"My god it's fucking cold as a bitch out" Jane exclaimed bursting through the front door back into Maura's house clutching far too many bags of groceries after her mother's shrill voice had screamed out "Jane Rizzoli come down here now and help your mother with these bags" The nights had suddenly taken a cold plummet, winter was right around the corner and everyone could feel it. Jane was immediately greeted with Maura's raised eyebrow of disapproval at her choice of language and straight away the detective bit her lip feeling like a guilty school kid.
"I can count several things wrong with that sentence" Maura said folding her arms across her chest. Jane remained frozen in place holding onto the grocery bags tightly.
"Should I go back out and try again?" Jane asked half seriously. A smile broke out on the doctors face and she stepped forward taking an armload off Jane and kissing her cheek.
"No, I don't want you to get cold" she said and Jane grinned.
"But I can think of ways you could help me warm up…"
Maura laughed softly, hazel and brown eyes locking together.
"Your family is here" Maura reminded her and Jane frowned.
"Then send them home, it was your idea anyway to host my crazy Rizzoli Sunday family dinner" Jane sighed looking at Maura closely.
"Are you sure you're even- "
"Don't you dare ask me if I'm up to it" Maura returned Jane's frown in frustration.
"It's been over three weeks Jane, and I'm going back to work tomorrow"
"I know" Jane said "I know, I'm just making sure"
"Well stop" Maura gave her a reassuring smile "You're okay, I'm okay, it's okay right?"
Those seven words had become their mantra over the past few weeks, constantly in need of reassurance that everything was okay the two of them would repeat those words to each other until they both believed it.
"Yeah" Jane said quietly "It's okay"
Putting the bags of groceries down in the kitchen Angela quickly shooed both of them out of the kitchen.
"Are you sure I can't help?" Maura asked hovering near the counter but Angela just shook her head furiously.
"No, no" she said "Just go and sit down Maura, everything's covered in here"
"You sure Ma?" Jane had asked but her mother had just looked back up at Maura and pointed at Jane.
"Take her with you too, I don't need her in her making more mess than necessary"
"Ma!" Jane had exclaimed but Maura had just laughed and taken Jane by the arm and led her over to the couch where all the boys were watching a game. Frost and Korsak had been invited to tonights dinner on the request of Maura, it was the first dinner she had hosted in far too long and she wanted to see all the familiar faces she had been missing out on for the past month. She had begun to miss her work terribly and could barely wait for tomorrow when she could get up and return to her usual routine as if nothing had happened. All the stitches were out of her head now and she looked basically normal except for the small patch of hair that was still missing from the back of her head, which now had a long red scar in residency. She could easily cover up the patch by french braiding her hair or strategically placing it when it was left out.
Jane fell down onto the couch next to Frankie and patted the spot next to her encouraging Maura to sit down. The medical examiner sat down hesitantly, they two of them were still cautious about how much affection they showed towards each other in front of other people, but as soon as she sat down Jane pulled the doctors legs over her lap and gave them a small rub. Maura's eyes flittered around the room but all of the boys were too busy watching the game to even notice that the two of them had sat down.
"I still think I should be helping Angela" Maura said biting her lip feeling like a visitor in her own home, always being told to sit down or rest having everyone do everything for her in her house.
"Maur, if you go back in there she will chase you out with a wooden spoon" Jane laughed and Maura couldn't help but smile.
Jane felt the medical examiner relax back into the couch, her clear hazel eyes drifting over the TV pretending to be watching, Jane knew there was something on her mind that wasn't just Angela kicking them out of the kitchen either, something had been sitting heavy on the doctors mind for some time now. Jane would constantly ask Maura whether she was okay to the point that she felt like she was irritating her, but Maura would never bring it up not willingly so Jane didn't push it. She wanted Maura to tell her everything but she knew the doctor was a reserved person, she had always kept everything to herself and dealt with everything herself all her life, it was only until Jane had come along and broken those walls down that Maura had begun to freely tell her what was bothering her. Jane had taken many days off work to stay home with Maura and she was amazed to see how much stronger the doctor was growing everyday, she was slowly going back to being Chief Medical Examiner Maura as opposed to Head Trauma Maura. The blonde still clung to Jane at night, troubling dreams that Jane couldn't fix would wear on her heavily, her sleep still disturbed now and then Jane would wake up to Maura's trembling breath and pull her into her loving arms. Jane knew Maura was scared that the pain was going to come back, and she was scared she was going to lose to the pain. The medication she had been on worked wonders during the day but at night Maura would crumble.
"Please don't close your eyes" Maura had asked her in the middle of the night when they were both awake, Jane's eyes had been growing heavier desperate to sleep but she didn't want to close them, face the darkness of her eyelids instead of Maura's hazel eyes.
"I don't know where to look without them" Maura had whispered and Jane had smiled.
"I'm going to be awake for as long as you are Maur" she had reassured the anxious blonde in her arms. Since that night everything was getting better, everything seemed to be going back to normal Maura was even sleeping through most of the nights, there was only one thing that hung over both of their heads, that sat in the back of the room when there were other people around, that chewed on their minds that neither one of them had the guts to bring up.
Jane looked over at Maura who had distracted herself with something fascinating on her iPad that was causing a deep crease in her forehead.
"Whatcha looking at?" Jane asked giving Maura's leg a light tap.
"Shoes" Maura said without looking up and Jane almost laughed. No one took shoe shopping as seriously as Maura Isles.
"Really Maur? You look like you're trying to decipher morse code and all you're doing is shoe shopping?"
"Actually morse code is fairly simple" Maura said looking up at Jane with a light shrug.
"Shoes on the other hand, are a little harder"
Jane laughed and took a sip of the beer she had stolen off her brother, she found it strange that it didn't seem to taste as good to her as it usually did.
"Okay, show me" Jane said putting the beer down turning all her attention to Maura, who hesitantly frowned before turning the iPad around and handing it to Jane.
"I can't tell whether I like the venetian red slingbacks or the cobalt blue kitten heels" Maura sighed stretching her arms up.
"They're both so different you really can't compare them, I might just get them both"
Jane looked at the two shoes and tried to imagine what critical thinking Maura did to just decide on shoes.
"I like the red ones" Jane said and handed the iPad back to her.
"Did you just say something helpful?" Maura's eyes widened and Jane hit her legs playfully.
"Hey, be nice"
Maura smirked and looked back at the screen biting the corner of her lip.
"I just think if you're going to wear heels then wear heels not like those little half things" Jane shrugged and Maura looked at her in complete shock.
"What?" Jane asked "I can talk about shoes too, I do have a vagina"
At the mention of the word all the boys looked around at her and Jane lifted an eyebrow, not noticing Maura's cheeks going a shade of light pink.
"Okay kids, dinners ready" Angela's voice boomed through the room and everyone was suddenly up herding towards the table. Jane pushed Maura's legs off her getting up then holding out both her hands to pull the medical examiner off the couch. Jane wanted to kiss her as she pulled her up, her honey blonde hair was in a messy braid from lounging around all day and she didn't have much make up on making her hazel eyes look wide and childlike. She was also only in loose white yoga pants and a grey top with the sleeves pushed up past her elbows, Jane loved it when Maura wore casual clothes, she loved the way Maura put so much thought into her outfits everyday but there was something about seeing Maura in such comfortable home clothes that just made her want to pull her close.
Her hand slipped down to Maura's lower back as they walked over to the table, Jane pulled out a chair for Maura then sat down herself as Angela filled the table with food.
The sound of everyone's excitement over dinner filled the room and Maura took a minute to appreciate the sound of having a full house. It was something she never got to experience a lot growing up, it was always just her and her parents if she was lucky, a lot of the time they were busy and she would eat with her nanny or whoever was looking after her at the time and when she got old enough she would just eat by herself, the only sound was the cutlery hitting the plate and her thoughts racing around her head.
Looking around the table right now she saw so many of the people that she cared about, that she was really grateful to have in her life. She felt content. And even more than that she felt loved. Jane was right next to her and although things were still complicated between the two of them she didn't feel alone, she could feel the detectives warmth right next to her.
"I'd like to make a toast" Angela said holding up her glass of wine and everyone fell silent.
"To Maura" she began "Who has recently been to hell and back and she's still here getting stronger everyday, you're a fighter Maura, and we're proud of you" Angela said smiling warmly at Maura holding her glass up.
"To Maura" she said.
"To Maura" everyone else chimed in holding their glasses up as well. Maura felt a rush of heat flooding through her body as everyone looked at her with smiles on their faces and warmth in their hearts.
"To you" Jane said leaning in close to Maura, her breath hot and heavy on Maura's neck.
"The strongest person I know"
Maura looked at Jane and as their eyes found each other everyone at the table fell silent. Jane was the one to tear her eyes off Maura's and quickly distract herself with the food in front of them all.
"Let's eat" she declared and Tommy voiced his hearty agreement. As Jane looked around the table everything smelled amazing, and looked amazing too but she couldn't help but feel slightly squiffy about the food, all she desperately wanted was Maura's ravioli.
After dinner the boys all went back into the living room to watch the end of the game and Jane started helping her mother clear the table.
"I should make a start on the dishes" Maura said and started to slowly get up from the table.
"No no no, Maur it's fine, I'll do them" Jane said dashing to Maura's side pulling the chair out for her and giving her a cute smile.
"Jane" Maura shot her a look trying not to give in to the adorable smile "I can manage"
"No she's right honey" Angela called out "You just rest, Jane and I can clean up"
Jane nodded in agreement with her mother for once.
"C'mon Maur, save your energy for tomorrow" her hand ran softly up and down Maura's arm and finally the doctor gave in, letting out a defeated sigh she glanced at Jane having to physically stop herself from leaning in and kissing the detective for being so good to her.
"I'll be in the living room then" she said "buying shoes"
Jane chuckled and watched her walk out before turning back to the mess in the kitchen.
"Jesus Ma" she sighed stacking up the plates and taking them in to where her mother was loading the dishwasher.
"You know how to make a mess"
"Yeah and for what? You hardly touched your food" Angela pouted.
"Ma" Jane frowned, but Angela just kept stacking the dishes not looking up.
"Is there something going on between you and Maura? Angela finally said after she'd closed the dishwasher and turned it on, she looked at Jane directly and Jane's eyes widened slightly in shock.
"What?"
"Are you two okay? You've been acting strange around each other for weeks now" Angela continued questioning.
"She had a head trauma, Ma" Jane reminded her but Angela just shook her head.
"Even before that" she said "You two were…I don't know, something was different"
She knows Jane thought. She knows everything. She always does. A word never has to be spoken and she will still know.
"I don't know what you're talking about" Jane shrugged and tried to look away but her mother just smiled.
"Janie, I'm not going to judge you on who you love, love has no gender" she said and Jane immediately turned back to her her brown eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.
"N-no one said anything about love, Ma" she said her brow furrowing with frustration at how her mother was so easily figuring this out. She was a detective she was meant to be able to exude an blank and unreadable front, but clearly that didn't work on her mother.
"And you don't have to Jane, I can see it" Angela said with a ecstatic grin "I'm just happy you've finally let someone in…and she had a PHD too"
"Ma" Jane whined "Stop"
But Angela didn't, she pulled her daughter into a tight hug and kissed the side of her head.
"I love you Janie" she said and Jane sighed, there was nothing she could do or say, no possible lie in the world that was going to convince her mother otherwise now.
"I love you too Ma" Jane said squirming her way out of her mother's bear hug.
When Jane returned back into the living room Maura wasn't there, she looked around the room confused all the guys were still there finishing off their beers and discussing the game.
"Where's Maura?" Jane asked and they turned to her and shrugged.
"Haven't seen her" Korsak said "I should be heading off in a minute anyway, thanks for having me over"
"Yeah me too" Frost agreed
"He's giving me and Tommy a ride" Frankie added and Jane just nodded. She didn't care. She wanted to find Maura. She gave her brothers a hug goodbye and then disappeared out of the room and dashed up the stairs to Maura's room, pushing the door open and seeing Maura on the floor through the doors into her yoga room. Taking her shoes off then collapsing down beside the stretching doctor Jane let out a loud groan.
"She knows"
"Who knows what?" Maura asked from her comfortable position in childs pose.
"My mother knows"
"Oh" Maura said sitting up and looking at Jane.
"Are you…um…is she- " Maura couldn't seem to find the right words.
"She doesn't care, but she'll probably be more annoying then ever" Jane said laying on the floor and looking at Maura.
"I'm sorry"
"No it's okay" Maura said "I'm sorry I disappeared from downstairs…it was just a little too loud"
Jane grinned "I told you not to invite so many boys"
The two of them looked at each other in silence, but something about Maura's gaze was distant.
"Are you okay?" Jane asked "Do you want me to stay the night?"
"I didn't know you not staying here was an option" Maura smirked.
"Well everyone's leaving so if you want to go to bed I'd be happy to join you" Jane said and Maura leaned down placing a kiss on Jane's lips her hand running over Jane's stomach that was pleasantly full from dinner, although Maura noticed it was slightly firmer than it should possibly have been, but she paid no attention she was distracted by Jane's lips.
As Jane got ready for bed in Maura's bathroom after the doctor had finished her somewhat extravagant night routine, she felt a strange headache nudge the back of her head and as she brushed her teeth she studied herself in the mirror, had she put on weight from not going for runs everyday? Goddamn she thought. It was only when she went to the toilet and noticed the tiniest spot of blood on her underwear that her heart suddenly began to race, she frantically counted the weeks before leaping off the toilet and glaring at her reflection. No. No.
Maura watched as Jane slipped back into the room from the bathroom, she had taken an unusually long amount of time for someone who usually just brushes her teeth at night. Jane submerged herself in the bed pulling the covers up around her and looked up at the ceiling. Maura wondered what was suddenly bothering the detective, she knew it wasn't nothing because Jane didn't look at her once.
"Jane" Maura said softly, cautiously.
"Are you…"
"I'm fine" Jane said looking over at Maura finally with a quick smile, but it wasn't fine. It wasn't even okay. There was trouble behind those dark brown eyes Maura could see it in the way the detective stared at her, it was almost a look of warning.
There was trouble ahead, Maura could feel it and Jane was just saving herself as she hid it.
Uh oh...
How are you all feeling? What are your thoughts?
You did ask for more drama. I told you to be careful what you wished for ;)
I hope you're all still with me. A bit of random information, I've been constantly listening to 'I Know You Care' by Ellie Goulding as inspiration if you couldn't already tell, to me it kind of feels like an unofficial anthem for this fic at the moment, give it a listen though you might get what I mean..
In the mean time sit tight.. not to give too much away but the next chapter coming is definitely a big one. So thank god it's Friday...that means the next chapter will be coming to you very soon!
Thank you for your kindess and support. Much love xx