Jane sat naked in Maura's bathroom beside the bath, the sound of the water filling the tub ran in the background. Outside the cars sped by she had never noticed the sound the traffic from Maura's house before, she sat in such complete stillness she thought she would be able to hear the sound of her mother's footsteps in the guest house next-door. She was trying to clear her head of the million thoughts that were racing around endlessly, trying to distract herself with the ambient noises surrounding her but everywhere she looked she either thought about Maura or she thought about the baby. She had faced loss many times before in her life, at work she had to watch people deal with loss of someone, at home she had experienced the loss of her father when he left her Ma, she had lost Casey and she had almost lost Maura multiple times. But none of things in her life had been permanently lost. But now, now she had really and truly lost something that would never come back, a small growing soul inside her had gone forever.

She had been forced into the grip of inevitability, reminded of her own mortality and again her life had been unwillingly changed forever, and yet somehow diminished, the world no longer seemed so bright to her and so full of promise. She had been reminded of how fragile everything really was, how temporary and monstrous life could be. It was almost as if nothing felt real to her anymore. Nothing except Maura.

She could hear the petite woman coming up the stairs from the kitchen and before she could get herself to move off the floor the bathroom door opened and she walked in, a wine glass in one hand, the wine bottle in the other and a raised eyebrow on her face.

"You know you're meant to be in the tub not beside it" she said with the smallest of smirks.

"Thank you Doctor Smartypants" Jane said said getting up from the floor and stepping into the bath which was now nicely full with warm water and bubbles.

Maura took Jane's place beside the tub and sipped her wine thoughtfully as Jane settled down under the warm blanket of bubbles, resting her head back against the edge and shutting her eyes.

"Are you- "

"I'm okay" Jane cut her off, the lie tumbling from her lips. She wasn't okay. She couldn't shake the feeling of fear that had latched onto her soul. The fear that everything she cared about and loved was going to be ripped away from her at some point breaking her down more and more each time. She couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if she had really lost Maura. She had been lucky so many times with her best friend pulling through the toughest of situations, and more recently the car crash and head trauma. Jane had come almost face to face with losing Maura completely but she hadn't. But what if she wasn't so lucky next time? What if something happened and Maura was suddenly gone? Gone like her baby was. Unfairly, unexpectedly and cruelly taken from her. Maura was only human, life could take her from Jane in seconds and she would never be able to get her back. The thought terrified the detective. She remembered how she felt when Maura had been in hospital after she had collapsed, her world had been turned upside down in those painful hours of uncertainty. She wouldn't be able to cope with losing Maura. She didn't know how she would live without the light and love that Maura bought to Jane's life.

"You can cry if you need too" Maura's voice cut into her thoughts and Jane opened her eyes, the medical examiner sat facing Jane with an arm on the side of the tub resting her head and the other holding her half empty glass of wine.

"I'm sick of crying" Jane said in complete honesty and Maura looked at her with big soft eyes.

"You're very strong Jane" Maura said her fingers reaching out and touching Jane's arm "crying isn't a weakness"

"I know" Jane spoke quietly "I just don't think I can… I don't have any tears left"

Maura just nodded not taking her eyes off the brunette. She could see Jane was struggling with something, but she didn't know what it was that was wearing so heavily on the detective. At first she had just assumed it had been the miscarriage but she was beginning to believe it was something else, something more than that. She knew Jane would tell her when she was ready and for now that was all she needed. She was there for Jane, she was ready to help her get through this.

"I feel so tense" Jane had frowned that afternoon.

"You need a bath" Maura had told her and she had watched Jane's eyes light up at the idea.

She watched Jane soak in the bath perfectly content with the moment they were in, she could practically see some of the tension and emotional residue leaving the detective's body as she absorbed the warmth of the bath.

"I'm not so sad anymore" Jane said "I mean I'm sad, but I just feel…angry"

"I understand" Maura said quietly "There's a lot to be angry about"

Jane let out a deep sigh and looked over at Maura.

"You've been drinking more" she said changing the subject abruptly and Maura looked at her wine glass before nudging the bottle away from her.

"I'm not as strong as you" she admitted with a small shrug hesitant to take another sip.

"That's not true" Jane frowned "Absolutely not true"

"It is" Maura said.

"Maur, you have been through so much more than I could ever possibly handle, and here you are still fighting strong" Jane said sitting forward in the bath tub her soapy hand touching Maura's arm softly as she stared deeply into those beautiful hazel eyes.

"You're amazing Maura" she said and the doctor blushed a soft shade of pink at the detective's words, wanting to look away but unable to move her eyes off Jane's.

"I don't know what I'd do without you and- " she paused biting her lip as their eyes searched deeply around each other's souls.

"I love you"

Maura's heart fluttered, her entire body filling with happiness as those words left Jane's lips.

"I love you too, Jane"

Maura was more than relieved to climb into her own bed that night, it had been a long couple of nights in the hospital on uncomfortable chairs and cramped hospital beds; she had almost forgotten how soft and comfortable her own bed was. The feeling of complete happiness still hadn't stopped running through her veins yet after Jane had told her she loved her, it had been even more of an overwhelming feeling from the first time she had said it and Maura had stopped her. This time Jane meant it, she was ready to say those words, to commit to them and the feeling that gave Maura was close to indescribable. She remembered how this had first started, calling Jane over in the middle of the night when she drunk terrified to admit her true feelings to the detective, her best friend, her only friend. The only person she really cared about. And now here they were, they had already hit some major speed bumps without even having their relationship established, and it still really wasn't but Maura didn't care they were happy in each others presence, they were content with just being with each other. They had enough complications in their life right now. Maura looked at Jane adoringly, they were lying in bed face to face, the doctor curled into Jane's arms with warmth surrounding them. As Maura looked into Jane's dark eyes, her beautiful gaze acted like a shield for her tough heart but Maura could see through it, she could see Jane's heart and her soul, she could see everything captivated by those deep dark eyes.

She enjoyed that they didn't always need to be talking, that they could just be together creating a comfortable stillness where they could feel content, wander their thoughts yet not feel alone at all. Maura was close to forgetting what it had even felt like to be so alone for all those years, everything was Jane now, all those long days and nights she would spend mulling over her thoughts and life completely alone in her house seemed something of a distant memory. However the quietness between the two women would often remind the doctor of all the time she had spent alone in her life and it was something she did treasure as not many people found such comfort in silence as Maura did, she was grateful Jane did.

She watched Jane's eyes grow heavy remembering how those eyes were what got her through her longs nights after the accident, when she was too scared to shut them and she couldn't bare the thought of looking anywhere else but Jane's warm eyes. But those dark eyes needed to be closed tonight, Jane needed to sleep Maura knew that as much as she wanted to gaze into her eyes for the rest of her life she knew Jane had to rest. It had been a traumatic few days and finally being at home in a comfortable bed was going to do them both some good.

"Goodnight Jane" Maura whispered placing a soft kiss on the detectives forehead before curling back up into her warm embrace.

"Goodnight Maur" Jane mumbled "I love you"

Maura smiled at the words, her heart fluttering. She was never going to get used to Jane saying those words. She hoped the butterflies would never go away. Feeling her own eyes beginning to shut she hoped for a long and undisturbed nights sleep for the two of them.

Maura felt herself jump with fright as the warm bedding covering her was ripped from her body leaving her lying exposed with the cool air of the room brushing over her skin. She shivered feeling her skin prickle as she opened her tired eyes to see what had happened.

"Jane?" she asked into the darkness. She could hear the brunette breathing next to her, panting, dragging in ragged breaths of the darkness. Maura began to reach for the light switch but a voice stopped her.

"Don't turn on the light" it was a small voice, a scared voice, a voice that came from Jane. Maura immediately pulled her hand away from the nightstand and looked at the dark figure that was sitting beside her. She sat up and moved closer to Jane wrapping her arms around the woman comfortingly, immediately beginning to feel warmer after the shock of the blankets being pulled from her as Jane had abruptly sat up.

"Nightmare?" Maura asked quietly resting her head on Jane's shoulder as the detective continued to breath heavily.

"It's 2.15" Jane answered her voice trembling as she spoke.

"The time it was when you woke me…"

As soon as Maura realised what Jane was referring to she tightened her arms around the woman pulling her closer into her arms.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"I just felt a pain and I woke up" Jane told her and Maura began to rub soothing circles on Jane's back.

"Should I go and make us tea?" Maura asked not knowing what else would possibly help the disturbed detective.

"No" Jane replied "Y-you can't turn the light on"

"Why?"

"I'm scared there's going to be blood…"

"Oh Jane" Maura said "It's okay sweetheart, it's okay"

Maura held Jane tightly and Jane hoped she wasn't going to let go anytime soon, the comfort of Maura's arms made her feel better it reminded her of everything good and everything bad. It reminded her everything that had happened in the past was in the past now. And it reminded her that Maura was here, Maura was her future.

"Just tell me when you're ready for me to let go" Maura said after they had sat in the darkness for a long period of time, not looking at the clock, not turning the light on, not talking.

"Never" Jane said "Never let go"

"But Jane…" Maura said softly "What if I need to pee?"

"You don't like sentences that begin with what if" Jane said and Maura just smiled into the darkness before pressing her lips to the detectives shoulder kissing it lightly.

"You're going to be okay" Maura reassured her.

"When?"

"I don't know" Maura answered truthfully "But I'm going to be right here until you are"

Jane managed a small unnoticed smile at Maura's words, it was the first smile that had happened since before the miscarriage. The sides of her mouth almost ached from the unfamiliar upwards stretch they had been pulled into.

"You're amazing Maura"

"Jane"

"Shut up" Jane replied before Maura could argue and Maura fell silent immediately biting on her bottom lip, letting Jane's compliment slide without disagreement. She was glad that they were in the dark at that moment, Jane wasn't able to see her blushing. The darkness was different from any other moment they had shared together, with just their voices it almost felt like it was only their souls talking to each other, their thoughts, their minds being able to communicate by themselves. It was their darkness from deep inside them surrounding them, like a frightening yet beautiful magic. Everything about Jane was so familiar to her, every time she had learned something new about the detective eventually felt like she was simply remembering. Every glance, every touch, every smile and every whisper made Maura feel like she had loved this being before, in another time, another place and another existence. Science couldn't get in the way of this feeling. Maura realised in this moment how truly emotionally invested in Jane she was, how completely and absolutely in love she was with her. She no longer felt whole without the detective around, she wasn't the same person as she once had been; alone all her life and capable of being by herself. No that wasn't her anymore, the that thought that Jane was everything she had, everything she loved and everything she needed terrified her because what if that was she was taken away from the her one day, what would become of Maura then?

I just want to say thank you for all your support and comments you've been leaving, I really do enjoy reading them and seeing what you're all thinking. I hope you're still with me, there's plenty more coming soon :)

Much love xxx