XXXV.
A Fragil Heart

The trip to Tulum was a rough one. Mary was confined to a bed the whole trip and for the first time in her life, she got seasick. Her body was worn and tired and she wanted nothing more than to be on land where the world would not rock back and forth. Perhaps it was really the child making her sick, or she had caught something from the prison, but she didn't know. She didn't care. She just knew she felt awful, she wanted nothing more than to be back in Tulum, resting. It didn't help that her stomach was so large and it was so awkward for her to walk about. Not that she walked about, she stayed in bed as much as possible. She was trying to hold out until they got back to Tulum. Every few hours though…Oh the pain was like nothing else. Ah Tabai feared she would give birth before they reached the Assassin's base, but there wasn't much she could do about it. When the baby was ready, she would just have to do her best and make do with what she had.

They were less than a day from Tulum when she knew it was time.

She couldn't remember the whole process, she just knew that she was in a lot of pain and that the labor was long. Much too long. She remembered the woman overseeing her birthing speaking to someone outside the room, fearing that if Mary did not give birth soon, she would probably die, taking the child with her into death.

Somehow that firmed her resolve, somehow that helped her find a way to push through the pain, through the agony and in time she heard the cry of a child taking its first breath in the world. She looked, seeing that the doctor was holding a small, gore covered child who was crying at the injustice of being brought into the world. Mary was exhausted but she fought to stay awake just to meet her own child. There was also the fear in her heart, if she faded into the darkness now, she would not wake back up. They took her away for the moment to clean her up and then brought her back to Mary.

She was a tiny little thing, her eyes still closed, her face furrowed as if in discontent but she was the most perfect thing in the world to Mary. She knew who her father was too, just from the way she looked. It made her heart very sad to know the truth, but she had to accept that as she had everything else. She only got to hold her a moment because they wanted to get her changed out of her bloody clothes and to walk a little, to make sure she still could walk. She did as they asked and soon was placed in a new, clean, room and was given her daughter again. She smiled as her daughter made a cooing noise and her small hand reached for nothing. She made everything worth it, the pain, the terror, the tears and the loss. If only she could keep her daughter in her arms…she was sure she could pick of the fragments of her life and make something better out of it. She was sure she could recover and find her way in life.

It had been a week now since she gave birth to her daughter and three days now since she died. The little one had lasted four days but by the second, Mary had known she would not last. She was weak and tiny, refusing to even eat most times. If Mary had been able to take care of herself…If Mary hadn't been in prison…perhaps, maybe…she didn't know. All she knew now was grief. An unending strip of it where she blamed herself for her child's death.

She thought of her friends often in this time of grief as well. Thatch, Vane, Rackham, Hornigold, Daniel and Anne. All of the were dead and gone – some by their own fault and some by the fault of others but it didn't matter because they were all down among the dead and they left her horribly alone. Only one other remained and he had chosen a different path and she had little doubt in her heart that they would meet again. And how her heart ached day after day. She did what she could to help starve it off, but there wasn't much she felt up to doing. Her body was weak after giving birth so combat training, climbing or other physical activity was out. She could walk, but that only allowed her to think more. Walking did not starve off the thoughts that clawed darkly at her mind, whispering that it might be better for her to be down among the dead as well.

In the end, she found herself hiding in her room more and more. She couldn't bear to leave and look at the people she had once considered her friends and family. Somehow, they just reminded her of all she had lost. She still loved her Assassin brothers and sisters, but she could only remember that final disagreement she had with them. Where she chose Edward over them in essence and that had been a mistake. She should have never left again. She was no longer a Pirate- that part of her life had been lost forever now. There was no reason for her to sail under a black flag ever again. She was proud to be an assassin but at the same time her existence felt empty. She felt as if she no longer had a purpose – she was back to that empty feeling. Back to the hopeless start.

One day Javi came and made her come outside, saying she had grown too pale. The other Assassins took good care of her, someone was always nearby to escort her wherever she wanted to go or to fetch her food or water or just to make sure she wasn't hurt by the wildlife on the island. She sometimes wandered down to the beaches, as if she might see Edward's Jackdaw there but she never did. Someone was always with her thought, always trying to draw her out of her shell but it never happened. She began speaking less and less finding herself drowning depression. She didn't understand how to escape it but she knew one person who would make it easier. She longed for him but he never showed up and day by day, she grew progressively worse. She struggled to grow better, but her heart just wasn't in it anymore. She felt alone, though there were countless people there for her. The loss was just too great in her heart.

She supposed she just saw no reason to live anymore.

October 1720

There was an attack. Mary was ushered away so she was not injured and she felt like a bag of shite because she wasn't out there helping. She wasn't even wearing her wrist blades, she hadn't in a very long time. She was ill equipped and she would just be in the way if she stepped out into the fight. So she remained in her room until she heard the cries of battle die down. Javi, the one who had been guarding her, walked her to her new favorite spot. It was under a palm tree where she could look at the sky and allow her thoughts to wander. Sometimes, she found now, they would be good thoughts and she was always hopeful for them.

Today was like any other day to her. Other than the attack there was nothing different about it. Javi left her to her own and she sat, dazed and dreaming when she should have been thinking of ways to get back to herself. She just couldn't jump that hurdle yet though. Her heart wasn't ready. She didn't even know how to begin to get ready for such a thing.

Then someone was blocking her sunlight and she was forced to open her eyes and forced to try and draw her face into an annoyed form. When she saw who it was though, her expression went slack and her heart skipped a beat. Edward. Edward bloody fucking Kenway. She wanted to yell, to curse, to scream, to rip into him for abandoning her for so long but she just sat there, mute, looking up at him. He was looking down at her, his eyes soft. He looked like he had missed her, like he just wanted to hold her in his arms but she hoped he didn't. She didn't know if her heart could take it.

Finally he took a deep breath and crouched before her. He looked into her eyes, but then dropped them, trying to hide the sadness in them. "I…I'm sorry for your loss" His voice was low and soft. She nodded when he said that.

"She only…lived four days." Her voice cracked a little, as she was unused to speaking, "I didn't even…I didn't even give her a name" She chewed on her cheek as she thought about that. Her poor baby girl, she didn't even get a chance to live. Edward sat down next to her. He wasn't touching her but he was close to her, giving her comfort with his presence. "Maybe…Maybe this is God's way to tell me to stop. Just to stop trying to be…Be a normal woman. I ain't fit for it. I ain't fit to be a wife – I ain't fit to be a mother. I should have never been Mary Read – just Mark. Just James."

"That ain't true, Mary" Edward said softly. There was a pause in their conservation. "I heard tales of you…in prison. The infamous Mary Read and Anne Bonny, taking on the whole of the King's Navy, just the two of you!"

She managed a bitter smile. "That's true. Us and Daniel. We would have won that day or at the very least escaped if Jack and his boys hadn't been passed out in the hold from drink. I shot one of them in my anger. I just…I just wanted to survive." They paused again, she leaned her head back against the tree, fighting the tears. She had never cried so much in her life. Now she couldn't seem to stop crying. It was pathetic. "Edward…Everyone is gone. Everyone. Anne, Jack, Thatch, Vane, Hornigold…Everyone. I miss them so much…" A single tear ran down her cheek. "I feel empty inside, like there's nothing there. Do you know what I mean?"

"I do" Edward nodded his head. "Devil curse me, I do"

Then, she put her hand on his knee, giving it a comforting squeeze. He took her hand in his own. His hand was rough by warm and she was happy to have his hand gripping her's. She looked up at him and then leaned over, leaning her head against his chest. He just held her hand and they sat there together. They didn't say another word, they didn't do anything else, they just sat and it eased some of the pain on her heart. She had no idea how long they sat there, but eventually she saw Ah Tabai standing and watching from the corner of her eye. Edward lifted his head, and looked towards him. He stroked her hair back from her face and she looked up at him. He squeezed her hand.

"I have to go. My training starts today" He smiled, just a little.

"You joined the fight."

"I'm going to do right by all the people I lost. I'm going to do right by you too" He replied. He kissed her softly on her forehead and stood, letting go of her. He followed after Ah Tabai and she watched as they headed for the stone courtyard to train. She sat a little longer before rising and following after.

She found a spot in the shade and sat, watching Edward train with both Ah Tabai and Ade. Ade was still in training himself, so he and Edward were learning with a few other of the novices. Other Assassins came over and gave pointers to the small group of them while Ah Tabai taught them what he could. She watched, remembering her own days training and learning. She smiled a little and realized what she was doing. Her smile faded for a moment and then returned.

She and Edward fell into a pattern of life.

She would sit under her tree and he would join her, holding her. Sometimes they would talk, other times they would sit and think. Either way, after a while either Ah Tabai or Ade would come to fetch him. He would kiss her forehead and leave to train with them. She would sometimes sit a little longer or she would follow after them to watch the training. She never joined and they never asked but she watched. She enjoyed watching at least. It helped her heart in more ways than she could explain. At about three in the afternoon, Edward would take a break to eat and Mary would join him. Again, sometimes they would talk and other times they didn't. Edward would train and Mary would watch again another few hours until a little before sunset. Then they would go down to the beach and sit, watching the sun touch the sea together.

He didn't make any promises to her during those times, he didn't whisper sweet words that would mean nothing soon, and he didn't ask after her daughter – of which she was thankful. She didn't think she could take any of that yet. Maybe someday she could stand the questions, but she doubted she could ever stand the sweet words or the false promises.

After the sun set, they would eat again and then they would then retired to their own rooms. He didn't sleep in the same room as her and for that she was also thankful. She didn't want to do a foolish thing and she feared she would if they were in the same room together. She just wanted to be able to recover at her own pace. Edward didn't rush her and he made no move on her other than to hold her hand or to gently brush his lips against her forehead. She allowed both because both were comforting gestures, both were pleasant yet distant enough she felt her heart could handle it.

Perhaps things would have gone on the way they had been if Ah Tabai hadn't taken Ade out for some sort of special training. Edward was offered a spot to come along, but he had declined. Mary had wondered why but perhaps he had not wanted to leave her alone. He remained, content to train with the other Assassins or by himself. He had a new weapon to practice with – a rope dart. It was a tricky weapon to master and Mary didn't prefer it. She had never even carried them with her.

Still when he kissed her forehead, she hesitated, waiting a bit before following. By the time she had chased after him, she saw him heading into the jungle, a dummy under his arm. She followed at a distance, wondering what he was doing. Soon she found out as she watched him put the dummy in the ground and climb up into a tree. He swung the rope dart and threw it, meaning to wrap around the dummy's "neck" so he could hang them. But he missed and the dart sank into the ground. He gave it a hard yank and pulled it back to him and tried again.

She watched him for a little while, waiting to see him grow frustrated and give up. He grew annoyed but he never seemed to get angry about it. He sighed after a while and tried moving where he was in the tree. She shook her head and climbed up after him. As she pulled herself onto his branch he looked over at her. He looked surprised, as if he had not heard her following him. Perhaps he hadn't.

"Ahoy, Mary. What are you doing up here?"

"I'm here to help you, ya lout" She gave him a ghost of a smile and crouched beside him. "Give that here" He handed her the rope dart and she motioned for him to give her some room. "What you're doing is tossing it with your arm. You want to flick it with your wrist, like you was tossing a knife" She began to spin it and then threw it, looping around the dummy's neck easily. "And when you got them, you want to hang 'em" She pulled and then jumped backwards out of the tree.

"Mary! Careful!" Edward shouted.

She landed on the ground, using the more powerful muscles of her thighs to absorb the shock of the blow rather than the sensitive joints of her knees. She let go of the rope and used her foot to hold it down. The dummy looked like he was hanging and she looked up at Edward.

"Grab the rope and lower him back down. It'll be your turn this time" She had to admit, that was the most she had done in a while and it felt good. Her body buzzed with energy she hadn't felt in a long while. It felt good to be practicing again, it felt good to be teaching and learning again. Edward lowered the dummy down and she untied the rope dart which he hauled back up. She reset the dummy and backed off. Edward had to try twice more before he looped it. She asked him not to jump back and hang him though as she wanted him to loop the dummy's neck a few more times before she was satisfied.

Soon he was quite adept at it and he jumped back out of the tree much like she had. He even landed the correct way which made her smile. She gave him a slap on the shoulder.

"Good work today, Kenway. There's some hope for you yet" She surprised herself, sounding so much like her old self, sounding so confident, so sure. It made her feel proud. It made her feel good. It made her feel like she was getting better. "Lets go get something to eat."

She turned to walk away but Edward grabbed her hand. "Mary…are you well?"

"I'm better" She answered. "I'm getting better. I'll be better someday"

"But not all the way?"

"No." She answered bitterly. She gave him a bitter smile and nodded her head. "Never will be." then she pulled him along. She was hungry and they were getting something to eat.

So she began training again too. Their daily life changed little, though she talked more and smiled more. She trained every day with him and when Ah Tabai and Ade came back, she trained with them too. She helped teach the novices and she helped Edward come into being an Assassin as gracefully as possible. He did very well considering he already had so much fighting experience. The raw talent was already there, it just needed to be refined which they did over a course of months.

One day they were at the beach near sunset. Mary was skipping rocks into the water, watching them disappear beneath the blue while Edward watched her with soft eyes. She found he often watched her and while she found it slightly unsettling, she realized he was watching her as if she might disappear at any moment. He was a man who thought he had lost someone important and he was a man who didn't want to chance it again.

"Mary, do you want to stay with me tonight?" He asked suddenly. She dropped her arm which had been raised to throw another rock. She didn't even look at him, not wanting to see the look on his face.

"Edward…I can't…" She protested softly.

"No, no…I just want you there. I can't…I can't either. But I want you there Mary. Will you stay with me tonight?" He hadn't come and closer and he waited patiently for her answer. She turned away to skip another few rocks, thinking hard on his question.

"Two things" She told him. "One, nothing happens." He nodded at that. They both agreed on that. "Two, I have something important to show you tomorrow."

"What is it?"

She swallowed hard but threw another rock, counting seven skips. She nodded to herself. "I'll show you tomorrow." That was all she could bear to say on the matter. Edward, who before would have pushed, was silent for a moment and when she glanced behind her he was simply nodded.

"Aye. Tomorrow then"

"Meet me at our usual spot in the morning and well…" She shrugged. Then she scooped up another rock and skipped it. This time she only counted five. Edward came beside her and skipped a couple rocks then and they were silent in their own minds. The sun set and the moon rose and they skipped rocks silently. Finally when the moon was staring down at them from behind the trees Edward grabbed her hand and led her away.

She followed after him wondering the wisdom in this choice but truth be told she had missed him something desperate. She missed his company and his presence and she had missed the peace he brought her. The room he had been given was not anything fantastic and quite the opposite of the Edward she knew. Still as they got ready for bed, she watched him carefully. She was watching for a sign of deceit, a sign of the Edward she had known so well.

But there was none.

She realized that his time in prison had changed him. He had outwardly healed from that time, but the scars inside would never heal. She knew that. Her own were still raw and bleeding on the inside, threatening to drag her below into the darkness the moment she let down her guard. She dropped her eyes for a moment as he took of his robes but she raised them at just the right moment to see a horrible scar on his right side.

"Edward! What happened here?" She reached out to touch it but he flinched away, as if it were still tender. The scar was a mangled thing, looking like he had been stabbed and stabbed deep. Panic flared up into her throat a moment.

"I slid down an embankment, after Roberts and…a branch hit me just right. I pulled it out but it weakened me. That was how he caught me" He frowned gently. "I'm very lucky it didn't get infected and fester while I was in prison. I managed to keep it clean and keep myself healthy by some luck" He looked down at it, his eyes tortured. "It still hurts though and when I carried you, it broke open."

"It's still breaking open?"

"It hasn't for some time now"

"Edward, have you told anyone of this?" She asked, looking up into his blue eyes.

"No…I figured its well enough on its own" He shrugged. She reached out and touched it and he did flinch. "Rodgers jabbed it with a gun at you and Anne's trial" He took a seat on the bed, shirtless and shoeless. He looked up at her. "Broke it open then too."

"I remember you…I also remember this look you gave me. Rodgers and Torres gave me…what was that about?" While it hurt to talk about a time where Anne was alive and at her most vicious, it helped a little too. Her attitude at the trial had been laughable. Mary kept it as a fond memory of the woman she had called a dear friend.

"Ah…they threatened Caroline but then they threatened you too… Threatened to have you tortured if I didn't give them the location of the Observatory but…." He stopped and shrugged. After her announcement at the trial, she was untouchable. "Enough of these heavy thoughts. Let's go to bed"

She took off her coat and boots and allowed him to pull her into bed with him. He curled up with her in his arms and seemed completely content. He kissed her forehead and soon drifted to sleep. She stayed awake a little longer, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his warm arms around her. She had to thank her stars for this one mercy. This was just a small mercy, but it was one she needed to move on, to get better. Thanking the stars above, she fell asleep in Edward's arms and had the most peaceful bout of rest she had in a very long time.

A/N: So was this worth the wait? I hope it was. Don't worry guys, Mary's broken heart will heal...someday, maybe. At least she and Edward are together again, sorta? Anyway, thanks for waiting for me guys, thanks for reviewing and thanks to the new followers and the people who Favorited this story. See you all next chapter!