Author's Note- Edited.

Enjoy!

Forbidden

Confusion

I don't really know who I was anticipating to come through the door of the diner more; Nate, Professor Souza or an actual customer. It was yet another dead Saturday morning. The unfortunate thing about that was that it gave me plenty of time to think when I wanted to do anything but.

I had finished all my finals the day before, including my calculus test after I had erased Professor Souza's message, scribbled a sloppy Michael's tomorrow? in its place and turned it in without so much as a glance at either Nate or my math teacher. I wasn't too worried about my test scores. As he had suggested, Professor Souza had been right. I was ready. My math skills were no longer the main problem I had to undergo in college.

It was the fact that I was almost settled on accepting Nate's- offer? I suppose he was offering himself to me in a I want to be your boyfriend kind of way. But then Professor Souza- no, Derek- had to leave that note on my test, knowing full well ahead of time that I was going to be antsy over the cursed final. He was being more than a teacher in that moment.

He was being a friend.

If anything, his note only proved that he cared about me, or at least that all my hard work meant something in the end and, in the actual end, that did mean something.

It meant a great deal to me, in fact. Derek had no clue what was going on between Nate and I in that moment. Other times I feared that he thought there was more between us- and now that there suddenly was, though I had no idea what, I was ultimately petrified of what he would think and if that would cause him to back off. Because, regardless of whether he believed me when I had told him that Nate and I had a strict friendship or not, that didn't stop him from expressing his own interest in me. Like offering to study with me on Monday's, even after he had seen Nate holding my hand, and then the note.

But, then there was that line that I had to keep bringing up whether I wanted to or not. Reality versus fantasy.

Even if Derek liked me, cared about me and wanted the same thing from me that I wanted from him he was still my teacher. It was a taboo. As much as I wanted it, it was something that I ultimately couldn't have.

Nate, however, I could. He was everything a girl would want in a boyfriend and more. I always wondered whether or not I'd approve of any girl Nate picked to date solely on whether they deserved him, just because he was such a decent and great guy. If I could see myself now, as somewhat of an out-of-body experience, would I approve of my complicated feelings to be good enough to what Nate deserved?

That was easy.

No. Never in a million years.

It had barely been thirty-six hours since Nate had kissed me and I felt entirely too lost and confused now more than ever. My brain was tired, emotions exhausted from the tug-of-war that kept pulling me unwillingly to Nate's side. I wasn't sure I could handle this much stress on my own anymore and I needed, more than anything, a third party's view. One that would know what was best for me where I obviously couldn't filter it out for myself.

I texted Liz.

When I didn't hear from her for the first half of my shift-nor catch the chance of Professor Souza accepting my offer to meet me today-I heaved a frustrated sigh and slammed down the uncooperative coffee pot that Michael refused to replace no matter how many times I demanded that the diner needed a new one.

"Whoa, what did that poor coffee pot ever do to you?"

I jumped, fumbling with the filter that I was currently filling with ground coffee beans before it slipped from my hands and dumped to the floor. I spun and shot a glare at my guest, expecting it to be Nate as the good natured jab sounded an awful lot like something he would say.

Only, it wasn't Nate and, considering the deep yet light-heartedness of the voice, I shouldn't have mistaken it for him in the first place.

Sitting at the breakfast bar was none other than Professor Souza's brother and talent scout for Juilliard, Simon Bae. He held up his hands in mock surrender upon witnessing the nasty look I shot him, though there was clear amusement dancing about in his dark eyes. I immediately stuttered into a rambling of apologies.

"I-I'm so s-sorry, Si-" I cut myself off before I could completely utter his name. After all, I knew him as Simon Bae, the man holding my future, but also as Professor Souza's brother. We weren't really well acquainted enough for me to assume that I could just up and call him by his first name.

I swallowed my words, took a deep breath and tried again.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bae. I thought that you were someone else."

"Hey now," He muttered, nose wrinkling in distaste. "Mr. Bae is my pops and even he doesn't like being called that. It's okay for you to call me Simon, Chloe."

"Right." I muttered with a blush.

"Also, you shouldn't waste too much of your time expecting him. He's not going to show up."

I blanched, his statement more than unexpected.

"W-what?"

Simon chuckled lightly, glanced over at the display case and reached in for a slice of Michael's famous apple pie that I had placed there earlier that morning.

"Can I snag one of these?" He asked. I nodded silently, still taken aback by his statement.

He plucked a plate from the display and set it in front of him, instantly digging in before meeting my questioning gaze once again and finally answering to my perplexity.

"You see, Chloe, when you live out the majority of your young twenty- three years of life with someone, you tend to notice when things are out of place. Derek doesn't do too well hiding things because he doesn't like to. Maybe he'll try extra hard if he feels like it's the right thing to do, but it's really easy to tell when he's squirming about something."

"Okay," I said slowly, still confused. Simon took another bite of his pie before he continued.

"I called him up this morning and asked him what he was doing for breakfast to see if he was free. Usually he's not because he's always grading things, being a teacher and all, or running for hours on end."

Professor Souza ran? I couldn't help but think myself silly for even questioning the idea. Of course he did. Even back when I barely knew him it was obvious that he frequented the realm of exercise, unlike myself.

"Anyways, he told me that he was going to head over to Michael's diner. It's basically been our favorite place since we were little. Our dad would take us each time he had to make a trip to the city for his job."

I laughed a little at this, almost wishing I had known that bit of information a little bit sooner. When Simon passed me a questioning look I replied.

"Sorry, that sounds exactly like what my mom used to do whenever she came to New York for business."

Simon smiled, took the last bite of his pie and said, "I can see why you'd want to work here, then. As a college student, anyway. I really had no idea, but, I was definitely suspicious when Derek suddenly backed out of his plans after I told him I'd meet him here."

"He did?"

Simon nodded.

"Yeah. I told the guy that I hadn't been here in so long and, considering that there was something important that I wanted to talk to him about, I said I'd just meet him here. Like I said before, it's easy to tell when Derek is struggling. So when he starts making up bullshit about grading another pile of tests, I knew something was up. I had to see for myself. And guess what I found."

"Me?" I questioned, heat touching my cheeks.

"Exactly." Simon said with a wicked and all-knowing grin.

I felt my heart flutter unpleasantly at his look. Partially because I was a little panicked by how he was hinting to knowing full well what was going on between Professor Souza and I, but also partially because he was insinuating that, on Professor Souza's side of it, there was something going on between us.

"Does he know that you're here?" I asked.

Simon's wicked grin became one of mirth and mischief.

"I wouldn't put it past him to suspect me of showing up here. Won't cause him enough concern to show up himself though. Which is too bad, really. He'd have been able to make sure that I was on my best behavior."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. I was coming to realize quite quickly that Simon was the polar opposite of Professor Souza. Sure, the math Professor had his teasing nature, once you finally dug it out of him. But Simon was easy. Easy to get along with, easy to talk to, easy to be around. It was nice. Part of me wondered if some of these traits rubbed off on Professor Souza as the two grew up together for it clearly wasn't as easy for him to open up as Simon did.

Suddenly, the bells of the diner's entrance sounded and Simon and I glanced towards the door to see a flash of light blonde.

"Hey Chloe! Got your emergency text. I came right away. I-"

Liz had scuttled up to the breakfast bar, rambling the entire way until she noticed Simon sitting there. She looked between him and me for a moment.

"Am I interrupting something?" She asked.

"Not really," Simon said with a smile. "You're a friend of Chloe's?"

"I am." Liz chirped, instantly making herself comfortable and molding her way into me and Simon's little meeting, like she did in just about everything. She was just that kind of person. In fact, she was just as easy as Simon was to get along with. As Liz took a seat next to Professor Souza's brother, I couldn't help but notice how similar the two were in personalities.

"Liz, this is Simon Bae. Simon, this is one of my friends from school, Elizabeth Delaney."

"It's very nice to meet you, Liz." Simon said, tone charming as he held out his hand for Liz to shake.

"Ditto."

"So, are you suffering through my brother's class as well?"

Liz gave him a questioning look.

"Simon is Professor Souza's brother," I said, filling in the blank for her.

Liz's light blue eyes snapped up to mine, incredulousness taking her features. After she had a few seconds to think about it, her lips twitched into a smile almost as mischievous as Simon's had been a few minutes ago.

"Wow, Chloe. Didn't think you had it in you to cozy up to the interest's family."

I gave her a look but Simon laughed.

"Anyways," Liz continued. "What was the big emergency about, Chloe?" She waved her phone around as she spoke, flashing that she had, in fact, gotten my rather urgent sounding text message.

I was about to spill everything that had taken place the last couple of days when Simon stood and said, "I should probably be leaving. Seems like you girls have some things to discu-"

"Actually," I interrupted, quickly reaching out across the breakfast bar and grabbing Simon's wrist to keep him from leaving. "If you don't mind, Simon, I'd like as much third party insight on something as I can get. Besides, I'm sure that you're already aware that-"

"That you and my brother both suffer from hyperactive morals and slug-like noticeability skills as to what one feels for the other?"

And there it was. My eyes shot open so wide I'm sure they bugged and my natural skin tone was more than likely no longer distinguishable. Simon was no longer hinting that Professor Souza cared about me.

He just flat out said it.

When he caught the expression on my face he laughed and sat back down. I glanced over towards Liz who merely shrugged like she knew the entire time.

"Come on, Chloe. You're acting like a little middle school girl who's just found out that her crush actually likes her back."

"Maybe because I did just find out," I squeaked, still dumbfounded by the concept. As Liz shook her head in disagreement, I turned away from the breakfast bar, grabbed three clean glasses and filled them with water. I handed one to each of my guests before gulping down my own. It didn't help very much to calm my racing heart and flustered brain.

"I don't think you did. I think that, deep down, you had it figured out a long time ago. Only, for some reason, you refuse to act on it."

I gave Liz a You can't be serious look that she met defiantly.

"Liz have you forgotten that he's my teacher? It's against policy for teachers and students to have any kind of-"

"Oh please. Its 2013, Chloe, not 1992. On top of that, you're twenty years old. A consenting adult. Not some frail, naïve high school freshman being seduced by her math teacher."

"Liz!" I blanched. I wouldn't have minded her bluntness so much if we weren't accompanied by Simon, but he merely nodded his head in agreement to what she was saying.

"I'm just being honest." She defended. "I still don't know what you are waiting for. You have his number, don't you? Call him or something."

"He gave you his number?" Simon asked, disbelieving.

"What are you, a gossiping school girl?" Liz giggled. Simon smirked, his expression almost purposefully charming.

"Definitely. Especially when it comes to my antisocial brother. He swears that I never left high school."

"I can't imagine why," I muttered. Simon just gave me a cheeky grin, once again looking fifteen instead of his confessed age of twenty-three.

"You guys don't understand. It's not that easy. Professor Souza is my instructor. My mentor. Even if this is just like we're in high school and he likes me back, there's nothing I can do about it. Besides," I mumbled lowly. "Knowing how he feels about me only makes the situation ten times worse when I have Nate to consider."

"Nate?" Simon questioned, nose wrinkling.

"No way," Liz breathed. "Y-you like Nate too?"

"I-I don't know." I whispered.

I told them both about what had happened Thursday evening after I had met Simon. I had to give said man a little more background information about Nate, informing him that he has been my best friend since forever and that he was the one playing the male part in the scene I had emailed him early Friday morning. Finally, I explained to them my dilemma, how I was stuck between what was right and what I wanted.

"I'm so confused," I admitted with a sigh. "I've always made sure decisions and never used to question anything. Even back when I used to be afraid to do what I wanted. What I knew was right. But now…"

I trailed off, brows knitting together as I noticed Simon shaking his head.

"What?"

"It's kind of peculiar how you and my brother are almost exactly alike with these kinds of things." He said, tone more serious than I would have ever expected of him.

"What do you mean?"

"Derek makes a decision on the spot and asks questions later. Even if he is in the wrong, he is one hundred and ten percent confident in his choice. But, when things come up that he doesn't understand, he clams up. He needs solid facts and logic laid out in front of him and, when he doesn't, he's a lost puppy. He needs things pointed out to him, Chloe. He has to be handed the truth on a silver platter or have it written in a text book for him to comprehend it and be able to make a decision. With this web you've spun yourself between my brother and your friend, it's clear that you need the same thing."

"I don't-" I started, but Simon shook his head again and said, "You don't like Nate, Chloe."

"But-" Again, I was interrupted. This time by Liz.

"Think of it this way, Chloe. I know that you're not very religious or anything, but Nana always used to tell me that confusion isn't brought by God. You're making up excuses as complications arise to deter yourself from what you believe is morally wrong or even impossible. You're allowing yourself to be confused about all this when you know the real answer."

I looked between both Liz and Simon, knowing that this was what I had asked for. I wanted an outsider's opinion and I had gotten two. They were both so adamant on something that was apparently so clear, yet I still couldn't see it. Simon said I didn't like Nate. Cut and dry; basically to the point because he believed that I had to have it spelled out for me. Did I believe him though? And what about what Liz had said? If confusion wasn't something a higher power wanted me to feel, then why was I feeling it? Why was it so hard for me to admit that I didn't like Nate the way that he liked me?

Why was all this so hard to comprehend at all? Had it always been like that? Had I always been this lost when it came down to these two?

"Answer me this, okay?" Liz queried. "When exactly did you start having all these conflicting emotions?"

It didn't take me long to come up with an answer and, when I did, I immediately found the solution to the situation. It was obvious, really, and I felt just plain stupid for allowing my brain to wrap and tangle itself around it in the first place.

The point wasn't why I was so afraid to admit to how I really felt, but that I was afraid in the first place.

"The moment Nate kissed me."