Tattooed

Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

Author's Note: Fashion Fairy 26, lhaine07, Randomsam123, PrincessNevermore, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

Sorry about the delayed update you guys. Days have been hard, personal problems will never give it a rest. Men suck. That's the moral of the story.

My Fav CCS episode HAS to be the one in the elevator. Come on, guys. Syaoran was just SO cute. I love Syaoran. My first anime love. *dreamy smile*

Disclaimer: Not mine.

xxxxi.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

- Reason/Hoobastank

Over the bundles of people piling in and out, Syaoran caught sight of Chiharu and... Sakura's ex-boyfriend?

"Hey," he hugged Chiharu and greeted her, his eyes on the man beside her all the while. "Glad you could come."

"I'm glad I came. Syaoran, this is my boyfriend, Yamazaki."

Syaoran raised his eyebrows. This was something.

"Nice to see you again," Yamazaki stated with a grin, his handshake firm. Syaoran wanted to squeeze the life out of him. First Sakura and now Chiharu? Just what was this man playing at?

"You too," he responded stonily.

"Again?" Chiharu had noticed. "When'd you meet him before?"

Syaoran wanted to stop him, to tell him not to say anything. He didn't bother though. It didn't matter now, anyway. Besides, this was Chiharu. He could trust her to shut up.

"Sakura was dating Syaoran."

"Really?" Chiharu turned to Yamazaki. "Wow. She didn't look like his type."

"Who did you think was that girl in his paintings, love?"

Chiharu gasped. "Are you serious?" she turned to Syaoran then. "That's the girl? The one you talked about? Sakura? The ONE? I don't believe it!" she gasped her question as though it was improbable. Syaoran sighed. He said nothing, thinking about how she knew Sakura. Did Yamazaki make it a habit to introduce new girlfriends to older ones? Syaoran wondered how he got away with that without bloodshed. He caught Eriol walking around with a drink and decided to make his escape.

He excused himself and made his way to him.

"God, I could use a drink." He told Eriol as they stood against a wall near a random photograph.

"Hmmm, so... you're the talk of the town. How does it feel?"

"Incredibly gut wrenching. This entire thing was a fluke. I was a mess before the Exhibit. I never thought I'd make it."

"You did, though."

Syaoran looked at him then. "I did."

"Where's your sister?" Eriol questioned after taking a sip.

"Around, I guess."

"And the blonde diva?"

Syaoran chuckled. "Don't bother. She's not about to fall for you. You're not her type."

"We'll just see about that."

Syaoran smirked. If only Lillian were that easy.

"Syaoran?"

Syaoran would have recognized that voice anywhere. His eyes closed shut after the realization as he thanked God for this miracle just before turning around to see her in all her glory. He couldn't believe still.

Sakura was here.

She came. By everything that was blessed, she looked so good. No memory of their time together had done her justice. It had been so long since he'd seen her last. It had been a month, maybe even more. Already it was two days to Christmas, the day he'd been hoping to spend with Sakura. Now, he'd be spending it alone.

"You came." He smiled stupidly, all thirty two teeth on display.

"I had to," she took a step closer. "I saw your work. Syaoran... it was... I'm speechless."

Syaoran smile broadened. "Thank you. That means a lot to me." He took into account her dress, a black one, and her hair. He noticed her ears. She was wearing his earrings.

"I think... I..." she stuttered.

"Tell me," Syaoran urged her on.

"I'm going back home, to Japan. I mean, it's probably temporary, but I am going home." She told him. Syaoran blanched. Of all the things he was hoping to hear, this was the last of them.

"What?"

"I... Touya thinks I should go back. You're actually the first person I've told this to."

"What about your job?"

"I've been meaning to make my way back home, Syaoran. I have to do this. I'll find something else. My kids will make do on their own."

"I can't believe you're leaving Glasgow."

"Hmm,"

"Please tell me this isn't because of—"

"No, Syaoran." Sakura's expressions were firm, her eyes greener usual. "It isn't you. I'm sorry, but you know we had to break off, we had no choice. I had no choice. Still, that doesn't make this trip back about you. Sure, I came to see you here. I want to know you're doing okay, that you're moving on. That you didn't waste this chance here," she gestured around the room. "With all this talent. You should be proud, Syaoran. You've made a place for yourself here, and you fit right in. You are so skilled at what you do. I'm glad you're building on that."

Syaoran couldn't think of anything to say, anything else to do to make her stay and right now, that was all he was focused on: making her stay.

"Will you keep in touch at least?"

"Syaoran—"

"Come on, Sakura. We can keep in touch. We can Email? I know things haven't exactly been perfect but we can be friends, can't we?"

Sakura smiled at him in that knowing and thoughtful way, in that way that made him feel smaller than a turtle. It was like she knew something he didn't, like she was holding something back, as usual.

"I'll see you off if you want," he tried to beg one last time.

Sakura took a breath before closing the distance between them and bringing her lips to his cheek, a little too close to his mouth. Syaoran didn't move, couldn't move.

"Goodbye, Syaoran."

His heart was thudding loudly in his chest, against his bones, in his ears. He turned around and watched as she left. The pain was so real once again, like it was happening all over again, like they were breaking up all over again. Why, though, was it so painful this time? It felt worse than the last time. Why was it so anguished and sickeningly red, like he'd been bleeding, like he'd broken all his bones?

He watched as she went out of sight and trailed, suddenly forgetting everything. He followed behind her slowly, quietly, till she took her coat and vanished out the doors, into the outside realm he had no control over. He couldn't follow her out there. Out there, she was in her own turf. Out there, Syaoran had no right to follow.

So he stood near the doors, people coming in and going out from time to time, watching as she disappeared into her car and drove away.

He stood outside on the pavement as the snow fell melancholically.

*.*

"Syaoran?"

Most days Syaoran would have responded to his name, said he was right there, standing outside in the dark, cold alleyway with nothing but his coat jacket on.

"Syaoran?"

Somehow, this day, this time, Syaoran didn't have the strength to respond to that call. It sounded like Lillian, Syaoran realized idly as he stood against the bare brick wall. A few streets down from Glasgow Hall was rather different from Glasgow Hall itself. Suddenly quiet, very dingy, and deserted. It was well over midnight and the Exhibit had probably ended. Syaoran hadn't even met Clow, but he doubted that Clow had even turned up. He'd call Yue and check up on how the bidding had gone.

"Okay, this is getting rather pissing off, mate. Where the hell are you?"

Syaoran sighed in the dark, deciding to break through the silence. "Over here,"

It was only a matter of seconds before Lillian appeared before him, wearing a lush grey mink coat. She looked warm, warmer than he felt right then. Getting high would have helped with the cold. Getting high would have helped with Sakura, too. Somehow, between the thoughts of the cold and Sakura, Kaho's patient gaze weasled its way through and made him sigh, the air white as snow as he exhaled.

"What the hell are you doing?" she questioned. "It's freaking freeze!"

Syaoran had felt the icy cold weather on his skin even before he'd left the Exhibit. It didn't matter though, because somehow it didn't weigh out on the gut wrenchingly awful pain he felt in his chest.

"She's leaving,"

"Who?"

"Sakura," he wanted to ask her if he'd ever obsessed over any other 'her'.

"Oh," Lillian sounded disappointed, upset somehow. Syaoran knew Lillian thought he was over her. If only she were right and he were over her. If only he hadn't been pathetic enough to pine away after her after she'd left him, made it clear she didn't want him in his life.

God, he was pathetic.

There was no other word for it.

Pathetic. It was the only word.

"Let's go back, okay?" Lillian started softly, holding his elbow. "Let's go in and then we can talk about it."

Syaoran complied. For once, he didn't resist.

Truth was he should have resisted help from Sakura, all those months ago, on that cold, rainy night. Then, all his problems would have been sorted. He would have still been a happy drug addict, would not have felt two flying squirts of guilt for sleeping with Nakuru, and wouldn't have bothered with anything but his art. Instead, on the best night of his life, here he stood, worrying about a future without a woman! God, what had he come to?

Lillian held his hand all the way back. He realized then that he regretted meeting Sakura. If only he'd never met her.

*.*

Mei Ling had been with Tomoyo when Syaoran had been dragged through the doors of Glasgow Hall. The two of them had been waiting patiently, quietly, in each other's company. Mei Ling was the first to see them. Her smile fell as she observed Syaoran. She approached them, Tomoyo in tow.

Now, he was even jealous of his sister and her lesbian lover. Hell, he'd kill to be gay right now if it meant he didn't have to go through this bullshit.

"What's wrong?" Mei Ling asked, Tomoyo by her side.

"Sakura's leaving." Lillian announced impassively. "Supposedly making hell out of Syaoran's night is what the woman lives for."

Syaoran looked at Lillian, his eyes afire. What the hell happened to calling her Miss Sakura and what the hell happened to the girl who worshipped the very ground on which that same Miss Sakura walked on?

"I suggest you watch what you say about Sakura," Tomoyo interjected, her voice stern. Syaoran had never heard her voice like that before. It appeared there was many a thing he didn't know about these people that came with Sakura, or even Sakura herself.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the I-Heart-Sakura fan club extended on to you as well."

"I think you should stay out of it."

"Make me,"

Syaoran groaned. "Guys,"

"I don't need to make a girl who has nothing better to do with her life than pick petty fights do anything. I think you aren't saintly yourself, so you don't really have the right to pass judgment right now. Excuse me while I go find my best friend."

Syaoran didn't need to hear Tomoyo say anymore.

Sakura hadn't told her own best friend she'd decided to leave town.

"I thought things were better," Mei Ling started. Syaoran had half expected her to leave behind the fuming Tomoyo. "I thought you were doing better."

I am; he wanted to say.

I am.

I just have no self control when it comes to Sakura.

"What do you want to do?" his cousin asked him helplessly. Truth was, if she knew what had to be done, she would have done it. Then again, she didn't know what to do and right now, neither he.

"I want to run away." He sighed.

"Run away?"

"Go away, escape this, and leave it all behind. I'm so sick of this."

Mei Ling didn't need to hear more it seemed.

"So let's do it. Let's leave it all behind."

Syaoran looked at her wearily. "How?"

"Let's go back home, Xiao Lang."

Syaoran didn't fight it. A split second was all it took to make a decision. He didn't fight it when Sakura had picked him off the streets, he wouldn't fight back now.

"Okay."

"Really?" Mei Ling's tone was that of surprise.

Syaoran thought about his mother, his father, his sisters. He thought of Chiharu, of Yamazaki, of Kaho. He thought about his cousin, her lover, his lover.

He thought about Sakura, her brother, and her father. He thought about her dog, her green, green, eyes, her laugh. He thought about how much he would miss her, how this would be the end if he chose to say the words, to seal the deal and make his way back.

He couldn't do this anymore, this constant battle raging on in himself, not knowing when he'd crack and give it all up was an excruciating thing and he just wanted to fall down and let life take him where it may.

"Let's go home, Mei. I want to go home."

And the reason is You

QUESTION: Who is your role model?

Have you ever made those split second decisions? Somethings that come up and force you to decide, one way or another? I have. It's weird, but I guess I always regret them later. Can't say much about Syaoran though.

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Will be updating asap!

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