Just the Two of Us
Chapter Fourteen: The Dark Alley of Memories
Present time, at the dark alley of memories in Botan's mind.
Clutching tightly as she could, Botan tried to hold on to the cold crystal piece she was holding. She felt her feet land on the floor, but she won't open her eyes.
Botan knew, the moment she first gained consciousnes here hours ago, where she was. It was easy to figure that this dark alley is not physically present anywhere... but is a mere representation of a part of her mind that was blocked for so many years. She once read from an ancient book about such a place existing in the recesses of the mind. And for an unknown number of times today she walked through this dark alley, it is as it had been described in the book; a one-way path to nothing and everything.
It's been a hell of a journey, going through all of it... witnessing everything they shared, all those happy memories, only to lose it again. To relive all of these is torture. But she remained chained to this alley, having no means to quit.
She tried to hold on to the piece of crystal she was holding, one containing the memory of her and Kurama's last meeting. But like the others, it faded as she returned to this place, disappearing as if it was never there, having lost its purpose of reminding her what's been locked within her mind. She had wanted to keep it, for she knew it would be the last piece having the two of them together. She wanted to hold on to it longer, rough and cold though it feels in her hand.
It pained her to hear Kurama's last words to her again, the words hurt deep despite so much time had passed. But she felt too, his pain behind the rough, uncaring attitude he had that night. She felt the want, the slight tremor of his hand when he held her chin, trying to scare her, when he was telling her she's unwanted, yet not meaning it, wanting to take the words back the moment her eyes showed her pain. She knew well that her fear of him, or the dark aura around him then, was not even half of his fear of her presence, her power to soften him. She didn't know it back then, when it happened. But she knew those things now, seeing it all for the second time.
Finally, Botan opened her eyes. With a sigh, she accepted that she's back. Everything is dark, as it had been from the start... the walls, floor, and ceiling invisible to her. An invisible wall closing behind her. In this place, there is only one way to go.
Forward.
A flash of light... There. There it is. Like a floating shard of glass, another crystal shining in the dark. It's like routine now, having done this repeatedly today... She walked blindly towards it, almost reaching. She saw her next destination. Another piece of memory opening up before her.
She tried to prepare herself, keep her emotions in check, but knew from experience that no matter how she tries, everything she's going through again would be just too much. Every memory once tucked away brings a fresh set of emotion assaulting her mind and body the second time.
This one piece, Botan noted, like almost every piece she had held earlier, was not entirely hers. The pieces contained not only her memory but Kurama's. It enabled her to feel not only what she had felt, but what he felt as well. Perhaps he really wanted her to know everything this time.
Kurama. Botan murmured his name. And she said nothing more. Another piece of the past had opened, and she will be sent there to witness it. Botan did not have the energy to protest. She only hoped this is the last of this journey.
In Reikai palace, the same night Botan returned to Kurama
"Where is the prince?"
Koenma heard the question, but didn't even bother to look up. He is just too busy to talk to anyone right now. He continued stamping every document from the high pile to his left.
"Where is the prince?" the voice repeated, impatiently.
"Shut up and do your job," he reprimanded to the intruder, thinking he is one of the onis working in the palace. "I haven't had any rest for weeks and I'm still working this late, so don't bother me," he mumbled, still not looking.
"I asked you a question. Where is the prince?"
Koenma continued the task of stamping, stamping, stamping. Until, suddenly-
Vines appearing from nowhere encircled him, lifted him from his seat and effectively separated him from the table full of documents.
"Waaah! What are these-!" His protest was cut short when he realized who the intruder was.
It was none other than Kurama, carrying Botan in his arms. The youko carefully placed the ferrygirl on the table, not caring a bit about the important-looking documents spread - and scattered - on it.
"Where's the prince?" Kurama asked sharply.
"Kurama?" Koenma swallowed, noting how different the youko looks right now, feeling a bit of uneasiness from the dangerous aura he didn't have before. He looked sharp, the boyish and playful look he was used to was gone.
By now Kurama already realized that the toddler he is speaking to is the prince of Reikai, now that he can see the mark on his royal cap. This must be his other form for disguise. He shook his head, letting the vines lose grip and eventually set Koenma free.
"Why are you here, Kurama? How did you get here? And-" he glanced at the still unconscious ferrygirl, distressed seeing her wounds and muddy clothes. "What happened to Botan?"
Kurama briefly told him what happened.
"I can't believe she did this. What am I to do now?" Koenma shook his head, disappointed. "Even if I want to punish her, it's pointless now, now that she wouldn't remember anything...And it's better no one would know... I guess I'll send her back to training, start from a blank slate, so to speak-"
"The potion I added in that drink won't actually make her forget everything." Kurama cut him off. "Only the things closely or distantly connected to me. She should be able to remember what you thought her in the training... as well as the recent years, except if or when she paused to think of me or mention me - even those will be blank. She'd remember her life before she met me. If you keep her busy enough, she won't even think much about herself, so I don't think she'd notice the gap."
Koenma sighed, not knowing what to say. It was easy to see what he should do. The easiest way to deal with this is to follow what Kurama is telling him to do; to keep Botan as a ferrygirl and act as if nothing had happened, and so Koenma himself won't need to be bothered.
By erasing himself from the ferrygirl's memory, Kurama had actually cleared out every possibility of Botan causing trouble again. Without a memory of the person she was always yearning to see, without a memory of the place she wanted to come home to, without a memory of the happy and painful events she didn't want to forget, she can finally live her afterlife in peace. And he can send her to fetch souls in Makai without fear that she would see this as opportunity to find Kurama again.
"Alright. I'll have a trusted oni heal her wounds right away and send her back to her room. As if nothing happened."
Kurama nodded and turned to leave.
"Kurama," the prince called, "You don't want anything to do with her anymore, do you? Is this it? This is the last I'll see you? Or would you at least check up on her once in a while?"
The fox spirit shook his head, "Like I said before, I want her out of my life for good." He turned, once again, to leave. Without looking at the prince, he mumbled, "And for whatever it's worth... thank you."
Koenma's eyes widened not because of his last words, but because he saw where Kurama was heading - an open window to the left side of his office. It would lead to an empty terrace, out to a high tree, heading to the left part of the wall. "Don't tell me you managed to unlock that, we don't ever leave that open! And thanks for reminding me - how in the worlds did you get here anyway? This is trespassing!"
"Keep quiet. You don't really want to wake her up," he answered calmly. "Your locks are too ancient, too easy to pick. I entered from this same window, even carrying her, but you didn't notice. I suggest you replace this soon. Don't say I didn't warn you if you lose something important from this office."
He jumped outside and disappeared from Koenma's view. Though certain that he didn't steal anything - at least for the meantime - this remark was stuck in Koenma's head for sometime.
"You really are changing, Kurama."
In Makai, hours after Kurama returned from Reikai palace
Kurama continued to dig. He could have used his powers to lighten the task, but he didn't. He needed this physical activity. He needed to tire himself out.
When he's done with this task, he will be ready to leave everything behind. He wouldn't have to think of her anymore. He would dig as deep as he could, and bury all the remaining memoirs of her and their family right here.
This was the same spot he had proposed to Botan, but the garden that he maintained here is now gone, he himself destroyed out of rage the day after the tragedy. This is the right place, he thought, to bury everything behind.
He continued, grateful of the workout. Just as he decided it's enough, he hit something familiar - a fist-sized, rock-like seed of an Okunenju tree.
He only remembered now that it was also him who kept this rare seed here.
An Okunenju takes years to grow into full bloom, if done by normal ways. So that week he trained himself, that week before he proposed to Botan, Kurama had tried to manipulate this seed, thinking Botan would love it if he could make it bloom. He wanted to show it to her as part of his peace offering.
But he failed to manipulate it then. In the end didn't mind, knowing well that it would truly take a large amount of energy to control. And he was making a lot of progress then, so he let it be. He planted it in the ground without expectations, but thinking someday, when he's better at using his powers, he will try to manipulate it again.
Above the wooden chest that has all of Botan and their family's posessions in it, Kurama threw in the seed. He wouldn't need it anymore, not when he is finally leaving everything behind.
In Ningenkai, present time
Kurama had carried Botan to the couch.
How many minutes, hours had it been? He had lost track of time.
He smiled sadly when he saw Botan frown and whimper in her sleep. Remembering the past must be like a nightmare to her. He waited patiently by her side, waiting for her to wake up.
Her frown deepened and he stopped his desire to touch her, to comfort her. Just as she wanted to comfort her and stay beside her during those dangerous missions, in those years they worked for Koenma, he as a tantei and she as Yusuke's assistant... and yet he didn't. He doesn't have the right to even touch her. Not after sending her away. Not after taking even the memories that he knew despite the pain she would still cherish.
By the time she wakes up and have her full memory back, Kurama expects her anger from sending her away. And he's prepared to accept whatever she has to say, knowing full well that he deserves it.
To be continued. Thank you for reading.