The early morning sun began to seep through the gaps in the curtains the following morning and Jane's eyes fluttered open as she was gently pulled out of her sleep but the light hitting her eyes. Seeing Maura's dusky rose silk curtains on the other side of the room she quickly discovered she wasn't in her own bed, or in fact in her own home, rolling over she saw the honey blonde still lying soundly asleep on the pillow next to her.

"Jesus" Jane muttered rubbing her eyes and slipping out of bed and into the hallway. She made her way downstairs her eyes still adjusting to the radiant morning light that was filling Maura's house, she prayed she wouldn't run into her mother in the kitchen and face a weird confrontation of why she had stayed over last night. To be quite honest with herself, Jane didn't even know why she had stayed over she could have gone home after Tommy picked up TJ but she hadn't been able to face the idea of an empty home. Maura of course hadn't been opposed when she had suggested she could just stay the night, she had volunteered herself to just sleep on the couch but the doctor had straight out refused. "You'll ruin my cushions" she had tried to argue and Jane had just laughed. Making herself a quick instant coffee she sat at the table and checked her iPad for emails, she was shocked to see that there was one new one from Casey, so shocked she almost spat out her mouthful of coffee all over Maura's table. She almost didn't want to open it, the somewhat bizarre world she had found herself living in these past few days with Maura could end with whatever this email said. She had to read it, she pushed open and shut her eyes as she waited for it to load.

Hey Baby.

I wasn't expecting this to be so hard.

I don't know who I am if I'm no a solider. They want me to command a battalion in the Balkans. There's room for my wife. Please come Jane. Please.

As the words processed through her mind she felt as though a weight had been dropped on her chest, she felt as though someone was standing on her heart as it began to beat faster and faster. Feeling light headed, putting her coffee down and pushing it away from her. The house was quiet, she could hear herself breathing loudly, gasping for air, several tears fell down her cheeks. Casey was asking her to leave, leave her life in Boston, leave her friends, her family, Maura.

"No" she said aloud "No" she repeated louder and her voice trembled. She wasn't going to leave, she wasn't going to marry him. She couldn't leave, she couldn't and she wouldn't. She loved him but it wasn't going to work, they loved their jobs more than they loved each other. His face had become something of a distant memory for Jane over the past few days, but now it was clearer than ever and it sent shooting pain through her heart to think about his gorgeous smile and his shining blue eyes. She thought she was going to puke, leaping up from the chair she ran to the bathroom, throwing herself over the toilet just in time. Flushing the toilet she dragged herself up off the floor and washed her face, the cool water waking up her senses. She felt better, a lot better. Looking out the window at the golden morning sun she knew that if she went for a run it would make her feel even better.

And she was right, as soon as she felt the pavement pounding beneath her feet, the blood pumping through her veins. She breathed fast and ran hard, pushing herself further and further, every muscle in her body ached but she didn't stop, not until she could barely breathe. She collapsed against the rails of someones stairs and panted heavily, gasping for air. She needed to let the pain rip from her body and be gone for good, she wasn't going to marry Casey that much was completely certain now. She was alone again. Well almost alone.

When Jane got back to Maura's she didn't feel much more settled than she did when she had left, her world had just been turned upside down, or at least that's what it felt like. The past few days she had barely given a thought to the idea of being married to Casey, in fact she had assumed that whole aspect of her life was on hold considering his sudden departure, but clearly he hadn't been thinking the same way. I cheated on him. The words echoed through her head. I cheated on my fiancé. She hadn't said yes, but she hadn't said no yet either, so technically that was still cheating. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Her body ached as she walked through the door everything felt tense and rigid, like she was suddenly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. The smell of espresso coffee and toast filled her nose, as she walked into the kitchen Maura sat at the counter in a tight emerald green dress with black heels. God she looks perfect. No wonder I fucking cheated. Look at her. Jane wanted to kick herself, unable to turn her thoughts off.

"Good morning" Maura said hearing Jane walk in and not looking up from the article she was reading.

"I left you a note" Jane said getting a glass of water, she didn't know how to tell Maura. "I went for a run"

"I know" Maura said eventually looking up "Everything okay?"

No.

"Yes" Jane said tight lipped, her gut aching as the lie slid through her teeth, she wondered if Maura could tell. But the doctor just nodded.

"Okay" she said and finished off her coffee.

"Well…I'm going to head to work, I have some paperwork to catch up on did you want a ride?" she asked and Jane just shook her head, afraid that if she spoke she would burst into tears. When Maura left Jane bent over the counter with her head in her hands, willing herself not to cry. Maura had acted so distant this morning Jane wondered if she knew something was up, or had she seen the email? She had left it up on her screen after all, and it was right next to an untouched cup of coffee which was a pretty good indicator alone. Now she probably thinks I'm hiding things from her Jane rubbed her temples, she had let her life get far too complicated and now it was uncomplicating itself she felt worse. Casey was going to be gone from her life entirely, she would send him back the ring later today, and with Casey gone there was Maura. Oh Maura. What was she going to do about Maura. The dorky google mouthed doctor, who she had sex with and stumbled across feelings she hadn't known existed. Maura's drunken words still ran through her head 'do you get it now? You could have had me.' They repeated over and over at night until Jane fell asleep, and then Frost telling her that she and the doctor would be perfect for each other, maybe she had been oblivious the entire time? Maybe those feelings she felt towards Maura now, she had mistakenly classed them as a platonic love of her best friend. But there was no mistake now, what she felt when she was with Maura couldn't be mistaken for anything, her body would yearn for the doctor when they weren't touching, she craved those perfect soft lips to be against her skin, the electricity she felt in her veins when they were together couldn't be mistaken for anything. But why now? Jane thought, why only now did she notice the red and gold flecks on the doctors eyes, why only now was she noticing the dimple in her left cheek when she smiled, or the way her hair fell over her shoulders, or the way her eyes lit up when she saw Jane enter the room.

She shook her head snapping out of her thoughts and glanced at the time, she was already late for work but her stomach felt off and her head was aching from.

"Fuck it" she groaned and picked up her phone to call in sick. All she could bear doing today was lying on her couch in fetal position and letting the complicated emotions of her life engulf her. She didn't understand why she hadn't felt such a rush when she had been with any of her other boyfriends, she had thought she'd felt chemistry with them, especially Casey but nothing, nothing felt like this. She remembered feeling better when Casey went back to Afghanistan the first time, their relationship had heated up with such a distance between them, but with Maura she couldn't even bare the thought of being too far from her for a day, let alone months at a time. Maura. Maura. Maura.

"Maura" she loved the way the doctors name sounded as it slid off of her tongue. It sounded right. But something was bugging her, something wasn't letting her open her heart to the medical examiner. Was it all the uncertainty? She loved being with Maura, but she couldn't help but wonder if they ever became something more would it ruin their years of friendship, what if it didn't work out and they ended up hating each other, or if Casey came back? What would happen then? She loved Casey, but… did she love Maura too?

When Maura finally went upstairs to the Homicide unit just after 2pm her eyes immediately searched for Jane, but when she saw the detectives empty desk her brow furrowed in concern.

"Have you seen Jane?" she asked Korsak who was sitting at his desk staring at his screen in deep focus.

"Nope, she called in sick" he replied his eyes not moving off the screen. Maura's eyebrows went up in shock, Jane hardly ever took a day off, she must have been a lot more worked up from that email from Casey then she had let on. Maura still felt bad for prying into Jane's personal life like that, but she couldn't help see the message when she had gone into the kitchen this morning after finding a messily scrawled note next to her bed. Of course the email had terrified her, was Jane going to say yes and go? Was she going to lose the woman she loved just after she thought she finally had a chance? She couldn't even bare to think about it. Jane had seemed exhausted and on edge this morning when she had got back from her run, there was a stiffness to her behaviour that she knew had nothing to do with them but with Casey. She couldn't believe he would drop something like this on her, Jane loved her job more than almost anything and she was quite certain that she wouldn't leave it. But knowing Doctor Isles, guessing was reckless and she didn't want to jump to any conclusions that might turn out to be false, and leave her in misery.

"What about the case?" Maura asked.

"We've hit a wall, all the suspects alibis check out, it's gonna be a slow day" Korsak said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Maura turned on her heel and walked back out to the elevator, it was a slow day in the morgue as well, there had been no further evidence from the results of the autopsy, the girl had been completely normal, other than slightly raised alcohol levels, which she had notified the detectives about as soon as she had found out. Anything was going to be helpful to them at this point.

She wondered if she should call Jane and make sure she was okay, but she stopped herself Jane probably needed space, that was why she took the day off, not to be checked on by the doctor like a little kid. So she held out, if she needs me she'll call Maura told herself and tried to believe it. In all other circumstances she would be over at Jane's in a flash, but it was different this time, she had slept with Jane, kissed her, drunkly admitted to not wanting to lose her. They weren't just friends anymore, and she wasn't sure how far she was allowed to go.

When Jane woke up it was starting to get dark outside, the sky was fading into the deep pinks and blues before turning black completely. She had slept most of the afternoon after mustering the strength to get the ring out of the safety deposit and get a some packing to send it, she had collapsed onto the couch in tears and eventually fallen asleep. She had slept undisturbed, no one phone calls, no knocks on her door, no one had come to check on her, not her mother and not even Maura.

She felt her stomach rumble and she realised she hadn't eaten all day, sitting up she wrapped the blanket on her around her shoulders and shuffled across her apartment to retrieve her phone. Chinese or pizza? she silently asked herself, but when she couldn't come to any decisions and found herself feeling overwhelmed just by trying to make up her mind what she wanted for dinner, she found herself dialling the one person she knew would help her.

"Jane?" Maura's voice was immediately reassuring down the phone.

"I need help" Jane's voice was soft and smokey.

"Are you alright?" Maura asked and Jane could picture her gathering up all her things getting ready to leave work for the night.

"I'm hungry" Jane complained.

"Do you want me to get takeout?" Maura asked calmly and Jane heard the beep-beep of Maura's car unlocking down the phone.

"Indian? Chinese? Thai?"

"Oh my god" Jane whispered her brain aching heavily.

"Jane, are you sure you're alright?" the doctor sounded concerned.

"Just pick something, I don't care" Jane said "And hurry, my stomach is dying"

Maura laughed softly "Okay, I'll be there soon"

Jane hung up and dragged herself back to the couch where she sat impatiently staring at the clock until she finally heard the knock on her door.

"You took too long" she frowned as she let Maura in taking the food out of her hand immediately.

"I'm sorry" Maura chuckled "There was traffic" Maura studied Jane while she took off her coat, watching as the brunette dug the chopsticks out of the bag and looked at Maura.

"Chinese?" she guessed and the medical examiner nodded.

"I felt like noodles" she shrugged and Jane pulled the blanket around her tighter, using her free hand to take her noodles over to the couch.

"You look like a hermit" Maura commented, picking up her box of noodles and following the detective.

"Thank you, you look nice too" Jane replied sarcastically, digging into her noodles ravenously.

Maura sucked a noodle into her mouth watching Jane from the corner of her eye, as she silently ate not taking her eyes off the noodles. Jane looked sad, really sad. Maura wasn't sure she had ever seen Jane so upset before, yes she had dealt with Casey leaving several times before but this was different, Jane wasn't even speaking.

"Do you…do you want to talk about it?" Maura asked carefully poking her noodles with the chopsticks nervously. Jane shook her head slightly, she was still looking straight down at her dinner. She shook her head again, and Maura saw tears start to slide down the brunettes face, landing on the cardboard box of her noodles.

"Oh Jane" Maura said putting her food down on the coffee table in front of her and scooting over to Jane, wrapping her arms around the detective who was still warmly wrapped in her favourite blanket.

"I saw that email this morning" Maura admitted, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie if it was bought up, nor act surprised why Jane was acting like this.

"I knew it" Jane sniffed. "I just…I can't"

Maura rested her head on the detectives shoulder and rubbed soft soothing circles on her back.

"You can't what?" she asked softly trying not to sound afraid of what the answer might be.

"I can't marry him" Jane sobbed and Maura felt a sudden wave of happiness pass by her, which she quickly brushed away. She couldn't be so selfish when Jane was so upset.

"I'm so sorry" Maura whispered, but Jane let out small laugh.

"You're not" she said and Maura lifted her head looking at Jane with a confused expression.

"You're probably glad that bastards gone" she smirked and Maura went bright pink, proving Jane's point completely.

"Don't say that" Maura said.

"Why?" Jane asked "Because it's the truth…the truth will set you free is what they say" she sniffled before pulling Maura close again and resting her head on top of the blondes.

"I'm not so sure about that" Maura admitted.

"You should know" Jane said "You always have to tell the truth or you get hives…how does it feel?"

Maura laughed quietly "How does it feel to get hives?" she teased "Very itchy"

That made Jane laugh, and Maura smiled.

"You're such a dork" Jane said and Maura could still hear Jane's smile.

"But you're jokes are getting better"

"Yaaay" Maura grinned clapping her hands quietly "I like making you laugh"

"You're such a good person Maur" Jane said her voice was soft, but her tone was serious. Maura felt her heart give a happy flutter.

"You are too Jane" she said "And I hate seeing you so sad, I don't like it when you're upset"

"I'm not so sad now" Jane said, lifting her head and looking at Maura. "see, my tears are all dried out, now I just feel depressed"

"Depressed isn't any better than sad Jane" Maura frowned then suddenly remembered something and leapt off the couch.

"I might have something that could help" she said and dashed over to her bag rummaging through it and pulling out a large bottle of vodka.

Jane's eyes widened in shock.

"Vodka? Since when do you drink vodka?"

"It's marshmallow vodka" Maura clarified ignoring Jane's question.

"Marshmallow vodka?" Jane asked her tone just as shocked and confused as it was before.

"Why are we drinking marshmallow vodka"

"It was in the stomach of that musician girl Pike autopsied when we were off work last week and I wanted to try it, plus you like marshmallows right? I thought it would cheer you up" Maura smiled cutely sitting back down on the couch and Jane took the bottle from her studying it with a smile starting to spread across her face.

"Everyone likes marshmallows Maura" she laughed "and I hope this is a new bottle, not the vodka from the insides of a dead girl"

Maura laughed "Of course it's a new bottle"

"Are we going to get ragingly drunk and make out?" Jane asked and Maura looked at her cutely noticing her eyes were a little blood shot from crying, and her nose was a bit red too, but she still looked perfect.

Maura gave a little shrug "takeout, makeout….it does rhyme"

Jane smirked and started unscrewing the top.

"But you did just break up with Casey so…if you just want to get drunk that's okay" Maura added biting her lip and looking at Jane with her head slightly tilted. But Jane didn't seem to hear her, her lips were already firmly wrapped around the bottle and she took several large swigs before looking at Maura with wide eyes.

"I feel invigorated" she grinned "the person who made this shit is a genius"

Maura chuckled, glad that Jane's mood had seemingly improved for the meantime. She held her hand out for the bottle.

"Lemme try" she said and took it out of Jane's hand, it was a strange mix of the strong and cold toxic taste of vodka with a sweet, sweet aftertaste. It didn't take long for them to start feeling tipsy, they addictively kept taking sips from the bottle until they realised it was half empty and Maura hid it under the couch.

"I think we're drunk" Jane announced her words slurring as she grabbed one of Maura's hands.

"You know what I think we should do?"

"What?" Maura asked from her new comfortable spot lying on the coffee table.

"I think we should kiss a little" Jane grinned.

"A little" Maura echoed "Or a not so little"

Jane giggled then held up a finger "But first Jo has to go outside and pee, and you're coming"

"But I don't want to pee outside" Maura protested as Jane tried to pull the medical examiner off the table.

"You don't gotta pee Maur" Jane said dragging Maura up and handing her the spare blanket draped over the back of the couch.

"Jo" Jane called out "Joey, Jo, Joseph"

"Joseph" Maura giggled wrapping the blanket around her "Don't call her Joseph"

The little dog came running, leaping up and down excitedly in between them, Jane led her over to the door not bothering with the leash, and the three of them started to make their way downstairs. Maura bumped into the wall several times, feeling blurry and lightheaded but Jane grabbed her hand to make sure she didn't do it again.

"How come you're so good at being drunk?" Maura pouted.

"I have brothers" Jane said "Boys drink like animals"

"Technically we drink the same amount as animals" Maura said holding up a finger correcting Jane.

"Okay doctor smartypants" Jane said pushing open the door to the building letting Jo out first and then holding it open for Maura, who stepped outside and gasped at how cold it was.

"Thermal dynamics" the doctor whispered, a mist of air appearing when she spoke.

"What?" Jane lifted an eyebrow.

"Condensation, my molecules are packing themselves together" she said watching her breath swirl in front of her.

"If that's your way of saying that you're cold, then yes, me too" Jane said coming up behind the doctor and wrapping her arms and blanket around her so she was trapped.

"Hey" she said turning around 180 degrees so she was facing Jane.

"My face is cold" Jane pouted. Maura looked at her with big hazel eyes and a mischievous look playing on her face.

"If I kiss you will it be warmer?" Maura asked without hesitating.

"Maybe" Jane whispered.

"Is it a bad idea to kiss you after a break up?" she continued to ask.

"Probably"

"I'm going to do it anyway" Maura decided, reaching up on the tips of her toes and placing a soft kiss onto Jane's lips. Jane kissed her back immediately, it was gentle but captivating, a mixture of the sweet aftertaste of the vodka, and salty tears that had dried on Jane's lips. Mesmerised instantly, their lips pressed together time after time, transporting them to another world. Ragged breathing and dancing tongues bought a fiery heat to the freezing night air, with just two of them there, the rest of the world disappeared. They were lost in each other. Lost, until Jo Friday barked, the cold starting to get too cold for the little dog. The two women pulled their lips apart and looked at one another, they were infatuated with each other.

I love you. The words sat on the tip of Maura's tongue, but she knew better then to let those words slip.

"We should go inside" Jane said softly and Maura simply nodded in agreement.

Hey loves! Enjoy the update. Just a little more liquid courage on these ladies behalf can never do any harm ;) buckle yourselves up for what's to come, everything might not be running as smoothly anymore.

I can't promise another update in the next 24 hours, but as always I'll try my best. I suddenly have a mountain of uni work that I've been putting off, I wonder how that happened... ;)

Hit me up with your thoughts.

Much love xxx