Chapter 15

BAU Headquarters
Quantico, VA

December 2005

Spencer

"You all right?" Morgan asked.

Spencer managed to open his eyes and blink at the ceiling. "Yeah." He was slowly coming back to himself, able to differentiate between himself and Jeremy once more. "I could have gone my whole life without experiencing that."

"I hear you. How is he doing?"

"Better than expected so far." Spencer closed his eyes and let the vast wave of anger and pain and regret fill him once more. Jeremy?

Still here.

Spencer shivered. His counterpart was so sensitive right now that a lazy hand drifting along his spine felt painful. He's not asleep yet?

Unfortunately no.

Is he saying anything?

The anger grew. More of that beautiful creature bullcrap. He's talking about training me. He seems to have mistaken me for a poodle.

You're not a poodle.

No. Irish wolfhound at least.

Spencer managed a flicker of a smile. Jeremy hadn't collapsed in the face of what had happened. He was still strong, still in control of his own mind if nothing else. He had to admire the fortitude there. How do you feel?

I hurt . A lot. I have no clue how bad the damage is. Briefly Spencer felt fear rise up over anger. I'm afraid to twitch right now. I don't want to attract any more attention. That was horrible.

Spencer was only dimly aware of the pain Jeremy was in. That meant a much higher pain tolerance than he had expected. That meant experience in dealing with trauma and pain. That's probably for the best. Whatever it is we can get it fixed as long as you're alive.

I'm gonna hold you to that.

Good. But there was that bitter regret once more. What's going on? Your emotions are shifting.

He's playing with his phone I think. I'm not going to roll over and look. Now he's answering a call. I don't recognize the language. The regret welled up again.

What is it?

Regret mixed with anger and came out in a rush. You know this almost happened to me before.

Jeremy...

I wanted to save this for someone special. Someone who actually gave a damn about me.

Jeremy...

You know, I always loved fairy tales. Myths, legends, all of it. I used to dream of a knight in shining armor coming to rescue me, especially the first time this almost happened. He would get me out of there, make me his squire, let me live in his castle, the whole bit. Then I thought he would rescue me from the kids in the group home when they tried to do this. Granted at that point I was thinking more than squire...

Just...

After a couple of years in the system I grew up enough to realize that there were no rescuers. I worked my ass off to get out of that situation as quickly as I could. I used every educational benefit they offered because it was the only thing that everyone respected. I even got myself all the way to goddammed England. And I thought I did it. Have you seen the inside of the library? It's a fucking castle!

Jeremy, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry! I screwed up. I let myself believe that I was safe in my castle. I let my guard down. Spencer had no doubt Jeremy was showing a controlled face on the outside, but on the inside anger and regret mixed with sorrow and he was crying. I should have known better. I should have been more careful. I wanted to save that as a reward for my... There wasn't a word there, but the concept was unmistakable. Does your mother really call you Percival?

Spencer felt the heat rising in his cheeks. She does. I can't wait for you to meet her. And I also firmly believe that you have not lost that yet.

Mental laughter could also be bitter. I haven't?

No. That can't be taken, it can only be given. If you haven't given it to someone then you still have it. I know that part of you feels very broken right now, but that can heal.

Can it?

Yes. I have a close friend who went through a similar experience and he is now very happy with that aspect of his life. If he healed from it then you can as well. Not sure how yet but it can happen. Now it was Spencer's turn to feel his own butterflies. Of course I'll help if you want me to.

I do.

You're that sure?

Now that I know those letters were written by a man, yes.

Oh. Well. All right then. Spencer smiled as he felt it. Through all that bitterness and all that anger and all that pain, there was this small, slowly growing, little warm thread of hope.

But then something else rode over it. Fear and determination and excitement. He's going into the bathroom.

Okay.

With his phone. Damn it!

Stay alert for another chance at that.

I will. There was a pause. I can hear the water running.

Okay. There was a pause and then a flare of physical pain that made Spencer catch his breath. What are you doing? Whatever you're doing stop it! You're hurting yourself!

Maybe, maybe not.

Pain is your body telling you something's wrong!

I know something's wrong. But I don't think I need stitches so it likely won't kill me. All of a sudden Spencer felt that little thread of hope flare to life. Bingo!

What is it?

Bastard left his wallet in his pants.

Spencer felt a grin growing. "Write this down." He said to Morgan.

"What is it?"

"Jeremy got the Unsub's driver's license."

"He has a wife and child." Gideon said of the Unsub. "He won't have his victim at his home. He has him at another location."

"Which is likely held by one of his corporate holdings." Emily replied. "Meaning it's going to take time for Garcia to find it. Is he going to hold out?" She asked in the direction of the phone.

"I think he'll make it." Morgan replied through the intercom. "Both of them are stronger than they look."

Good thing you told me not to fight.

Why?

I could have taken the bastard, but not the two men in the hallway.

Spencer swallowed and related that bit of intel to Morgan. What is he doing?

Spencer felt Jeremy shiver. Oh will he stop with the petting like a poodle already!

Mental note, petting is bad.

Yeah. Hugs would be great right about now.

I can do that.

He's leaving.

Leaving is good. Maybe he'll take the other two with him.

Still chained to the bed here.

We can try...Spencer felt another flare of fear. What is it?

Someone new. "Help me, please." That was spoken to the new person. Okay, I don't know what language he's speaking. Oh, hello. There was a sudden stronger flare of fear. He has a gun and a hypodermic needle. "No no. Don't drug me. I'll play along". There was a pause. He wants me to go into the bathroom with him.

Go. Don't give him an excuse to hurt you.

I'll try not to.

As it turned out the Unsub's assistant was as cruel as his boss was gentle. By the time the assistant was done Jeremy was curled in a little ball of misery on the bed, shivering from cold and pain and fear. Spencer could tell that he still hadn't given up, he was still hanging on, but he was pushed a lot closer to the edge of despair than Spencer liked. It's going to be okay Jeremy. I promise.

So cold.

I know.

It hurts.

I know.

I want to go home.

We'll get you home.

Jeremy was alone now. Spencer could feel his tears starting. I don't have a home.

This wasn't just about what was going on now, Spencer realized. This crisis was also opening up old wounds, old pains. Spencer knew that what was commonly called Stockholm Syndrome would be at the end of this mental path. If he didn't feel like he had anything to return to, if he still felt like the abandoned child he had been it would be that easy for Jeremy to give in to the false love the Unsub was offering him, to give in and savor what comfort he could. Spencer needed to get him off that path, and fast. Yes you do. You have a home with me.

Do I?

Yes, you do. When we get you out you're going to the hospital to get checked out and then you're coming back to my condo.

I am?

Yes. We'll make it into our castle. Our own safe castle.

I'd like that.

What's your favorite meal ever?

Mac and cheese. Homemade in the oven. Fried chicken. Blue cheese salad. And pie.

What kind of pie?

Apple. Pumpkin. Chocolate cream. Not all together.

I will totally make you mac and cheese. We'll get some fried chicken and make some salad. And I'll make all three pies; you can have a slice of each. We'll make a feast of it.

So long as I'm not cold anymore. I'm so cold Spencer. I can't stop shaking. And my stomach aches, I think he really messed me up.

He probably didn't do any damage, that's muscle pain. That can cause a lot of pain without damage. Once we get you out of there you should recover in a few days. When you get home you won't be cold ever again. Just picture yourself wrapped in a blanket in front of a fire. I'll even hold there if you want.

I want. I really want to picture that right now.

Please do.

I feel so messed up right now.

I know. We'll make it better, I swear.

So I'm going home after all this?

Yes.

Promise?

Yes. Just don't give up.

Okay.