Tattooed

Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

Author's Note: Fashion Fairy 26, OXYD, lhaine07, Randomsam123, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

I relax by listening to music and making posts on my page. Maybe read a good book, your reviews, or watch a new anime/movie.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

xxxviii.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

- Gravity/Sara Bareilles

Sakura took out her brother's bike and stood in the cold, cold morning air with Kero barking anxiously behind her. She sat on it, peddled and waited for Kero to follow.

He did.

Sakura wondered where she should go to cycle. First she wondered if she should go down to the river. Then she thought about cycling to Madison Hill. It was a long way up the hill, Sakura realized, a long way with a bicycle anyway.

She began the ascent, panting and pushing her way up.

She grinned and screamed all the way back down, her dog right behind her.

It was the only way to start the day.

So that was what she did every morning from then on.

*.*

It was during school hours that she got a text from Yamazaki, asking if she wanted to see him. She thought about Syaoran, about how he'd been jealous enough to kill the man she'd once thought she loved. The thought of making Syaoran jealous had been thrilling, but subconscious, she realized. She didn't know she cared enough to make him jealous.

Fully conscious and aware this time, she messaged back saying she would see the man for dinner that night.

Classes up until lunch were a blur. As if on autopilot, she went into a class and taught like a robot, registering nothing, taking in nothing. It had been numbing, like how one feels when their foot falls asleep.

Walking to the staff room after class for lunch she let her mind wander any which way it went. She thought about the cold morning, the cycling and Kero. She thought about his beautiful golden fur, about how soft it was to touch. She thought about the golden floral wallpaper in the nurse's office, about how she'd complimented it and decided to get some for herself. She thought about the paintings she'd seen in the Principal's office the first day of school, how she'd been ignorant about the effort and pain it had taken to make them.

She thought about Syaoran's wall painting, the first time she'd seen him in his element. She thought about how he smelled, his fingers smelling of charcoal and pencil lead, his hair smelling of paint. Initially she'd hated the smell, but now it was all she was familiar with.

She thought of the sweet smelling apple pie she'd find in the cafeteria. That would be her lunch for the day.

She tried to think of how she'd devour it like she'd never eaten before.

Instead, she ended up thinking about how she'd never made apple pie for Syaoran.

*.*

The computer in the staff room, the one that was meant for Sakura, usually sat idle and uselessly on her desk as no one had any use for it. Most days Sakura didn't even use it.

That day, however, she sat looking at like it'd grown two horns and threatened to fly.

School was over with and the few children who did want her help after school had come and gone, leaving her to be one of the last few people who'd leave school that day. She didn't mind, she loved the school, the kids, her job. If not anything else, at least she'd had this much.

Before thinking about it too much she powered up the computer and sat in front of it looking patient, but feeling anything but. She typed in the password, fired up the net browser and Googled Syaoran Li.

Pictures of the boy were sprawled over a website she'd found, but there wasn't much about him apart from the obvious.

The Li family, on the other hand, had a lot about them on it.

Sakura sat straight, pulling the monitor closer and reading intently.

The Li family has had a history of their ancestors involved in much of the politics of China. Starting from the year 1945 they've had a hand dealing with the many systems that came and were abolished until Rei Yu Lang Li, the fifth Li to become the Chairman of the Party Central Military Commission, was also handed over the roles of positions of Vice President of China, General Secretary of the Communist Party of China, Chairman of the Party Central Military Commission, President of the Central Party School and the first member of the CPC Politburo Standing Committee, China's de facto top power organ.

Son of communist veteran Xiao Lang Li (1913–1980), Rei Yu Lang Li served mostly in Fujian province in his early career. He was later appointed party chief of the neighbouring Zhejiang province, and then was appointed as Shanghai's party chief following the dismissal of Chi Liangyu. Known for his tough stance on corruption and a frank openness about political and market economy reforms,Xi headed the Communist Party of China's fifth generation of leadership.

He was later succeeded by his son-in-law, Xi Chen, after his demise on July 15th 2006.

She sighed. Xiao Lang... Syaoran had been named after his grandfather. She shook her head as she switched off the computer and stood with her bag before storming out of the room.

Why the hell had she done that?

*.*

At home she spoke to Tomoyo briefly.

"Why are you seeing Yamazaki again?" she asked Sakura as Sakura debated what dress to wear.

"I don't know," Sakura shuffled through dresses to finally decide on pants and a shirt instead. "He asked me to see him for dinner. I didn't see what the problem would be."

"Sakura, don't you remember why you left him?"

Sakura closed her eyes and took a breath. "So he didn't tell me he was working for Touya. I don't see what the big deal is."

"You weren't so accepting about it back then, if I recall correctly. Neither was Touya, by the way."

It was true. Touya had been extremely open about his condemnation of her relationship with Yamazaki. Granted, it had only lasted three months, and sure he worked with Touya. Right now, Sakura couldn't remember why that had bothered her so much.

Well, at the time it'd bothered her enough to leave him.

"Fine," Sakura admitted. "So he lied about his job—"

"The guy is a serial liar, Sakura. He's practically a sociopath. He's also over dramatic, condescending and an orang-utan. Listen to me, will you? Don't be adamant about hanging out with a familiar face just so you don't have to face your current traumas."

Sakura held a breath at that.

Tomoyo sighed before speaking next. "I'm sorry Sakura, I don't mean to be blunt about it, but I meant what I said. I don't like what you're doing to yourself over this breakup with Syaoran. Is this how you're going to deal with it?"

"I'm not hoping to get back with Yamazaki, if that's what you mean."

"I didn't think you were. But you are leading him on with this thing you've got going on. Does he know you're not interested?"

Sakura thought back to the night they went bowling, the evening they had coffee, the day Tomoyo and them watched a movie at her place. He'd been so attentive, so sweet. It'd felt good to be in his company.

"Would it be so wrong if I wanted to...? I don't know... start things up?"

Tomoyo stayed quiet.

"Come on, Tomoyo, he seems to have changed. He's different." Sakura tried to assure her.

"Say what you want, Sakura, but I still remember what you went through when you broke things off with the guy and you know what the worst part is? You didn't even confront the asshole! You just broke up with him and he let you leave, no questions. Probably too embarrassed to even step up and say his piece, truthfully, anyway.

"Just don't expect me to lie to Touya over this guy again. If he asks me about him, I'm going to tell him, like I should have the last time."

With that having been said, she hung up.

Damn, Tomoyo. Did she have to be so... haughty about this? Sakura shook her head as she went to the bathroom to do her hair, realizing that she had to stop this. Tomoyo would never forgive her if she fell into the same stupidity twice.

It was better than falling in love with a drug addict, Sakura realized. She could deal with the lies, the deceit, the cheating. The drugs though were a whole other world of pain. They were an emotional attachment somehow, the drugs, the addicts, something that was embedded deep into her system, something that no matter where she went, it followed, and they followed. She didn't have to look over shoulder to know that.

Yes, Sakura told herself as she applied some gloss, it was far, far worse to love a drug addict.

*.*

Sakura sat awkwardly at the table and watched as Yamazaki had ordered wine for the two of them before she'd arrived. It was a small cafe near the National Library that served Italian and French food. Sakura was in the mood for Italian, even if her stomach was filled with guilty little rodents.

"I hope you don't mind, but I've called a friend over to join us tonight," he told her over the menu card. Sakura lowered hers.

So, this wasn't a date then? She sighed in relief. This would be so easy to deal with. Tomoyo would be so happy to hear it.

"I don't mind," Sakura said quickly as she eyed the lasagne. Chicken or vegetable, she wondered.

"Here she is," Yamazaki said as he stood to receive her. Sakura turned around to find a pretty looking twenty-something year old approach the table with a small smile on her lips. Sakura smiled at her.

Yamazaki hugged her briefly before kissing her cheek, whispering something in her ear and had her nod back. Sakura jerked.

This was a date, sure. Just not the conventional kind, it appeared.

"Sakura, this is Chiharu Mihara," Yamazaki introduced as they nodded to each other and smiled politely.

"Nice to meet you, Sakura," Chiharu said as Yamazaki pulled back her chair. "Yamazaki's told me absolutely nothing about you."

Sakura frowned. What the hell?

"Well, what's there to tell? She was the girl who broke my heart," Yamazaki dramatically held his chest.

Chiharu snorted. "You'd need to have a heart to have it broken."

Sakura cleared her throat.

"You're breaking mine right now, Chiharu."

"Bite me, doctor."

It appeared she'd been transported to the twilight zone somehow.

"Where do you work, Sakura?" the girl with the honey coloured curls asked as she sipped some of her water.

"I am an English teacher at St. Aloysius College,"

"Oh, that's a fantastic school, I've heard. How long have you been doing it?"

"For four years now," she answered, eyeing the way Yamazaki was playing with the girl's hair, then her stole.

"Tell me what you do," she asked Chiharu.

"I'm a financial adviser," Chiharu confirmed. "I recently set up my own business with a close friend of mine,"

"I'd be jealous too," Yamazaki spoke with a smile. "If only he weren't gay,"

Sakura sputtered.

"I assumed you were relieved he was gay,"

"Very, angel. I can't imagine being okay with that. Ninety percent of the cheating takes place at the office, with the business partner."

"You just made that up,"

"You almost fell for it,"

"I never fall for your tricks, Takashi,"

"Oh, but you fell for my wit and charm, didn't you?"

"I wouldn't fall for you if you were the last man on the planet."

Sakura almost wanted to smile. She didn't dare interrupt their conversation.

"Don't be silly, you're crazy about me,"

"Just to let you know, this is our first date," Chiharu turned to speak to Sakura then. "And he makes it sound like we're some newlywed couple,"

"Could've fooled me," Sakura admitted slowly. Dinner was served a few moments after when Chiharu excused herself to the restroom. Sakura stayed behind with Yamazaki.

"So," Sakura started.

"Yeah," Yamazaki grinned. "That's Chiharu."

Sakura shook her head with a smile. "Why didn't you tell me you were bringing her?"

"I don't know, Sakura, why do I even do the things I do?"

Sakura didn't say anything to that. Till date she had no answer for that one.

"You seem... different with her," Sakura realized.

"I need to be. She's from the group sessions. Kaho's her mentor."

Sakura stilled.

Kaho was Syaoran's mentor too.

"Isn't this against the rules?"

"Only if I was her mentor, who I'm not," Yamazaki tapped the table lightly. "Checked it out and everything,"

Chiharu came back to the table. They started to eat.

"So, where were we?" Chiharu had a bite of her garlic bread and moaned.

"We were just talking about the venues for the wedding, baby," he kissed her hand with his fork left midway. "What do you think about Philomena's Church?"

Chiharu smacked his arm. "I'm not Christian, you fool,"

"You're not?"

Sakura wondered if that was really the problem with this conversation.

"Well," Yamazaki dabbed a napkin to his lips. "It seems this wedding needs postponing,"

"Yeah, let's wait until we know each other's religious preferences and maybe, I don't know, till after the second date?"

"You spoke my mind, love."

"Eat your bread, Takashi,"

Sakura wouldn't have believed it until she'd have seen it. This, right before her very eyes, was the forming of an epic love.

"Pass the cheese, buttercup,"

"Pass it yourself, you shoe lace,"

Sakura laughed.

It would be very epic, indeed.

*.*

"Thanks for dinner, Sakura," Chiharu told her outside the restaurant with a hug. "It was nice seeing you,"

Sakura smiled and returned Chiharu's hug. Then, she turned to Yamazaki.

"Thank you," she whispered in his ears.

Yamazaki looked puzzled when he pulled away. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sakura chuckled as she waved in goodbye and walked to her car. She looked back to find the two of them kissing.

She called Tomoyo when she reached home and only caught her voicemail.

"Tomoyo," Sakura sighed happily. "Call me back, Tomoyo. You won't believe what happened."

She hung up then, thinking of new things, of old things, of good things, of bad. Sakura had thought for sure that tonight would have helped her move on, but it had done the exact opposite. Yamazaki had taken her right back to where she'd started.

Would she able to move on from Syaoran like that, find someone more worthy, someone who loved her just the same? Sakura wasn't a fool. She knew what they'd had was special, different. It was in the way they kissed, and in the way they touched. It was always there, that special feeling, that zing in the air when they were together. God, she missed him but what could she do? Syaoran was so twisted and lost and she couldn't do anything for him until he wanted something done. How could she hope that love alone was enough? It wasn't for her own father, so why would it be for her few months old boyfriend? Three deep breaths later she calmer, leaving a residue of memories she'd buried many years ago.

After her mother had passed, Sakura and her father had gone to visit her grave, dressed in a white floral dress and pigtails in her hair. She was barely eleven. Sakura couldn't remember if Touya had gone with them.

Beloved Mother, Wife, Daughter, Granddaughter.

You will be forever missed, my love.

"Do you miss mommy?" she'd always wanted to ask that, and so that she had.

"Very much, Sakura. I miss her everyday." her father had told her with an undertone of passion she'd never really seen in him once her mother had passed.

"What is love, daddy?" she had asked her father after reading the tombstone once, then twice.

"Love is home, darling. Love is right here, between you and me." Her father had told her with a smile on his face, with a kiss to her cheek. The weather had been so clear and peaceful, like her mom had never left. The world was moving on, weather changed, days passed. A decade and a half later, things were clearer.

Her father had never moved on.

Sakura switched on some mellow music and got to work in the kitchen. She wondered if he'd ever meant what he'd said.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

QUESTION: Whose your favourite in your family?

I myself am not too happy with this chapter, maybe I'll work on changing it. What did you guys think?

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