* Ok, this is kind of a longer chapter, but it may have to last awhile. I probably won't be updating again until Sunday-ish. Enjoy, and review please :-)
After Wilson left, Cuddy positively resolved that she would get some real work done before House's eventual descent upon her office. After prioritizing all of the work she had to do, Cuddy realized that finding House a new case sat quite high on the list. If she could keep House busy with medicine, it would buy her some time to stave off his inevitable dissection of her physical condition and possibly exert some damage control.
Cuddy had her assistant contact Cameron in the ER, and luckily for Cuddy there was a hallucinating priest that seemed to fit the bill for House's new patient. That fact combined with some other quick-witted scheming on Cuddy's part as she sorted through the files on her desk made her feel almost prepared for House to gate crash her office.
She didn't have long to wait, either. About fifteen minutes later, at 11:00 on the nose, Cuddy heard the standard commotion that heralded House barging his way through the business of the clinic to get to her doors. As usual, he skipped the knocking and let himself in.
"Good morning, sunshine!" House said far too brightly as he made his way up to her desk.
"Good morning," Cuddy smiled back quite insincerely as she shifted her glance from her work and up to House. It was the first time her eyes had met his since she knew she was carrying his child, and the sensation caught Cuddy off guard. Not only did she feel the electricity that they often exchanged during eye contact, but she now felt even more vulnerable to House's predictably penetrating stare. Instinctively, he seemed to sense the uneasiness in her eyes and decided to use it to his advantage.
"Feeling a bit queasy this morning, are we?" House asked as he took a seat in one of the chairs across from Cuddy's desk.
"No, not one bit," Cuddy answered easily as she moved her eyes back to the safety of the files in front of her.
"That's a bit of a surprise, considering your diagnosis," House baited, but Cuddy was prepared for him.
"Oh yes, such a surprise that the stomach flu would be all better after three days of rest and fluids!" she countered with just enough sarcasm to pass for confidence.
"Since when do you need a visit from your hoo-ha doctor for the stomach flu?" House probed bluntly. Cuddy stopped writing on her memo mid-sentence and fixed him with a daggered stare.
"Since when is anything to do with my hoo-ha your business?!" she demanded.
"Since you made it my business," House challenged with an all-too-knowing smirk. At this point and time, Cuddy made a big production of slamming her pen down on the desk, folding her hands in front of her, and moving her head forward just enough to be imposing an intimidation tactic.
"Fine, House. Since you are obviously incapable of leaving well enough alone," Cuddy began, clearly irritated, "Myron's been treating me for uterine fibroids for the last couple of months. She did a routine procedure to begin removing them a couple of weeks ago, and when Cameron found out she thought Myron should make sure there was no possibility my symptoms were a complication from the procedure."
"There was nothing in your file about surgery," he came back with immediately.
"While I'm touched at your level of concern," Cuddy began dryly, "there wouldn't be anything in my file here about it… not that you should have been nosing through my file in the first place. The procedure was done at Mercy. Myron has privileges there."
"Why would you go all the way over to Mercy to have something done by a doctor that has privileges here?" House interrogated. He saw poor logic in her decision making, and if House lacked patience with anything, it was poor logic.
" 'Why would I go somewhere else?' I can't believe you!" Cuddy stood up, positively livid. "To avoid exactly what you're putting me through right now! Prying into my very private medical issues that in no way, shape, or form have anything to do with you!"
"So you had it done at Mercy just so I wouldn't find out, or so that no one here would find out?" House clarified.
"Both," answered Cuddy. "I wanted my personal medical issues kept personal. And no business of mine can ever be kept personal in this hospital, especially with you running around blaring my personal business for all to hear at fog horn decibel levels!"
Cuddy expected House to shoot back with some kind of piercing retort, but instead he simply stared at her intently, apparently for once in his life at a loss for words.
"Ok, you have a point," he finally began slowly, flipping his cane back and forth as he spoke. "Mind you, a very idiotic and neurotic point, but I suppose a point nonetheless." Cuddy couldn't believe what she was hearing. It certainly wasn't any kind of an apology, but to a degree it was an acknowledgement that House seemed aware that his behavior may have pushed the envelope too far.
"So now that you know I guess it'll be all over the welcome page of the hospital's T.V. announcement screen," Cuddy sighed, sitting back down and pretending to get back to her work.
"No, I was thinking more along the lines of decorative coffee mugs for the staff," House said sarcastically, continuing, "with a really hot picture of you in that low-cut purple sweater of yours, with a caption reading 'fibroids are sexy'!"
Cuddy tried giving House her best cool-eyed stare-down, but unwittingly her lips began to curl into a small smirk, and before she knew it she and House were both laughing. This gave them silent permission to re-establish eye contact, and as their laughs died down, there was a fleeting second of unspoken understanding between them that said everything in their little universe had found one small moment of harmonious existence.
"So," House said, breaking the spell, "Do you have a new patient for me, or should I just keep terrorizing the clinic nurses until something more entertaining comes up?"
"Actually, Cameron just sent one up from the ER. Your team's checking him out now," Cuddy answered, handing House the file. "Male, early forties, presented with hallucinations, elevated BP and spiking a temp of 104."
"Hmmm," House mumbled as he glanced over the file. "A middle-aged drunken priest that's hallucinating Jesus? I don't see anything very interesting or cool about that."
"If Cameron thought the hallucination was related to the alcohol, she wouldn't have asked for your team," Cuddy lied. Cameron had actually said it probably was the alcohol, but House could take a personal look and come to that conclusion himself as long as it got him out of Cuddy's office.
"Until something more dope comes up, I think I'll just chill here with you, shortie," House said using his best gangsta impression as he kicked his feet up on her desk and tossed the file back in her general direction. Fortunately for Cuddy, she had planned for just such a reaction.
"Well, since you're staying," she started, softening her tone oh so effectively, "have you thought any more about coming to Rachel's simchat bat this weekend?" House's countenance changed immediately from a smug grin to the closest his face ever got to a deer-in-headlights look, but Cuddy continued, "I know it's not really your idea of a fun evening, but it would mean so much to me if you would come."
"Love to stay and chat boss, but I have a case, remember?" House said dramatically as he stood up and reclaimed the priest's file from Cuddy's desk.
"Oh, alright," Cuddy responded with a convincingly crestfallen expression. "We can just talk about it later, then."
"No, we won't. I have no intention of encouraging your flagrant religious hypocrisy," House stated as he made his way to the door.
"Have it your way, but you're missing some great food!" she called after him.
"I'm sure I'll survive somehow," he said, feigning wistfulness as he opened the door, turning around to add, "And may I say it is truly a relief that you have uterine fibroids."
"Relief?" Cuddy questioned, puzzled. This, she was not expecting.
"Yeah, I could have sworn you were seeing Myron because you were pregnant!" House said mockingly, but knowingly.
"Keep dreaming, House," Cuddy retorted, keeping her eyes on her work.
"That's no dream. That, my dear Cuddy, would be a nightmare," House said with an air of seriousness as he finally walked out the door.
At this remark, Cuddy's head shot up from her desk just in time to see the door close behind House. She wouldn't have expected a positive reaction had she told him the truth, but she wouldn't have expected him to out rightly call the situation a nightmare, either. Well, his reaction just proves I made the right decision, Cuddy thought to herself as she turned her attention back to her work.
After taking a deep breath, Cuddy smiled at her ability to kill not two, but three birds with one stone. She had convinced House she had fibroids, she had gotten him to take a diagnostics patient that probably had nothing wrong with him, and she had stopped House from coming to and effectively ruining Rachel's simchat bat. For the time being, Lisa Cuddy felt like she was winning the ongoing game that continuously played between herself and House. Even so, House's reaction to the idea of her pregnancy would continue to plague Cuddy's subconscious for the next several weeks.