** Here's an update! Please keep reviewing, it gives me the drive to keep working :-) Who else thought last night's episode was kind of wak? What the eff is wrong with Cuddy? Someone on the Fox forum said she's acting like a teenage girl, and I totally agree. And House I think was reacting to what happened with Cuddy, throwing himself into work. Can we please just lock them in a room together until they figure it out?!
"So it's true," House said bitingly as he limped quickly down the hall to catch up with Cuddy, "the boss has a bun in the oven," he added, increasing his volume to attract the attention of all the other staff in the hallway. They were nearly to House's office by this point, and rather than have the inevitable scene in front of half the hospital, Cuddy haphazardly grabbed his free hand and practically yanked him through his own door.
"You insensitive ass!" she hissed at him, brimming with anger as she closed the door behind them. "So you figured it out. Good for you. Did you have to make a big production out of humiliating me in front of half your team and a patient?" she asked, gesturing lively as she spoke.
"Yes I did," he answered, locking his blue eyes with hers. "Because you made just as big of a production of lying to me to cover it up. And since Brutally Honest Guy just happened to be here right now, I figured, why not have a little fun with it?"
"But why is it such a big deal if I lied to you about it, anyway, House? 'Everybody lies,' right? How is this any different?"
"You aren't everybody, Cuddy," he said, turning his head away from her. "I expect a lot of things from you. I expect you to hassle me endlessly about clinic duty, pretend to fight me about doing risky procedures just to give in and back me up, wear clothes that make it impossible for me not to stare at your ass, and I expect you to just generally be a gorgeous pain in my ass every single day of the week." Then he once again fixed her eyes with his own. "But I never would have expected you to lie to me about something this important," he added quietly.
Cuddy was silent for a moment, caught off guard by his genuine, if acerbic words and the expression on his face that looked almost… hurt. "But why is it so important to you?" she pushed. "What's it to you if I went and got myself knocked up?"
"Cut the crap, Cuddy. You know exactly what I mean. It's my kid, isn't it?" he questioned, gesturing to the swell in her belly. Now Cuddy was really perplexed. She knew that he was going to find out eventually, but she had supposed he would just run as far as he possibly could in the opposite direction. But he wasn't running. He was standing right in front of her, forcing his truth onto her and demanding the same verity in return.
Cuddy boldly fixed House with her most glacial stare. "It's not yours," she lied, entirely too convincingly for either of their good. House returned her stare with utter shock that immediately melted into an expression that accurately illustrated both his hurt and his anger. His words reflected his face.
"Just how many of us guys were you doing back in the fall?" he interrogated bluntly. "You've got to be what, going on 4 months to show this much. Whoever it was must have been in your bed either right before or right after me. That's quite an assembly line you've got going."
"Screw you, House. It was a one time thing at a medical conference, which officially makes it none of your fucking business!" she said angrily as she made her way past him toward the door, but he took her hand and pulled her back urgently until she was right up against him.
"I don't believe you Cuddy," he breathed, his face inches from hers. He kissed her first fully on the lips, but began slowly kissing his way down her jaw line and neck. Cuddy melted into the moment seamlessly, quickly forgetting why they were arguing in the first place as she allowed her arms to encircle his back. House stopped and brought his mouth right up to her ear and whispered, "Did he make you scream his name the way that I did?"
Immediately remembering her anger, Cuddy ripped apart from him. "Yes!" she yelled as she finally got to the door of his office. "I screamed his name so loud that the people next door called the goddamn police!" she added for good measure as she exited with a resounding slam.
For at least a minute afterward, House just stared at the door, half expecting Cuddy to come walking contritely back. When she didn't, House left the office just as hastily to go find the other person with whom he was sure he had a legitimate reason to be furious. Wilson.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?!" House yelled angrily as he burst in to Wilson's office. Thankfully, since it was getting to be evening, Wilson was sitting alone at his desk, sans patients, sifting through papers and nursing an hours-old cup of coffee.
Wilson sighed. "What is it that I was supposed to tell you?" he asked, although he was pretty sure House's obvious rage made the question moot.
"That Cuddy's knocked up, you idiot," House shot back bitingly. "And don't even try to tell me you didn't know, because it's obvious that you did. All that bullshit about gastroenteritis? You were helping her lie to me."
"I wasn't trying to help her lie, House," Wilson responded calmly. "I was just trying to respect the wishes of a friend. She said she didn't want anyone to know yet, and that group of 'anyone' happened to include you." He paused, then asked, "Did she decide to tell you, or did you find some James Bond way to drag it out of her?"
"Well actually, she asked me down for a spot of tea and we had a lovely little heart to heart about it," House said sarcastically. "What do you think? I had her paged to the CT room with my patient that says everything his horny little frontal lobe is thinking, including wanting to do our pregnant boss."
"You didn't," Wilson said, shaking his head before he layed them down in his hands. "Obviously you suspected it already to pull that stunt… why didn't you just ask her?"
"Because obviously she would have just lied to me again… I thought she was pregnant weeks ago, but she managed to pull the wool over my eyes by telling me she had fibroids. Then today, I was checking her out like any other day…" he paused, and then more quietly said "And I noticed her belly. I had to catch her off guard so she wouldn't have time to come up with another story."
"Ok…" Wilson began. "So Cuddy's pregnant, and she didn't want you to know about it, probably because she knew you would fly off the handle just like you're doing. So she lied to you because she thought, albeit misguidedly, that she was making life a little easier for herself. It's not great that she lied to you, but why is it such a big deal?"
House thought for a minute. He knew damn well why it was a big deal, but he wasn't sure he wanted to share that part with Wilson yet. At this particular moment, House was feeling very betrayed by his best friend. Since he didn't say anything right away and continued to silently stare at his feet, Wilson decided to fill in the blanks for himself.
"I think you're upset for the same reason you get upset when Cuddy goes on dates or spends time with Rachel. You're jealous of anything or anyone that takes her focus off of you for even a minute," Wilson said, standing up and walking over to House. "You like her. In fact, I think you might even love her. And it's killing you that she slept with someone else, got pregnant, and then lied to you about it."
"Well, that just shows how much you know," House finally said as he made his way to the door. "The only part that really upsets me is that she lied to me about it. I know, I know, everybody lies. I know I always say that. But I never want to think that the biggest, fattest liars are going to be two of the only people that I actually consider my friends."
House slammed Wilson's door just as Cuddy had slammed his not half an hour before. Wilson, not really knowing what to do, sat back down at his desk and tried to get back to work. He did this half-heartedly, because he fully expected a knock at the door or a ringing phone to bring him Cuddy's side of the story at any second.
More and more in the months since he had been back on speaking terms with House, Wilson had been feeling like the unwilling referee in House and Cuddy's constant rounds of sparring. And the recent turn of events told Wilson that he wouldn't be hanging up his whistle any time soon.