AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus {like the lack of spell check in amrikan skequwels.}! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! {Still angry this isn't turning into Heavenly Creatures.}

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. {But isn't this Hogwarts in America {come on, it really is.}? Aren't all the teachers pervs?}

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide {Aww, Egogy, if you wanted steak we could have gotten you some from Outback!} . I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… {I think you got those last two sentences switched in editing…} Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! {Chomp.} They were sitting on their broomsticks. {No, they got all their friends and they stood on each other's shoulders all the way up to your window.}

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. {He was wearing a black towel with a picture of black blackness on it.}

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb {oh joy, a Becoming Female crossover}. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… {…}

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. {Yeah, quotation marks suck.}

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" {He's a 38th year, you know.}

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" {I think this chapter Tara discovered CAPS LOCK.}

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." {I see only one factor, and it's that Tara is a Satanist.}

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. {You're right, there is no reason for Hagrid to be goffic!}

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. {Elephants never forget unforgivable suck like this.} "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" {Knowing how dumb these guys are, it's probably duct tape.}

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. {You get faint when you lose blood, hon.}

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. {Cloak? Cock? Clock? I like clock. He had a clock with him. Not a watch, a clock.}

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. {If you'd fainted now, you'd have missed the goffic 50 Cent.}

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. {I wonder if he's going to do something random now.} Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. {Yep. 50 Cent. Tara apparently knows who 50 Cent even is. Maybe this signifies he's a poser, because 50 Cent, I'm sure, is in Tara terms a prep, but he's pretending it's goffic?}

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. {It's so noble of Tara to try to tackle the important issue of religious freedom. By inserting religions into the fairly secular Harry Potter gang. Especially Satanism.}

"Because I LOVE HER! {And, on a related note, I am connected with Satan with no factors.}