A/N: I still (of course) own nothing Alice in Wonderland related. Except both Disney movie DVDs. But I don't think that counts.
So, I've written a lot of calm Tarrant. The reason being I fully believe that Alice and her love would be able to pacify him, even a little, and that their happy life would calm even the madness. I'm a sucker for love like that. But early on in their marriage, I'm sure it would be different, so I decided to tackle the madness. I hope it came out ok.
It's in two parts: both of their POVs.
Please let me know your thoughts!
It had been two weeks since we were married and we were living a blissful life. I was too caught up in the perfection of being a newlywed and staying in Underland to realize that it had been some time since Tarrant had fallen into the madness. I should have remembered.
We were sitting in his workroom. I was helping him with his orders these days since I was still in my "no work for you because you are the Champion" period. He was just beginning to work on a hat for Lady Carelle and I was helping to re-ravel some recently used ribbon. (A phrase that made Tarrant cry, "What a wonderful task of alliteration!")
I looked over to see the hat and, even in its early stages, it was a work of art.
"Tarrant, that is beautiful!"
"Thank you, cricket. I'm quite proud of it. Lady Carelle can be very picky."
"Yes, I recall." Carelle was a nice enough woman, but she was a persnickety thing as well and her curly white hair was always so large that I'm sure hatting her was a chore. I was grateful that it wasn't me making anything for her.
I wandered over to Hatter to get a better look. "I really do love it. It's a pity you are making it for her."
I didn't even realize what I was saying until it was too late.
Tarrant's stiffened and then looked at me. His eyes began to darken around the edges and I could see the yellow seeping into their normally cheerful green color. But the yellow gave way quickly to orange and I felt so guilty for my words.
"What … what is the … hatter … matter …" he muttered. And then he just began to scream and knock things over. It was just like we were in Salazen Grum again.
A roll of my just completed ribbon flew past my head. Mannequins hit the floor. A box of buttons crashed against the wall and scattered across the floor. A bolt of fabric was torn.
I grabbed Lady Carelle's hat and tossed it out of the way, knowing that he would be frustrated to know that he ruined that in his rage.
Then I ran to him and grabbed his shoulders.
"Tarrant! Look at me!"
"Downal wit the bluddy beig heid!" he screamed at me.
"Hatter! It's over! She's gone!"
"It'll ne'er be done, lad! Ne'er! We'll be fightin' fer th' rest o' our lives! Ah cannae make 'er another hat!"
"You don't have to!" I placed my hands on his face like I had done that day. "Tarrant, come back to me!"
He yelled again, something in Outlandish that I didn't understand. He went to clutch my arms and then went rigid, as if he thought better of it and didn't want to hurt me.
"Hatter!" I said softly, stroking his cheekbones with my thumbs. "Darling, I'm here. You're safe. The Red Queen is gone."
"Nae …" he whispered, the orange began to give way to yellow in his eyes.
"Tarrant, tell me the words you've been considering lately. Do they start with M?"
"Misery, malady, mumbling, mice, muddy, miscreant, mayhap, maypole … mmm … mmm … moron, mutiny, murder … mmmalice …"
And then the yellow turned to orange again and began to turn red. I knew he was in the throne room at that moment. I had, of course, seen the madness hit him, but never like this. I began to wonder if I needed to fetch someone. I had just seen that he certainly wouldn't hurt me, but I began to doubt my ability to save him.
"Not malice, Tarrant. Alice! It's Alice. Your wife!"
"Mmmmatrimony," he murmured.
"Yes, Hatter! Matrimony! Marry! Marriage! Do you recall now, my love?"
"Love …Love?"
I decided to take a chance and press a kiss to his forehead, not wanting to startle him with a kiss to the lips.
"Yes, love. I love you, Tarrant. Please come back."
The red in his eyes faded back through orange into yellow. "Alice?"
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had gotten through to him. "Yes, Tarrant. It's me. Alice."
"Alice Hightopp?"
"The one and only," I said with a smile.
"My Alice."
"I should hope so," I teased as I lowered my hands.
He closed his eyes and shook his head a bit. When he opened them, they were green again. They were without their sparkle, but they were finally green.
"My sweet Alice. Poppet, love, dearheart, joy of my life. I am so very sorry," he said as quietly as he could. "Did I hurt you? I could never forgive myself if I hurt you. Please say that you are fine and that you aren't harmed in anyway, but don't lie to me either, please just –"
"Hatter."
"I … I'm sorry."
"Tarrant, I'm quite fine. You didn't hurt me at all. You made yourself stop! Everything is all right now."
"All right?" he squeaked. He took my hand and looked around the room. "Alice, does this look all right?"
"Of course not, but the room can be cleaned. And you snapped out of it, so we are fine." Just then, I felt something wet against my hand. "Tarrant! You're bleeding!"
I glanced at his palm and found a small, but very bloody cut there.
"Oh dear," he said as I retrieved a piece of the torn bolt of fabric for a bandage. "Alice, this is exactly what I was afraid of. I was a fool to think I could be married. I have dragged you into a life of madness and danger!"
"Danger? Tarrant, I told you, you stopped yourself. You would never hurt me! I trust that. I trust you!"
"I don't trust me! Alice, I could have harmed you in ways I shudder to even give thought! I am beyond grateful that it was me who was hurt and not you. I do not think you're listening to me."
Stubborn hatter! Why wouldn't he understand that my fear was for him, not of him! If this cut was any indication of what he used to go through alone, my heart broke for him. "I hear every word you're saying. I just don't believe them. I am not easily frightened anymore. I faced many things when I returned to Underland, including your madness. And I defeated all of those things. Your madness does not scare me. You do not scare me. Do you understand?"
"What if that changes some day?"
"It won't. Tarrant, I am committed to you and to our marriage. I want to spend every day of eternity with you, you silly Mad Hatter."
"Are you certain, Alice? I do not want to keep you with me if you're not."
"Did I not go through the ceremony with you? Were you not paying attention to our vows? I meant every single word and I certainly hope that you did as well."
"I meant every word and then some. I love you, sweetness. You are my savior, in so many ways."
"And you are mine. So, can we put this behind us now?"
"This, perhaps. But realize, cricket, that there will be other instances. I am sorry to say it, but my stability is weak."
"Then I shall strengthen it. Together, we will be unstoppable."
"I think we may have proven that already," he said with a chuckle.
"I think you are right. Now … let's get cleaned up in here."
Hatter sighed. "Yes, I suppose we should." He paused and placed his hands on my face, careful to keep his cut away from my skin. "Thank you, my lovely."
"Not necessary. But you are more than welcome. I love you, Tarrant Hightopp."
"And I love you, Alice Hightopp."
Our kiss sealed our promise again.
Two weeks into our marriage, I had a day that was one of the most frightening of all my days. It didn't surprise me that it had happened. I hadn't fallen prey to a fit since the Frabjous Day, so I was due and overdue. But I had let my guard down a bit since my marriage to Alice.
I had spent those two weeks so happy with her, that for a brief, shining and quite naïve moment, I thought perhaps she had cured me.
I was quite wrong.
She was helping me to re-ravel some recently used ribbon (a delightful alliteration!), and keeping me company in general. I adored having her with me as she was an inspiration just being in her presence.
I had begun work on Lady Carelle's hat and Alice complimented me on it. I thanked her because the intended wearer was a finicky customer. She was a very kind woman, but fussy about everything.
Alice strolled over to me and took a closer look at the undeveloped hat. And then she said the words that shot through me to my very core.
"I really do love it. It's a pity you are making it for her."
The words echoed in my mind. I didn't have a chance to even think about slowing the madness. Rage filled me instantly as the memory of being trapped in the workshop in Salazen Grum hit me like a ton of bricks.
It was as if I was back in that room. I couldn't move. I knew my eyes must have been changing both from the fury flowing through me and by the look on Alice's face. I wanted to reassure her that everything was fine. But it surely wasn't.
"What … what is the … hatter … matter …" I mumbled. And then it all began to get hazy. I knew that I was screaming and yelling and knocking everything out of my way. Even though I knew it had to be my imagination, I could feel the shackle on my ankle.
I threw the ribbon. I hurled a box of buttons and reveled at the sound of them bouncing off the floor. I tore at the fabric next to me. Any mannequin near by slammed into the floor.
The pain and anger that I had towards the Red Queen was wracking every nerve in my body. I couldn't control a thing I was doing. The rational part of my brain was becoming more and more difficult to hear.
Then Alice grabbed me.
"Tarrant! Look at me!"
"Downal wit the bluddy beig heid!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.
"Hatter! It's over! She's gone!"
"It'll ne'er be done, lad! Ne'er! We'll be fightin' fer th' rest o' our lives! Ah cannae make 'er another hat!"
"You don't have to!" She took my face into her hands and looked me in the eyes. "Tarrant, come back to me!"
I began to shout in Outlandish. I barely even knew what I was saying, but I knew Alice was touching me. I wanted to clutch her wrists tightly and toss her away from me. The rage wanted her off of me.
And then I stopped. The sensible voice was yelling for me not to hurt her and I went still and instantly dropped my hands. I could in no way injure her. I would surely wound myself first.
"Hatter!" she whispered, caressing my face with her thumbs. "Darling, I'm here. You're safe. The Red Queen is gone."
"Nae …"
"Tarrant, tell me the words you've been considering lately. Do they start with M?"
What words had I been considering? Were they M words? Suddenly a slew of them came to me.
"Misery, malady, mumbling, mice, muddy, miscreant, mayhap, maypole …"
The maypole. Children dancing around it. Laughing, cheering … jabberwocky. Red Queen. Suddenly, I was in her throne room, chained and looking at a giant Alice.
"Mmm … mmm … moron, mutiny, murder … mmmalice …"
The madness began to grip me again. It wanted to take over but that one sane voice kept calling and then it was joined by Alice.
"Not malice, Tarrant. Alice! It's Alice. Your wife!"
"Mmmmatrimony," I said, trying to understand.
"Yes, Hatter! Matrimony! Marry! Marriage! Do you recall now, my love?"
"Love …Love?"
And then her lips were on my forehead. Kissing … kiss … you may now kiss the bride …
"Yes, love. I love you, Tarrant. Please come back," my bride sighed.
And suddenly the madness gave way to general uncertainty. "Alice?"
She visibly calmed a bit. "Yes, Tarrant. It's me. Alice."
"Alice Hightopp?"
"The one and only," she said with a smile.
"My Alice."
"I should hope so." She lowered her hands and I missed the contact already.
I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear my thoughts. And just as suddenly as it began, it was all over.
"My sweet Alice. Poppet, love, dearheart, joy of my life. I am so very sorry. Did I hurt you? I could never forgive myself if I hurt you. Please say that you are fine and that you aren't harmed in anyway, but don't lie to me either, please just –"
"Hatter."
"I … I'm sorry."
"Tarrant, I'm quite fine. You didn't hurt me at all. You made yourself stop! Everything is all right now."
"All right?" I shrieked. I grabbed her hand and gestured around the room. "Alice, does this look all right?"
"Of course not, but the room can be cleaned. And you snapped out of it, so we are fine."
How in all of Underland could she think this was fine?
"Tarrant! You're bleeding!"
"Oh dear." When had that happened? Did I hit a pair of scissors? It didn't matter at that moment. Alice did. The angel that was so lovingly bandaging my hand. "Alice, this is exactly what I was afraid of. I was a fool to think I could be married. I have dragged you into a life of madness and danger!"
"Danger? Tarrant, I told you, you stopped yourself. You would never hurt me! I trust that. I trust you!"
Did she not see the result of what happened? "I don't trust me! Alice, I could have harmed you in ways I shudder to even give thought! I do not think you're listening to me."
"I hear every word you're saying. I just don't believe them. I am not easily frightened anymore. I faced many things when I returned to Underland, including your madness. And I defeated all of those things. Your madness does not scare me. You do not scare me. Do you understand?"
No, I didn't understand fully. "What if that changes some day?"
"It won't. Tarrant, I am committed to you and to our marriage. I want to spend every day of eternity with you, you silly Mad Hatter."
"Are you certain, Alice? I do not want to keep you with me if you're not."
"Did I not go through the ceremony with you? Were you not paying attention to our vows? I meant every single word and I certainly hope that you did as well."
I sighed and my heart swelled. "I meant every word and then some. I love you, sweetness. You are my savior, in so many ways."
"And you are mine. So, can we put this behind us now?"
"This, perhaps. But realize, cricket, that there will be other instances. I am sorry to say it, but my stability is weak."
"Then I shall strengthen it. Together, we will be unstoppable."
"I think we may have proven that already," I said, finally able to laugh a little. I knew she was right. She would be my anchor and perhaps one day, sooth even the madness within me.
"I think you are right. Now … let's get cleaned up in here."
I sighed. "Yes, I suppose we should." I waited a moment and then took her face into my hands as she had done for me. But I was cautious to keep my bandaged cut away from her delicate cheek. "Thank you, my lovely."
"Not necessary. But you are more than welcome. I love you, Tarrant Hightopp."
"And I love you, Alice Hightopp."
And I kissed her to show her just how much I needed her love.
End note:
So, this will probably be the last chapter for a while. I cannot believe I've gotten to 50 chapters. I thought 20 would have been it. I'm not done yet because I want to have a wrap it all up chapter. But since I swear I have some sort of OCD for numbers, I won't be able to leave it at 51 chapters. So, I'll have to get it to 55 or 60 to be happy. *sigh* But, I am taking a break to finally fix up the time line. I've tweaked "Wedded Bliss" and the new and improved chapters are posted now. Nothing plot-wise has changed, but I've smoothed things out and added some more Outlandish accent. *eg* Feel free to read those again in the meantime.