A while later...

"Jenny, do you want to hold Tianna?" Eric gently asked me.

I took the sheet off my face and looked and the nurse who was holding my baby. Tianna was awake and trying to look at me. The nurse must've been able to tell I wanted my baby because she started to put her in my arms. She was so tiny. She looked up at me and made a squeaky cooing noise, cute enough to make anyone smile.

"Tianna Grace Marie Humphrey-Bass." I said in quiet awe. (We couldn't decide on one middle name) "How big is she?" I asked, not sure who I was really asking.

"She's 4 pounds, 11 ounces and 16 inches long." The nurse told me. "I'll let you be with your family now. If you need something, you have the call light." And she walked out of the little room.

"Isn't she too small?" I asked, worried.

"Normally, yes but she's just a smaller baby. Not underdeveloped, just tiny." Vanessa said, as she pulled a chair up by me. Nate had left last night, since he wasn't family. Then again, Vanessa really wasn't either, but whatever. She's sort of Chuck's family. Sort of.

Tianna was staring at me, sort of confused looking. Her eyes were dark blue, but she was just born,so it wasn't for sure going to stay that way. She was also bald. Her eyebrows were light blonde, but who knew if that would stay? Our baby didn't look like either of us, but we'd have to wait a week or so at least before figuring out who she took after.

All of a sudden, Tianna started crying. The bad part is that I didn't know what she needed.

"I don't know what she wants."

"She's probably hungry." Vanessa told me.

"How do I- you know?"

My dad knew what I was talking about. "Should I go out for a little while, or-"

"If you want. I don't really care. It's not like you didn't just watch all this."

"I'm gonna go, so you can have a little more privacy. I'll go find Dan and Serena to tell them to give you some space."

"I'll go too, unless you want my help? You have Vanessa though, and that's probably more comfortable for you.." Lily trailed off.

"Uh, sure." I said, and they left. "Now what do I do?"

"First, this will be a little awkward, but you need to test first and see if your milk came in yet." V told me.

"How?"

"It's not hard if it came in. Just mess with the nipple a bit and see what happens."

"Can you hold her while I do this?"

"Yeah of course."

All I had to do was lightly pinch my left nipple, and milk came out. Weird. It felt weird. It was weird.

"The hard part is making sure she latches on right, but once you figure it out it gets simple." Vanessa gave my tiny baby back to me.

After a minute or so, we finally got it right. It felt so strange, but Tianna was happy and getting what she needed. I could tell Chuck was a different man than he was when I got pregnant because suprisingly, he was looking at the baby, not my boob. Then there was Eric, staring off into space.

3 days later... January 28...

We'd just gotten home with the new baby. The day before, we'd went to bury Laurent. It was hell having to put such a tiny person in the ground, but there was nothing I could do about it. I still felt like it was all my fault, for the few weeks I smoked weed, and the little tiny bit I drank. The doctor said it wasn't my fault, but who else could I blame?

I'd decided to go back to the apartment with Dad, Lily, Eric and Vanessa. It felt more normal there, and I overheard the doctor telling my dad that I would be better of there to recover, physically and mentally. I was supposed to have a checkup a month from the day I gave birth, and Tianna had her first checkup the same day.

It was so different not being pregnant and feeling all the squirminess of the twins. Plus, my stomach wasn't a hard giant anymore. I still looked pregnant, like 5 months along. How long would that take to go away?

Lily had insisted on putting a bassinet in my bedroom so Tianna could sleep by me. At least that way I didn't have to leave my room to get her in the middle of the night.

The night I got home, we'd went to sleep earlier than I ever did when I was pregnant. Only because I got her to go to sleep and I was already exhausted after being a mother for three days.

She woke me up at 2:14 am, screaming her head off. She'd actually slept for nearly four hours her first night home. Wow.

I got up to get her and when I did, Eric opened the door (I hadn't completely closed it).

"How is it going in here?" He asked me quietly.

"She needs a diaper change." I responded, laying her on the baby blanket I'd laid out on my bed. I got a diaper out of the box at the end of the bed and the package of wipes that were by it.

"I meant how are you?" He asked as I tugged of my baby's pants. "Are you ok?"

Am I ok? Being asked that just triggered the pain. Knowing he was asking because he knew I wasn't made it explode. My face heated up, and a tear slid down. I tried to ignore it and remove Tianna's diaper. I couldn't. "Watch her." I told Eric and I started to walk into my bathroom.

"Jenny?" I couldn't answer. Chuck walked in. "Jenny? What's wrong?" Eric continued to question me, getting concerned.

"Fucking hell!" I sobbed, running into my bathroom, covering my face with my hands.

"Chuck, stay with your daughter." Eric told him plainly, and he ran in after me. "Hey, hey, hey! Come here. What are you looking for?" He asked, referring to my digging through my cabinet.

I found what I was looking for. A razor. A purple razor.

"Jenny, stop. You don't need it." He told me, trying to take it away from me. "Please, let me have it." Now he was treating me like a dog. Then he yanked it away from me, cutting his thumb in the process.

"Eric! Why did you do that?" I choked out the words.

"You don't need to hurt yourself."

"What does it even matter? My son died because of me! I deserve this!"

"No! Jenny, you had nothing to do with his death. You deserve better than this. Please don't hurt yourself. I know, you're going through something almost impossible, but you can't give up. You have to get through this. But you have to try. Can you do that?" Eric pulled me up against him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, burying me face in his shoulder.

"What did you do to me?"

"About freaking out there. I'm sorry. It just really fucking hurts." I whispered as I cried on him.

"I know, but you don't have to be sorry. I love you."

"I love you." I said back, and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "Will you sleep with me? Not like that, obviously but like- will you sleep on my bed with me?"

"Anything for you." He replied, and I kissed him again.

Chuck had taken care of Tianna, so we went back in the bedroom and fell asleep next to each other.