Chapter 10
"Hey, Mom, it's me."
"Emmett, honey, I'm so glad you called. I've missed hearing from you lately. How are you? What's going on in your life? Tell me everything."
"Okay, Mom. Okay," I laughed. My Mom was too much when she got excited. "I'm sorry. I know I should call more often."
"Yes, you should. But, I'm over it now. So, tell me all your news, hon. How are you?"
"Well, Mom…I'm pretty good…" I began tentatively.
"Emmett, what is it? You know I can always hear it in your voice when something is wrong. Now just spill it." There was no fooling her. Mom had always been perceptive. That's why I'd been avoiding her completely.
I breathed audibly before starting in, "You're right Mom. Something is wrong…well, kind of. I don't really know how to start. I wish I could see you in person."
"Emmett, you're scaring me. Do I need to fly out there to see you? Because I'll leave today honey, just say the word."
Crap. I was messing this up already. "No, Mom. I'm fine, really. This is just…hard…and I don't want to upset you."
She spoke gently, "Honey, I love you. No matter what. You know that right?"
"Of course I do Mom."
"Then please tell me. The suspense is killing me. It'll be okay, just let it out."
"Okay Mom, I'll do my best...just remember that I have some good news too, okay?"
She was starting to get impatient, and understandably so, "Okay, Emmett, just tell me already."
"Okay…well…I went to see Dr. Cullen a while ago, but it wasn't for one of my regular yearly appointments."
I could feel her holding her breath as I continued on, "I, uh, felt a lump when I was doing a self exam and went in to have it tested." I could hear Mom's breathing become heavy, but I had to keep going if I was ever going to make it through this.
"Mom, he ran some tests and felt that it needed to be removed. So…"
"Emmett McCarty," she yelled angrily, "Are you telling me that you had surgery and didn't tell me!"
"Momma, I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you."
"Worry me? Honey, there hasn't been one day in your entire life that I haven't worried about you. Not one day." She paused for a moment and continued in a much softer, almost defeated voice, "Why didn't you tell me Emmett?"
"I'm sorry Mom," I whispered guiltily. "I just…didn't know how."
"Honey, I love you and I want to be there for you. But, I can't if you won't let me in." Her voice broke and I could tell she was crying. I felt awful. I should have told her everything, right from the start.
"I know momma. You're right."
"Of course I am. Your momma's always right." She had composed herself and her voice regained its normal firmness, "Now tell me the rest of the story Emmett."
"Okay, so I had the testicle removed and tested… They found that it was cancerous."
"Oh honey…"
"Mom, let me get this out. Yes, I have…had cancer, but I'm okay now. I went back for some follow up tests and I'm cancer free. So, you don't have to worry about me. I am totally fine."
"Emmett, honey, you can't just be totally fine. I'm going to try to overlook the fact that you had tests and surgery and more tests and didn't bother to tell me until now. It had to have been weeks or months since you suspected this."
"Mom…" I tried to explain.
"No, I don't care about that right now. Believe me. We'll get into that at a later date. Right now we need to focus on getting you better."
"But, didn't you hear me Mom? I am fine. The tests all came back negative."
"Honey, did you forget who you were talking to? I know a lot more about this than the average person. Have you forgotten what we went through with your father?"
"Of course not, Mom," I said exasperated. "Why do you think I didn't tell you?"
"I don't know Emmett. Why didn't you?" I could hear the hurt in her voice and it was killing me.
"I was so scared and I knew it would probably be even worse for you. I was trying to spare you the pain. Especially if it didn't end up being cancer… and now I'm cancer free, so it's okay."
"Emmett, don't be naïve. You know as well as I do, that this isn't the end. You'll be undergoing tests for years, the rest of your life most likely. And there's no guarantee that it won't come back in some other way at another time. You've got to deal with reality honey and you need support. You need to talk about this to work through it. Does anyone else know?"
"Only Rose."
"Well, thank God for that," she ground out sarcastically. My Mom loved Rose, but she was a bit jealous of our close relationship.
"Mom, I'm sorry."
"Emmett, stop apologizing. What's done is done and we need to move forward. When is your next test?"
"Not for almost a month."
"Okay. Well, first off, you will call me immediately when you find out the results. No exceptions. And I want you to either join a support group or see a counselor. Now, don't even say it honey. I know you have a 'but Mom' coming, but I don't want to hear it. You need this. You need to open yourself up to someone besides Rose and you're obviously not comfortable talking to me about this."
"Mom, that's not true."
"Yes, it is, Emmett. And that's okay. It hits too close to home for both of us. I just want you to be talking to someone about this. But I will require updates."
I smiled and said, "Yes, Mom."
"Good boy. Now that's enough of that for now. Just promise me you'll find someone to talk to."
"I promise Mom. Actually, Dr. Cullen had mentioned that to me before as well. Maybe I'll call him and see if he can give me a good recommendation."
"That's great honey. Let me know what you decide."
"I will Mom…and I really am sorry. I didn't mean to leave you out. I just…"
"Emmett honey," she said softly, "I understand. I really do. This is going to be difficult for us both, but I want to be part of your life. All of it. Good, bad, whatever. I've been in this with you since before you were born and I'm not going to stop…ever. Got it?"
"Got it Mom," I agreed.
"Okay, honey. I've got to get going. I am supposed to meet Marsha in an hour. Call me soon?"
"Yeah Mom, I will," I promised. "I love you."
"I love you too Emmett. Talk to you soon."
I hung up feeling thoroughly guilty, yet relieved. It had been good to get this off my chest. I would give Dr. Cullen a call on Monday morning to discuss therapy options. Maybe it would help, it certainly couldn't hurt.
Throwing on my sneakers and a sweatshirt, I decided to go for a run. I had a lot to think about. I needed to start being honest with my Mom and with myself as well. I needed to start really dealing with this demon known as cancer and the real possibility that this was not over yet. I needed to call Rose and fill her in on everything. And I really needed to figure out what happened with Edward.
The latter was weighing on my mind more than all the rest at the moment. If I had permanently messed things up with him, I would never forgive myself. I knew, deep in my soul, that Edward was the one for me. I had to make things right somehow. But I barely knew him and had no idea how to go about fixing things between us. Really, I wasn't even sure what had happened. The night had ended so abruptly, leaving me disheartened and confused.
These thoughts flooded my mind as I jogged through the cool autumn air. Pittsburgh was a beautiful place in the fall, the hills covered with the splendor of changing leaves. It was home and I loved it. Following a path along the river, I watched a barge being pushed through the water as a speedboat darted around it. I was suddenly reminded of the boat races at the Three Rivers Regatta. The annual festival was held over Fourth of July weekend along the North Shore and Point State Park in the city. Every summer, growing up, we would attend as a family. It was something I looked forward to all year long. The people, the boat races, the fireworks! It was so exciting and continues to be one of my favorite childhood memories.
The time I remember most, was when I was ten years old. Dad was in the final stages of his cancer and was becoming extremely weak. We all knew it was only a matter of time before his body would give out completely. But, he insisted that we could not miss the Regatta. Mom had agreed, albeit reluctantly. But the night before the big event, as I was getting into bed, I overheard my parents arguing about it.
"Sean, this is ridiculous." Mom began, her frustration escalating quickly, "You are not going to that Regatta tomorrow. You need to rest to keep up your strength."
I crept over to my door and opened it a crack, leaning my ear against it, as Dad replied evenly, "Yes I am. Emmett needs this, Claire. We all need this."
"I know and I'll take him, if it means that much to you, but you are not going." I was surprised when she said this, because Mom never liked the Regatta and all the noisy crowds of people. She only ever went for our sake. She must have really wanted Dad to stay home.
"Claire…" my Dad started sharply.
"No, Sean. You need to stay home and get well. Being out all day will only make things harder on you."
"Claire, don't you get it? I'm not going to get well. This is it for me. I can either stay home, and drag it all out a little longer, or I can live. I can spend time with my family, with my son. I can be there for him and give him something happy to remember me by." My father was on the verge of full out yelling. He never raised his voice, especially not to my Mom.
"Sean, please…" She responded desperately.
He answered more calmly than before, but still firmly, "Claire. I have to do this. I have made up my mind. Emmett and I are leaving tomorrow at 10am. Be ready to go with us, or not. It's up to you, but I am doing this."
Mom didn't answer, but I could hear her crying and Dad trying to sooth and calm her. As their voices continued on more softly now, I closed my door and lay down on my bed. Staring out my window at the full moon, I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, Mom woke me up, saying I was going to make us late for the festival if I didn't hurry. Nothing was said about the argument the night before and we all had a wonderful time. I ran around like crazy to all the booths, playing games, getting my face painted, and eating tons of food. I think I had three funnel cakes that day. Dad had to have been exhausted, but he never let on at all. If anything, he was pulling me along from place to place. Making sure nothing was missed, or overlooked. We watched the water ski shows and the dragon boat races, the speed boats and the live music. We went all out, knowing this would be our last time here together, as a family.
In the evening, we laid out on a blanket to watch the sky light up with fireworks. The crowd was cheering and singing along, but our family laid there quietly just soaking up the moment. Dad and Mom held hands and I rested my head on Dad's shoulder, his arm wrapped around me. We were lost in our own world, it was our special moment.
Looking back now, I realized it was the last occasion we ever shared together. Dad had taken a turn for the worse about a week later. He held on until November, but wasn't able to leave the house or do much of anything. That weekend had been my last happy memory with Dad. Well, more like bittersweet. Actually, I hadn't been back to the Regatta since Dad passed. It was just too hard to consider going there without him.
My eyes began to water, as I continued running. I had to stop this train of thought. It was too depressing. Clearing my mind, I turned to head back home, choosing to focus only on the magnificent scenery and the path in front of me.
...
AN: Thanks for reading! Things will get better for Emmett, but it may take some time. And don't worry - Edward will be back in the picture soon. :)