I just wanted to say I'm so surprised so many people have already read this and enjoy it. It really means a lot to me, I honestly didn't expect anyone to actually notice this at all. So thank you guys very much I appreciate it hugely, please let me know any of your thoughts and most importantly stay tuned...there IS more coming. Xxx
Maura fumbled to tug off her blouse, her vision beginning to blur from all the wine. She was aware that she had exceeded the amount of alcohol that someone her height and weight would be able to manage, but she just hadn't been able to stop herself on this particular night. Everything in her world seemed to be falling apart, more so than usual. She had dealt with a lot over the past year, her birth mother, the loss of her kidney, her mobster father and his father as well, along with her failure of a love life when it came to men. But none of those things seemed to be pressing as hard on the medical examiner as the fact that Jane had accepted an engagement ring from Casey, which would potentially mean she would move away. Maura knew it was an incredibly selfish thought to have, wishing her best friend would sacrifice her happiness with Casey to stay with her and continue the life they had in Boston, but at the same time she knew how much Jane did love the life she had here and her work as a detective, Maura couldn't imagine Jane doing anything else. However it wasn't just the idea of Jane's potential departure that was upsetting Maura, it was the fact she would be losing her best friend to someone else. Casey was a good guy as far as Maura was concerned, but that didn't stop the constant and growing dislike she had of him, the thought that he got to have Jane all to himself. Jealousy was petty and an ugly trait to have, but Maura couldn't seem to keep it away. Her attraction to Jane wasn't news to her, neither was the idea of being with a woman, Maura had explored many of the possibilities that she was bisexual, of course the science around attraction lead her to many indefinite ends and she knew not everything could be solved by science. She and Jane had been working in close proximities with each other for many years now, they had become extremely close and not only was Jane her best and only real friend, she was also the only person Maura really and truly deeply cared for. She couldn't bare the thought of Casey getting Jane, after the two of them had been through so much together. She had begun to realise her affections for Jane were more than just the love of a best friend many months ago, it kept her up late at night pondering the idea that she was…falling? For the detective. But of course she knew she couldn't do anything about it, she wouldn't risk their friendship for anything and so there was no way she would ever bring it up, unless maybe she was lying on her death bed, but even then she wouldn't want to upset Jane nor leave her wondering about their friendship. So Maura had bitten her tongue and continued on as best as she could, that is until now, until the moment when Jane had burst through the doors of the lab a sparking diamond on her finger. Her first thought had been that it was a very standard engagement ring, there was nothing unique about it which upset her as Jane deserved the best most beautiful ring there was. I could have done a much better job selecting a ring Maura had thought before quickly dismissing the thought. She had left work early and gone out the back to avoid seeing the detective, she knew she was being ridiculous but she had already lost control of her lacrimal glands earlier which had resulted in her crying in front of Jane. No, she wouldn't let that happen again so she quietly left out the back and went home. But the emptiness of her house upon her arrival made her wildly depressed so she slipped into some yoga pants not bothering to change out of her blouse and fetched a bottle of wine from the fridge.
And now Jane was at her house, standing in front of her, she could feel the warmth of her body against her own. But everything was blurry and she felt like the world was tipping from side to side, just to knock her off her feet. She put her hands on the detectives waist and spun them around so they had exchanged places, even in her drunken state was she being precautious as to not accidentally trip over Bass again.
"That better?" Jane questioned and Maura couldn't help notice her eyes wandering down her almost bare chest.
"Much" Maura replied and Jane bit down on her bottom lip unsure where to be looking.
"You still haven't told me what's going on" Jane said "I want to help you, you need to talk to me"
Maura frowned crossing her arms across her chest "Do I look like I need help, detective?"
Jane arched an eyebrow with her are-you-serious look engraved deeply on her face.
"This isn't you, Maura" she gestured at her friend standing in front of her half naked and entirely drunk.
"And what does that mean?" Maura asked grabbing quickly onto the side of the island counter as she felt herself losing balance again.
"Well…" It was Jane's turn to be lost for words.
"You're just always so put together, I guess-" Jane let out a mouthful of air "I guess I'm just not used to seeing you like this"
"No one can stay put together all the time Jane, that's bullshit" Maura said, she had intended it to sound more snappy as she was unnecessarily irritated with Jane for her answer, but her words had sounded tired and quiet.
"I know" Jane said taking a step closer to the doctor and leaning an arm on the counter so they were mirroring each other's stance.
"And you're allowed to be like this Maur, but if you don't tell me what's bothering you I won't be able to help"
Maura smiled, she was always so amazed by Jane's determination to fix everything no matter how big or small, and her belief that she could fix everything. It was beautiful.
"Some things can't be fixed" Maura said with a deflated shrug "they're irremediable, irreparable, uncorrectable…hopeless" she said breathing out a deep sigh.
"Well thank you for the English lesson on all the synonyms for unfixable, but that's still not telling me what's wrong" Jane said a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth but quickly faded.
"Maura please" she begged "Please, even if you think I won't understand at least try me"
Maura just looked at her with her big hazel eyes, wide as the full moon. She desperately wanted to tell Jane everything, everything she had been feeling and suppressing but she couldn't, she had no idea where to start and she desperately didn't want to ruin a friendship over something that she could have controlled.
"If the middle of the night and several bottles of wine later isn't the time for truth then when is?" Jane kept persisting. Maybe it had been a mistake calling Jane and making her come over. A reckless mistake that she now couldn't back track her way out of, and Maura's head was too foggy for her to think clearly of a believable excuse. Shutting her eyes she felt herself wobble on her feet, she knew she wasn't going to be able to hold all her feelings back forever, everything she wanted to say was on the tip of her tongue in a pile of words that could dissolve a friendship in seconds. Suddenly Maura opened her eyes looking straight into the chocolate brown eyes that were staring at her with deep concern. Actions speak louder than words. It was true, there was a vast amount of research that proved the truth of those five words. And there were two other words that were ringing through Maura's head; liquid courage. Without a second thought she stepped forward closing the gap between Jane and herself, she cupped the brunettes face with her hands and pressed her lips to Jane's, her heart pounded in her chest and blood coursed through her veins like electricity. The soft, velvety tenderness of Jane's lips against her own made Maura feel like she was going to melt, she didn't even care that the detective tasted faintly of beer she just wanted to stay in this moment. But she quickly pulled away, taking a step back and steadying herself by holding the back of the closest stools. Energy was charging through her body, her breathing was rapid and her heart was still hammering loudly in her chest. She looked at the wooden panels of the floor, afraid to look up at Jane and see her reaction, terrified of what those brown eyes might give away that her words did not. Neither of them said a word for several seconds. She's processing, Maura told herself, but when Jane didn't say anything for several more seconds she couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Well you have it now" Maura said quietly "the truth."
After another few seconds of silence the warming and relieving sound of Jane's husky voice filled the void between them.
"Are you at least going to look at me?"
Maura kept her eyes fixated on the ground.
"I c-can't" she said her eyes prickling with tears and she furiously blinked them back.
"Is there a foreign body on both your corneas now Maur? I can see those tears" Jane said softly and before Maura could react the willowy brunette had wrapped the honey blonde tightly in her arms in a comforting embrace. Maura felt herself disintegrate into tears as she clung onto Jane tightly as her head spun and body began to shake.
"I-I'm s-sorry" she sobbed finding herself gasping for air in between sobs. "I'm s-so sorry"
"Shh" Jane whispered holding Maura close and rubbing her hand up and down the smaller woman's bare back soothingly, and in the moment she couldn't help but notice how well Maura fitted into her arms.
"It's okay" she cooed "You're okay, I'm right here"
After some time Maura calmed down, her breathing began to slow and her tears became less and less until she didn't think there were any left. Jane's arms remained around her, her fingers running up and down Maura's back patiently waiting for her to get back to a more tranquil state.
Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder in exhaustion, her head felt too heavy to hold up by itself and everything seemed to stop spinning when she had it resting there.
"Do you want some water?" Jane asked and Maura attempted to nod, immediately feeling dizzy and light headed, she tightened her arms around Jane's waist fearing the brunettes release of their warm embrace and the touch of her gentle finger tips on her bare skin.
"P-please don' let go" Maura slurred slightly and Jane nodded.
"Okay baby" she said softly "whatever you need I'm right here"
Baby Maura thought did she call me baby?