chapter 3: après l'ondee

title: après l'ondee

word count: 1441

disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

note: Après L'Ondee was created by the amazing house of Guerlain, the eau de toilette version is the one I was inspired by. Après l'ondee is French for 'after the rain shower'.

White.

Her dress was white. White and long and flowing and laced - and white – and she glowed.

Illuminated by the sunshiny brightness of the mosaic windows of the church. The day was beautiful and all the essence of spring became captured on this day for her. Clouds too white, sky unreasonably blue, flowers unconsciously matching and the wind excessively tranquil.

And her-

she was-

Sakura. And she looked unworldly.

Sakura with her hands holding on to something metallic, something that he doesn't want to know about. Sakura with her hair tied in an updo, wispy bits framing her face. Sakura with her clear green eyes, which looked and saw right through him like he wasn't the devil- wasn't a failure- wasn't an avenger- and Sakura- who would see him and smile. And the smile would always be soft and warm and innocent and gentle and everything he's not.

And he thinks.

He knows.

He isn't worth it.

He's known for years. And he's tried telling her.

And the day she finally accepts it- he's not quite sure he's prepared to let go.

2 months. 6 days. 14 hours. 8 minutes. 32 seconds. ago

Clothes lay cluttered on the floor from their night before. Both weren't under the influence of alcohol. Both weren't burdened by the sorrows of a mission. Not overcome by sudden lust. She was only over to heal a wound after he requested medical support.

The large panel windows of the Uchiha compound houses were all tear stained with rain.

'Sasuke-kun?'

As she sat up, shifting the bed- he could see her slim figure being reflected in the misted window.

She looked at him expectedly.

He didn't look at her. He knows he shouldn't have touched her. Shouldn't have lost control. Because things would never go back to what they wanted.

'What are we?'

Turning- he raised an eyebrow.

'What?'

'What are we? We aren't lovers. You don't love me.'

She laughed, cold and so, so not like her. He frowns.

'Sakura-'

'We aren't teammates anymore- heck, I don't even think you treat me as a friend. What are we? Because I'm tired- I'm tired of waiting. I want to be loved. Not the daily proclamations of love and flowers like Lee, not even a gesture to take care of me when I'm hurt. I don't need that. But I want to be loved.

So. What are we?'

She stares into the dark eyes and he can feel her searching them. For any answer.

'I knew it.'

My heart. That's what he wanted to say. But couldn't. Only watches her dress and pick up her things and walk out of the room after the silence.

He watches her as she walks through the crowd of congratulating people, walking up to her- to their- former mentor and talk about how grateful she is that he'll walk her down the aisle in place of her deceased father.

And he see's her with Ino- the one who decorated the hall with flowers, adorned the girl, made her bouquet.

The girl who is glaring at him, and her eyes asking him.

Why are you here?

1 month. 28 days. 1 hour. 3 minutes. 28 seconds. ago

Sakura had collapsed in the middle of a mission for no reason. The first thing he did was send Naruto to complete it and bring her back to Konoha.

And when he heard that she was awake- he went to find her.

'What should I do? I- he doesn't want me Ino. He never did! How can I just suddenly go up to him and tell him I'm pregnant?'

Tears stream down her face, but she is crying from the happiness of knowing she is going to be a mother soon. Like a harlequin, her face is an almost maniacal mixture of both.

And he knows it's his. Because he was her first. Because she's too faithful to be with anyone else. Because there's nobody that wouldn't want her. Because he's the only one she loves too much. And he knows. And he doesn't do anything.

Because he's a coward.

Because he can't accept that much love.

Because he knows that he is clinging onto her and suffocating her and keeping her to himself- where while he is happy- she is dying.

'Shhh- it's okay,' He saw the blonde stroke her hair and she hugged the crying rosette on the hospital bed. A single violet bouquet upon her bedside.

'It's okay. It'll be okay. Let me take care of it- it'll be okay.'

A hand pats him on the shoulder and he scowls and he turns to see Naruto-

'Thanks. Sasuke. For coming.'

- Naruto, sincerity in his voice, and clad in a matching white suit to the bride. With his happy face even happier than normal.

The perfect pair.That's what people called them.

Both happy. Both bright. Both warm and smiling and loving. The Hokage's apprentice and the Hokage-to-be.

Spring and Summer- they said. Spring and Summer would do well for them all.

And when he sees Naruto disappear so that he can walk around the back to step onto the altar just as Sakura did earlier on. His chest aches and he knows this is the feeling of lost.

0 months. 12 days. 13 hours. 49 minutes. 34 seconds. ago

It would been a relaxing day out with the team. All of them were sitting on their normal seats at the ramen stand. Uzumaki Naruto. Haruno Sakura. Uchiha Sasuke.

'Ino told me Sakura-chan.'

'Naruto?' Sakura drops her chopsticks and doesn't even think of retrieving them, instead turning to face the Uchiha.

'Sakura-chan. Marry me.'

When she looked at him like he was out of his mind- he shook his head and held out a ring, a bond of three separate rings- silver, rose gold and gold.

How ironic. He thought when he saw the band of three.

'I don't care- I'll make you happy and I'll make our child happy- and I'll take care of both of you.' The blonde wraps his arms around her back tightly even as she has turned back to face the dark haired one and he repeats-

'- marry me.'

He sees her eyes widen in disbelief and thinks that it's impossible, she'll never do it. And she looks back at him, seeking any type of response from him to help her decide.

She knows that he won't even try to stop her.

She knows that they will never be the perfect that she wants. That they would need to survive together.

Because they lost their chance years back.

Maybe they never even had one.

'Sasuke-kun,' She smiles.

And his heart breaks. Because he knows she deserves so much more. So much more than him than a person who lost the ability to love her rightfully. She deserves this.

And his hand is suddenly heavy even though he wants to bring it up to her face and tell her to say no- and tell her to marry him. Let him take care of her instead. Tell her she is the only thing he ever wanted. Ever needed- the only thing that he needs. And that-

. . .

But it doesn't move. And for the only time in his life, Sakura is faster than him to respond to something.

Though-

How ironic.

How fucking ironic.

For her last words to him as Sasuke-kun to be those.

'Thankyou.'

thankyou thankyou thankyou

Thankyou for everything you've ever done for me.

Thankyou for all those memories, those little actions that you shared.

Thankyou for all that you gave to me.

Thankyou for not trying to stop me.

Thankyou for giving me a clean goodbye instead of leading me on when you can't love me.

Thankyou for finally letting me go.

thankyou thankyou thankyou

thankyou for giving me the chance to love you.

thankyou for loving me.

Sakura sees him and she smiles at him and it is everything he remembers it to be. The smile that would always be soft and warm and innocent and gentle and everything he's not.

Except- now- there's also gratitude and regret and shame.

She turned back around.

He let his hand linger on the blessed rosewood of the church a moment before he stepped away from his seat in the wedding hall.

The last seat of the entire hall.

Where no one could see him.

Where he could stop himself from standing up.

Where the path was long enough for others to try and stop him if he tried to reach the altar.

There he could strain his ears to block out the cursed words.

'I do.'