Author's Note- Edited.

Enjoy!

Forbidden

Compromise

Indescribable. For one perfect second, that was what it was. Something I couldn't exactly put into words, even if I wanted to. Because, the millisecond my lips brushed against Derek's, his hands on my hips tightened their grip, reacting immediately and pulling me close, which was possibly just as surprising to me as my own irrational act to kiss him in the first place.

I'm sure that, in that single second, if my brain had been functioning properly, I would have noticed that a spark zinged its way throughout every nerve ending in my body the moment Derek reacted. I probably would have also paid more attention to how my toes curled, my knees shook, my heart stopped, my skin erupted with overwhelming heat and, hell, even how my brain turned to complete mush.

I hadn't felt anything like that when Nate had kissed me, and it was absolutely thrilling. If I had to compare them, Derek's lips were just as warm, sweet and tender. Only, I couldn't compare them, because Derek's were so much more and so much different than Nate's were. Though their touch sent fire coursing through my veins, they were also cold. They were gentle, but with hesitance. Strong but, surprisingly vulnerable.

Above all, they were real. Genuine and raw emotions and reactions filtered through me instead of being induced by surprise and confusion. Derek's lips weren't forceful, though his unyielding personality portrayed that they could be. They were enticing, full, soft and- gone.

I blinked, dazed. I had been so wrapped up in that perfect second that I hadn't noticed that, once it ended, Derek's grip had moved from my waist to my shoulders, gently pushing me away. I met his eyes, confused, mind not quite able to comprehend anything just yet. However, Derek's head was bowed, his night black hair falling into his eyes, covering them from view.

"Chloe, we- we can't." He whispered, rough voice so quiet that I almost missed his words.

His grip on my shoulders was tight, fingers curling just barely into my skin, threatening to bruise if he were to squeeze any tighter. It almost felt like he was afraid to let go, but also to hold on at the same time. If it weren't for that, I probably would have allowed the miniscule stab of rejection to seep in even further at his words.

Without a word, I drew my right hand from its resting spot near his collarbone and reached to softly push some of his hair from shadowing his eyes. Surprise evident, Derek glanced at me from beneath his lush lashes, jade orbs an uncertain storm. I knew then that I didn't need to feel rejected, because he wasn't pushing me away.

He was holding himself back.

"But you want to." I murmured.

When he cast his gaze aside and his hold on my shoulders slacked, I quickly slipped my hand from his forehead to cup the side of his face, turning his attention back to me.

"I know you do, Derek."

Derek's eyes abruptly locked back onto mine, wide with momentary surprise, as I've never voluntarily called him by his first name before. Then his brows bent in an emotion akin to struggle. I was right. We'd both been more than aware of how we've felt individually and never dared to venture on the aspects of how the other did because of the forbidden factor of the entire thing. We really couldn't do this.

But we wanted to.

After Derek went through what looked like my own internal battle over the last weekend in an agonizingly long moment, he finally released a frustrated breath, slipped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my lips back to his.

Just as slow, tender and susceptible, Derek kissed me, but entirely more sure than that of the first kiss that I had initiated. His thumb stroked over my jawline and his opposite hand rested on the small of my back, pulling me closer. I pushed up onto my tiptoes, fingers fisting into his dress shirt, putting in my own efforts to draw him closer to me.

My entire body was set ablaze, as instant as a match striking a strip, catching fire. My lips burned and a flushed feeling melted its way through my flesh from the bridge of my nose the tips of my toes. A pleasurable shudder racked up my spine in suit of Derek's fingers trailing up its length. My own hands itched to explore new boundaries and uncharted territories, however, I was still reeling from the actual act of kissing Derek Souza. In retrospect, that was something that could be saved for another time.

And, if it were the last thing I do, I'd fight for that time.

Too soon, Derek pulled away. However, it wasn't as forced as the first. Reluctant, yes, but not nearly as obligatory. As I glanced up at him, I met my favorite quirk of his lips and an emotion I thought I'd never see when it came to Derek.

Bashful.

It wasn't like he was giggling like a giddy little school girl or even blushing like I did the first few times he had ever spoken to me. But the way he refused to meet my eyes, as if still unnecessarily nervous as to how his own actions were received- like me kissing him back contentedly wasn't enough of an incentive- made him look a lot younger than I really thought he was.

I would have loved to stay in this mild fantasy that we were just two teenagers suffering from all high school romance dramas of first admitting our admirations towards each other. To have everything just be magical with reality blinded by wave after nauseating wave of the very idea of having someone simply attracted to you, let alone your crush. However, Derek was a very realistic man and he just had to shatter all that with the reminder that we weren't silly teenagers and weren't under the best of conditions.

"You do realize that-"

Funny thing about illusions and fantasies; when you're currently sitting on a fine line between them and reality, you tend to lose your place. For instance, I reacted immediately to what I knew Derek was about to say and did something I never even thought of doing to a teacher- let alone a college Professor. I reached up and quickly covered his mouth with my hand to prevent him from speaking any further.

"I don't care anymore." I muttered dryly, giving Derek a stern look. Even with my hand covering a portion of his face, he still had the ability to scowl at me.

"Chloe," He sighed, pulling my hand away with the one he still had cupped against my own cheek. He didn't release it, though. Instead, he held it tightly, shut his eyes in a manner of reminding himself that he was the elder here and, therefore, had to think rationally. I wish he didn't.

"We have to be careful about this." He finally said, meeting my eyes with his own in which I could see that he had killed a bit of the light in them since we had kissed.

"That depends on what your definition of 'careful' is."

"What other options do we have, Chloe?" Derek snapped. "I'm your mentor and you're my student. This-" He gestured between the two of us as if it were taboo to even utter the idea that we were at the building grounds of something more than a student and teacher relationship. "-isn't exactly smiled upon by society."

"But, if I weren't your student than none of that would even matter, right?"

"Of course not."

"Well-" I started, pulling up an argument there on the spot. I mean, even I had been apprehensive about even thinking that Professor Souza and I could be anything more than what reality told us we were. But, knowing that I wasn't the only one with unreasonable desires and feeling the way that I felt when he had kissed me, whether it was morally wrong or right, it didn't matter anymore.

"-frankly, it's no one's business so we shouldn't worry about whether other people approve of it or not. Also, I'm not going to be a student at this school much longer so, why should all that matter?"

"Because 'all that' could amount to you getting expelled or losing your scholarship," Derek retorted with exasperation, as if I weren't even thinking of these things. And I was, but-

"And I could lose my job."

Well, when he puts it that way…

"I get it." I said, tone sincere to show him that I wasn't being irrational about everything, just resilient.

"I understand the consequences because, trust me, I've thought of them enough. It's whatever you decide, Derek. But, I just want you to know that I'm willing to risk a few things in order to get what I want. To you, this all may be irrational and crazy and, for a while, I thought what I felt towards you was just that. But it's not. To me, it all feels real. It feels possible and now, I strongly believe that it is. Do you?"

Again Derek sighed, but not like an adult trying to explain something to a child. It was like he agreed with me wholeheartedly but couldn't stop thinking about everything that was against us.

"If it makes you feel any better," I added. "My definition of careful is keeping things to myself."

"Great," Derek rumbled, eyes rolling as he fell back into his normal dismissive and stoic demeanor. This was a good sign. It meant that he wasn't stressing- not as much at least.

"Not only are you negotiating the relationship between yourself and your calculus Professor, but you're also making it a point to be a secret affair."

"Of course I'm not," I scoffed, only, Derek merely smirked at me as if challenging me to phrase what I had just suggested differently.

I couldn't.

"Okay, maybe not entirely. I just mean that until we're not both registered under the same school system, then I won't make it Facebook official that I'm in a forbidden relationship with said calculus Professor."

"You're one of those girls?" Derek asked, nose wrinkling in mock displeasure. It was my turn to roll my eyes. To think that I used to be in complete shock at the idea of Derek being the teasing type. In the end, I decided to roll with it.

"Yup. Though, to be honest, I haven't even touched my Facebook since I made it maybe four years ago. Oh my God, my high school friend Amber will be the first to like the status, she'll be so excited. Wait, shouldn't I be tweeting now-"

When Derek got tired of just glaring at me, he simply dipped his head and occupied my lips enough to shut me up. I laughed against his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck, taking this as an agreement to my proposal of what he so blatantly labeled as a 'secret affair.'

And that was enough, for now.