'Once upon a time,' I said from the fancy director's chair that I 'borrowed' for the purposes of being a director. 'There was a little girl...'
Knuckles growled and glared at me his hands clenched into fists.
"Girl?" he hissed.
'I mean there was a little boy…. 'I tried to correct only to be interrupted by another growl.
"Little?" Knuckles hissed again.
'There is just no pleasing you,' I said shaking my head. 'How about….There once was a perfectly normal size male echidna who was called Little Red Riding Hood for unknown reasons, and if you complain, I'm going to hurt you.'
Knuckles scowled a bit at his introduction, but didn't dare say anything else.
'Anyway, Red had horrible parents and a sickly grandmother, so naturally it was Red's job to take care of her…I mean…his grandma by bringing her a basket of goodies. He would have brought her medicine, but that stuff was expensive, so he brought her soup, the poor people's medicine.'
The glare that Knuckles was sending my way was obviously saying, "Get on with it!"
'Anyway, Red went off to see his grandma, the most wonderful grandma of all. Because, because, because...' I said before Shadow cut me off.
"Don't you dare!" he hissed.
I pouted a bit before rolling my eyes and continuing.
'Anyway, Red was walking through the forest, and I'm just going to let the story tell itself for a bit.'
Knuckles groaned, but he started his performance none the less.
"I'm walking through the woods with a basket of soup or goodies or whatever and I'm taking it to my grandma all by myself," Knuckles said in a monotone voice.
'Thanks for that Captain Obvious,' I said sarcastically. 'Now if you don't mind, would you please act?'
Knuckles scowled.
"What do you want me to do? You didn't write a script!" he snapped.
'Why would you need a script? Who doesn't know the story of Little Red Riding Hood?' I asked.
"How am I supposed to know what to say and do what you want without a script?" he asked scowling and crossing his arms.
'You don't need a script you need acting lessons!' I snapped before taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. 'Just don't point out the obvious stuff that's already been pointed out, and this should go fine.'
Knuckles sighed and nodded.
"I better hurry and get this basket to dear old granny. If I want to get there in a hurry, I should go through the dark forest filled with many obstacles that will hinder my progress greatly instead of taking the clear path that leads straight to her house." Knuckles said rolling his eyes and heading forwards into the "forest".
'Stop for a moment and let me get the stage ready for the forest scene,' I commanded jumping up from my chair, and running onto the stage.
Knuckles happily jumped off the stage and waited.
*5 hours later*
I stepped back proudly to admire my work.
'It's finished,' I called to the group, who had fallen asleep.
Knuckles walked back onto the stage and looked at it expectantly before a dismayed look came onto his face.
"It took you five hours to do this?" he asked incredulously. "That's an oversized piece of paper with a bunch of poorly drawn trees on it! How did that take you so long to do?"
I pondered that for a brief moment.
*one hour later*
'I'm not quite sure,' I said finally.
Knuckles looked at me with a mixture of anger and disbelief.
"How did that take you an hour to come up with that?" he asked annoyed.
'I will ponder that for a brief moment,' I said.
"That's not necessary," Sonic quickly cut in. "The stage looks…cool. I mean there's like three trees drawn on that paper and you even made some…. outstanding…. flowers out of pipe cleaners. That must have been difficult to do and we appreciate it."
He forced a smile before giving Knuckles a stern look.
Knuckles nodded and decided to continue on with his performance.
"I sure hope I don't meet any wild, dangerous creatures like a lion, tiger, or bear," he said, and the rest of us couldn't help but say, "Oh my."
'That's your cue Tails,' I hissed pushing the fox onto the stage. 'It's an irony thing.'
Tails quickly came onto the stage and stood next to Knuckles, and said…nothing.
"So are you a wolf or something?" Knuckles asked staring uncomfortably at his friend.
Tails still didn't answer choosing instead to stare at him in a creepy way.
'Tails! Why aren't you saying anything?' I asked.
He looked at me as if it should be obvious.
"The killer almost never says anything," he replied. "I could ask him if he like scary movies if you want."
I sighed annoyed.
'Well you're going to be a talky killer. So talk,' I commanded.
Tails nodded.
"So do you like scary movies?" he asked Knuckles in a voice best described as creepy.
'Not that!' I snapped.
"I mean, hi. Where are you going?" Tails corrected, his voice returning to a fairly normal tone.
Knuckles looked relieved at the lack of scary voice.
"I'm going to see my grandma," he replied. "She lives at this address. She's elderly and easy to overpower, and quite frankly, she's probably delicious and would make a wonderful meal for a wolf like you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take the long way and get there in about an hour. The shortcut's over there, pal, goodbye."
With that long speech, Knuckles walked away, leaving Tails alone.
Tails then laughed manically while lighting flashed in the background before he ran off.
"Where did the lighting come from?" Espio asked me in a whisper.
'I have no clue,' I replied getting slightly worried that I may have made a grave mistake showing Tails those slasher flicks.
I walked up to the stage to begin setting up the bedroom.
*5 minutes later*
The stage was set up in an amazingly beautiful and impressive bedroom scene that looked professionally done.
"You never cease to amaze me," Shadow said in wonder.
Rouge quickly walked to the stage and lay down in the bed.
"This mattress is wonderful," she said in delight. "I think I might actually enjoy this scene,"
And Rouge might have thoroughly enjoyed the scene, if Tails hadn't chosen that moment to walk in and push her off the bed.
"I'm a wolf, and I'm going to lock you in a closet and eat your granddaughter….son…thing and save you for desert," he said dramatically, and added "Just go offstage. There is no closet," when he didn`t get a reaction from the shocked and slightly peeved bat on the floor.
Rouge glared at him and walked off the stage.
Tails sat on the bed and looked expectantly at the "door".
Knuckles quickly walked onto the stage and stared at the orange fox.
"Oh grandma, your sickness made you shrink," he said offhandedly walking closer.
"That's what happens when you're sick with whatever I have," Tails replied.
"Your eyes are big," Knuckles said, with a small smirk on his face.
"The bigger to give you angry glares for insulting parts of my anatomy," Tails replied cheekily.
"Your ears are so big," Knuckles commented.
"They never stop growing you know. It sucks being old," Tails said getting annoyed by the scene.
"Why grandma, what big teeth you have," Knuckles said, finally following some semblance of the story.
"That's great, now I can stab you," Tails said, pulling out a fake rubber knife.
'That's not how it goes,' I complained as Tails chased Knuckles around the stage.
"You're the one who showed him slasher movies," Sonic snapped, watching his two friends with an expression of worry and amusement.
'I suppose you have a point,' I said. 'Knuckles we don't have an ax for the woodcutter so you'll just have to wing it.' I called to the stage.
Knuckles quickly grabbed the knife from Tails and held it over him.
"Now I 'kill' the wolf, and the play can finally be over," he said his voice slightly bored.
'But then the people from PETA intervened and tackled Red,' I said, pushing the remaining guys onto the stage.
Vector stumbled into Knuckles and they both fell off the stage.
'Red was vanquished, and the wolf was sent to live in Yellowstone National Park,' I said. 'And the morals of the story are don't talk to strangers, PETA won't let you do anything fun, and most importantly, don't bring food to the elderly, it won't end well.'
The guys just glared at me in a mixture of bewilderment at the unorthodox moral and contempt that the story was finally over.