Just the Two of Us
Chapter Thirteen: To Protect Those We Love
In Makai, the night Botan returned to find Kurama
"I'm not... I'm not going to ask you who she is." Botan managed to say. She sat at the edge of the bed, trembling slightly, staring up at Kurama who would not even look at her. If she is still trembling from the cold, or from this unknown feeling - is this dread? fear? jealousy? - that is starting to rile her up... she couldn't guess.
"Good. I'm not going to answer you anyway." He said, his expression unreadable.
Botan searched his face, her uneasiness settling in... "What's wrong, Kurama? What happened to you...?"
He acted as if she hadn't said a word.
She wondered how he feels. Is he suddenly afraid to touch her too, for she might disappear? That is how she feels about him now. Is his silence just a part of his surprise from her sudden return? Did you miss me, Kurama? she wanted to ask but she couldn't.
He simply stared, as if taking in all of her that he is seeing once again, after five long years. There was something in that stare refraining her from saying anything more.
You feel so different, she wanted to say. It was true - there's a different feeling in being around him now, that she didn't use to feel before. Perhaps, it is the time that passed that made her feel so. The years that passed must have gathered a different air around him. All these, she feels certain, she will understand soon.
If only he will speak to her, acknowledge her presence...
Seconds passed and they became minutes. They were stranded in time... and Botan knew not what to do, what to say, what to expect. Finally, she stood, unsteadily, and walked towards him. She tried to control herself, tried to fight the urge to throw her arms around him, feel his warmth, prove to herself that he really is there. Trembling, her hand moved to touch his face. How she longs to touch him...
Realizing that she's approaching, he took a step back, away from her.
Her heart constricted. There it was again, that uneasiness... a slight fear. What is happening? Why is he like this? Why won't he even say my name? Questions were racing through her head. She found herself staring at the ground, hating the distance between them, fearing, for some unknown reason, that the floor will crack and forever separate them from each other. She wanted to tell him not to step away, that they should never let themselves away from each other's grasp ever again.
"Botan." For the first time that night, he called her name.
She looked up to him and felt embarrassed, realizing that tears had started to flow down her cheeks. She swallowed and immediately wiped the tears away. "Kurama." She smiled her brightest smile, thinking that she will never have to smile a fake smile again. Happiness filled her heart.
The next words he spoke easily erased that smile.
"Go home to Reikai and never return again."
"K-Kurama?" she whispered, not believing what she heard.
"You heard what I said. Let's not waste our time here. Return to where you came from and I expect to never see you again." His eyes shone as he said this, cruel golden eyes crushing Botan's tearful amethyst eyes.
"W-what are you saying? You can't mean that... you're just jesting, aren't you..?" she said, her voice shaking. She knew what his answer would be, she felt what was about to come, but she just cannot accept them as reality. "Be serious, Kurama. I can't have you say things like that..."
"I am serious and I mean it. Leave as soon as possible."
"But I can't do that! I will never leave your side again!"
"You will." He said calmly, unaffected by her half-hysterical voice.
"H-how could you say that, Kurama? How could you expect me to just leave you behind? All of what we've had together? Do you expect me to just forget that I ever met you? You think it's that easy?" she cried, trying to stop herself from being hysterical.
"It is easy." He retorted coldly. "Return to Reikai. Do whatever your prince expect you to do. Ferrying, right? Do that. Don't think of me. Forget you've ever been in Makai. Forget the Village of Peace ever existed. And," he added in a weaker voice, "Find someone else."
"Find someone else?" She repeated, offended. "Kurama, I'm your mate... your wife, in ningen terms... You certainly don't expect me to... to..." her words trailed off, seeing as Kurama has turned his back on her. "Kurama..."
He made no response.
"Kurama, I..." She swallowed, trying to hold back her tears, "I love you, still. Please don't let everything that's happened separate us... Together, we can..."
She swallowed, once again, not understanding why her heart is beating so wildly. It's making it difficult to breathe and it hurts her so... "We can get through what happened, we can fix all of this... we can-"
"No." He cut her off angrily, wanting her to leave before he lost all self-control. "There's nothing here to be fixed. Just go. That's all I need you to do."
She bit her lip, trying to hold on to what little courage she has left. "D-dont you remember? That one time, when we argued because I wanted you to quit training... You didn't show up for a week... and when you returned," she stopped, staring at him thru misty eyes, trying to see if he remembers. "We promised that next time we disagree, we will listen to each other... that we will discuss things between us and try to solve them together, that we will never let anything create a rift between us. We promised, didn't we, Kurama? Why are you shoving me away without giving us a chance?"
She fell on her knees sobbing, hands covering her face, trying hard to stop... but the pain is just too unbearable. She heard his footsteps, heard him leave the room. She wondered if he will leave her and wait until she's gone.
He returned a few minutes later. Quietly, he kneeled in front of Botan, who had calmed down a bit.
"Here," he said, his voice sounding distant from her. "Drink this," he commanded, handing her a glass of some fruit drink. "It will help you feel better."
She nodded and took the glass, avoiding his face. She sipped slowly, calming herself. She silently placed the glass on the floor when she finished, having no energy yet to stand. She wiped the tears off her face., suddenly embarrassed with the way she broke down earlier.
He gave her time to compose herself, the two of them still kneeling. It surprised her when he cupped her face, and made her look at him. "Who is it that you love, Botan?"
She blinked a couple of times. "You, of course," she answered surely, but wondering of where he is getting at...
He shook his head. "No."
Her lips formed a thin line in frustration. "I love you... I still do. How could you doubt that? Kurama, what really is-" She stopped, because she couldn't have spoken anymore.
Kurama suddenly grabbed her, one hand gripping her arms tightly, the other on her chin, surprising her with an intense, bruising kiss.
She didn't know what to do, didn't understand what's his purpose. Surely this kiss is far from what one would expect from mate welcoming you back... not one you'd share to celebrate your reunion.
Time stopped, and she trembled in his arms, not from passion as she had when they shared kisses before... but from the unwanted feelings assaulting her at that moment. This kiss is different, she knew... Kurama had never kissed her without care. Not before. He was always gentle with her, as if she is a gem that needs to be taken care of.
Almost losing breath she recovered from the initial shock and pushed him away, still shaking in fear, fresh tears threatening to fall once again. But she wouldn't let herself cry anymore. Things need to be cleared, emotions need to be held in check.
"What was that all about, Kurama? Stop toying with my emotions!" Angrily, she shouted.
"I am simply showing you," he retorted, "that I am not who you are expecting me to be. Years have passed. I've changed, you've changed. We live different lives now. And you say you're here now to return to your mate... but you found me instead. I'm not him, Botan. I'm not that young, dreamy youkai you were separated from..."
"What the hell is all of that? Yes, we've changed, but you're still my Kurama. And I'm still-"
"You're still mine, is that it?" Suddenly, she found herself being forced towards him again, with his one hand keeping her from moving away. "Are you sure about that? Are you sure that's what you want? Look around you," he demanded, but she couldn't have moved to do so. His one hand was enough to imprison her, to lock her to him, keep her from running away. She felt terrified, that enough she understood. That uneasy feeling she had earlier had spread, fully paralyzing her now. "See what kind of life I have now. You don't want this kind of life. You don't belong here."
He set her free, but she remained there, staring, frozen in fear. She had had a glance of this side of him before - back in Horizon, when he threatened Toshi. But it had only been a glimpse... she never realized it has a potential to override Kurama's softer side.
She should leave now. She should just let him go. But...
Memories flooded her mind. Memories of their first meeting, of their friendship, of falling in love... She remembered the good times - the days they spent dreaming together, laughing, showering each other love. She remembered the hard times - the misunderstanding and petty quarrels, the tragedy... But more importantly she remembered the lessons they thought they have learned and the promises they made.
No, she wouldn't give up on him just yet. Not ever.
"What do you mean I don't belong here? This is my home. I'm not going anywhere, Kurama." She said determinedly, feeling her fear dissipate.
This, obviously, surprised him. But he won't be stopped. "Don't you fear what kind of life you will have here if you do that? To live with bandits... to live a dangerous, sinful life. Can you stand it? Can you leave the rest of your life in fear? Will you survive?"
Silence.
Kurama smiled, feeling triumphant. But to his surprise, her lips formed a thin line, and she looked at him with sheer defiance and determination.
"That's it - the real reason, isn't it, Kurama?" To his further surprise, she smiled. "It's not that I don't have a place here anymore. It's not that you think I can't handle whatever life you're living now. You know that I will give it my best. You're just trying to scare me away to save me from yourself... because you know that I will stand by you no matter what... so you want to save me from the dangers of this life. But that's my choice to make. And I choose to stay with you, regardless of the dangers and hardships we'll need to face. Because I love you, not just the life we had, not just the young version of you that I know is still within you anyway."
She grinned, satisfied with her speech, thinking she delivered clearly what she wanted to say.
Kurama released his grip.
"Very well," he said, his tone relaxed. "I knew you would say that."
"Well, you know I could be stubborn, too." She smiled. But she didn't understand why her heart started hammering against her chest once again. Something's wrong... something... she felt as dizzy, all of a sudden, and couldn't speak.
Hazily, she watched as Kurama took the glass from the floor, placing it on the bedside table. She watched him return in front of her, a slow smile forming on his lips. She knew then, that he wasn't going to let her choose to stay. She felt the horror of what's happening and not having the strength to stop it. She knew then what Kurama had done when he left a while ago, what the drink was for.
"I knew we'd come to this. I'm sorry, but I told you already - you don't belong here. I'll return you to your prince. He'll know what to do."
Those were the last words she heard from him.
To be continued. Thank you for reading.