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To Retire or Not to Retire
Chapter Seven
Weeks later Holly would not be able to tell you how she passed that day or any of the next few days for that matter. Ducky came for supper but had no real news. Jethro was holding on. That was all they knew. The next day and the next were the same. No change; he was still critical. Finally, on the morning of the fourth day Ducky, who had been getting his updates from a Corpsman, spoke directly to Dr. Taft who told him Jethro was awake and alert and knew what was happening. Ducky asked him if he thought Jethro could manage a phone call from Holly.
"I think it might do him some good as a matter of fact. I'm a little worried about his mental or emotional state. He's just sort of going along with whatever we say which I understand is not his usual style."
"I don't know who you've been talking to but that is correct. Jethro is a notoriously bad patient. If he's not already asking to leave then something's wrong."
"I spoke with Agent DiNozzo yesterday. He told me Agent Gibbs hates hospitals and rarely stays as long as his doctor wants him to. Of course he is a long way from leaving but he seems very complacent to me."
"Then I'd ask you to send a photo so I can be sure you have the right man there. Seriously though, I'd like for Ms. Snow to be able to talk to him. I think it will help. Any idea when he might be transferred stateside?"
"I want to keep him here another three days probably. I think he'll be strong enough by then to handle the flight home. We'll have to get him to an airport where he can be put on a transport equipped to fly patients home. I suspect we'll take him to Baghdad and fly home from there. As to the lady calling, can you arrange that in about three hours?"
"Yes, absolutely. Shall I have her call this number?"
"Yes. I'll be sure Gibbs is awake and rested enough to talk. You know, Dr. Mallard, Agent Gibbs fought hard to get this far but he seems to have lost his determination for some reason. I hope this lady can help."
"She can, believe me. What you are telling me is concerning but not completely unexpected at this stage of the process, correct?"
"Yes, often patients who have had to struggle to simply survive are so worn out by that they simply don't have enough left to keep fighting. That's when we lose someone we thought was going to make it. I damn sure don't want to see that happen to Gibbs."
"It won't. Ms. Snow will get him straight. Thank you doctor, we'll call in three hours."
Dr. Taft was right to be concerned about Gibbs. He was tired. They had been weaning him off the sedation for the last two days and he was in pain a good deal of the time now. He didn't tell anyone of course because he hated the idea of becoming dependent on drugs. He had seen that happen too many times and he was determined it would not happen to him. He knew what had happened, who had shot him and where he was. Holly was almost constantly on his mind. He hoped Ducky had gotten to her first with the news. He wanted to go home but he was just so damned tired. Many times a day he just wanted to go to sleep and drift away.
This near death experience wasn't like the drowning he'd experienced a few years ago. He didn't see Shannon and Kelly; didn't hear their voices urging him back. He wondered why. The only person he "heard" from was Mike. Jethro didn't know if he was awake or asleep; drugged or unconscious but he sure recognized the voice of his first boss at NCIS.
"Damn Probie, you got yourself in it this time."
"Go ahead and say it Mike."
"Say what? I just came to tell you to keep fighting. That pretty lady you have waitin' for you is worth the fight."
"I know you're aching to say 'I told you so'. About the kid."
"Yeah, well I figure you don't need that now. You know what happened. Doubt you could have changed it anyway. That's not what's important now anyway. Look, I know you hurt and it's going to be hard but you gotta keep fighting it Jethro. I don't want you here yet. You finally got a good one and you got lots of good years ahead of you with her. Don't you mess that up. You hear me Probie?"
"I hear ya Mike. Awful tired though. Not sure I have enough left this time. Not when I know who's waitin' for me there."
"Bull, you listen to me. They'll be here years from now. Holly needs you at home. You need to think about her; not yourself. Don't give up on this, Jethro. You got a chance for a lotta good years with a beautiful woman who for some unknown reason loves you. There was a time you'd have cut off your own arm for a chance like that. Don't start feelin' sorry for yourself. Suck it up Marine and get yourself right. Don't make me come back here and headslap you."
"Thanks Mike. I love you too."
"Hell, don't go getting all mushy on me."
Lying in a hospital bed in the bowels of an aircraft carrier Jethro tried to do as Mike had instructed. He tried to suck it up and get himself together. The problem was he couldn't really DO anything. All he could do was lie there and wait. Waiting was not his strongest skill. As a sniper he had been able to lie in wait for a target for hours or days if necessary but this was different. Waiting to feel better, to get stronger, was excruciating. Maybe if Holly was there it would be better. Maybe when he got off this ship and home to a hospital it would be better. But now he couldn't even hear her voice. He was stuck thousands of miles away, on a ship with no idea when he was going home. Try as he might, holding onto positive thoughts was nearly impossible.
One problem was Jethro knew what was waiting for him as his recovery progressed. He knew about the pain, the frustration, the inability to do even the most mundane tasks for himself. This wasn't his first experience of being wounded and he dreaded the coming weeks. On top of that he hated the fact that Holly was going to be thrust into the role of his caretaker. Her life and her job were going to be completely disrupted. Hell, it already had been. It wasn't that he thought she'd resent all that it was just that he didn't want her to have take care of him. He was supposed to take care of her after all, not vice versa.
Jethro was trying to shift around and get more comfortable in the bed when Dr. Taft walked in. He helped Jethro get situated then looked over the chart and listened to Jethro's heart and lungs.
"How are you feeling this afternoon, Gibbs?"
"The same."
Dr. Taft kept expecting questions about when Jethro could get off the ship and home but they didn't come. His patient was worrying him and the good doctor decided now was the time to bring that up.
"Gibbs, why haven't you asked about going home?"
Jethro kept his eyes on the ceiling and asked, "When can I go home?"
"Very funny. But since you asked, I hope to get you off the ship and back to the States in three or four days."
"Okay."
"I've heard you rarely stay in a hospital the recommended time. Yet, you seem oddly disinterested in your own recovery. Frankly, I'm worried about you Jethro."
The use of his first name caused Jethro to look over at his surgeon. The man looked almost as tired as he felt.
When Jethro didn't respond Dr. Taft carried on in a calm but very serious voice.
"You know, Jethro, patients who have survived as traumatic a wound as you have sometimes fight so hard to survive the surgery they just don't have enough fight left for what comes next. They want to survive but they can't. With others they struggle to get off the table, survive the surgery and then the struggle is just too hard and they give up. That's when I come in one day to find they've wasted all my rather substantial skills and died on me. I hope you don't plan to do that. I spent almost three hours in your chest and abdomen putting you back together. Then most of the last four days making sure you weren't in terrible pain and that you would live to appreciate my efforts. If you're not up to what it will take to get home and back to your life I wish you'd tell me now so I can quit working so damned hard to save your life."
Jethro closed his eyes and fought back tears of frustration, fear and pain. He had been blocking out thoughts of going home because it seemed so far away it hurt to think about. He wanted Holly. He wanted to go home. He wanted the pain to go away. Walking on the beach holding hands with Holly, enjoying the house that was finally a home again, making love to Holly; it all seemed too far out of reach now. He had never felt like this before and he didn't understand what was wrong. He didn't understand why he wasn't bouncing back like he used to. Like Mike wanted him to.
When he thought he could speak without breaking down, Jethro looked at Dr. Taft and said, "I want to go home. I'm not going to die on you."
"Good. I know you're not much of a talker and I appreciate that but I've found that sometimes with this kind of trauma it helps to talk to someone. The good thing about being on this ship is I'm about the only one you have to talk to. No social worker is going to come in and offer you counseling. I've been inside you where no other person had ever been so you can tell me anything."
That got a small smile from Jethro which was very encouraging to Dr. Taft.
"Who told you I'm a bad patient?"
"DiNozzo and your friend Dr. Mallard."
"You talked to Ducky?"
"Yes, he's very concerned about you. Calls here every day to check on you. I just spoke to him personally for the first time an hour or so ago as a matter of fact."
"Anyone else?"
"I've spoken to your Director. Just medical stuff. I also hear you have a beautiful lady waiting for you at home."
"DiNozzo again."
"Yes. And Dr. Mallard. In fact she's going to be calling you in a couple of hours if you're up to it."
Jethro couldn't stop the smile that creased his face at that news.
"I'll be up to it."
"Do you have questions for me, Jethro? I know you've been injured and wounded before but I don't think anything quite this serious. Right?"
"Yeah, nothing this bad. All my parts gonna work alright?"
"Yes. All your organs are intact and as far as I can tell functioning just fine. Your kidneys are working, your heart and lungs are fine. I removed a small part of your liver and some of your colon and your spleen but otherwise you are all there. The bullet missed your heart by the tiniest of margins. All in all you were lucky. Mostly lucky there was a medic nearby. Your main problem was blood loss."
"What about my leg?"
"The bullet fractured your femur but the break was miraculously clean. That's another reason I want to get you home as soon as we can. You're going to need surgery on the leg but I wanted you to be stronger before they did it. I couldn't have the ortho in with me so it had to wait. The delay won't matter though."
Jethro reached up and scrubbed his hands over his face. He liked this guy; he seemed to be a straight shooter and Jethro appreciated that. He figured this doctor had seen his share of pretty gruesome stuff and probably a lot of really messed up guys. Maybe he'd be able to tell him what was wrong with him.
"You said you were worried about me. Why? Is there something you're not telling me about my condition?"
"No, medically you're doing better than I expected when I first saw you. I've seen lots of bad wounds but you were in bad shape when you got here. I'm worried about where your head is. You coded twice on the table. You fought really hard in there and I was very encouraged by that. But in the last two days I've noticed you're not continuing to progress. You've shut down and that scares me because from here on out your recovery is almost entirely up to you. Can you tell me what's going on?"
Jethro took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. It was a huge leap of faith for him to open up to someone he barely knew but he sensed he could trust Dr. Taft.
"I don't really know. In the past I've always been ready to go as soon as I woke up. I've never had a problem doing whatever it took to get back. I don't understand what's wrong with me. It's not like I don't have a life I want to go back to. In the past that was the case but not now. I have a wonderful woman waiting for me at home. I love her and I want to be with her. I don't understand why for the last couple of days I've wanted to just give up and drift off."
"You were in a coma right?"
"Two actually. And I've been shot before, been blown up."
"So you know what's ahead in terms of recovery. It's not a piece of cake. Jethro, your body suffered a tremendous trauma. You watched a young boy, a boy you had tried to help, shoot you in cold blood. You found yourself lying in the dirt in Iraq essentially bleeding to death. What you experienced while you were unconscious and on the operating table basically dying twice, we don't really know. I know what your physical body went through but what your mind experienced we don't know. Maybe you do but I'd bet you don't remember much of it."
"One time I drowned before DiNozzo pulled me out of a car and revived me. I saw and heard my late wife and daughter. Not this time. Nothing."
"Does that worry you?"
"I don't know. At that point in my life I wanted to stay with them. Now I have someone here I want to be with. Maybe that's why."
"Could be. My guess is what you've been through in the last couple of days is simply the result of being overwhelmed by the trauma of what happened. I know I keep using that word but it's really at the root of what's going on. Your physical trauma we've dealt with. Now you're dealing with the emotional and psychological trauma of what happened to you. Ducky tells me it's been a tough year for you and your team. And that you're about to retire. You have had a lot to deal with, Jethro. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time and let your lady help you."
"Yeah, that's another problem. I hate the idea of her taking care of me. Always have had a problem with that."
"If she was hurt or sick would you resent taking care of her?"
"Of course not. I love her."
"Then show her you respect that she loves you too. Let her do for you what you would do for her."
"You're pretty good at this talking stuff, doc."
"Unfortunately I've had a lot of practice. Why don't you get some rest and I'll come back in time to make sure you're awake when your lady calls."
"Thanks doc."
"You're welcome. And Jethro, take the pain meds. You won't get addicted and you'll get better faster if you're not fighting the pain all the time. Trust me on that."
"Okay."
Jethro closed his eyes and relaxed for the first time in days. Maybe he wasn't crazy. He had to admit he'd never been as scared as he was lying in that street looking at DiNozzo yelling at him and feeling his life draining away. Now he wanted to trust that Dr. Taft knew what he was talking about and that he was really going to be okay. He really, really wanted to talk to Holly now and tell her he was coming home. He realized that for the first time since he had watched Luke shoot him he believed he was going to see Holly again. Sleep came easily then and was uninterrupted by dreams or visits from the dead.
As soon as he could after talking to Dr. Taft, Ducky called Holly and told her the good news about her calling Jethro. He gave her number and told her when to call. Ducky didn't say anything about the surgeon's concerns because he believed talking to Holly would take care of most of what was bothering Jethro.
Getting the go ahead to call Jethro was what Holly had been waiting days to hear. She did her best to stay busy but she couldn't concentrate on much of anything except watching the clock. Finally it was time and she settled on the bed, wearing one of Jethro's tee shirts that he had left in the bathroom. It still smelled like him and she wore it part of each day just to feel closer to the man she loved. She looked at the notepad with the number on it and quickly punched in the number. Through the magic of twenty-first century technology a phone rang thousands of miles away in the sick bay of US Navy aircraft carrier.
"This is Dr. Taft."
"This is Holly Snow. I was told I could speak to Jethro Gibbs at this number."
"You certainly may. Just a moment."
Dr. Taft smiled at his eager patient and handed him the phone. "Talk as long as you want."
"Thanks Doc."
Jethro took the phone and Dr. Taft stepped out .
"Holly?"
"Oh Jethro."
That was all they could say for a moment. Hearing each other's voices stirred such strong emotions for both of them they had to take a second to get it together.
"Hey, beautiful. I'm doin' okay. I'll be home in a few days."
"Jethro, I love you. I wish I could be there for you. I miss you so much."
"I know. I love you. Ducky told you what happened?"
"Yes, he came over right away after the Director called him. I had been up for hours because I woke up suddenly at about the time this was happening to you. When I saw him in the driveway I knew something bad had happened. I was so scared I almost didn't open the door."
"I'm sorry, Holly. I never wanted you to have to deal with anything like this."
"I know. It's okay. Ducky has been wonderful. He's kept me informed every day. Oh, Jethro, it's just so good to hear your voice."
"Yeah, good to hear you too. What about work? You're still at home right?"
"Yes, I'm here. I'm doing a lot by phone and Skype. Everything is good there and they're managing quite well without me. Maybe too well."
"I doubt that. Once I'm home and on the mend you should go back and I'll join you as soon as I can."
"I'm not going back without you. I'm not leaving you until you're one hundred percent."
"That could be a while, babe."
"I don't care. Nothing is more important than you and I and you getting back in shape."
Holly felt herself about to cry and she didn't want to do that with Jethro on the line but she also didn't want to hang up. She decided he'd know sooner or later how emotional she was so she kept on.
"Jethro are you really okay? Ducky said it was pretty bad."
"I promise I'll be fine. It will take time but all my parts are working. I'll have to have surgery on my leg when I get home but that's all. Don't be afraid of this Holly, it'll be okay."
"I was afraid you wouldn't come back."
Jethro thought he knew what she was talking about and he wanted to set her mind at ease.
"You mean like the drowning?"
"Yes."
"Holly, listen to me. That didn't even happen. I never saw them this time. The only person I've seen is Mike and he told me to get back to you. I admit it's been hard the last couple of days but I want to see you so bad. I'll be home I promise. You're going to be putting up with me for a long time."
"I want that more than anything. I want to get my hands on you and never let you go."
"Sounds good. Hey, tell me about the weather or the traffic or just anything. I don't want to hang up. I want to hear your voice some more."
Holly talked about the weather, about what she wanted to do in the yard for the fall, about Mrs. Richards next door and her new dog. She told him what was going on in Tampa and at the shelter in DC. She talked about anything she could think of until finally she was out of small talk.
"Jethro, is Tony there with you?"
"No, Dr. Taft said he left to go after Luke and Daniel Budd."
"I hate that you're there alone."
"I know. Dr. Taft has been great though. And I'll be home in a few days."
Holly could tell he was getting tired.
"You need to rest. How about if I call again tomorrow at the same time?"
"Yes, do that. I love you babe. Talk to you tomorrow."
"I love you too. Rest and get better."
Jethro hit the end button and closed his eyes. Hearing Holly's voice had been the best medicine he could have gotten. He replayed the conversation over and over in his head until he fell fast asleep.
The next three days were better for Jethro. He rarely felt the depression he'd experienced in the previous few days. He still hurt a lot most of the time but it was getting better. He took the pain meds he was offered more often but still not every time. Holly called every day after that first call and those few minutes made the day bearable. Finally, four days after Holly's call, Jethro was transferred by helicopter to Baghdad for a flight home. Dr. Taft accompanied him as his rotation on the carrier was at an end. Jethro was glad he was there; it was nerve-racking to travel on a hospital gurney still connected to wires and tubes. He slept most of the way to Andrews AFB but he was awake when they finally arrived at Walter Reed hospital in Bethesda. Jethro knew Dr. Taft had talked to Ducky about when they expected to arrive so he expected Ducky and Holly to be at the hospital. He could barely contain his impatience to be settled in a room so he could see them.
Even though he had done nothing but sleep and lie in bed the traveling seemed to have worn Jethro out. He was awake when they loaded him into an ambulance for the drive to the hospital, slept through the drive and woke up again as they wheeled him into the hospital. After being confined in the sickbay of the carrier for so long, the noise and smell of a real hospital were oddly welcome. Then Jethro remembered where he was and that he hated hospitals. He knew it was daytime but he had no idea what time it was.
"Hey doc, what time is it anyway?"
"Almost two o'clock. Don't worry, they'll be here."
Jethro smiled. Dr. Taft was pretty good at reading his mind. But he figured since all he'd talked about for two days was seeing Holly it wasn't hard to know what he was thinking.
"As soon as you're settled in a room I'll find them. I don't want you to wear yourself out but I know you will. Just remember, you're getting that leg fixed tomorrow afternoon."
"You sure I'm in shape for that?"
"Yes. It's not a long procedure. I'll be in there just in case but don't worry it will be fine. I'm not going to let some ortho screw up one of my prize patients."
"Thanks doc. For everything. I don't think I've said that yet but thanks."
"You're welcome Jethro."
After what seemed like forever Jethro was finally alone in a hospital room. He was still hooked up to monitors and an iv but for the most part he was doing very well. Talking to Holly every day had helped tremendously, the shooting was ten days in the past and Jethro was moving toward his future. He felt stronger every day and was taking less and less pain medication each day. He hoped to be out of the hospital and home within the week. After all, his patience could only last so long.
Dr. Taft found Holly and Ducky in the lobby. He knew immediately who they were; Jethro had not been exaggerating when he said Holly was beautiful. No wonder he had been in such a hurry to get home.
"Dr. Mallard, Ms. Snow, I'm Dr. Taft. So good to finally meet you."
"You too, Doctor. How is Jethro?"
"He's doing well. He's finally in a room so I'll take you to him."
Holly spoke, "I wanted to thank you for all you've done for Jethro. And for the phone calls."
"Just doin' my job but you're welcome. Jethro fought very hard to survive and I'm quite sure you're the reason he did so. He still has some difficult days ahead of him but he's definitely on the road to recovery."
"What do you mean when you say difficult days?"
"Well, he will have pain for some time to come. He is very reluctant to take pain medication so he'll be dealing with pain for a while. It will be several weeks before he gets his strength back to the point where he can do whatever he wants to do. I have a feeling that will be frustrating and difficult for him. He is not a patient person and particularly not with himself. The longer you can get him to take it easy the better it will be for him in the long run."
Ducky had been smiling and nodding his head as Dr. Taft spoke.
"Jethro is a notoriously difficult patient. In fact, I'll wager there are nurses in this very hospital who will testify to that. He'll want to be out of here in the next few days is my guess."
"I don't expect he'll be here for more than four days, five at the most. He doesn't need nursing care now but I want to make sure he handles the surgery on his leg alright and I want to be very sure he's strong enough to go home before I release him. A lot of hard work went into getting him this far; by myself and Jethro, so I don't see any reason to rush things."
"When could he travel? We have a place in Florida and I'd like to get him down there where he can truly rest and recuperate in peace and quiet."
"I don't see him on a commercial flight anytime soon, I'm afraid. He'd be too uncomfortable. I wouldn't recommend it in less than a month. Remember, he was very nearly dead in the street about two weeks ago and actually dead on my operating table twice that same day. Yes, he's recovering but as I said, he has a ways to go yet."
Holly was disappointed with that news but nothing was going to dampen her mood today.
"I understand. Thank you for your candor, Doctor. Now, if I don't see Jethro in the next few minutes I'm afraid I might blow a gasket. Can we go?"
Ducky and Dr. Taft laughed, "Yes, come on."
As they approached Jethro's room, Dr. Taft considered warning Holly that Jethro still looked pretty rough but he decided she wouldn't care anyway so he held his tongue. He was pretty sure this lady didn't scare easily and wouldn't be put off by the fact that the man she loved looked a little worse for the wear.
Ducky stopped at the door Dr. Taft indicated was Jethro's room.
"You go in and I'll wait a few minutes before I join you."
"Thank you Ducky."
Without hesitation, Holly opened the door and walked in. Jethro was lying in a bed on her right. She looked at him for just a moment before she approached, not sure if he was awake or not. She had expected more wires and tubes so she was pleased to see Jethro was attached to only a few. He looked tired and it was obvious he had lost a lot of weight but as far as Holly was concerned he looked great.
As soon as she came near the bed Jethro opened his eyes and looked over to see her coming. He smiled at her and she couldn't help the tears that suddenly appeared in her eyes.
"Hi beautiful."
"Hi yourself."
Finally she could do what she'd been longing to do since she heard he was shot; she could touch him. Holly leaned down and kissed him on the mouth. She lingered there, barely touching him but he thought it was the sweetest kiss he'd ever had. Jethro brought his hands up to frame her face and hold her close. Holly moved her lips gently over his face and then gave him what he really wanted which was a proper kiss. He participated as best he could under the circumstances which turned out to be better than he'd expected. Eventually they had to pull back and take a breath.
"I'm so damn glad to see you. Seeing you is what has kept me going for the last week. You'll never know how much it meant knowing you were here waiting for me."
Holly carefully sat on the edge of bed and grasped Jethro's hand in hers. She looked him over and decided he was still the most handsome man she'd ever known. He needed a shave and a haircut and to gain about ten pounds back but to her he looked wonderful.
"I wanted to be on that ship with you so badly. I hated that you were so far away and out of my reach. But that's over and you're here and I'm not letting you out of my sight. I know this is a silly question but how do you feel?"
"Better every day. I'll be out of here in a few days I think. I can't wait to get home and start really getting better."
"I've been told you're historically not a very good patient."
Jethro just shrugged and gave her his patented smirk. Then he got a serious look on his face. He pulled her down for another kiss.
"I do have a well deserved bad reputation as a patient. But that's in the past. Things are different now. I'm different. Besides, I don't have any reason to be in a hurry now; not going back to work anyway."
Holly noted his tone was very somber at that last statement.
"How do you feel about that?"
"It's okay. Was about to retire anyway, remember. Tony will catch the bad guys now. They'll do fine. I was ready and this just seals the deal. On the bright side, I'm saving a lot of annual leave which I'll get paid for and using sick leave which I would not have been paid for."
"Ducky's outside. Shall I go get him?"
"One more kiss first."
One more turned into two but finally Jethro let her go.
While Holly and Jethro were getting reacquainted, Ducky took the opportunity to talk with Dr. Taft.
"Tell me Doctor, how is Jethro doing, really?"
"He's doing well as I said. I was concerned before he started talking to Ms. Snow but since she's been calling he's done much better. His injuries were extensive as you can probably imagine. I'm sure you've had plenty of victims on your table that had sustained the same wound that Jethro suffered. He coded twice on the table and I was actually on the verge of calling it the second time when he finally came around. I'd say it was nothing short of a miracle really. We kept him sedated for the next two days and then slowly let him wake up. I don't expect him to have any permanent damage. The leg will be fine probably but I'm not an ortho so I don't want to make any promises there. We'll see how that goes tomorrow."
"How long do you expect him to be here?"
"At least three days, more likely four I'd say. I want him really on the mend before I send him home. Let's not kid ourselves, Dr. Mallard, Jethro is not a young man and he was very seriously wounded. I want him able to eat and get some strength back and I want the risk of infection to almost nil before he goes home."
"I couldn't agree more but I will tell you he is not a good patient."
"I know. He and I have talked about that and he knows I'm very firm about this. I expect he'll try wheedling and cajoling but trust me, I'm immune."
"Good to know."
At that point Holly came out and told Ducky Jethro wanted to see him. Ducky shook hands with Dr. Taft and followed Holly back into Jethro's room. Ducky went right to Jethro and gave him a hug as best he could.
"My friend, I am more than happy to see you. You gave us a real scare this time, Jethro."
"Sorry 'bout that Duck. Good to see you too."
Holly went to the other side of the bed and sat in the chair reaching out to hold Jethro's hand. She saw some of the old sparkle come into his eyes when he talked to Ducky.
"So, Duck did Dr. Taft give you any information I need?"
"From what he's told me you are a very lucky man."
Ducky didn't want to talk much about what Dr. Taft had said in front of Holly. He wasn't sure she really wanted or needed to hear any gory details.
"He expects you to be here for about four days so just prepare yourself for that."
"Yeah, I know. I was hoping for three or four but he's pretty set on five at least. Let's see what things look like in three days; maybe he'll reevaluate."
Ducky laughed and said, "I doubt that."
The three friends visited for about an hour and then Ducky said he needed to go. Holly was going to stay a while longer so they said goodbye and the lovers were alone together.
"I know you're tired and I should go but I just hate to leave you."
"Just stay until I fall asleep, okay?"
"Yes. What time is your surgery tomorrow?"
"Not until the afternoon."
"I'll be here in the morning. And every morning after that until you come home. And all the days too."
"I'd like that. Don't wear yourself out though. You know when I come home it'll be tiring for you. I'm not going home until I can at least do some stuff for myself."
"Don't worry about me. I'm tough. We'll work all that out as we go. I want you home as soon as possible."
After several heartfelt kisses and some very welcome touches Jethro fell asleep with Holly holding his hand. She watched him for a few minutes then kissed him softly and left.
The next morning Holly arrived as Dr. Taft was coming out of Jethro's room. She was glad she caught him because she had been giving some thought to how Jethro would manage when he went home.
"Doctor, do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk to you about Jethro and his going home."
"Yes, I have time. What's on your mind?"
"The house we live in is two stories. The bedrooms are all upstairs. I'm assuming Jethro will be on crutches for a while. You see where I'm going with this?"
"Yes. He will need crutches most likely for some weeks but I'm not sure he'll be strong enough to use them much. He almost surely won't be going up and down stairs. I doubt he'll want to be upstairs exclusively either and I don't want him sleeping on a couch or something downstairs. Any possibility you could put a bed downstairs?"
"Yes, that's possible. I have another idea though. The house we're renting in Florida is on one level. Right on the beach in St. Pete. I'd like for Jethro to be there. I know you said a month before he could fly commercially but what if I can arrange to get him there on a private jet?"
"Then I'd say do it. Winter in Florida sounds like a much better idea than winter here. I might even have to come check on him while you're there. Seriously, if you can arrange it that it would be great. Can you make this happen?"
"I most certainly can. I suspect the SecNav might be willing to fly Jethro to MacDill. If not, I have other resources."
Holly smiled at him and Dr. Taft could understand why Jethro was so anxious to get home. He knew who Holly was of course, but had not let on to Jethro that he did. He was quite sure Holly knew more than one guy who would be happy to get her and Jethro safely to Florida.
"When you know for sure you're going let me know and I'll arrange for a friend of mine a MacDill to follow up with Jethro after you've been there for a few weeks. He'll need physical therapy for the leg too I imagine but we'll check that with the orthopedist. And, I'll need to have the address. Just in case I'm in the area, you know."
"You would be most welcome anytime. In fact, I insist you come for a visit. I'll never be able to thank you enough for saving Jethro. He's a special person and I don't want to imagine life without him. Thank you for all you've done."
"You're very welcome. Jethro has remarkable strength and courage and I'd say he'd lucky to have you. As I told Dr. Mallard yesterday, Jethro really started improving as soon as he spoke to you the first time and it continued right along with you calling every day. You played a big part in his recovery to date."
"Thank you for telling me that. It means a lot. I was so desperate with him so far away. At least the phone kept us connected a little bit. I'll let you know our plans. Thanks again, doctor."
"You're welcome. I'll see you both this afternoon."
When Holly entered the room, a nurse was just finishing her checks and Jethro was sitting on the side of the bed.
"Sorry, should I wait?"
"No, come in. We're finished aren't we, Lisa?"
"We are. Good morning. You must be Holly. Gibbs has been anxious for you to arrive. I'll get out of your way. Check you later Gibbs."
"Thanks, Lisa."
When the nurse had gone, Holly stepped up between Jethro' knees and carefully wrapped her arms around him. It felt awfully good to be in his arms even under the circumstances.
"You make friends fast."
"Lisa has been here for ages and she and I met about four years ago when I was here for something, I don't even remember what. Anyway, she saw my name on the patient list and insisted she had to be my nurse. She's a great nurse."
"And very pretty." Holly looked at him with a raised eyebrow and the smiled.
"Yes, she is but not nearly as beautiful as you. I sure like the feeling of you holding onto me. How about a kiss?"
"By all means."
Pretty soon Jethro needed to lie down so Holly helped him get comfortable then she sat in a chair next to the bed and held his hand. Because of his upcoming surgery, Jethro couldn't have any breakfast and he was hungry.
"I haven't really wanted anything much to eat but since I can't have anything this morning all of a sudden I'm starving."
"It's all in your head you know."
"Sure isn't anything in my stomach."
"I'm sorry. Let's talk about what we're going to do when you're out of here. I want us to go to Florida as soon as you can travel."
"Doc said a month probably."
"I have another idea. I talked to him in the hall before I came in. He said you could go anytime on a private jet. In fact he more or less recommended it. So, I'm thinking SecNav owes you a flight to Tampa. What do you think?"
"I think it sounds like an excellent idea. Are you going to ask her or let Leon do it?"
"What do you think would be best?"
"Why don't you go ahead and ask her. If you need Leon to back you up I'm sure he'll do it."
"I won't. She likes you. She'll be happy to fly us down there. Or you at least."
Jethro laughed. "Don't worry, she'll be happy to have you go along too. She likes you almost as much as she likes me."
Holly punched him very gently on the arm.
"Speaking of the Director, have you heard from anyone at NCIS? How's Tony?"
"Leon called this morning early. He'll be here shortly in fact. He wants to update me on the case and see how I'm doing. He never believed I was going to retire but he does now, I guess."
"I'm surprised Abby hasn't been here already."
"She called too. One of the other teams has a bad case going so she's swamped. She said she'll be here for sure tomorrow. I told her that would be better because this afternoon is out."
They talked for a while then Jethro closed his eyes and fell asleep. Holly had to remind herself that even though Dr. Taft said Jethro was doing well he was still recovering from a terrible ordeal and still needed a lot of rest. She was content to sit with him, watching him sleep for as long as he needed her to. Jethro slept for about an hour and when he woke up Holly was still there, still holding his hand. It was the best feeling he'd had in a long time. About fifteen minutes later Leon arrived so Holly stepped out to stretch her legs and let them talk about the case in private.
"You doin' okay, Gibbs?"
"Yeah, you know how it goes. Slowly. Lots better to be here."
"Do you want an update or are you okay with just letting this go?"
"What do you think?"
"Okay, DiNozzo and Joanna scooped up Luke and several other teenagers and they're back here in a juvenile detention facility until it can be determined what, if anything they can be charged with. I doubt any of them, with the obvious exception of Luke, will be held past today. They've been here for three days already. Their parents are clamoring for us to let them go."
"They're gonna need some pretty close watching to be sure they don't go back to the Calling."
"Well, I'm expecting the Calling won't be in business much past the next day or two. DiNozzo and Joanna are on Daniel Budd's trail and I figure he's got at the most, two days before he's caught. He better hope it's DiNozzo who gets him first and not Joanna Teague."
"I hope she gets there first and he tries to flee. She won't hesitate to put a stop to that."
"No she won't. Off the record that would be the preferred outcome. I expect the US Attorney will want your input about Luke. You got any thoughts on the boy?"
"You know, Leon, he's just a mixed up kid under the influence of a terrorist. I sure don't think he needs to be locked up forever. Did anyone find any family that could take him?"
"His mother had a sister who lives in South Dakota. We made contact with her and she and her husband are on their way. I'm hoping they'll be willing to take him if the US Attorney will agree to some intensive counseling and probation and supervision. They live on a farm, fairly isolated but prosperous. Might be a good place for him to get his life back."
"Yeah. That sounds promising. I'd like to talk to him Leon."
"I thought you might. You'll be here for a few days I'm guessing. I'll arrange it after we talk to the aunt and uncle and see what the attorneys come up with."
"Thanks. I guess you'll believe me now when I say, I'm retiring."
"Yes, I believe you. I'm very glad you're getting the chance to retire."
"You know, Leon, I never expected to be able to. I always figured it would end like it almost did in Iraq. I'm damn lucky."
At that moment Holly walked in and Leon laughed and said, "In more ways than one."
The surgery on Jethro's leg was routine as Dr. Taft had predicted. The delay had been a bit longer than the orthopedic surgeon would have liked but he told Jethro afterward that everything went well and he expected no permanent impairment. He explained Jethro would need to wear a brace for several weeks and there should be minimal weight bearing for two weeks. He explained the bullet had barely nicked the bone and he suspected Jethro's fall was what actually broke the bone. All in all the outcome was a good one.
The next two days were spent in the dull routine of being in the hospital. Jethro continued to improve and started some physical therapy on his leg to keep the knee in good working condition. His pain was manageable for the most part and he resisted taking any medication that tended to make him drowsy. He felt like he'd slept enough in the past two weeks and he wanted to be awake as much as possible.
Four days after he'd arrived Dr. Taft came to see him late in the morning. Holly was reading the paper and Jethro was watching Sports Center. He turned off the television hoping to hear he was going home the next day.
"Well, my friend I think we're going to have to let you go pretty soon."
"Good. I'm ready."
"Yes, in many ways you are. I will have some very strict instructions that I expect you to follow for the next six months or so. You absolutely must not rush your recovery, Jethro."
Holly was paying close attention. She fixed Jethro with her most serious look and said, "Oh he won't. He will be the best patient you've ever heard of. Won't you, babe?"
"Yes, ma'am. Don't worry, Doc, I'm retired remember. Nothing to rush for now. Well, nothing but this beautiful lady right here."
"Exactly and let's talk about that for a minute. I know you will be anxious to get back to your life when you get home and alone but don't rush things. By things I mean sex. And don't be surprised if, when you think you're ready, you can't perform as you're used to doing. It may take time. Maybe not but don't worry if it does. Am I making myself clear?"
"Yeah, doc, I don't need a diagram or anything. I get it."
Unlike Jethro, Holly was not shy about discussing this topic so she asked, "You're saying while there is nothing wrong with Jethro, it may take a while before he can get and keep and erection. Right?"
Holly saw Jethro roll his eyes and she ignored him.
"Yes, exactly. It's all a question of blood flow and since his insides were completely manhandled and abused it can take a while for things to get sorted out."
"Anything in particular we can do to help that along?"
Jethro choked and sputtered and again, Holly ignored him.
Dr. Taft was enjoying his patient's discomfort. He smiled at Holly and continued to play along with her.
"Just be patient. Intercourse may take a while but other activities are certainly not out of order. I guess I'd say extended foreplay would be a good idea until you see how it's going."
"Okay you two, enough talk about my sex life. Or lack thereof. When can I get out of here?"
"Day after tomorrow, in the morning. Are your plans to stay here or go to Florida?"
"Now that I know when we're able to go I will get it worked out but I think our plan is to spend maybe one or two days here and then go. Right?"
"Yeah. I'd kinda like to see my house for a day or two. Maybe see a couple of people and say goodbye since we'll be gone for a while. I'll stay downstairs. The couch is perfect, don't worry. We need to make some arrangements since we'll be gone for a few months. We can start on that today in fact on the phone."
"Good. I will set up an appointment for you with Dr. Paul Franklin at MacDill for six weeks from now. If you have any problems or questions call him right away. He will have all your records. He's a good guy and he'll take good care of you. I'll see you two tomorrow morning."
Once Dr. Taft was gone Jethro told Holly he needed to call Leon. He hadn't told her he was going to meet with Luke.
"Leon, I'll be out of the hospital day after tomorrow in the morning."
"I can get Luke over there tomorrow morning if you still want to see him."
"Yes, that'll be fine. Ten o'clock okay?"
"We'll be there."
Holly eyed him, "What's going on?"
Jethro reached for her hand and she had a feeling she wasn't going to like what he was about to say.
"I asked Leon to arrange for me to see Luke. He's bringing him here tomorrow at ten."
"He's here? In DC? When did this happen?"
"He's been here about a week or so I guess."
Jethro went on to tell her all he knew about the situation with the kids and about the aunt and uncle who might take Luke to South Dakota if the US Attorney approved the plan. Holly had nothing to say for a long time. Jethro gave her time to process the idea. They had not talked about the actual shooting yet or about his feelings about Luke. Or her feelings either.
"Don't feel like you have to be here. If you don't want to see him I completely understand. You certainly don't have to and it's okay. This is something I just have to do though, Holly. I have to tell him I forgive him so maybe he can move on and have a life."
Holly didn't say anything. She simply leaned down and kissed him.
"Jethro, you never cease to amaze me. You are truly the best man I have ever known. I will be here if you want me to or I will let you do this on your own. I support you in this and I'm very proud of you for doing it."
"I'd like for you to be here. I want Luke to see I have a life and he didn't ruin it. I want him to see he can have a life too; that his life isn't ruined either."
"I love you Jethro. You are a good man."
"Thank you. I love you more than you will ever know."
The next morning Holly arrived early and brought Jethro some clothes. He had said he didn't want to meet with Luke wearing a hospital gown and he was tired of the damn things anyway. With Holly's help he managed to sit on the side of the bed and pull on some sweat pants and a tee shirt. He convinced her to let him stand up on his good leg for just a few moments. It felt good to be out of bed and upright for the first time in too long. While he was standing up Lisa walked in and gave him a warning look.
"You better not be standing on that left leg, Gibbs."
"I'm not. Sorry, but I couldn't resist the chance to get off my back for at least a minute."
"I know. It's been a long time for you in that bed. As long as you have help go ahead and stand up every now and then as you feel like it. Just don't put any, and I mean any, weight on that leg or Dr. Jameson will have your head; and mine too."
"Don't worry, he won't, at least not while I'm here. And you better not try this unless Lisa or I are here."
"Geez, two women telling me what to do. Maybe I ought to go back to work where I was the boss."
Holly and Lisa both laughed. Jethro leaned back on the bed and Lisa helped him get settled again.
"I hear you're leaving us tomorrow. Good for you, Gibbs. This was a close call from what I've read. I'm glad you're going home. And retiring too. You deserve it."
"Thanks, Lisa. Hopefully, this will be my last visit here. At least as a patient."
"I hope so. I'll check back later. Good to see you Ms. Snow."
"You too Lisa. And please, call me Holly."
Leon arrived right on time at ten o'clock with an MP escorting Luke and his aunt and uncle. Holly stood by the head of the bed and Leon led Luke to stand near Jethro's hip. The MP stood at the door and Luke's aunt and uncle nervously stood by the window.
Jethro reached up for Holly's hand and she laced their fingers together.
"Hi Luke. Are you okay?"
The boy looked like he'd been through a rough time. He was pale and even skinnier than before. He had a kind of dazed look on his face that proved he had no idea what to expect from this visit.
In a small, scared voice he finally answered.
"I'm okay. I'm sorry Gibbs."
Then he started to cry. His small body shook with sobs he couldn't control. Jethro sat up and held his hand out and Luke fell against him. Holly saw Jethro wince but he shook his head and took his other hand from hers and held Luke while he cried. Everyone in the room was fighting to keep from crying. Holly and Luke's aunt were not winning that fight. Holly put her hand on Jethro's back gently rubbing circles to support him.
Jethro repeatedly told Luke it was okay and that he wasn't angry with him. He told him he was going to fine and he didn't want Luke to worry about him anymore. Finally, Luke took a shuddering breath and stood up. He wiped his eyes with his shirtail. Jethro held onto Luke's hand.
"Everything is going to be okay, Luke. I'm going home tomorrow. I want you to know I'm not mad at you. I forgive you."
"You do?"
"Yes. I know you didn't really want to kill me. You were doing what Daniel told you to do. He messed with your mind and convinced you to shoot me. Right?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't want to but he said if I didn't you were going to take me home and put me in prison. He said you would say I was a terrorist. I was scared. He killed my parents didn't he?"
"Yes, he did. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Tony's gonna catch him and he's the one going to prison. He's the terrorist, not you."
"What's gonna happen to me?"
Jethro looked at Leon and then at the aunt and uncle. Leon shrugged as if to say it wasn't decided yet.
"I don't know for sure. You want to go live with you aunt and uncle?"
"Yeah. They have a farm. We visited once and I like it there. They have horses and cows. I could learn to drive a tractor. I want to get away from here."
"That's what I want too. I'm going to talk to some people and we'll see what we can do. I do need you to promise me something though."
"Okay. I'll do anything for you Gibbs. I'm so sorry I shot you. Tony said you almost died and I started crying and got sick. Promise me you're okay."
"I'm okay, I promise. Now you promise me you'll stay off the internet unless it's for school work. And the only adult you talk to will be someone your aunt and uncle know and approve of. Promise?"
"Yes, I don't even want to get on a computer. When I move can I call you?"
"You better. And you promise you'll do your best in school and do chores and all that stuff?"
"Yes. Thank you for not being mad at me. For forgiving me."
"You're welcome, Luke. One more thing I want you to do. I want yo to forgive yourself. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do but it's really important. I know. You have to let this go pretty soon and get on with your life. Okay?"
"I will."
During all this conversation it was as if no one else was in the room. Jethro and Luke were focused completely on each other. Now, Luke looked at Holly and then back at Jethro.
"That's Holly. Holly, this is Luke."
Holly reached across the bed and shook hands with Luke.
"She your girlfriend?"
"Yes, she sure is."
"Pretty. I'm sorry about all this ma'am."
"Thank you Luke. As Jethro said, everything will be okay now."
Luke stepped back and motioned for his aunt and uncle to come meet Jethro. After all the introductions were made and Luke's aunt thanked Jethro for meeting with them Leon said it was time to go.
"If you all will wait in the lobby I'll be down in a few minutes."
When everyone else was gone Jethro asked, "Is the deal gonna go through or not?"
"It is. The US Attorney is going to call you or come see you today if that's alright. He just wants to hear from you directly that you're okay with Luke going to South Dakota."
"That's fine. I'll be here all day."
"Are you heading to Florida?"
"Yes, probably on Tuesday. I want a couple of days or so at home first. We need to get things organized you know to be gone for probably three months at least."
"Okay. SecNav said she will make her plane available to you whenever you're ready. Can I tell her Tuesday for sure?"
Jethro looked at Holly who nodded and said, "I don't see why not. That gives us four days at home counting tomorrow. Maybe about eleven o'clock or just whenever is most convenient for them. The time certainly doesn't matter."
"She'll be calling you once you're home. She wants to talk to you before you're officially retired. Which won't be until you're cleared off medical leave by the way."
"Thanks Leon. I have the sick leave to cover the next month or so?"
"Of course. When did you ever take a sick day Gibbs?"
"Right. Not lately I guess."
"Okay, I need to get back to the office. I don't expect I'll see you before you leave. Take care and don't be in a hurry. We'll talk I'm sure. You're still on the payroll so I may call you from time to time to pick your brain."
"That'd be fine. Thanks for everything Leon. I'll see you after the first of the year."
Holly gave Leon a hug and walked to the door with him.
"Thanks for arranging everything with SecNav. We appreciate all you've done the last couple of weeks."
"Take care of him. Let me know if you need anything."
"I will. Bye."
When Holly turned back around to Jethro she could see the meeting with Luke had taken its toll on him. She stood next to him and took his hand in hers and leaned down to kiss him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm glad I did that but it was hard. I do forgive him but dammit that kid almost killed me. He almost took me away from you. I've always expected to die in the line of duty but not at the hands of some twelve year old kid. I hate that he was so poisoned by that dirt bag Budd that he actually shot me. Twice."
Holly hadn't heard this much emotion from Jethro since he'd come home and she was glad he was finally voicing how he felt. She had been worried that he was keeping too much bottled up.
"Jethro tell me what happened that day."
"No. I don't want you to have those images in your head."
"I already have them there. Probably worse than what really happened. You need to get this out and I need to hear it from you. Not from Ducky or Tony; from you. I need to know you're really moving past it. I don't think you will do that until you talk about it."
Jethro was silent for a long time. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. Holly was right; he needed to tell her what had happened. He had to trust that she could handle it.
"Sit up here with me."
Jethro scooted over and Holly sat on the bed on his right side to avoid his injured leg. He held her hands and began.
"Tony, Joanna and I were looking for a group of teenagers we had been told had been seen in this market area. I followed a young girl and stopped her. I was talking to her when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and Luke was standing there. I saw Tony a ways back on his phone. I started to say something to Luke. Maybe I said his name I don't remember, and then he raised a gun at me. My instinct was to reach for my weapon and I started to but then I stopped. My mind said, he's just a kid, you can't shoot a kid. Then he shot me in the leg. I couldn't believe it. The pain was excruciating and immediate. I started to say something, I stumbled and then he shot me again. I don't know what he did next because I fell over."
Jethro was talking very quietly. Holly rubbed her thumbs on the backs of his hands. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss but she didn't say anything. She knew he needed to go on without her interrupting.
"I remember Tony yelling at me and then Joanna was there. I could feel myself shutting down. I remember thinking I wasn't going to see you again. Then nothing. I know I hurt. I don't remember the medics getting there or the helicopter or any of that. I don't think I ever woke up again until after the surgery. I remember Mike being in the room later and talking to me."
Jethro reached for his water and took a drink. He scrubbed his hand over his face and smiled at Holly.
"Okay?"
"Yes. Go on if you want to."
"Next thing I remember is being in the sickbay on the carrier. Dr. Taft was there talking to me when I woke up. I guess I'd been out for a couple of days. The next few days were tough. They kept me pretty doped up but I was hurting all the time anyway. At least it seemed that way. I got pretty down after about three days. I guess I'd never been hurt that bad and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't bouncing back like I thought I should. Doc said I had fought really hard through the surgery and he thought I might be giving up. I didn't feel like I was but I wasn't trying very hard either. Then you called and things got better."
"I wish I could have been there for you. I was so scared when Ducky showed up and then it was just waiting and waiting for news. You wouldn't have given up Jethro. That's not who you are. You would have pulled through but I'm glad I called and glad it helped you."
"You're right I wouldn't have given up because I knew you were here waiting. But I'll tell you, it would have been a lot harder without hearing your voice every day."
"For me too. Just hearing you and knowing you were going to come back to me was such a relief. Let's not do all that again, okay?"
"That's fine with me. Now, I think we've covered that all I want to for now at least. How about a kiss or two and then I need to sleep."
TBC