Chapter 15

…

My phone rang and I lunged for it, answering without looking at the screen. I was surprised to hear a female voice on the other end as I was expecting Edward's smooth timbre.

"Oh," I said, not able to hide my disappointment. "Hey Rose. What's up?"

"Well don't sound so excited," she snapped.

"Sorry, I am just really keyed up right now and I was expecting another call."

"Whatever, I'll just talk to you later," she huffed in annoyance.

Rose was my best friend, but she had a temper that could flare up in an instant. Thankfully, her anger was rarely directed at me and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Wait Rosie, I'm sorry. I haven't talked to you in forever and I miss you," I said honestly.

Her voice softened at that, "I miss you too Em. Things haven't been the same between us lately. I feel like I never see you anymore."

"I know. It's just…"

"We're both busy," she finished for me.

"And have other people in our lives now," I added.

"Right," she concurred automatically.

I sat silently, waiting until she caught on. It only took her a few moments before she attacked. "Wait, what now? Who's in your life? You better spill it McCarty," she commanded.

I chuckled at her predictable reaction. Rose would never change.

"Emmett," she whined when I didn't continue immediately.

"Okay, okay woman," I began, shaking my head at her antics. "I'll tell you. Edward and I kind of hooked up last night."

"You're kidding? Like hooked up, hooked up? But, I thought he never called you back."

"Well he did, finally, and we met for coffee. Well, sort of."

"Okay explain."

"Well, it started off kind of rough, but in the end it was a pretty amazing night…"

I recounted the whole story for her apart from some of the more intimate details. Rose pressed me for those too, but she had to settle for knowing that we fooled around a little. She loved sharing those kinds of things about her relationships, but I wasn't so forthcoming. In my mind, that was meant to be private.

We also talked about my therapy appointment and I told her how great Angela was. She was happy that I was going to continue to see her, though I could tell that she was a bit jealous. Just as my Mom was jealous of my relationship with Rose; Rose, in turn, didn't like it when I became close with other women. I did my best to reassure her that she would always be important in my life. She was my best friend and that wasn't going to change.

After I had updated her on everything, I turned the conversation to her life. "So, tell me about yourself Miss Hale. How are things going with Jasper?"

"Actually, he's really great Emmett," she said with obvious affection. "I have never felt this way about anyone before. I am really falling for him… he might be the one."

My jaw dropped a little as I took in her statement. That was pretty bold, coming from Rose, and I knew she didn't say it lightly. "I'm so happy for you Rosie," I told her, wishing I could see her face. "We need to get together so that I can meet him officially."

"What about this weekend? You could bring Edward and we could make it a foursome."

"I don't know Rose. I'm not even sure if he'll still be in the picture then."

Ugh, that was a depressing thought.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I told you that I'm going to tell him everything and I don't know how that's going to go. He may not want to stick around."

"Oh, give him a little credit Emmett. I don't know him, but I saw the way he looked at you at the club. He couldn't take his eyes off of you. I doubt that you're going to scare him off. It's not like you are terminal or anything."

"Way to be blunt Rose."

"Well, sorry, but it's true," she countered. "Besides, you're a catch. Any guy would be lucky to have you. If he doesn't realize that, then he doesn't deserve you."

That made sense in theory, but I couldn't help my fear of Edward's rejection. I answered Rose quietly, my voice full of doubt, "Yeah, I guess. I don't know though."

"Well, see how things go when you talk to him and, if you want to, invite him to come along. Okay?"

"Sure. Listen, Rose, I need to get going." I didn't want to talk about this anymore and I wanted the line to be free in case Edward called.

"Okay, Em. Let me know how it goes."

"I will," I promised. "Talk to you soon."

"Love you, buddy."

I smiled as I replied, "Love you too woman."

…

***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***

…

Edward was absolutely stunning tonight, as usual. I admired his lithe form as he sat on my couch leafing through a magazine. We had just come back from dinner - yes we had an actual date - and were going to hang out at my place. I was fixing us both some hot tea to help us relax, well more to help me relax. And it was a good excuse to stall a few more minutes before my inevitable disclosure.

As I waited for the water to boil, I mentally prepared for what I was about to say. Although, there really wasn't much more I could do to prepare myself. I had spent the past few days, since my therapy appointment, trying to come up with a good way to articulate this. But there was no good way to tell someone that you had cancer. It was not going to be easy, but I had decided that simple, straight forward honesty would be best.

Still, I had no idea how Edward would react and tonight had been so wonderful, I hated to ruin it with my news.

My mind wandered back over the evening so far. Our conversation at dinner had once again flowed easily. We talked about anything and everything, well maybe not everything, but we got to know each other better. I had never met anyone quite like Edward and I hoped that things would continue to progress between us.

He was sexy and confident tonight with his signature smirk back in full force, although he made another reference about not being good enough for me. I still wasn't sure what made Edward so insecure, but things were going so well that I chose not to question it, opting to let things run their own course. Besides, he may very soon realize that I'm worth it to him anyhow. I tried to push that thought away and focus on enjoying this time with him.

Neither of us spoke on the walk back to my apartment. I was completely lost in my own thoughts and nervousness about the upcoming conversation. And Edward seemed content enough with the quiet and walked silently next to me.

As we passed by the fountain, he surprised me by reaching for my hand. I eagerly accepted the gesture and gave him a smile before returning to my internal freak out. I wish I could have enjoyed the moment fully, but my mind was too preoccupied.

Presently, I joined Edward on the couch and sipped my tea, trying to calm my nerves. Apparently this was going to be the spot for our important conversations. Last time we sat here, he had confessed his uncertainty and now it was my turn to come clean. It was too much to hope that things would end as well as they had that night, but I had to hope anyway. What was the worst that could happen? Never mind, I didn't want to think about that.

I couldn't wait anymore. I had to get this off my chest once and for all. I took a deep, steadying breath and opened my mouth to speak.

But before I could begin, Edward cleared his throat causing the words to die in mine as I looked into his eyes for the first time since he'd reached for my hand on the sidewalk. I was shocked to find that he seemed just as nervous as I was. I had been so lost in my own head that I'd failed to notice this. Why was he so anxious? I was the one about to spill my guts.

"Emmett," he began hesitantly, "I have to… I have something that I need to say to you before this goes any further."

Crap. Now what do I do? I wanted to be a gentleman and let him speak first, and normally I would have, but I really needed to get this out before I lost my resolve.

"I have something I need to tell you too," I finally responded.

We both looked at each other appraisingly before he spoke. "Emmett, if you don't mind… I really need to say this to you. I just… please?"

He looked so vulnerable. How could I deny him?

"Of course, Edward," I relented. "Go ahead."

"Okay… thanks. I'm not really sure how to say this, but I just felt like you should know some things about me before things go any further between us."

I could feel the fear radiating off him and had to try to reassure him in some way. I reached over and squeezed his hand, "Just relax Edward. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"No, Emmett," he shook his head but squeezed my hand in return. "I owe you an explanation for some of my behavior and I really need to say this."

I smiled lightly, "Okay then. I'm listening."

He kept a hold of my hand and looked down at his lap, seeming to gather his thoughts. I sat patiently, giving him the time he needed. I tried to keep my mind from racing with the possibilities, but the longer he waited the more worried I became.

He finally began to speak in a soft, subdued voice. "I told you before that I'm not good at the whole relationship thing. I feel like I need to explain myself a little better. The fact is, I've never…"

He glanced at me quickly, but then returned his gaze to our still intertwined hands.

"Never…?" I prompted.

"This is so embarrassing," he admitted.

I was becoming more concerned, but tried not to let on as I said, "Edward, it's okay. There's no reason to be embarrassed. Whatever it is, just say it."

"Okay." He took a deep breath before the words tumbled out of his mouth, "I've never had a boyfriend or a serious relationship before. I mean, not that I expect you to be… I mean, it's just that…I've never been comfortable enough to be…intimate with someone else…before."

He was holding my hand tightly and I rubbed my thumb over his skin in reassurance. "Edward, it's okay. That doesn't bother me at all." I mean did he really think so little of me that I'd dump him just because he hadn't been seriously involved before.

"But, I've never been with anyone before Emmett. I don't… I have no experience, nothing to offer you."

"What are you talking about Edward? You have so much to offer. I don't understand why you think so little of yourself. You are kind and sincere and beautiful. I know we haven't known each other very long, but I really like you. It doesn't matter whether you've had a serious boyfriend before or not."

His looked up at me, his expression hopeful, but then he withdrew his hand from mine and shook his head, looking down again. "Emmett, it's more than that. I haven't…well I have never really been with anyone before…"

I was taken aback. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

I had to ask. "So, you've never?"

He replied quietly, barely above a whisper, and he still wouldn't look at me. "Um, no. That's bad right?"

"No…not bad. Just, uh, surprising?"

His head shot up and his emerald eyes locked with mine. They were shining with unshed tears and he stared intently at me, silently willing me to continue.

I hated to see him so upset so I did my best to comfort him, choosing my words carefully. "I mean, you seemed so confident when I first met you and at the club. And then, the other night, when we were together… I guess…I just figured you liked to take things slow?"

"Well, that's one way of putting it," he smirked a little before continuing somberly. "I've never been good at dating and all that. I always feel like I'm trying to be something that I'm not and it's hard for me to open up and just be myself. On the rare occasion that I find someone who isn't looking for a one night stand, I freak out and break it off before it gets too far. So, consequently, I've never gone all the way with someone. As dumb as it sounds, I wanted it to mean something when I gave myself to someone."

"That's not dumb, Edward…" I began.

He cut me off and continued, "I've had some bad experiences in the past." He closed his eyes as if to block out a bad memory and when he opened them again a single tear slid down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly as if he hoped I hadn't seen it, so I acted like I hadn't. "Emmett, no one has ever made me want to change my ways and stick around…except for you."

I really didn't know what to say. There was obviously more to this than he was letting on, but I didn't want to press him if he wasn't ready to share. This was a lot to take in and it made me even more uneasy about my own upcoming revelation. I was beginning to wonder if he'd even stick around long enough for me to share my news.

He continued on, "I know that I seem like a confident guy. I work hard to come across that way, but that's not really me. I pretty much let people see what I want them to see… and it usually works really well for me. But, for some reason, I can't pretend with you. You manage to see past my defenses without even trying and that scares me. But, what scares me even more is that I don't want to hide from you. I guess that's why I avoided you at first. I like you a lot Emmett, but I don't like feeling vulnerable."

He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. He was openly crying now, but seemed sure of himself and what he was saying. "Emmett, I know I am going about this all wrong, but what I am trying to say is that you are worth it to me. You make me want to let down my guard and let you get to know the real me. I come with a lot of baggage and could never hope to be good enough for you, but I want to give us a try. But if…if you don't feel the same way then I totally understand. "

I looked carefully at the beautiful man in front of me. He had bared his soul and allowed himself to be vulnerable because he thought that I was worth it. I fell for him a little more in that moment. I reached over and grasped his hand in mine once again. I wanted him to feel the sincerity of my words as I spoke, "Edward, thank you for sharing that part of yourself with me. I know it wasn't easy for you and it means a lot that you would trust me with something so personal. Please don't be so down on yourself. I like you too and I would never push you to do anything that you're not ready for."

"That, right there, is why I could never deserve you. You are so kind and understanding. You are far too good for me."

I was beginning to get frustrated with his self-deprecating attitude. There was definitely something he wasn't telling me, a reason why he had become so insecure and emotionally withdrawn. And, while I wasn't going to push him for that information today, I needed to let him know that he was being ridiculous. Everyone deals with self doubt, but he was letting rule his life.

I spoke kindly, but firmly, "What are you talking about? You seem to have an image of me as this perfect guy, and while it's a great ego boost, I can assure you that it's far from the truth. Edward, you have so much to offer and you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well. I want to know all of you. I am not just in this for the sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, if and when you're ready for that, I will be more than willing. I am very attracted to you, but not just for your body. Edward, I like you. Won't you give me the chance to prove it to you?"

"Really? I mean, are you sure? I know it's a lot to ask…for you to wait for me and deal with all my crap."

He seemed so young and scared in this moment. I realized that even though I knew he was worth it, it would take time and patience to get that across to him. I liked him enough to try.

"Yes, Edward, I am completely sure. I want to continue to get to know you and see where this goes. But, I…"

His face fell, "It's too much, right?"

Of course he would misinterpret me.

"No! No, Edward. That's not it at all. I want to be with you, but I have some things I need to confess as well. You may find that my baggage is more than you can handle. And if that's the case, I won't blame you," I finished sullenly.

He reached over and caressed my cheek. "Emmett, that is impossible. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am when I am with you."

I had to laugh at that statement, until I saw the hurt look on his face, prompting me to explain yet another misunderstanding. I reached over to wipe away some of his lingering tears as I spoke, "This is the happiest you've ever been Edward? Your life must be freakin' miserable."

He cracked a smile as he realized I was just joking and it served to lighten the mood a little.

Edward continued stroking my cheek as he said, "If you can accept me for all my flaws and insecurities, then there's nothing you can say that would make me leave."

I took comfort in his touch, but raised my brow at his speech. He didn't realize what we were dealing with here and I hated to break our new-found understanding, but this had to be said.

But, again, Edward spoke before I had the chance. "Listen, Emmett. I want to hear what you have to say, but would you mind if we saved that conversation for another night? I am kind of exhausted."

I wanted to tell him that this was too important to put on hold. But, I looked into his eyes, which were tired and bloodshot from crying, and didn't have the heart to say no. He had been through a lot of emotional stress and I couldn't put him through anymore.

Besides, it was late and I had to work tomorrow. So I agreed, somewhat reluctantly, "Sure, Edward. That's fine."

The corner of his mouth turned up with the hint of a smile as he leaned forward and embraced me tightly. "Thanks, Emmett," he whispered.

He felt so good in my arms.

I kissed his temple and closed my eyes, enjoying the moment.

…

AN: And the plot thickens… I know this chapter was probably different than you were expecting, but we finally got a little insight on where Edward is coming from. I have been asked about that a lot, so hopefully this explains things a little. Don't worry, Emmett will have his say too – sooner or later.

I am toying with the idea of doing an upcoming chapter in Edward's point of view. Any thoughts on that? It would probably be a few chapters from now.

Well, that's all for now. Reviews and comments are appreciated :)