Just the Two of Us

Chapter Eleven: Closure

Following the actions of the young boy beside her, Botan threw a pebble to the pond. She watched as her pebble missed the water and hit the lone water lily instead. Sighing, she let herself fall to the ground. The child's mother called him back; she just finished setting the picnic table nearby and their other children are ready to eat.

Botan didn't even follow them. She lying on the grass, thinking. She had spent the past three years in Ningenkai. As part of her training, she will spend five years in the human world before she can start working full time as ferry girl. At first, I was like a sick joke. She had to follow ningens around and watch their daily activities. She was initially assigned to three families. The first two families both had only one child. The other one is a family of seven – the family she is with now.

She would list down the things they do; the good and the bad. She was to watch over them until it's their time. And when it's their time, she will turn over her notes to the ferry girls that will fetch them.

…Or it was something like that. She can't really remember the instructions well. Because when Nisa introduced her to the families, she was distracted and was not really listening. All because Nisa said, "Welcome home!" partly joking.

The lady meant no harm, but Botan was lost in the thought that the statement is wrong. Ningenkai isn't her home. She had lived around the three worlds but there was only one place she felt at home. And it's definitely not Ningenkai.

"Mio, don't go far. We'll be leaving soon!" the boy's mother shouted, waving after her kid who, just after eating, left his seat and headed straight to the shore.

Hearing the woman's shout, Botan immediately stood up and followed Mio. She couldn't explain why her heart started to beat faster. She felt like she should run but there was no reason to do that.

As if in slow motion, she watched as the boy headed towards the slippery rocks at the boundary of the pond, playfully trying to balance himself with his hands spread far apart.

"Hey, stop that!" she shouted, but the child didn't hear him. She saw that the boy's family was too busy cleaning the picnic area and is unaware of the boy's antics. "Stop him, he might fall into the water—!" she gasped, remembering that no one can see nor hear her.

Mio stopped but only to look at a shiny pebble on the ground. Stepping back, and then leaning to pick it up, he was still unaware of the danger.

When he slipped, Botan ran towards the boy and tried to grab him, but her hands missed him—not that it mattered, as it only occurred to her then that she cannot touch or hold anything now; she is nothing a spirit form here on earth.

She watched in horror as Mio fell into the water and drowned.

"Botan, please stop crying," Nisa repeated.

"How can I?" Botan sobbed. "I was there and I couldn't even help."

"I've told you beforehand, right? Your mission here is to watch over them until their time. You know that this is bound to happen."

"He's too young!" she lamented. "They… they were too young…"

"I understand that this is hard for you, this being your first case—" Nisa stopped, realizing what Botan has just said.

'They were too young'. She was lamenting not only for Mio but for those youngsters who died under her watch back in Makai. Like Mio, she was not able to do anything to save them.

"Botan…" she tapped her shoulders gently. "I am very sorry about all of this. You've been trough so much in the past. But you have to stay strong. You were sent here to keep notes on the life of these ningens until their time comes. It is part of your training. When the ningen dies, the ferrygirls will collect their soul. Later you will do that too. For now your job ends when the life ends and you will move on to watch over another… And it will be like that until you finish the five-year training. So you see, Botan, this is not your last…"

She cringed. "Nisa… I don't think I can do this job."

"You can, of course you can. You have a strong spirit. Koenma-sama will not assign you this job if you are not cut for it. And you know, it's just normal to be like this at the start. All other ferry girls I know doubted too. But you can see how strong they are now. Knowing your background, I do believe that you can do this better than anyone else. You've experienced death not only once and you know how painful it is… and that gives you compassion and understanding for these souls."

To that, she doesn't have anything to say.

Nisa stayed with her until she calmed down. She relayed her own experience to her when she was still in training. They talked until about Mio and the rest of the ningens she is currently watching out for. And many other things.

When Nisa left, Botan is still in doubt as to how long she can cope. But there was one thing that Nisa said to her that made her decide to stay.

"Try to find closure on what happened to you and your family. You see, you won't be leaving Mio's family for a while. It will take a while but they will one day accept Mio's death. Stay with them, mourn with them, until you are ready to let go.

"You'll learn a lot about life when you're around people who are going through the same hardship. I think it is part of the reason why Koenma-sama thought it best for you to be here. It will help you a lot.

"When you finished your training and become a ferrygirl, you will deal with the ningens after their death. And because by then you understand life and death and accepting death much better, you'll be able to help a lot of souls you will encounter.

"No one will ever be able to save them when it's their time to die, but it is our duty to help them accept and understand. This is the most help we could give…"

No matter how hard it was not to be attached, no matter how painful every death was for her, Botan stayed and did her job.

Like Nisa told her to, she tried to be strong and did her best to understand the ways of life and death… and how ningens cope after the death of a loved one. She listened to everything Nisa told her and tried to learn from her. More and more she started to find peace.

She tried to move on… But there was one thing missing and she needed to find.

Closure.

It was exceptionally hard to find that, considering how fast everything happened, and how abrupt she had been taken from Makai to Reikai…and eventually sent to Ningenkai for this training.

When she woke up that day at the Ferrygirl Headquarters and met Nisa for the first time, she had so many questions in mind. So many questions that Nisa doesn't have the answer to.

She wanted to talk to Koenma. But up to the time she was sent to Ningenkai, she never saw him. The prince seemed to be hiding from her and there wasn't anything she could do with that.

At some point, she felt as if he was playing with her life. But she realized as soon that that is an unfair thought. If it wasn't for his lenience and what Nisa said was matchmaking, she wouldn't have met Kurama.

As Nisa explained to her then, Koenma did a lot of things just to give her what she wanted. But many times she's gotten him into trouble and if he had to stay away from her now, it is not his fault but hers. She had to keep in mind that Koenma is responsible for many things that are more important than her wishes.

Still, she needed closure.

She will never find peace unless her questions have been answered. She wanted to know if Kurama knows where she is.

What happened after she fainted then? The last thing she remembers is that Kurama returned for them. She told him what happened to Amu and Ryo, and their child… and he was trying to console her. She knew that he doesn't blame her for what happened. And she remembered nothing more.

She doesn't know where he is now. She's certain that he's alive… she would feel it if he's not. But what she doesn't know is if Kurama is aware of her whereabouts.

Did Koenma take her from him against his will?

Probably not. If it was against his will then he would do something to take her back… just like before, when she was confined to the basement, right? But he didn't. Botan had to settle with the thought that Kurama was not against her return to Reikai.

So now the question is why?

Botan doesn't want to think that he doesn't want her anymore. They love each other and they vowed to stay together. Maybe, he was just too hurt then and did not know what to do. Maybe he just needed some time for himself.

But Botan wanted to be there for him. They were both hurt with what happened to their family and they need each other, even though it's been years after that, the pain is still there. They will find closure together.

Maybe… maybe he's waiting for her return. Maybe he's just there waiting for her to be ready to start all over again. Maybe just wanted her to decide if she wanted to stay with him after everything that happened.

Maybe.

She wouldn't know until they see each other again.

"Two more years," Botan whispered to herself. Two years before she'll earn her own ferrygirls' oar. Two years before she will have means to return to the village. "Wait for me, Kurama," she murmured. "In two years we'll see each other again. I promise you that."

To be continued. Thank you for reading :)