Author's Note- Edited.

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Responsibility

"Oh my God, finally! I've been waiting out here for ages! What happened? Did you fail? I swear, if he gave you a bad grade to force you to retake his class, I'll- I don't know! But I mean, come on! There are far better ways to tell a girl that you like her and-"

"Liz?" I blanched, abruptly taken aback by the blonde hurricane I ran into as I exited the math and science campus.

"What are you doing here and what the hell are you going on about?"

Liz took a step back, a deep breath and then jumped back into her ramblings.

"I decided to stop by and wait for you to get out of class, you know, to see if I needed to wrestle you back in there and confess that you're in love with your calculus Professor-"

"I'm not in love with him." I scoffed. Liz continued as if she hadn't heard me.

"-but when I saw Nate and he was by himself, I figured I didn't have to give you that push at all, that maybe you had already taken that step yourself. I asked him where you were and he said that Professor Souza asked you to stay behind after class and that it didn't look good. He was pissed. So, basically, I've been waiting here for the past thirty minutes worried that Professor Souza had failed you and you would have to retake the class, which would be entirely wrong in my opinion because you've been doing so great catching up and the only explanation I could think of was that he wanted you to have to stay because he's in love with you too-"

"He's not in love with me, Liz." I interjected once again. "And I didn't fail."

"-and if that were the case, it would be somewhat romantic, I suppose-"

"No it wouldn't." I muttered, scrunching up my nose in distaste. She really wasn't hearing me though.

When Liz gets on a rant, she doesn't really stop.

"-but still, that would really affect your overall GPA and you could even lose your scholarship. I mean, how selfish can he be? If he really cared about you and wanted some way to tell you, he'd have lied and given you an exceptional grade that way your future wasn't jeopardized and though it would be agonizingly painful for him to let you go, he would, because he knew that was what was best for you and what you wanted. Now that would be romantic and-"

I finally just reached into my book bag and pulled out my final. I held it up for her to examine right around the, 'he'd have lied and given you an exceptional grade' and it took her a minute to actually shut up, focus, then gasp and rip the test from her hands.

"A 98? Chloe that's incredible! I knew you could do it! I'm so pro- wait," she paused.

Liz lowered the test and her bright blue eyes met mine questioningly, confusion apparent.

"If you didn't fail, then why did you stay so long after class? What were you and Professor Souza talking about?"

I'm sure I had already been a bit flushed after leaving Derek's classroom, however, now I was practically glowing a faint red. If only Liz knew what had held me up after Professor Souza's class. I could still feel his arms constricting just a bit more tightly around my waist and the ghostly touch of his fingers running up the length of my spine. I could feel the heat of his lips against my own despite the chill of January and the exhilarating thrill that zinged through me with each passing touch.

What had Professor Souza and I talked about? Well, not much actually.

"Oh my God," Liz breathed.

I snapped out of the not-too-late memory of Derek's exceptional kissing capabilities to meet Liz's gaze again. She was grinning. Scratch that, she was beaming like a damn fool as if she knew exactly what had taken place inside Derek's lecture hall. As if she had just watched it herself like she had seen a corny, romantic love scene in a movie.

"It's not what you think, Liz-" I started, holding my hands up as if that would deflect where her imagination was going.

"Oh, so he didn't just hold you back to 'congratulate' you for getting a freaking 98 on a final in your worst subject? Don't be so coy, Chloe. He kissed you, didn't he?"

"N-No. It was nothing like that. I-"

"No," Liz uttered, tone again that of a typical school girl who had just received an interesting piece of gossip.

"No, he didn't kiss you. You kissed him!"

If I thought my face couldn't flush any more than it already was…

"You did!" Liz squealed.

"Liz," I breathed, eyes flitting through the parking lot nervously, afraid of anyone overhearing her. After all, I had just promised Derek that I would keep our activity on the down low for the time being. At least until I was no longer attending school at NYU.

There was still a good twenty minutes before Derek's next class started, so the parking lot was quiet. But that didn't mean that there weren't other classes on campus that were about to be released or soon to be starting.

"Oh my God, how was it? Is he a good kisser? I bet he is. How did you reach that high? I mean he's at least a foot taller than you and-"

"Liz?"

"What?" Liz asked, bouncing so much I wouldn't be surprised if her calves would be sore tomorrow from her hyperactive activity.

"If I tell you, would you cool it a notch or two?"

When Liz agreed I had her follow me to my car. Once we were safely out of earshot from any random bystanders I told Liz what had happened when class started this morning, up until I met her in the parking lot. It didn't feel exactly clean telling her after I had just told Derek that I would keep it a secret. But, at the same time, I knew that Liz liked to blab, but not about other people's secrets. If it was something that she knew was meant to be private, she kept it that way and I honestly appreciated having someone to tell. If anything, Liz was almost filling this gap where I knew I would have confided in my mother if she were around.

"A secret romance? That's so exciting! I mean, more exciting than me and Peter for sure." She added the last part with a dramatic sigh and I felt my brows furrow in question.

"What's wrong with you and Peter?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing really." Liz shrugged. "It's just that he's so… blah."

She struggled for the right word but I understood what she meant once she spat it out. Peter had never really been a very exciting person as he had gone to the same high school as Nate, Liz and I. I always thought that he'd be good for Liz because he didn't say much and was a fairly good listener. But I guess Liz was looking for more in a guy than that.

"Are you thinking about breaking up with him?"

"Yeah, I think so. I can feel that he's not all that interested in our relationship anymore as well, so it won't be anything ugly. Maybe we'll still be friends once we come out of it."

"That would be nice." I said.

"Speaking of friends," Liz muttered, tossing me a sideways glance. Suddenly, I felt all my recent elated emotions drop to the pit of my stomach.

I knew exactly where she was going.

"What are you going to do about Nate?"

I still had no idea how I was going to tell him but, especially with what had just taken place between Derek and I, I knew that I had to.

"I know you're worried about losing him, Chloe, but he deserves the truth." Liz said quietly.

"Yeah, I know."

Later on that evening, after Nate had texted to let me know that he was on his way over to my dorm with a demand to know what had happened with my final, I found myself pacing my room so much that I subconsciously fretted about wearing a trail into my carpet. I had to keep telling myself that I had put this off long enough and it just needed to be done. Hell, it should have been done the moment that he had kissed me.

At the sound of a knock at my door I wished that I had taken care of it back then.

My heart hammered unpleasantly against my ribcage as I made my way over to answer it. For a second, I hesitated, hand resting on the handle, brain preparing for every possible reaction Nate might have once I broke it to him that I couldn't be anything more to him than a friend.

After what I had done, as far as leading him to believe that there was even the smallest chance of us having a relationship, I would deserve nothing more for him to thank me for the disappointment then turn around and walk out of my life.

"Chloe? You in there?" Nate called when I still had yet to let him in.

Just do it. Face him and get it over with.

Finally, I opened the door. Nate glanced up and his azure orbs lit up upon seeing me. Only, instead of the smile I had expected to see, his eyes were clouded with concern.

"Hey, so what happened?" He blurted, letting himself into my dorm just like he always did and shutting the door behind him.

For a second, I was confused by what he meant. Was he asking why I had taken so long to answer the door? But then he took hold of my shoulders and ducked his head to catch my eye, worry still evident on his features.

"With your final, Chloe. Did he fail you?"

I blinked. Right, my final. I knew that was one of the reasons that he had come over, but with all the pressure and fear of telling Nate the truth, it was placed somewhat on the back burner.

"No, Nate. I didn't fail. Listen, I need to-"

"You didn't?" Nate interrupted, tone more confused now instead of anxious. "Then what was all that bullshit about the note that said you had to see Professor Souza after class?"

"It doesn't really matter," I said passively, avoiding the discussion where I would have to lie to him even more than I already had over this past weekend and would continue to as to the fact that there was someone else to me that he wanted to be.

"But I need to tell you-"

"Of course it matters, Chloe." Nate said, interrupted once again. "If he screwed up your chances to hold onto your credit and lost you your schalorship, I swear I'll-"

"Why does everyone keep thinking that Professor Souza is the one who screwed me over?" I snapped.

Nate blinked, taken aback.

"You and Liz just jump to this conclusion that, if I failed, then it was his fault and that he's spitefully keeping me from maintaining my hold on that damn scholarship. Why doesn't it cross anyone's mind that maybe I was the one that fucked up?"

"I didn't mean-" Nate started, releasing his grip on my shoulders and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. However, I interjected.

"And why did it have to be a negative thing? I mean, sure, the context of the situation sure seemed like Der- eh, I mean, Professor Souza looked pissed and that he was going to scold me for failing, but it was quite the opposite actually. He wanted to congratulate me for excelling in fact."

"Excelling?"

I reached for my book bag and pulled out my final before handing it over to Nate just like I had done with Liz. When he took it for examination, I crossed my arms and watched as his eyes widened in surprise.

"Holy shit, Chloe. A 98? You got a 98!" He bellowed, a smile spreading across his face.

"Yeah, I know I did." I muttered dryly.

I wasn't sure if I had the right to feel so agitated that both Liz and Nate had instantly blamed Derek if I had actually wound up failing my final, but I did. Now that I thought about it, if I had expressed that final score to my aunt who knew very well about my study sessions with a tutor, she would have blamed Professor Souza as well. But whose fault would it have really been? Mine, obviously. I wasn't some perfect little student that never got an answer wrong or made any wrong decisions.

I had trouble with math. I called in sick every now and then for work when I wasn't really sick, just to sleep in on a Saturday. I'd pick up an extra weeknight shift later because I felt bad, but still. I went to college parties when I didn't really want to and drank under age. I desperately used any distraction that I could to forget that someone I knew had been missing for nearly three weeks now. One of those distractions happened to be my extremely attractive math Professor and now recent boyfriend.

I was anything but perfect. I was just a twenty year old college student trying to get by and make her way towards her dreams, as cliché as that sounded, and Derek didn't seem to have any problem accepting my faults. So why did my friends and family insist that I never made mistakes and needed to be stood up for? I'm not fifteen anymore. I'm an adult and am perfectly capable of taking responsibility for my actions.

Speaking of which…

"Nate, forget the test. We need to talk."

Nate lowered the test slowly and cocked his head to the side, brows quirking in displeasure.

"Uh oh, the universal line." He murmured, tone that of forced humor. But I could see right through the façade as the walls geared for rejection began to build in his eyes.

He knew.

"I-" I took a deep breath.

Be firm. Don't stutter. Say what you need to and accept the consequences.

"I thought about what happened, last week when we kissed. For a couple days, I was really confused and I didn't know what to do. For a minute I thought that it was right, you and me, because you're everything any girl would ask for in guy."

"But?" Nate asked, voice quiet and void of emotion.

"But I can't lie to you or myself and say that I feel the same for you as you do for me. Just because we're ideal for each other doesn't make it right. You're my best friend, Nate, and I refuse to lead you on. I just, I can't do that to you."

I waited. Nate's eyes were focused on the floor between us and I could feel my anxiety peak as I waiting in a seemingly endless agony for him to cuss me out and storm off.

Only, he didn't.

"Part of me expected that, I guess." He mumbled finally.

"I understand if you hate me now and-"

A low chuckle. "I don't hate you, Chloe."

When Nate met my eyes, though his held sadness and rejection, I could tell that he was being sincere and was telling the truth.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, heartbroken to see him so dejected. But he surprised me again by giving me a small smile.

"It's not your fault. I like you. That doesn't mean that you have to like me back and I knew that going into this. But I couldn't keep it to myself anymore and though it sucks, I'm glad you were honest with me, like my best friend should be."

"So, I'm still your best friend?" I asked warily.

"Come here." Nate said, taking hold of my shoulders once again in order to pull me against his chest.

I let him, wrapping my arms gratefully around his torso while resting my cheek against his collarbone. I could hardly gather how relieved I felt by Nate's reaction to my rejection but I relished in it nonetheless. I'd done all that I could do which was tell him the truth and he accepted it. I'd never been so grateful to have Nate who was more kind to me than I deserved.

"Of course you are, Chloe. But, I may need some time, you know?"

I pulled back and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Of course."

Nate released me and for a moment, we stood in my dorm in an awkward silence. After a few wordless minutes, Nate cleared his throat and suggested that we break out the course book and fill out our dream sheets for the new term starting on Wednesday like we had originally had planned for the night. Soon after we made ourselves comfortable on my bed, the course book open between us, we simply just fell back into our usual routine and mocking banter.

Nate nearly had all his general credits taken care of so he picked the minimum amount of classes that he had to take in order to achieve his Associate's Degree. I, on the other hand, had skipped out on the physics class that he had taken the year before and decided reluctantly that I should suffer through it this term. Luckily for me, I was particularly close to a physics major who was an exceptional teacher.

Nate and I both signed up for the follow up to our Tuesday and Thursday studio workshop classes. As much as I hated the idea of spending another term with Professor Banks, I knew that it would look good on my credits for when I transferred to Juilliard. With that and the fact that Professor Banks hadn't bothered me or Derek since before Christmas break in mind, I figured there would be no harm in it.

I signed up for the follow-on to my political science and college English classes before I tried to figure out how I'd fill the space for Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings where I'd been in Professor Souza's class.

Then I noticed that Derek only taught second year calculus during the first term of the year. The time slot for the second term was reserved for one of his two follow-on courses. An honors calculus for freshman through seniors.

Though Derek and I were keeping our relationship to ourselves, it didn't look very good that I'd be spending some extra time in his classroom if I didn't have him listed as one of my current teachers. However, if I had a reason, then no one would ever suspect that there was more going on than a teacher tutoring his student.

With the same giddiness I had felt after leaving Derek's classroom that morning, I scribbled the code for his honors class onto my dream sheet and shrugged with a muttered 'It'll look good on my credit sheet' when I caught Nate giving me a questioning look.

To say the least, I paid it no mind. I still had my best friend and now I had Derek. I couldn't wait for the new term to start.

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