Author's Note: Edited.

Enjoy!

Forbidden

Complication

Move. React. Do something!

For a few tantalizingly long seconds, I repeated that mantra in my head over and over again as Nate's lips molded over my own. Finally, when something in my brain did click, I did react. Only, not in the way that I expected to.

I kissed Nate back.

Why? Maybe because Nate's lips were warm, soft and gentle. Everything a girl would want when a guy kissed her. A cute guy. A nice guy. His hand was large and warm against the back of my neck, comforting, safe. His other hand found its way to my waist as he pulled me close, and I awkwardly staggered forward, my fingers tangling themselves into the front of his shirt.

Nate tenderly kissed me, and I kissed him back. It should have all been that simple. But it wasn't.

Nate was also rough in a way, desperate. His hand on my hip was forceful, hence my hesitance to close our proximity. His lips had the slightest urgency for me to react to each miniscule movement immediately as if the act of me not doing so would confirm every fear he's ever had about this moment. From the point that he kissed me, I should have done just that.

But I couldn't.

I don't even know why I returned Nate's kiss. Part of me, deep down inside, screamed that this was wrong. Not that Nate was a bad guy and I didn't want him doing what he was doing. In that case, though, I asked myself if it was really wrong, or just what I had been seeking from someone else recently. If anything, I think I kissed Nate because it was actually, in fact, the right thing to do.

Nate pulled back just enough to look me in the eye. However, my mind was still too dazed, too confused to command anything more than to stare back, dumbfounded and brain-dead.

"I-I'm sorry," Nate mumbled quietly. Not dejectedly. His quiet whisper was somewhat awestruck, like he was still reeling himself and didn't know quite what to say.

"That was kind of sudden, huh?"

I nodded, unable to find my voice at the moment. We were still mashed against each other and, despite all the questions and confusion clogging up my brain, I would have loved nothing more than to leave, drive to my dorm, lock the door behind me and think all of this over.

To think that all I could care about a moment ago was sharing the fact that I had met Simon Bae, the man that more or less held our futures in the palm of his hands, with my best friend. Now, the thought just seemed like a distant memory.

"I'm sorry," Nate said again. This time his tone was firm, pulling my gaze back to his to see his sudden seriousness.

"I just- I like you, Chloe." Nate blurted, knocking me with another wave of shock, as if that wasn't obvious enough.

"I've kind of liked you since early on in high school. Although, I was so fixed on just being your friend that, back then, my feelings didn't matter. But, when we started college, I realized that I was running out of time and I found more often than not that I was steadily getting to the point where I'd might have missed my chance. Especially-" He paused, as if struggling to find the right words for what he was about to say next.

"Especially since the start of this term."

"W-what do you me-" I started, afraid that he was implying what I thought he was. Again, why would I fear something like that as much as I was afraid of rejecting his advance? I'd told Liz, though she had dragged it out of me. But, Nate was my best friend. He should have known my frustrations and dramas. I should have told him about Professor Souza. Just like I had told him about every other guy I've ever liked or dated.

I knew why. It was because I always knew that this was in the way. Nate's feelings for me. Everything meaning more to him than just mere friendship.

"You know what I mean, Chloe." Nate stated, tone cold. He knew. And I couldn't do anything more than to keep staring at him, uncertainty rolling off of me in waves.

"Listen, Chloe. I get it." Nate said, tone almost void of emotion now. "This shouldn't be that much of a surprise, but it is, as I said a minute ago, sudden. I don't want to rush or push you into anything that you don't want."

"Nate, I-"

Nate leaned in quickly and kissed me again, cutting off whatever I had to say. What I was about to say, I didn't even know. But I'm glad that he stopped me, because the next thing that he did, was give me exactly what I wanted since the second his lips first touch mine.

"Just think about it," He whispered. "Let's get through our finals tomorrow, you work your shifts this weekend, and we'll talk about this on Monday, after we finish the term, alright?"

Finally, I was able to speak with certainty as I breathed back, "Alright."

Before a big test, it does you good to get a decent amount of sleep the night before and eat a healthy breakfast the morning of.

Unfortunately, as I stepped into Professor Souza's classroom the following morning, I hadn't been able to get more than just a couple hours of sleep and the thought of eating made me feel sick. Half of me vibrated with pre-test nerves, the other was still reeling by the onslaught of thoughts since Nate had kissed me. The fact that said boy gave me his usual, charming grin as I took my seat next to his didn't help.

I'd finally dug deep enough to realize exactly why I'd allowed myself to lead Nate to believe that I wanted to be more than friends. Why I'd kissed him back. It was because, as I originally thought, it was the right thing to do. I was so afraid of rejecting Nate because, in retrospect, Nate was the perfect choice for me.

In the world of reality that we all live in, Nate was kind, considerate- when he wanted to be- caring, lovable, handsome, smart, courageous, charming, outgoing, determined and the list could go on and on about any other trait you could possibly imagine a genuinely great guy to have. He had his weaknesses, of course but who didn't? The point was that, if I were looking for a relationship, Nate, being my best friend and already knowing all there absolutely is to know about me, was the ideal choice. He was something that I needed in order to keep me grounded. Especially with our lives drastically changing come the following fall.

In real life, I needed Nate.

However, my judgment was clouded. As much as I loved Nate- in which case, I still wasn't even sure it was the same caliber of love that he had expressed to me early last night- I still had something else on my mind.

No. Not something. Someone.

I glanced up at Professor Souza as he held up the finals and began to explain the generic rules of test taking. I allowed the sound of his voice to wash through me, the texture and tone vibrating through every fiber of my being, down to my very core. I couldn't help but recollect that often times Pro- Derek, was cold, sometimes demeaning, rude, a little self-righteous, demanding, harsh, unusually handsome, mysterious and altogether rough around the edges. You'd think that all those negatives would sway me more in Nate's favor, however, it was the contradictions to these traits that attracted me more towards Derek.

He was sincerely a patient man when he felt like whatever it was merited that part of his nature. He was overly devoted and caring, again only to those he felt deserved that of him. He was intelligent and didn't even dare hide it. Honest, gentle, fun- in his own way- thoughtful and sacrificial. Nate was easy to predict where Derek wasn't. Whether that was because I'd known Nate for a great chunk of my life or not, I found that more appealing and exciting.

In my dreams, Derek was what I wanted.

The key words, however, were dreams and fantasies.

No matter how close Derek and I had gotten over the past several weeks, he was still Professor Souza, my calculus teacher in college. Our worlds were two different places that it's almost astonishing how close I've come to seeing his. As much as I wanted to be with Derek and what I could only assume he felt towards me, the whole thing was still wrong.

Forbidden.

What did I really know about Derek Souza? Up until the previous day, I knew he had a father, a brother and a sister. Come to find out that, more likely than not, Derek was adopted. It was the only conclusion I could rationally draw though I couldn't be certain, but still. I knew that Derek had a dark past with Royce that I was more than sure that- no matter how curious I may be about it- I didn't want to get involved in. He lives on his own, doesn't watch movies, graduated from Syracuse University with the desire to be a physics Professor, went to Buffalo high school, moved around a lot as a kid because his dad is a lawyer…

But, how old was he? What happened to his parents if he really was adopted? How old had he been when he was? Why didn't he try harder to pursue his dream as a Physics teacher? What did he want out of life? How had he grown up? Who is Derek Souza?

"Chloe?"

I jumped a foot in the air and released a small yelp, taking instant note of a bit of pressure throb against my temple as I was brought from my thoughts. I had been thinking so hard that I zoned out, unaware of the fact that my irrational feelings and ideas were making me feel nauseous on top of my anxiety over Professor Souza's final.

I blinked and the classroom came back into focus, only to reveal Professor Souza standing in front of me. I met his green eyes, finding concern the evident emotion as he surveyed me, gaze silently asking, Are you alright?

However, it wasn't his voice that had pulled me from the psychological torture my brain was inflicting on me. I stole a glance in Nate's direction and saw that he too was looking at me with worry in his eyes. He was leaning over in his chair, hand on my upper arm, voice consoling as he asked if I were okay.

Finally, I just nodded and asked Professor Souza if I could have my final already. When the two of them pressed a little longer if I needed to see the nurse or anything, considering I was pale and looked as if I were about to break into a cold sweat, I explained it was just my nerves for taking the test and they left it at that.

Meeting Professor Souza's eyes once more, I saw all my fantasies incarnated within their jade depths. I briefly wondered why all this had to be so hard before my math teacher gave me a satisfied nod and handed me my test packet.

Before starting, I took a moment to clear my head. I couldn't afford to stress on the current dramas of my personal life. I just needed to focus on passing the final and then worry about what I was going to tell Nate on Monday once the weekend started. At least, if I ever found out what I wanted to say, that is.

This was my reality. Nate was right there, ready for me to reach out, grab him, and take him for what he was offering. A stable, happy and acceptable relationship. Maybe, once this test was done with and the term was finally over, leaving this calculus class and the teacher as a part of my past, it would be easier to accept that that was what was right.

With that in mind, I settled in to work on my calculus final, only to have small, scribbled and familiar script grab my attention on the bottom of my packet.

Relax. You're ready. By the way, the answer to the first question isn't green.

Good luck.

-D