So, a fair warning: this chapter gets really sad and dark. Everything brightens up in the future, but this is the beginning of a dark wave.
When I fell, Vanessa and Eric rushed over to me. They sat by me. Eric slid his arm around my waist and Vanessa put her hands on my arm.
"Hey, Jenny, it's ok. This was bound to happen sooner or later." Vanessa said, trying to make me feel better.
"No! It's not ok! She ruins everything! My life is none of her business!" I exclaimed, choking on my rage and trying to pull my hair out of my face. Eric noticed my struggling and pushed it behind me.
"As true as that is, even without her, people would eventually figure out that you're pregnant. At least this way, you don't have to tell them yourself." Eric mentioned. As he did, I felt something I hadn't felt in weeks. Nausea. What the fuck?
"Um- I-" I pushed them off me, cutting myself off and ran to the bathroom, almost tripping over my own feet. I could hear them behind me as I retched. As if they needed to see or hear that.
"Do you feel any better now?" Eric asked me when I stood up straight. I'd noticed he'd sat on the edge of the bathtub.
"A little."
"Come here." He said, pulling me over so that I was sitting on his lap. Once I was there, Vanessa sat down by him and they pulled me into a group hug. We were still like that when I felt something under my butt.
"What the fuck?" I exclaimed as I jumped up. Vanessa looked confused. "That's not funny!-"
Eric cut me off "I wasn't laughing."
"Just shut the fucking hell up!" I screamed, grabbing my hair with anger and running out of the bathroom.
"Jenny! Is everything ok?" My dad asked as I ran out of the bathroom. Shit! He must've heard me cursing at Eric. That's just great. Chuck just stood there looking awkward.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just have to get out of here for a little while." I assured him as I headed for the door. I heard someone say something as I left, but I didn't want to hear it.
As I made my way into the nighttime street, my mind raced with thought. Why did Eric have to get a boner when I sat on his lap? I thought to when I told him to shut the fuck up. I realized the look he had on his face. He'd looked hurt, and I'd ignored it. What the hell was wrong with me? As I thought of everything, I heard someone call my name. Someone I'd never expected to see, or wanted to, for that matter.
The girls from school. And Penelope, Hazel and BLAIR.
"So, who ever thought that our Queen J would be the girl to be a teen mother?" Hazel asked, in the bitchiest way possible.
"Well, I sure didn't. Otherwise I wouldn't have chosen her to be queen." Blair bitched at me.
"I didn't either. Who's the baby daddy J? Or do you even know?" Penelope asked me.
"I, in fact do know who the father of my child is. I also know that it's none of your goddamn business, so you can leave me alone now."
"Why would we leave you alone? What's the fun in that? You just lost your crown as queen, J. We still need to let that fact soak in to your slutty little head."
"Excuse me? Did you just say what I thought you said to me?" Were they seriously calling me a slut?
"Yeah, she said it. She said it because it's true. If it isn't true and we've made a mistake then tell us who the daddy is." Now I lost track of who was saying what.
"I'm not going to tell you because, like I said, it's none of your business." I could barely keep my voice from shaking.
"Well then we'll find out from someone else. Goodbye, Slutty J." They all said in unison, as they walked past me. As soo as they were out of sight, silent tears started pouring down my face.
So apparently I was a slut now? Well, I guess they're right. I went from Nate, to Chuck, got pregnant, then went to Eric. Oh god, do they know about Chuck? Did Blair tell them and then they faked not knowing to get me to admit it? Knowing them, maybe. Knowing Blair, maybe, so it was an either or possibility. What did I ever do to deserve the shade they're throwing at me? Sure, I had sex with Chuck, but he thought Blair didn't want him anymore, and I was almost drunk, and didn't really know what was happening.
The more I let my mind drift, the more upset I got. The more upset I got, the more difficult walking became. Eventually, it was too hard to walk, so I plopped down on the sidewalk. I just blanked my mind, and sat there. I sat there for a whole hour, doing nothing. That didn't seem like enough. I kept sitting.
Somewhere around midnight, I pulled myself off the ground and started to walk home. Walking all the 23 blocks to home was tiring, and the baby kept moving, so I couldn't forget about it. A little later, I snuck in the elevator as quietly as I possibly could. I went in the house. No one seemed to be awake. Wait, I could hear Eric and Vanessa whispering in Eric's room. I tiptoed over to the door and eavesdropped what they were saying. They seemed to know I was there, and they didn't say anything. It felt like they were hiding something from me. The question is, what?
I couldn't take it anymore. I let the tears started flowing again and ran to my room, not caring about the noise I made. I went to my bathroom, and changed into some pajamas. Then, I looked in my cabinet. I whipped out a razor, and yanked out the blade, crying so hard I could barely breathe. I sat on the floor, and lowered the blade closer to my skin. I stopped to look at it. It looked strange not in the razor. I was getting distracted. Once I realized that, I started hyperventilating. Fuck it. I sat the blade on my wrist, and dug it into my skin.
I pulled it out, covered in blood. My blood. Duh. Then I went above that, and added 3 slits, leading up to the beginning of my hand. Then I realized I got blood on the floor and I started feeling dizzy. I started stand up to grab a cloth. Before I could reach it, I lost my balance and fell to the floor. Then everything went black.