notes. This intense atmosphere could not get any more tense than it already is. The leader of the sixth division, the Guardians, sitting there and playing guitar while he, just a corporal from the Wolves, was standing there like an idiot. Should he strike up a conversation? But how? He should run away as soon as possible! This is the reaper we're talking about! She hunts even humans who would even THINK of betraying the organization! Wait a minute... that means... running away will get him killed!
"... Are you drinking that?"
Kou asked, making Katsuragi snap out of his weird thoughts.
"What?"
"... That... I asked if you were drinking that."
She repeated, pointing at his hand. He looked down and saw the second can of Key coffee.
"Erm... here."
He passed the can to her. Kou took the can and opened it, taking a sip from it before putting it down on the table she was sitting on. She then went on to play the guitar. This was getting really... stifling. Think of a conversation! Think! Otherwise Katsuragi will die from this oddly silent pressure!
"Erm... I-.. I heard your song just now."
Katsuragi blurted out. Kou stopped and looked at him.
"... You said that before."
She answered simply.
"Oh, did I? Er... I meant... it's a... it's a nice song."
"..."
Kou stared blankly at him. Now he's done it. He went ahead to say something stupid! That was such a sad song! Even though it was nice to listen to, he should pay attention to its meaning! It obviously is a sad song for Kou! Something that would only deepened her scar even further! Now he was dead man. A dead man with low IQ.
"... I... See."
Kou said, turning her gaze to her guitar.
"... Huh?"
Katsuragi wasn't shot at? He's still alive? That... that's amazing! More like why? Maybe... maybe she didn't mind?
"... M-may I ask something?"
He tried his luck. Kou nodded a little as she plucked the strings.
"... I-is that song... for your lover?"
Kou stopped playing. That's it, he's dead. How insensitive can one person get? !
"... Yes. It is... for Akira."
Kou nodded, closing her eyes. Akira... as in Fudou Akira? The founder of Big Site. So he was Kurogane Kou's lover?
"... It's a very nice song, though sad. He must be a very lucky man."
JUST WHAT IS HE SAYING? !
"... No. He wasn't lucky."
Katsuragi was puzzled by her reply. Not lucky for having her? What did she mean?
"... If he didn't meet me... maybe he would not have disappeared."
What was she saying? If she did not meet him?
"If I weren't here... they wouldn't be any Angels, no battle of Big Site... It was all... my fault."
"How... how could it be your fault?"
How could she blame herself? The battle of Big Site of because of the sudden appearance of the Angels, a new enemy to the organization at that time, and also in large numbers. There was no way Kou was a cause of that.
"... This World has rules. Rules that were set in place by someone... Someone who knew... that this place was never meant to be a safe haven for us."
Kou said, looking off out of the window.
"We all came here... with pain... with sadness... with darkness... with regrets... This place was meant... to take that all away... But what good would this system be... if it did not have something to ensure that the rules are obeyed?... That... is the Shadow... that... is the Angel. They are here... because we broke the rules... we stayed too long... we became too attached... we came... to love... We were never meant to be here... yet we are... The Shadows... are the darkness within us... absorbed by this World... manifested violently... by the program... I broke more of the system's rules... by falling in love... by clinging onto hope... I never needed hope... I never had any... I am a mere burden..."
Katsuragi was starting to feel irritated. With Kou. With her thinking. Without thinking, he banged his fist against the wall, making Kou shift her eyes.
"Don't... don't talk about yourself like that."
He said through gritted teeth.
"... Why? It is my life... I can say what I want... about it."
"But still! Don't just throw your own soul away! Don't throw away your worth! So many people depend on you! To them, you mean something! Even Fudou-san! Would he want you to hate yourself for him? Would he want you to just throw away your life? ! If Fudou-san really loved you, would he tell you to just give up? ! Try to remember! Remember what he was like! What he had said!"
Katsuragi shouted at Kou. The sixth division leader showed no sign of a reaction, only looking at Katsuragi somewhat intently. She closed her eyes in thought. Akira. What was he like? What were his words. Katsuragi, now vented his anger, realized that he just shouted at not only a higher ranking member, but he shouted at THE sixth division leader. He was dead. If he wasn't dead before, he was dead now. But if he was going to die, he might as well go all the way. It was... something that Kou said that he found he could not forgive.
Something he did not want her to think and believe. He wanted to save her. Never mind the organization and the on-going war against the Shadows and Angels. Never mind the training, the requests, the weapons. Never mind the divisions, the squads, the leaders. As Katsuragi, as a man, he wanted to save Kurogane Kou. From the first time they met, Katsuragi felt a strange bond between them. It was unexplainable, but he knew that no matter what, Kou will be the one he must protect, the one he must save from the darkness.
"... I... I may not know what Fudou-san was like... But... your feelings for him were certainly those of the type that were reciprocated... such feelings that could only be produced if he loved you back... if he could love you in such a way... if his feelings for you were even a fraction of your feelings for him... then I'm sure that he would not want you to keep yourself locked down by the past... Aaah! I-I'm sorry! I stepped out of line there!"
It's too late to apologize. Kou looked at him before looking back down at the guitar. Pressing down on the strings constantly was starting make her fingers coarse. If Akira saw her hands now, he would freak out. That was for sure.
"... Tell me... what do you think... Akira would have said to me."
Kou asked, closing her hand as she closed her eyes.
"Huh? But I-"
"Just tell me... anything. Why do you think Akira... would not want me to feel like this."
Katsuragi was slightly confused by Kou's words, but he slowly thought about it. Why did he say those things? It was true, that Kou's feelings were real and painful.
"... If I had to say, it would be your song."
"My... song?"
"Yes. You conveyed your feelings so strongly and vividly through your song. There was no way that such a pure form of love would not be reciprocated. I'm sure that Fudou-san loved you dearly as well. I'm not too sure about love since I can't remember anything, but I'm certain that such a strong bond would not be want to be broken down like that. Fudou-san would not want you to be in despair. He would want you to be strong."
Katsuragi said his piece. Would Kou accept it? Or would she reject it? He had really stepped out of line and went beyond what was asked. But.. it was necessary. Somewhere deep within his mind, he felt like he needed to say it. He wanted to prevent her from falling deeper into the well of self-hate. Kou was in deep thought for quite some time, making Katsuragi rather nervous. The chances of her accepting it was now getting slimmer by each passing second of silence. Then, Kou opened her eyes. Katsuragi felt as though Kou was... more alive. Her eyes now showed some sort of life in her that was missing from before.
"You say some interesting things... what is your name?"
She asked.
"Erm... Corporal Katsuragi, Fort's Wolves."
He replied automatically, somewhat mesmerized by her change.
"Wolves... Iori's squad. I see. Iori sure has gotten hold of some... interesting members."
Kou smiled. Wait... she did WHAT? ! She- She- She- She-... SMILED? ! The World was going to end. Katsuragi was going to die. He knew it. He was now a dead man.
"Katsuragi... was it?... You say some interesting things... It is almost like... you were talking to Akira.. that he told you what to say to me... It is weird... for me to think he is still here with me... even in this land of the Afterlife... that he would still be here as a ghost. A ghost of a ghost... irony if I ever heard of one..."
Kou had not spoken so many words before... with that smiling face!
"Or... it is almost like... you are Akira himself... Yes... like Akira himself... You are similar to him..."
Kou trailed off, before tuning her guitar again.
"... Please listen to one more of my song... as thanks for telling me that... and for the drink..."
Kou said. Katsuragi did not know what to say, but Kou started to play first few notes of the song.
[Song: Kienaide...
Vocals: yozuca*
Lyrics: yozuca*
Composition: yozuca*]
Ano hi yakusokushita futari o oboeteru?
Itsumo doko ni ite mo kokoro wa hitotsu da yo to
(Do you remember when we made a promise on that day?
That our hearts will always be one, no matter where we're at?)
Kimi ga tonari ni iru atarimae no sekai ni
Koko de ima "sayonara" ieru hazu mo nai yo ne
(In this natural world where you're next to me
I shouldn't be able to say "goodbye" here and now)
Koko ni…koko ni iru yo te to te tsunaide hanasanaide
(Here…we're here; hold our hands together; don't let go)
Nee kienaide wasuretakunai yo
Kimi ga iru kara watashi ga iru no ni
Douka kienaide hitori ni shinaide
Kokoro zenbu de kimi o omotteru
(Hey, don't disappear; I don't want to forget about you
Because you exist, I exist
Please don't disappear; don't leave me on my own
I'm thinking of you with all of my heart)
Nani mo kawaranai to shinjite ita mirai wa
Futari ayunde yuku owarinaki monogatari
(The future where I believed that nothing would change
Is an endess story that we'll walk through together)
Moshi mo kono sekai no subete o nakushite mo
Kimi no egao dake wa mamoritsuzukete itai
(Even if I lose all of this world
I want to just keep protecting your smile)
Hitori…hitori-kiri ja kotae nante sagasenai yo
(Alone…all alone, I can't search for the answer)
Nee kienaide wasuretakunai yo
Kimi o shiranai watashi nado iranai
Douka kienaide hitori ni shinaide
Kokoro zenbu de kimi o omotteru
(Hey, don't disappear; I don't want to forget about you
I don't need a me who doesn't know about you
Please don't disappear; don't leave me on my own
I'm thinking of you with all of my heart)
Nee kienaide wasuretakunai yo
Kimi o mamoreru watashi ni naru kara
Douka kienaide hitori ni shinaide
Kokoro zenbu de kimi o omotteru
(Hey, don't disappear; I don't want to forget about you
Because I'll become a me who can protect you
Please don't disappear; don't leave me on my own
I'm thinking of you with all of my heart)
Kou finished playing the song and looked to Katsuragi, who was bursting waterfalls again.
"... I'm sorry... sad songs are the only things... I know..."
Kou said, but Katsuragi shook his head.
"No... it was... it was beautiful... thank you very much!"
Kou could only smile at Katsuragi. Yes... so much like Akira.
"... Next time..."
"Huh?"
"... Would you listen to my songs next time?"
Kou asked. Katsuragi wiped away his tears and nodded with a smile.
"Of course. I will listen to it no matter where, and when."
Kou smiled a little at that answer.
"... I will... learn another song by then... so... look forward to it."