chapter 2: l'ombre dans l'eau

title: l'ombre dans l'eau

word count: 1006

disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

note: L'Ombre dans L'Eau is from Diptyque, it translates back to 'the shadow in the water'.

When you hear that Naruto has brought back Sasuke-kun, you are ecstatic.

Sasuke-kun is back. Our team is whole. We are whole. He's back.

he's back he's back he's back

But then, you realize.

They've left you behind again. Naruto went to play hero himself. Abandoning you again. And Sasuke is with his new team: Juugo and Suigetsu and Karin. Karin, the one who has taken your place. Every time you look at her you are reminded of the girl that you were.

But Team 7 is back together and you are content. You are still family. This is the life you were supposed to lead.

And you tell yourself that this is enough, you don't need anymore since you've already received more than you ever expected to. That even though you won't ever stop loving him; your heart has already learnt how to live without any of the emotions he ever displayed for you.

You tell yourself that you're sick of chasing fairytales.

Naruto and Kakashi are out on a mission tonight even though it is the normal team dinner night and you are surprised to find that Sasuke is at your place. Alone. By himself. Sitting on your couch, watching you.

'They have a mission tonight, you can stay for dinner if you want.'

'Ah.'

A 'yes' by his monosyllabic standards. These days, these responses are usually reserved for you, because when the others are around he will at least try to feign interest.

You wonder if it's because he still remembers how you tried to kill him with a kunai or how he tried to kill you by asphyxiation and you drop the plates you were holding -

I'll follow you Sasuke-kun

and the shards are sharp

Your hand takes hold of a kunai, but it doesn't even touch him

and blood is spilling out of your wounds

I love you I love you I love you I'm so sorry

and you are staring at the hand, wide eyed and stiff and suddenly you feel so frightened.

'Sakura!'

And he calls out for you. The same way as before. You remember from when you were younger; when you were in danger, he would always be the knight in shining armour.

But Sasuke-kun… I gave up being the damsel so long ago.

And he reaches for your hand with his own, but you shrink back because it hurts to look at his hand and not think of where it tightened around you neck.

'Don't touch me!' Your voice is shaking slightly and you know you are pathetic. He is probably thinking the same.

With a quick green glowed swipe of your other hand and a plastered on a brave face, you usher him back to the couch and you continue to prepare dinner.

'It's just a small cut. Don't bother worrying about it.' And for good measure, you throw in a small smile.

You both sit and eat and drink in silence. Usually it is Naruto who does the talking and you who will reply back with small chat with Kakashi while Sasuke offers a few short replies... or 'hn's or 'tch's or 'ah's or grunts throughout. And you wonder if things would ever go back to how it could have been for you two.

And you muster up your courage to try to talk to him about something mundane

How was your day Sasuke-kun? Isn't the weather nice today? I heard you last mission went well? Is the soup fitting to your tastes?

and just as you are about to open your mouth, he -

'Sakura- I'm sorry.'

and you don't even know why you're crying.

But you are. And the tears are drip dropping one by one silently down onto your lap as you look like a koi fish out of water with your mouth slightly agape and one hand held up to support your chopsticks.

'Huh?'

And you want to scream and punch or kick at him because why was he apologizing?

But you do know why.

For trying to kill me?

For breaking my heart?

He leans forwards and place a hand on your cheeks and you can't help but flinch; but you stay there and let him try to wipe the tears away with his thumb and you almost think that he feels guilty. That it is regret and shame you see in his expression, but you know it isn't because he's Sasuke.

So you smile and do that thing which the Naruto has told you to stop doing because it creeps him out. And you start giggling and try laughing so that you can stop crying since the body can't respond to both.

Because it is hurting as you cry and each tear that falls feels like it carries the shadows of your lost chances to be together in them.

'Why are you apologizing to me Sasuke-kun? I should be the one doing that- I was the one who tried to kill y-'

'Because you love me. I know that I've done things that are wrong, that I have disappointed you.'

And you freeze because it is

love.

love love love

lovelovelovelovelovelovelove

When you were so sure that it should have been

loved.

'I- no! No! I don't- I-'

And he looks at you like you're crazy and you know you must be crazy because you feel as if you are. And he stares through you and repeats it.

'It's because you love me.'

'I - I don't. And there is nothing to forgive - I'm not angry at you. Why would I be angry? I don't have any reason to be angry with you. I don't even have the right to be angry at you.'

And you see him reach for your hand, but you pull away again.

'What am I?'

You look up, and try your best to look at his eyes, which you find hidden under choppy dark bangs.

'I'm nothing.'

Inked lashes lift up as he stares straight back.

'No. You're everything.'