XXIII.
A Reason to Live
The ship Mary was on was done for. Pirates swarmed over and onto it, taking it by storm. She and the rest of the privateers were no match for them. She had barely reached her twentieth year and she was going to die. She wasn't going to die without a fight though. She took upon her sword and fought off who she could. She kicked a man overboard, swiping her sword over his throat as he fell, she stabbed another in the chest and shot a third in the head. If they were going to kill her, she was going to kill as many as she could before she died. The other privateers fought as well, fighting for their own lives. She stepped over their bodies, more concerned with her own life.
It wasn't that Mary really wanted to live – her husband and child were dead, what was the point? – but it was that she didn't want to die. That was the funny thing about dying. She bemoaned being the only one left out of her little family that yet drew breath and yet when she could have easily accepted her own death, she fought for the right breathe. She would not die so easily, no. What would James say if he knew she had just given up? She could hear him asking where the strong woman he had married was. So she fought, she slashed, she killed just so she could live a few moments longer. It was no use though and soon she was surrounded, one out of five that had survived. The Captain lay between her and another man, a hole in his head, still smoking slightly.
"Well, well, well…Looks like we have some of the Crown's best" A man, whom Mary assumed was the Captain of the other ship, walked between the remaining five of them. "But not good enough for us. Ha. Bunch of reeds is what they had"
"Please!" One man suddenly broke. "I have a wife- I have a child!"
"A son or a daughter?" The Captain asked, walking over to the man who couldn't be more than five years older than Mary herself.
"Wh-What?" The man blinked but then quickly went on. Desperate to return to his family, desperate to keep breathing. "A son! Barely two years old, he is!"
"Good, he can carry on your family name" The Captain's sword slashed across the man's throat and he tossed the man overboard. His crew laughed, liking this new game. Mary was personally disgusted by it. He went to the next man. "What's your name?"
"Creed Young" The man said with stiff lips.
"Creed? What an odd name. And what do you do Mister Young?" He asked.
"I was the Quartermaster."
"Was you now? How fortune for you that my own Quartermaster fell. If you pledge loyalty to me, perhaps I'll let you live to take his place"
"I think you and your stink can go to hell" Young said, his voice not shaking one bit. He was brave, Mary had to give him that. The Captain, who Mary was expecting to kill Young, laughed.
"You're amusing. We're taking him with us!" The crew laughed and cheered. They were going with their Captain's reactions, she realized. He must be cruel or at least have a good hold on his crew if they were just going to go with his thoughts and not think for themselves. He killed two more men before finally coming to Mary. "And you lad, what's your name?"
She had never given a name when on this ship. It wasn't the original one she had been sailing on and she had spoken to them very little. Since she arrived in the West Indies she had made no friends and jumped Privateering ships often. She did not want to become attached to someone ever again. It hurt too much and she wasn't sure her heart could survive breaking again.
"Well lad?" The Captain roared, raising his sword. She felt like her heart was torn – answer him and she may live, keep silent and she knew she'd find bliss in death. Except…Oh James would be so mad at her! For skipping out on her own life! For giving up! Despite how it hurt, she swallowed hard. Mark Read was not an impressive name and quite frankly, she was done being called that. She was done being a Read. She needed…she needed something different. Just like that, it came to her. An answer, a way out.
"Kidd" She told him. "I'm Kidd"
"Kidd? That your family name or…"
"My father – according to my mum – was William Kidd" The lie came out smoothly, as if it were truth, as if she had been telling it the whole of her life.
"Is that so? And how do you know?" His sword was back at his side now, listening to her tale. She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were disappointed in the story herself, as if she had heard it a million times growing up, as if she had repeated it half those million times herself and was tired of sharing it.
"My mum claims it so. Says she spent a…well a panicked night of 'passion' with Captain Kidd before he got himself all strung up" The man nodded his head, pacing and Mary watched him. If he killed her now, at least she tried. If he didn't, there would be other, more honorable, ways to die.
"How old are you?" Shit, that wasn't what she was expecting to hear. She looked young, since she was skinnier and scrawnier than most of the men. She had to do some quick thinking.
"I…I'm sixteen sir" That was such a lie. She hadn't been sixteen in quite a few years. Still, he seemed to buy it.
"And what should we call you?" He must have seen the confusion on her face. "We can't call you Kidd, that name is too big for the likes of your britches yet"
"Oh…my name" She realized he wanted a first name. Shit, what should she tell him? Then she realized there was only one name she wanted to give him. "James. My name is James Kidd"
"Alright, James. Welcome aboard" Then he patted her back roughly, grinning with his black teeth.
She spent only a month with them before she found herself visiting Spanish Town. They were…probably getting pissed somewhere else or something. Young was thinking of raising his own crew and he asked her to come with him. He said he saw a lot of raw talent in her. She didn't want to hear of it. She didn't really want to dwell with Pirates, but she was already a wanted woman – man. It was complicated she supposed.
She walked along the streets, keeping to herself. She had changed her way of dress drastically since she came here. Instead of wearing a uniform, she wore a long coat and a thick undershirt along with her corset. It was hot in the sun, but it hid her chest. That was all that really mattered in the end. Her boots also helped give her some height that she was sorely lacking. If she wanted to be a man she had look as much as one as possible.
It was that moment when someone grabbed her and spun her around. She felt a pistol against her temple and was too shocked to do a thing.
"Come at me!" The man howled. Was he a bloody lunatic? "Come at me you assassin! I'll kill this poor, innocent lad! Is that what you want, the blood of an innocent on your hands?" She didn't know who he thought he was but she brought her elbow into his stomach and turned, punching him in the face so hard he went down.
"Bloody fucking loon! Keep your natty hands off me!" He was up in a moment pointing his gun at her. She drew her own.
"You're with them aren't you? Monsters! The lot of you!" He pulled the trigger and if she hadn't saw his intent, he would have shot her.
"Fuck off!" She growled at him. Just before she was able to pull the trigger a man appeared behind him. He didn't appear to have a weapon but he placed his hand on the small of the loon's back and pressed. The man went stiff and fell to the ground, dead. The man behind…well he looked wild in a sense Mary couldn't really understand. He was dressed in a tribal outfit and his one hand was stained with blood, a sort of wristblade attached to it.
She heard the stomp of feet. That loon shooting his gun had attracted the guards! She hesitated, not sure what to do. The strange man, who had been staring at her, suddenly motioned for her to follow him and then he was running. Trust him or no? She hesitated but heard a shout. She half-turned, spotting guards, and then quickly followed after the strange man. He had turned a corner and…
What? Where was he?
A hand grabbed her and pulled her down into a bush. She would have cried out but a hand was slapped over her mouth. She sat there; hand over her mouth, another clutching arm to keep her from drawing gun or sword, in the bush for a long time. Or at least it felt like a long time. The minutes ticked by and finally she was let go of and the man stood, moving out of the bush as easily as if he were walking down the street. It took Mary a bit more effort to get out of the bush as it kept catching on her clothes or weapons.
"Who…Who are you?" She asked the strange man. "Why did you kill that man?"
"You would not understand" He said simply.
"Then…then make me!" She didn't know what else to say. The man looked at her a long moment.
"You are in pain" It was such a simple statement, an inoffensive statement but Mary took offense.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're obviously a loon too" She didn't really believe that though. There was a sort of wisdom in this man, a sort of…calm. Mary couldn't explain it, but he was trustworthy. He was…good she supposed. She supposed, during these thoughts, her haughty expression faltered and he saw.
"You are different." He said this as a fact, just as his last statement. "We reside in the place called Tulum. If you can find us, you are welcome to learn from us" He began to walk away. She followed after.
"Us? Whose this us you're talking about?"
"I cannot explain here" He replied simply.
"Where can you explain?" She was dying to know. Something told her….something told her that whatever this man was pushing was something she wanted. He was silent a long moment and she followed him yet. He reached a row boat where another man waited.
"Mentor…?" the man questioned, gesturing at her.
"He is coming with us." Then he turned to her, as if she had to confirm that.
"Uh…yes. I'm going where ever you're going"
"Don't you have anyone you need to talk to about that, lad?" The man asked. He wasn't as calm and collected as the man he had called Mentor.
"No." She answered simply, even though that was a lie. Young didn't know where she was going and the Captain she served under…well she owed him nothing. They both seemed to accept that answer and a moment later she was in the boat and they were heading towards a ship. She had no idea if this was the right choice – but spur of the moment choices seemed to bring her the most happiness.
They arrived on a place called Tulum and Mary looked around in wonder. She looked up, wide eyed at the beauty of the jungle. She had seen several beautiful places since coming to the West Indies, but nothing like this. There was peace here, she could sense it. She followed the strange man, whose name she learned was Ah Tabai, through the village. The people here were dressed similarly to him, with cowls shadowing their faces and wrist blades attached to both wrists. She couldn't help but stare, even as she tried to keep up with Ah Tabai.
"James" Ah Tabai's voice drew her to look at him. They were before some Mayan(or so she assumed) ruins. There were practice dummies lined up on the stone courtyard before it. Ah Tabai was standing in the center and a few people were flocking him, as if his guard. "We here on this island are united by a common creed."
"Is this some…daffy religion then?" She was curious, wary. She didn't understand why she had agreed to come here anymore. She had thought it over and while she had questioned Ah Tabai on the way here, she had not gotten much of an answer.
"No. Much more than that" Ah Tabai moved a bit closer to her. "Nothing is true, everything is permitted"
Mary was silent. It sounded like a half complete statement but she didn't say much. It sounded like one needed to possess their own measure of wisdom before they understood that statement. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak though and she bowed her head, as if thinking it over, though she had already reached her own conclusion.
"I don't understand it" She said finally. "If nothing is true, why bother to believe in such things? If everything is permitted why bother to try?"
Ah Tabai smiled. Her answer was right obviously. "For one so young, you possess wisdom beyond years." Suddenly she felt bad for lying to him. She fidgeted but didn't bother to correct him. Then again… "We extend an invitation to train beneath us and become an Assassin. Do you accept?"
"I hardly know a thing about you and your cult here"
"You will learn as you train." He promised. She bowed her head again, thinking it over. If she refused would they let her leave? What was the point of joining? What was the point of not joining? It wasn't like she had anything else to do with her life. It wasn't like she had anything else to live for. The ache in her heart seemed to double as she thought about it. She looked up at Ah Tabai and the others behind him.
"What is there to lose?"
Mary never once regretted her decision to become an Assassin. Through them, she found peace, she found a purpose and most of all, she felt like she had a reason for living again. The ache in her heart would never go away, she had already accepted that. But, the fact of the matter was, the Assassins gave her a reason to live and breathe and hope for the future. All those things had left her when she had lost both her husband and child.
"Very good, James" Ah Tabai was watching her and a few other new Assassins practicing. "You show great promise"
She hesitated, as she always did when he called her James. She had been with them two months now and had learned much. She had not revealed to them her true gender yet, not knowing if she could trust them. She did though. She really did. She sighed.
"My name isn't James" She found herself saying. It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
"Then what is it?" Ah Tabai didn't seem upset. In fact he seemed like he expected her to say that.
"Mary. Mary Read" No one seemed surprised to hear her utter a woman's name. She waited for them to call her a traitor or something for keep a secret from them. It never came. "Aren't you surprised?"
"I could tell you were a woman." That surprised her. "When we hid in the bush in Spanish Town, I felt the corset beneath your shirt."
"Oh" That was the only thing she could think of saying.
"I realized you would tell us the 'truth' in due time, when you felt safe with us." He said simply. "I am happy that time is now" Then he left to take care of other tasks. She was left looking after him, shocked.
She reached up and touched her short hair. She had chopped it all off before she had sailed to the West Indies. She remembered James saying how he had loved her long hair. She had to leave the training grounds, suddenly overcome with a crushing grief. No one followed her, probably understanding she needed to be alone. She went to the room she called her own and sat on the bed that was her's. She had found a place she could be herself. She had found a place to call home, at last.
So why was she so empty? Why was she so sad?
She smiled at nothing through her tears. Ah, now she understood. Time healed all wounds and time would heal her's, eventually. Someday. She bowed her head, grateful. She had found a new home, a new family. Her tears were not only from grief, but from happiness. She was home, at last, she was at home.
A/N: FINALLY ALL DONE WITH HER PAST. Wow. I'm surprised so many of you liked it! I was really expecting some 'Get back to Edward, woman!'s. But promise, next chapter, we get some more Edward and Mary time. Hope you enjoyed!