Riku jolted awake from a fitful sleep, a hand clutched tightly over his mouth to keep his scream silent.
The nightmares had begun about a week after Rachel and Bryan left. No. Nightmares had plagued him since he had been rescued from behind the Door, then, fueled by the trials he had endured ever since. They'd only started again with renewed force after he'd met Rachel. Maybe the darkness that still resided within him could sense her bright influence on him and wasn't going to let itself be forgotten. It was like a living, pulsing tumor within him that wasn't going to let itself die. The thought frightened and repulsed him. Maybe it would continue to torture him until he gave in just to make it stop. She had helped him so much yet the darkness buried deep had started shifting again. There was still a long way to go.
Riku sat up slowly with a disgusted groan. The intensity of his last dream left him in a cold sweat. Now his mattress was wet. The tank top he slept in had a dark patch down his back and chest. Cringing with discomfort he peeled his shirt off and threw it on the floor. He reached for the towel he kept at the end of his bedframe. Ever since the nightmares began he could almost always count on waking up drenched. Even in the minor air displacement from reaching for the towel, the film of perspiration on his back cooled and sent a wave of goose bumps across his torso. He didn't like the chill and the drying sweat was already feeling filmy and sticky. He stood up and dried himself off. The nightmares were bad enough, why did he have to have the disgusting sweats too?
Riku put the towel across his shoulders and opened his window. It didn't face the ocean but he could still feel the ocean breeze. Even in the middle of the night the air never got very cold. He pushed some junk off a desk chair he never used, pulled it to the window and sat on it backwards, looking out the window. The teasing tickles of night air felt good and helped calm him.
The nightmare that had awoken him wasn't a new one. It was one of three frequently reoccurring nightmares that had been haunting him for over a year. Others usually involved his friends abandoning him because they were disgusted or frightened of his darkness or finding out they were in a place no one could get to and it was his fault or some variation thereof. Those dreams hardly ever woke him but he always woke up feeling guilty, even though he hadn't done anything.
There were three dreams that disturbed him the most. Details changed each time but otherwise they remained the same. The Dark Seduction dream was the first he remembered that came up again and again. At first he was in a room alone, then, he would realize there was someone with him. When he looked to see who it was, it was either Kairi or Namine. If Namine, she would tell him she knew a way to help him heal the wounds of his heart. She spoke kindly and told him all the ways she would be there to help him be strong so the darkness would no longer hurt him. She even came on to him a little and dream-Riku let her and felt no awkwardness in doing so. It was a dream after all. Not everything makes sense. If Kairi, she came on to him immediately, saying how it was always Riku she secretly desired. Saying that he was strong, brave and fearless, everything Sora wasn't. Dream-Riku would close his eyes, reveling in what was being offered to him, although a part of his mind always knew this wasn't right. But when he opened his eyes the girl in his arms was not Kairi or Namine. She was beautiful but there was something terrible about her.
She said he had known her for a long time and she was the one he desired all his life. She was a maiden of pure darkness, able to offer him absolutely anything he could ever want. Power and strength were at his fingertips. The darkness around her was strong and she offered it freely. All he had to do was open his heart to her and he could become one with the darkness and be more powerful than he ever could have dreamed. He could be the mighty overlord of all darkness and she would be there to do his bidding in any way he desired. The thought terrified him and he rejected her but she didn't let go. She insisted and dug her fingers into his back, piercing him like the claws of a hawk. Dream-Riku would push her away but she would only smile. Her claws dug into him deeper, keeping her in place. He struggled to get away from her, striking her if necessary, but she continued smiling, knowing he couldn't get rid of her. As he punched and clawed at her face, chest and arms, her gown ripped and skin peeled away. Beneath the beautiful exterior there was nothing but swirling, pulsating darkness. She pressed her exposed void against him and immediately he could feel the evil start chewing away at him like the teeth of a hundred rats. He woke up when the realization he couldn't not get away and the darkness would tear him apart slowly became too terrifying to bear.
The second reoccurring dream was worse. Something he could never see immobilized him completely with no chance of escape no matter how hard he struggled. Either Ansem or Xemnas (mostly Ansem) would be standing not far away, laughing at him with a leer like a mad fox looking at a rabbit in a snare. Dream-Riku would try to break free or summon a weapon but to no avail. Ansem or Xemnas would then approach him and say something to the effect of 'Now I can make your heart the vessel of blackness it was always destined to become'. Riku could remember making a retort but never remembered what he said after he woke up. Ansem's hand would crackle with dark energy and he would plunge his hand into dream-Riku's chest, clutching his heart then proceeded to rip it out. Nothing bloody, gory or anything but it was his actual beating heart. It fluttered in terrified beats that reflected dream-Riku's terror. Ansem only laughed at dream-Riku's fear and confusion over what happened and why he wasn't dead as he gripped the heart tightly, reveling in dream-Riku's pain. Dream-Riku would scream, demand and beg the dark prince to stop. But it only ever resulted in more wicked, echoing laughter and with one final agonizing grip Ansem would poison his heart with pure blackness.
Then Ansem or Xemnas would tell him something like, 'Now that your heart has been blackened to the core, we have no need for you except to witness what we have in store for it.' Someone new would appear in the dream then. A figure sat hunched over on the ground. Although Riku could never see or at least register details in his mind, he knew the figure was nude, pale as a newborn with very long snowy white hair. It looked around with dreary, vacant eyes. There was something very familiar about him. Ansem or Xemnas would stand over him with dream-Riku's heart. The figure looked up at him with blank eyes, like a puppy given a command it didn't understand. Riku understood that this new person must have been his Nobody. Now he was scared for the both of them, and not without reason. Dream-Riku yelled at it, telling it to run, to move, to do something! Anything but let the man before it hurt it. Ansem thrust the heart into the new Nobody's chest. Never before had Riku ever seen such agony. Its face contorted in an inaudible scream of unspeakable pain. Ansem only laughed at its pain and ignored dream-Riku's demands for him to leave it alone.
Once the Nobody stopped convulsing its eyes turned dark and its face turned steely. With a whoosh of darkness it was immediately garbed in Organization robes. It stood up. Ansem told dream-Riku all that this Nobody was capable of now that it had its Original's darkened heart. The Nobody would then stand before him and look him directly in the eyes. It was like looking into a twisted mirror. It never spoke but dream-Riku could see all that it planned to do on Ansem's orders. His Nobody had his heart so it knew all about him. His dreams, desires, friendships and enemies. Only the darkness at its very core obliterated its joy, hope, empathy and mercy. Sometimes the nightmare would end with Ansem or Xemnas leading the Nobody away, leaving dream-Riku imprisoned and immobile in a room of darkness. Other times the Nobody made a motion to kill him while flooding his mind with all the horrific acts it planned to commit against everyone he ever cared about and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
The third, the one he just had, he referred to as the Dark Deluge. Once again he was restrained by some kind of shackle or something. Dream-Riku was on his knees and for the most part witnessed the majority of the dream through a first-person viewpoint. He was in some kind of deep gorge miles long. On the far end was a great dam of stone. It was too far away to see but he knew it was there. There were creatures which he knew to be Heartless attacking it savagely. Two lights were flying around, extinguishing all the creatures they could. He recognized the lights as Sora and Kairi, the lights of their friendship helping him when he couldn't help himself. But eventually the Heartless would prevail. Thunderous cracks echoed throughout the canyon as the dam began to crack and crumble. The lights continued to fight even when the wall gave way and the water behind it began to spill out. The pressure continued to break the wall apart, allowing more water to flow through. But it wasn't water. It looked like ink. Riku understood even though the thought never formed clearly that the black water was darkness and the dam was the defenses he'd built up to keep the darkness at bay. But now it was broken and there was nothing stopping the endless darkness from getting to him and he had no way of getting away.
What followed was the part that was subject to change. Sometimes the panicked anticipation of being drowned in darkness was enough to wake him up. Other times it wasn't until the inky deluge crashed upon him did he wake up. But lately it was getting more elaborate. One time Rachel had entered his dream. As he struggled against the chains to escape the torrent rushing toward him she just appeared. Dream-Riku was astounded at the sight of her. Then he'd yell at her to move or else she would be caught in the cascade too. But she just looked at him, smiling her gentle smile, never saying a word. He cried out as the wall of black was upon them. But the torrent split and rushed by on either side. The thunderous din of rushing water was silenced. He couldn't believe the reoccurring nightmare could have a happy ending. He still couldn't move but he didn't feel afraid anymore. The darkness rushed by. Rachel just stood there. He woke up with happy tears on his pillow.
He remembered recognizing the dream the next time he had it and feeling relief. It would end well. The horror was over. But it could never be that easy. When dream-Riku could see the flood approaching he wasn't afraid, instead he was anxious to see when Rachel would appear again. She did, but in such a way he never saw before. She appeared with a lovely spark of light. It was like she herself was made of light. Something registered to Riku that the figure was nude but her core was so bright the only thing he could make out were limbs and her face so it hardly mattered. Her hair was down and billowed around her. A black cord was attached to her collarbone and spiraled around her like a streamer in the wind. This wasn't really Rachel at all. What he was seeing was the power of her heart coming to help him. She'd shown him what her heart looked like and that's what he was seeing now. The black cord being the darkness within her that she had accepted and lived in harmony with. Her darkness rose up like a snake about to strike before planting itself in the ground behind her. That is what made the darkness part this time. The darkness rushed by them but he wasn't afraid. Rachel's light knelt close to him and he was comforted. She gently brushed is face with her fingertips and nuzzled her forehead against his.
Suddenly everything went cold. Rachel was pulled away from him. Ansem stood behind her. One of his Heartless minions hovered above and behind him with its claws through Rachel's chest. Ansem laughed triumphantly. He spoke about how Riku's heart was weak and now he took away the only chance it ever had of being strong. With that light extinguished there was nothing left to keep his heart from falling into darkness. Riku never heard the words but he knew his dream-self screamed her name repeatedly and fought hard against his restraints. Dream-Riku reached for her. Her light flickered like a candle struggling against the wind. If he could just touch her. Even just a brush of their fingertips. If he could do that, maybe give just a spark of his light, if she could feel how he felt about her that would be enough to rekindle her light and they would both be okay. Ansem only laughed again, pulled away and they both faded. Rachel's darkness broke away from her when Ansem left with her. It writhed like a beheaded snake in its death throes. Slowly it began dissolving, like some kind of weird fireworks fuse. As soon as the black rope dissolved completely there was nothing to keep the torrent at bay and it consumed him.
Riku crossed his arms across the back of the chair and slouched. He'd done everything he could think of to make the nightmares stop. He was back with his friends. He'd been trying to think more like Sora, more positively and not worrying unnecessarily. Kairi was always there to talk to and more than willing to help. He'd made new friends and might even have a new love in his life. Riku hoped he wasn't romanticizing what he felt about Rachel.
Sora and Kairi were beginning to notice something was bothering him. At first, he was sure, they attributed part of his behavior as missing Rachel. They weren't wrong. But the nightmares were making it hard to sleep. No sleep meant exhaustion or stress, irritability or anxiety. None of which he needed or the effects of which his friends deserved to be on the receiving end of. He tried going to bed later, waking up at his usual time then taking a nap in the early afternoon so he could still get his sleep but not long enough to enter a dream state. That didn't work. He found that unless he was completely-burned-out exhausted he couldn't take midday naps. And not sleeping until he was too exhausted to stay awake was a bad idea on all levels. He hadn't told Sora or Kairi about the nightmares yet. In truth, he wanted to tell Rachel first. It had been her idea to try crying to release pent up frustrations and anxieties and right after he acted on her suggestion she said his heart had immediately been changed. He actually tried that one night.
Screaming and bawling with his face pressed hard into a pillow to muffle the sound. He felt like a toddler having a tantrum when he did it but to a degree it worked. The effort wore him out. He felt thirsty. He didn't want to get up. He'd exhausted himself and sleep came easily and he woke feeling more refreshed than he had in days. But Riku knew he couldn't make himself do that every night for that to have been the solution.
Maybe it would be the same if he confided in her. Then again, even if it would work the same way, he might be putting himself in a deep hole longing and waiting for her to come back. And of course there was no way to know when she would return.
Riku laid his forehead against his arm. He hated not telling Sora or Kairi. He hated not talking about it. He wished his personality didn't come packaged with so much ego that made asking for and accepting help so hard. His thoughts of Rachel tortured him the most. Was what he felt for her genuine? He certainly hoped so. And he could only hope she felt the same. It wasn't like they had much time together after they had their moment. Could Rachel be having the same thoughts? Did she wish to see him as much as he did her? She must have known how much she had helped him from just that one night. She didn't strike Riku as the kind to leave a task unfinished, especially when it involved another person who needed help. A thought that gave Riku strength was thinking back on how Rachel glowed when told her he wanted to share the Paopu with her. He wasn't having second thoughts, hopefully she wasn't either.
Riku rolled his forehead over the hard bones of his wrist. Everything about his situation sucked. First step to swallowing pride would be to open up to Sora and Kairi about everything. That of course didn't do anything to solve his problem about wishing Rachel would come back.